“There, there,” she says, rubbing his back. He sobs harder. How could she accept him, when she doesn’t even know what he’s done?
Felix trembles, and he feels another touch, a warm, steady hand on his lower spine, and Kade’s heat behind him. Kade’s presence soothes him, provides an anchor he clings onto, and he drags himself away from those memories. Kade’s here. Things will be fine. Even though they aren’t, but Kade has promised him safety before, and maybe he will again.
He sniffles, pulling away from her. Kade’s mom pulls a tissue from her apron. Felix accepts it gratefully, blowing his nose into it. He’s only just met her again, and he shouldn’t be breaking down into her shoulder. “Sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
“That’s fine, Felix.” Mrs. Brentwood peers at him over her glasses. “Are you feeling okay?”
He nods. Her nostrils flare, though, and he holds still, suddenly cautious of what scents she’s picking up. He should only smell like Kade, and very slightly like himself, but... What if she finds out about the pregnancy? He reaches up to touch his belly, and catches himself midway.
Mrs. Brentwood eyes him carefully. “You smell different,” she says, and he hears her measured tone, the way she’s saying something other than You smell like Kade. “Did something change?”
She knows. His skin feels hot and cold at the same time. Her gaze fixes on his eyes, but it flickers down for a heartbeat, before darting back, and all the blood drains from his face. She can’t know about the child. Even Kade doesn’t know yet. “Nothing,” Felix says, his voice high-pitched and scratchy. “Everything’s fine, Mrs. Brentwood.”
Her lips thin then, as though she disapproves, and Felix’s chest constricts. Does she think it’s someone else’s? He can’t face her if she does, not when her son is his bondmate. His pulse thunders in his ears.
“I shouldn’t be imposing.” Felix tries smiles brightly, like his father always does in front of strangers, and both Kade and his mom can probably see past his pretense. “I should let you and Kade enjoy your Saturday.”
“Kade says you have paintings for sale,” she says, her eyes still on him.
Felix doesn’t know what Kade thinks of all this, whether he’s deduced Felix’s secrets from his mom’s questioning, but he needs to get out of here, needs to move out of Meadowfall. Why am I always screwing up? He backs away from her. Her arms fall to her sides, her expression drooping. Felix looks desperately for the exit. “I’m afraid I don’t have the paintings with me right now,” Felix says. “But I can bring some over the next time.”
There’s not going to be a next time. He won’t step in here anymore.
Warm fingers curl around his arm, and Felix looks up to find Kade staring at him. What happened? Kade’s gaze reads. His eyes are beautiful, reddish-brown and serious, and a strange meld of relief and guilt coils in his chest. Felix sags.
“I’ll take you home,” Kade says. “If you want, I’ll show my mom the paintings on your site. Then I’ll get you from the back porch when we’re done.”
“That’ll be nice,” Felix says. He just needs to escape their attention right now. “I’d like some fresh air.”
So Kade steps over to the back door, pulling it open. Felix smiles apologetically at Mrs. Brentwood, then ducks outside. The balmy air caresses his skin, a relief from the closed, suffocating kitchen. “I’ll get you in a bit,” Kade says, pinning him with his gaze. “Wait for me.”
When the door shuts between them, Felix twists his fingers together, his heart galloping. Kade’s mom isn’t going to tell him about the pregnancy, is she?
Because if she does, Kade would hate him, and he... he can’t live with that.
Felix huddles into himself, wishing he were home.
17
Kade
“What was that about?” Kade asks, turning to his mom. First Felix edges around his questions, and now his mom knows what his bondmate hides. How the hell can she read Felix better than he does?
She studies him, glances at the back door, and her expression falls. For a long moment, she stays silent, thinking over her words. His skin prickles. “Felix needs you,” she says eventually. “More than either of you thinks he does.”
“What?” Where the hell did that come from? He wants Felix to need him, but this... How did she know that from just a hug? “I don’t get it,” Kade says. Felix had burst into tears hugging her, when he had been shifty in the garage earlier. It’s as though his mom knows, too. Kade growls, hating to be left out of the explanations. “He’s hiding something. You know what it is, don’t you?”
His mom sighs, pulling him into a hug. He forces himself to wrap his arms around her. He doesn’t need comfort. He needs answers. Felix is his bondmate, and he deserves to know. How can you keep secrets from me?
“I don’t think I know all of it,” she says. “But you should look out for him anyway.”
“You say that as though I haven’t been seeing him.”
His mom hesitates. “I think Felix has his reasons.”
“And you know them.”
“Partly, yes.”
It burrows under Kade’s skin, not knowing what his omega hides. Maybe it’s his fault. Maybe it’s Felix’s. The uncertainty eats at him, and he swears, turning, about to pull the door open.
“Kade,” his mom says. He stops. “Let him tell you at his own time. You can’t rush this.”
He breathes out slowly, gritting his teeth. There were never secrets between them. Maybe the proposal was one, but other than that... They had been best friends. “He’s my... He was my bondmate. We’re not... He doesn’t owe me any answers.”
His chest aches, saying it. Felix has been back for four months, and Kade’s still trying to fix whatever went wrong between them. Still trying to work up the courage to ask why he left. If it’s not something he can change, he’ll never have Felix back.
The thought makes his heart clench.
“I’m sorry, Kade.” His mother hugs him tighter. Kade takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. “I wish things were different.”
“You think I don’t?” He doesn’t need her pity or shit like that. He needs to find his way back to Felix again, and maybe if they were better friends, or if he tried harder... He’ll get nothing done hugging his mom. “Look, do you want to see his paintings? They’re here.”
Kade pulls his phone out of his pocket, tapping in the address to Felix’s website. It looks better now, sleek drop-down buttons, large images flipping through the front page. He hands the phone over. “See, you tap on this button for the whole gallery. If you want to buy something, the paintings are under the Shop tab.”
“I’ll look through them,” she says, giving him a small smile. He returns it, before heading out the back door.
He finds Felix standing on the back porch, his gaze drifting over the succulent garden. Birds flutter among the bushes. Sunlight shines on the sage and forget-me-nots, and part of Kade is thankful for this, that he gets to stand close to Felix again.
“That’s a robin,” Felix murmurs, “And a sparrow. And the crows are the bad guys. I’ll teach you to paint birds.”
Kade frowns. Teach who to paint birds? “Hey.”
Felix jumps. “Hey,” he says, fingers twisting nervously. Was he talking to distract himself? Does he think Kade’s mom shared his secret? What has he done, that he’s actually afraid of Kade finding out?
“How are you?”
“Fine.” But Felix isn’t, when he looks down at his hands, and he’s still lacing and unlacing his fingers.
“She didn’t tell me anything,” Kade says. Felix’s shoulders sag. “But I figure you’ll tell me when you think I can handle it.”
Felix bites his lip. nodding. “I’ll try. It’s really not important.”
“If it isn’t important, you wouldn’t be crying,” Kade says. He steps across the porch, though, slipping his arm around Felix’s back. Felix melts against his chest as though he’s meant to be th
ere. “You know you can trust me.”
Felix buries his face in Kade’s shoulder, his fingers clinging to Kade’s shirt. “I suppose. Sometimes I just... I don’t think you should trust me.”
“Why?” Kade sniffs at his omega, smelling the pine notes of his own scent. Something settles in his chest. “Do you remember the promise I made?”
Felix nods against his shoulder, red sweeping up his ears. “You shouldn’t have.”
And Kade strokes down his back, trailing his hand along Felix’s forearm, to the scar he left when they were ten. He brushes his thumb over it; Felix shivers. “I swore to protect you,” Kade murmurs. “Regardless of anything. Even if we’re just friends now.”
You’re safe with me. You know that.
Felix trembles, sobbing into Kade’s shoulder. Kade strokes his back, wishing he could ease his misery. He kisses Felix’s hair, then his ear, his neck. I swear I’ll try harder. I swear I won’t disappoint you anymore. And strokes Felix’s scalp, holding his narrow, slender frame against himself.
I love you, Kade thinks. Always have.
When Felix pulls away minutes later, his eyes red-rimmed, Kade leans in, pressing his lips to his forehead. “Feel better?”
“Yeah,” Felix croaks. “Thank you.”
Kade kisses his forehead again.
The kitchen door squeaks behind them. “I need help with the site,” Kade’s mom says.
Kade sighs, annoyance growling through his chest. “Are you just gonna keep walking in on us?”
“Walking out. You’re on the back porch,” she says. To Kade’s surprise, Felix chuckles.
“That’s funny,” he says, his voice flat from his stopped nose. “Sorry. I left a mess on you.” Felix pulls away, swiping at his cheeks. Kade just watches him, thinking about all the times Felix has smiled in his arms. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Brentwood. I shouldn’t have stepped out so suddenly. I’m feeling better now.”
Kade’s mom smiles, relief in her eyes. “I’m glad,” she says. “Would you like to stay for some tea?”
Felix leaves his arms draped around Kade’s waist, nodding. Kade feels his own mouth twitch. “Go on,” he says, giving Felix a tiny push. “Be right behind you.”
This time, Felix smiles brighter. Kade traces his gaze over Felix’s golden hair and long limbs, smelling that faint lavender scent under his own.
Things will get better, he thinks, trailing after his bondmate. He hopes fervently that they will.
18
Kade
“I’m so, so sorry for interrupting you,” Felix says two days later, when Kade pulls up to the curb by his house. “I forgot it was Friday. I thought it was Saturday and I didn’t have to work.”
Kade winces. That must suck. He shuts off the bike, handing Felix the keys to the trunk. Felix had called ten minutes ago. It’s now 6:54 AM, and they’ll only be there 7:12 AM or so. “No worries. We’ll still be late, though.”
Felix grimaces, pulling the spare helmet out. He hops from one foot to another as he buckles it, glancing down the empty street. “I need to remember not to shut the alarm off. Damn it.”
It’s the third time he’s forgotten something. The first time, Felix had left his wallet at home and called Kade from the bus stop. The second, Felix had borrowed his headphones, and forgotten to return them. Kade had insisted he keep them, but Felix refused.
Felix slides onto the pillion seat behind him, his thighs clinging to Kade’s. It’s a common thing now, and maybe it’s why Kade dropped his work the moment he received Felix’s text.
They get to the gas station at 7:15. Felix peers over Kade’s shoulder at the store entrance, their helmets bumping. “Oh, gods, I hope Rick isn’t in there.”
Kade narrows his eyes. That manager is a bastard, from the sneering jibes Felix has told him about. “Look, why don’t I send you a text in the mornings? You better be up when you get it. Or I could send you to work.”
“I can’t trouble you so much.” Felix chuckles wearily, sliding off the seat. He pulls the helmet off, and Kade follows him into the store, just to see he gets in safe.
He catches the scent of bitter-wood two steps from the door. Next to him, Felix winces. He steps around Kade, though, pushing into the store first.
Feet away from the counter, the manager props his fists on his hips, glowering. “What time do you think it is?”
“Seven,” Felix says, circling behind the counter, his gaze lowered. “Sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“I don’t trust you omegas.” Rick flicks a speculative look at Kade. “You should train him better. He’ll be late for seven days straight now.”
The hell?
“This is the first time he’s late. Stop that bullshit,” Kade says, glaring. He doesn’t want to leave Felix alone with this guy. It screams against his instincts, but Felix has decided to keep this job. Kade can’t force his decisions.
The manager narrows his eyes. “You’re a customer, sir, so I’ll assume the best of you. But teaching your omega some manners would help us all.”
“The fuck are you saying?” Kade glances at Felix, whose ears have gone red. Why are you even working for this guy? “Shut up about omegas, damn you.”
Rick prowls forward, shoulders pulled back. “I’ve never heard of you before. Who are you to give me orders?”
“A customer,” Kade says.
Rick sneers. “Unfortunately, I only yield to the highest-ranking alphas. Say, the mayor or the president. You, sir, are neither.”
“Yeah?” Kade scowls. So what if you don’t know me? Rank isn’t everything. But Felix is watching, too, and he thinks money is important.
Rick’s eyes glint. “There are alphas who think they’re all that great. But rank matters, doesn’t it? And you’re a low-ranking alpha who can’t even climb to the top.”
Rick can’t know that. But the taunt digs deep into Kade, makes him think about sprawling mansions and cool, dismissive eyes, and You’re not good enough. His nails bite into his palms.
“Kade, don’t,” Felix says behind him, a note of worry in his voice.
“It’s true, isn’t it,” Rick says, grinning like a smug fool. He’s got something on Kade, and Kade hates it.
“Fuck you,” he says. Felix looks like he’d be safe here. He’s been okay for three months in this place, and the bastard manager needs a cashier. So Kade can leave him alone without worry.
He flips Rick off, fury thrumming in his veins. Rank doesn’t fucking matter. Neither does money. And of course it matters, or he wouldn’t have lost his omega in the first place.
Kade strides out the store, his heart thumping in his ears. He needs to hurt that bastard. But Felix said no. He straddles his bike, twisting the throttle. Then he stops by a gas pump, driving his fist hard into the news anchor on the display screen. The screen cracks under the impact, going black. Kade wipes the blood off his fist, revs the bike engine.
If it were Rick’s face, that punch would have been a hundred times more fulfilling.
The text comes late in the afternoon, just after four. I hope it wasn’t you who broke the screen.
Kade frowns when he receives it, settling on his bed. Why? He deserved it.
Sigh. You should have just left, Kade, instead of aggravating him further.
He growls. Ignore that asshole? Does Felix think he can do that?
He’s been a bitch the whole day. Even the other customers were swearing at him.
I’m not surprised, Kade sends. He’s a POS. But Rick has been a pain to Felix, even if Felix didn’t say it outright. That wasn’t Kade’s intention at all. Did that bastard take it out on Felix? Kade’s breath catches. You okay?
Because if Felix isn’t, Kade will storm down to that gas station and beat that guy up.
I’m fine. Felix adds a sad face behind his words. Kade relaxes, wincing. His thumb hovers over the call button. He hadn’t stopped to think what the consequences might be. He should have. And that was why Felix had left him, wasn’t it?
He wasn’t good enough for his bondmate. Even now, he’s not good enough.
Kade sets his phone down on the mattress, swallowing hard. His laptop screen glows, reminding him of the work he still has to do. Kade turns away from it. A minute later, he picks the phone back up. Sorry, he types. Won’t do it again.
Then he hits the call button before he regrets it, pressing the phone to his ear. His heart hammers.
Felix answers two rings later, muffled street noise in the background. “Kade?”
“Hey,” he says, his tongue fat and stupid in his mouth. “Look, I’m sorry.”
Felix sighs. Kade winces. His omega sounds miserable. “Don’t worry about it,” Felix says. “He’ll be better tomorrow.”
“I didn’t think—I was just pissed,” Kade says. Hearing the weariness in Felix’s voice makes it worse, somehow. “Sorry.”
“Are you hurt? I looked at the screen. There was a bit of blood.”
Kade looks at the raw skin on his knuckles. “I’m fine.”
“I’m glad.” Felix blows out a sigh, his voice right next to Kade’s ear. “Don’t go hurting yourself. I thought the screen might have shocked you with electricity, but Susan said it wouldn’t. I’m... Well, I was worried.”
Kade swallows. Felix cares? He presses his phone close, wishing he had his bondmate closer. He doesn’t want Felix to stop talking. “I won’t do it again, okay?”
“Promise?”
As long as that bastard doesn’t hurt you. “Yeah. I promise.”
“Thanks. It might be best for you to avoid the gas station when Rick’s around,” Felix says. In the background, the bus tires squeal to a stop, and the bus hisses. The noise mutes, and coins tinkle into a collection box. “I mean, I’d feel better if you didn’t butt heads with him.”
“Fine,” Kade says. “You have the times he drops by?”
“Mostly. But text me if you’re coming over,” Felix says. “I’ll tell you if it’s convenient.”
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