by Zoey Marcel
“He’s not from McKenna Downs,” Sean said, trying not to smile when he thought of the man he worshiped. “He lives in Stone River.”
“That’s a hard town to be gay in,” Danielle remarked.
Brighton snorted and blew on his coffee again. “You think? I have a gay friend who lives there. Not sure how he does it, the little rebel.” He took a sip of his latte. “Saying you have the hots for a preacher from that town doesn’t exactly narrow it down. Which one is it?”
“Well, at least we know it’s not Malachi Brodie,” she said. “He’d scare any gay man away with his hostility.”
Sean immediately ducked his eyes.
“God.” Brighton rolled his eyes. “I’m not even sure God loves him. No offense or anything, Sean. I know he’s like a second father to you since he pretty much raised you.”
“He didn’t raise me. My parents raised me. After my mam died, my da brought my sister and me here to America and had Malachi look after me. I was fifteen. That doesn’t count.”
Brighton made a cat hiss. “Easy, little guy. I didn’t mean anything by it. So who’s the lucky dude you like so much?”
Danielle looked like she’d already figured it out, judging by the sudden fading of merriment on her pretty face.
Brighton still didn’t get it.
Sean swallowed. “I’m in love with Malachi Brodie.”
Brighton spat his coffee back into the cup. Well, now he most definitely got it. He coughed a little and wiped his mouth, sitting up straight again and looked across the table at Sean. “What the fuck? Did he just say what I think he said?”
She nodded solemnly. “Yeah.”
“Dude, no. That guy is like the poster boy for homophobia. He’s all fire and brimstone, a ‘burn ’em all’ kind of preacher. Not to mention he’s a lot older than you.”
“He’s not that much older.”
“He’s old enough to be your frigging dad.”
Danielle touched his arm. “I think the age difference pales in comparison to the fact that this poor guy has fallen for one of the most hateful men in Stone River.”
“You don’t know him like I do,” Sean said. “Nobody knows him like I do.”
“Does he feel something for you?” she asked, probably humoring him with the question.
Sean’s attention descended to the table again, and he felt a dull ache in his chest. “I don’t know.”
“Look, Sean.” Brighton waited for him to look up before continuing. “I’m not trying to be rude or insensitive, but step back and think about this. Malachi is really, really, super freakin’ antigay. I mean, you’re somewhere over here on the Richter scale.” He posed his hand on his right and then extended his other one as far as he could to the left. “And he’s way the hell on the other end of it.”
Danielle gave him a blank look. “Richter scale?”
“Yeah, you know, the idea that there’s a whole lot of middle ground between perfectly straight and perfectly gay.”
Sean nodded with a smug smile. “Right, I think you mean the Kinsey scale, mate.”
Brighton pointed at him. “Exactly.” He shot a questioning glance at his woman. “What’s the Richter scale for?”
“Earthquakes,” Danielle said, looking like she wanted to laugh.
Brighton snickered. “Oops.” He pointed his thumb at her. “You see why I need her?”
She petted his arm adoringly.
Sean smiled.
Brighton got serious again. “You remember what happened with Malachi’s oldest son? What’s his name?”
“Carsten,” she said.
“Right, Carsten. When Malachi found out he was gay and in love with Shane Huntington, he sent Carsten to that monastery.”
“Yeah, I never understood the thought process behind sending a gay man to an all-male place to straighten him out,” Danielle said with a mischievous smile.
Brighton snickered. “I know, right? Didn’t see that one coming.” He turned back to Sean, face filled with concern. “When that didn’t work, he sent Carsten off to that ex–gay camp, whatever-the-hell-it-was institution to try to change him. The poor guy married a woman and is living in denial.”
Danielle snorted. “Poor guy? What about the poor woman married to a selfish coward who would rather ruin her life than be honest with himself?”
Brighton wiggled his flattened hand side to side. “Eh, poor Carsten. Poor Sharon. Everybody got screwed over because of it.”
“Listen, I know what Malachi is capable of, all right?” Sean softened his voice when he realized his tone had soured in defense of his love. “He’s done some bad things, but he’s done a lot of good, too. I’ve never seen anyone give so much of their own money and volunteer that much time to help others. He’s a good man despite his shortcomings.”
Brighton and Danielle exchanged a look.
She gave Sean a thoughtful smile. “You’re right. Everyone has their good points. We just don’t want you to get hurt since Malachi is straight and religious.”
Brighton swiped his hand down his face and glanced up as if imploring a deity for intervention. “It’s not that he’s straight and religious. It’s that he’s homophobic. Hell, his youngest son, Hershey—”
“Heath,” she quietly corrected him, seeming bothered by something.
“Yeah, Heath. He outed poor Heller Enos and got the guy beaten up, plus his brother, Kale. Heller was Heath’s best friend.” Brighton leaned closer with his elbows on the table and his arms overlapping one another. “Do you see what kind of screwed-up family this is?”
“My family is dysfunctional, too, only for different reasons.” Sean shrugged. “I haven’t told anyone about my feelings.”
Brighton pointed at him. “Nor should you. Does your dad know?”
“God, no. I can’t ever tell him.”
“Why not?” she asked.
“He’s homophobic, almost as bad as Malachi is. Sometimes I think my da is even more so.”
Her eyes widened. “Really?”
Brighton scrunched his nose, looking confused. “Uh, newsflash, your dad owns a BDSM club. Where the hell does he get the gall to be homophobic?”
“I don’t know.”
Danielle reached across the table and touched his hand. “I’m sure he would support you if you told him you were gay. You’re his son.”
Sean scoffed and shook his head. “You don’t know him. When I was eleven or twelve, he saw me kissing one of my mates when we lived in Scotland. That didn’t go over well.”
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“It’s okay.”
“What happened? Did he yell? Lots of people yell.” Brighton shrugged. “I do what I want anyway. My dad loves that.”
Danielle smirked. “Yeah, I bet.”
Brighton smiled at her and then refocused on him.
“After sending the lad away, my da spanked me. He never spanked my sister and me, but he did with me that one time. When I told him it didn’t hurt, he used a belt on me instead.”
“What the hell, bro? You don’t tell your parent that the punishment is too mild. What were you thinking?”
Sean cracked a half grin. “I wasn’t the full shilling back then.”
“Is it because you were kissing a guy instead of a girl?” she asked.
Sean nodded slowly, losing himself in the white blur of the napkin he stared down at. “He made it very clear that I was supposed to be straight, kept telling me I was. He said he understood I was curious because I was young, but he forbade me from ever acting on it again. I’ve never seen him so angry.”
Danielle reached for his hand, expression sympathetic. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. Afterward he looked like he regretted belting me. Never happened again.”
Brighton scratched his head. “See, I don’t get that. My dad doesn’t care what we are as long as we have somebody pumping out the grandchildren for him.” Turning his head, he gave her a steady smile. “Guess what you’re
gonna be doing?”
She smirked and then gave Sean her attention again. “Forget what anyone thinks. Just be yourself. You can come out when you’re ready.”
He’d sort of come out to a few men he’d fooled around with, but nobody in Stone River knew he was gay, Heath being the exception. He would die if Malachi found out and never spoke to him again because of it. Sean liked to think that the bond they had could withstand the differences in their natures, but deep down, he wasn’t so sure. Nothing was worth losing Malachi’s friendship over, even if he had to ache for him in secret.
Brighton clicked his teeth in contemplation. “Yeah, don’t tell your dad or Malachi. Honestly, I think your dad’s right.”
“What?” Danielle shrieked.
“About school.” Brighton rolled his eyes. “Not about the whole gay issue. I just think Sean should move away and meet a nice guy instead of following Malachi around like a lovesick puppy.” He faced Sean again. “Seriously, bro, you’re asking for a broken heart or a charitable beating if you stay in that town. We’ve been friends for three years now—”
“Four,” Sean corrected him.
“Four. Whatever. I don’t want to see you get hurt. You deserve better.”
“Thanks.” Sean looked up, his pulse spiking when he saw Da approaching. It didn’t look like his father had heard them talking, thank Jesus.
Brighton noticed him and hopped up with his latte and his girl. “We’re gonna bounce. Have a fun…whatever this is.”
Danielle waved at him.
Sean waved back, smiling a little when Da sat down with his frozen coffee. “Fancy one today. Don’t you normally get black?”
“One of my employees told me the chocolate macadamia nut freeze was heaven in a cup. I thought I’d give paradise a try.” Aiden took a drink from the straw. “Not bad.”
Sean grinned and shook his head. “I can’t take you seriously when you’re sipping from a straw. All you need is a nappy.”
“Behave y’rself.” Aiden gave him a phony glare. “How have you been?”
“I’m okay.” Sean couldn’t meet his gaze while answering.
“Is something on your mind?”
“Not really, no.”
“That’s hardly convincing. Spit it out.”
“I was just thinking about my job in Wall. I love it and Stone River. I’m really happy there.”
Aiden sighed. “Sean, we talked about this. You’re gonna go away to school and get y’rself an education. After you graduate you can live wherever you want.”
Sean shrugged. “Why can’t I stay here? I love it here.”
“You’ve been livin’ with Malachi since you were fifteen. I’d say four years of stayin’ with a non–blood relation is wearin’ out your welcome.”
“He means a lot to me.”
Shut up! He’s gonna figure it out if you’re not careful.
Aiden took another drink of his frozen coffee. “He’s a mentor to you. I get that, but it’s time for you to go to college and earn a degree. I want better for you than what I had growing up.”
“School isn’t everything.”
“It’s a damned important thing.”
Sean adjusted himself in his seat. “What if I go to college here in South Dakota?”
Aiden’s forehead crinkled and he shrugged. “Why would you?”
“I really like it here.” Sean averted his most likely telling eyes and traced the rim of his cup while speaking. “That way I would still be close enough to visit you and Cara.”
And Malachi.
Like he would ever say that aloud.
Aiden eyed him suspiciously and, God forbid, knowingly. “You’ve fallen for someone, haven’t you?”
His heart skipped a beat. “What?”
“Ah, come now, Sean. You can’t fool your aul’ fella. Why else would you protest a future?” Aiden smiled and leaned in. “Out with it. Tell me who it is.”
Sean smiled weakly, blushing as his heart stammered about eight hundred million reasons why he shouldn’t tell his da the truth. “It’s nobody.”
“I hope you’re not lyin’ to me.”
“Sorry. I just don’t want to say. I can’t right now.”
Aiden put his hands up in surrender. “Right, you haven’t gotten your feelings sorted out yet. I respect that. You’re still young, though. I wouldn’t throw away an education for some girl.”
What about a man?
“No worries there,” Sean said uneasily with an “Oh crap, this is awkward” grin.
“Besides, you don’t want to settle for the first girl you’re infatuated with. For all you know, the love of your life lives in another state. You could meet her in school, afterward. Don’t settle for the first thing on your plate.”
Is it really settling if my soul feels likes it’s been reborn whenever I’m with him?
Sean cleared his throat, strongly considering just keeping his mouth shut. Alas, his tongue was active to a fault. “How did you know my mam was the one?”
Aiden stiffened, face darkening like a shield. His eyes hooded, lips parting in a rare show of vulnerability. “Your mother was, em…she was a good woman.” His forehead wrinkled, and his features twisted with either pain or guilt. “I cared about her. I did.”
Sean watched him, not quite understanding his reaction.
Aiden shook his head. “Why are you bringin’ this up? Nobody meets their soul mate at nineteen.”
“You met Mam when you were both teenagers.” His spirit sank in the dawn of reality. “Are you saying she wasn’t your soul mate?”
“I didn’t say that.” Aiden’s expression was guarded, but he wouldn’t look at him. “All I’m sayin’ is that it’s unlikely that this person you fancy is the one.”
“You don’t believe in soul mates?”
He breathed out and sat back in his chair, tapping a fingernail on the table. “Sean, sometimes in life…if you really think about it…it doesn’t make sense.”
“What doesn’t?”
“This whole idea of soul mates. Even if there was one magical person for you, what are the odds that you’ll ever be in the same place at the exact same time as they are? What is the chance that the person even lives on the same continent as you or in the same period in time?”
Sean was speechless. All he could do was sit there and listen, feeling in awe that for once Da was wrong and he was right.
“Why spend your whole life searchin’ for someone who doesn’t exist? People get greedy and throw out someone they’re ninety-three percent compatible with because they might find someone they’re ninety-five percent compatible with.” Aiden shook his head and took another drink.
“What percentage of compatibility did you have with Mam?”
His da winced and became stern, face scrunching. “Will you stop bringin’ your mam into this? I’m just tryin’ to offer you a piece of advice. Take it or leave it.”
“I think you’re wrong. I believe in soul mates.”
“Of course you do.” Aiden took another drink.
“Someday you’ll meet yours and you’ll change your mind.”
He shook his head and set his drink down. “That’s sweet, Sean, but I don’t need anyone. I’m grand on my own.”
“You’re very cynical.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
Both men smirked at this.
“The concept of soul mates is only absurd if you don’t believe in God. You do, right?”
Aiden hesitated before looking over at him. “Do you think I’d have raised you and Cara Catholic if I didn’t?”
“Then why don’t you think God could bring two people together?”
Da’s lips pursed for a second and he peeked down through lidded eyes. The jaded smile that resulted discouraged him. “Sean, think about it. With all the shite going on in the world, do you really think he gives a damn about who we go to bed with?”
The comment that inspired sadness in him quickly kindled hope. �
�So that means he doesn’t care whether people are straight or bi…or gay?”
Aiden’s attention shot up at him again. Suspicious eyes warned him. “You know what the scriptures say.”
“I do, but I also know they’re very big on love.”
“Are you going somewhere with this?”
“No, sir.” Sean’s eyes drifted from his father’s. He couldn’t do it. Da would never accept that part of him if he knew.
“You have a girlfriend?”
“No.”
“A lad your age should be dating or going to school. Get it sorted. I don’t want you wastin’ your life in a small town. You might regret it when you’re older.”
“Maybe I won’t.”
“I never had the chance to go to college. Trust me, you don’t want to throw away yours.”
“I’ll go. Just give me a few months to get stuff sorted out.”
Aiden smiled. “Okay, but you’re going to school…out of state.”
“I will.”
Sean loved his father, but even if he wanted to he could never agree with the “no such thing as soul mates” theory. He knew deep in his soul that Malachi Brodie was his.
* * * *
“I mean there were guts everywhere, blood running red. It was grim,” Greg Friel said while scraping his plate.
Aiden Friel massaged his temple with his fingertips. His younger brother could talk the ass off a donkey. “That was a lovely story, Greg, really.”
He sat near his son, Sean, and Greg sat across from them while they ate their dinner in the restaurant.
“It was bloody. That’s what they get for breaking the law, though. Hostage situations are never fun, but once they’re safe and you have that shot at the sadistic bastards that captured ’em…” Greg made a firing motion with his thumb and index finger and then a gun sound. “Bam! Then God sorts ’em out, and the dust settles. You walk away, not sure what to think. They call you a hero, and maybe you are, maybe you’re not.” He sucked in a satisfied breath with a toothy smile. “Sometimes you just got to go with it and wear the label humbly.”
Aiden rolled his eyes.
Sean grinned. “That’s dynamite. Maybe I should be a cop.”
“No.” Aiden’s head flew up. “Now see what you’ve done?”