“I’ll take whatever hurt you give me,” Kade says, nodding at his wrist. Felix replaces his mouth there, biting down.
Pain jolts through his body, along with a hint of something else, something delightful that sparks down his nerves. His breath rushes out of his body. Is this what bonding is? He hadn’t felt that tickling, feathery sensation before, that sent shivers all the way to his toes. And he feels connected to Felix, somehow. Like they’re best friends, or something more.
Felix pulls his mouth away, staring anxiously at him. “Does it hurt?”
“Not so much,” Kade says. “Felt good.”
“I’m glad.” Felix leans in, his breath warm on Kade’s skin as he licks the droplets of blood away. Then Kade brings his wrist to his own mouth, licking over it just to be sure.
They compare their bite marks after that. Kade’s is straighter, and the one he left on Felix’s wrist, a little slanted.
“So that’s a promise,” Kade says, linking his fingers with Felix’s. “Wanna go to the science lab? I got something to show you. Jones has some secret plants.”
Felix beams, and they head away from the playground.
An hour later, after Mr. Jones shouts at them for opening his plant cabinet, Kade drags Felix to his mom’s car. He swings open the front passenger door, Felix by his side. Mom raises her eyebrows.
“I’m staying with Felix until five,” Kade says. Chris and Sam climb into the backseat, chattering between themselves. “I promised to protect him.”
“You did what?” His mom leans over the center console, surprise darting across her face.
Kade shows her his wrist. At his nudge, Felix shows her his, too. Mom’s jaw drops open.
“When... When I said that’s what the bonding mark means, I didn’t expect you to go out and get one,” she says. “This is a life decision, Kade.”
Kade shrugs. “I’m sure about it.”
Next to him, Felix blushes a bright red, but he doesn’t pull his hand away when Kade holds it again. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Brentwood.”
Kade’s mom bites her lip, looking at the clock, then back at Felix. “You’re Felix Henry, aren’t you? The mayor’s son?”
Felix looks down at his feet, nodding. “Yeah.”
Mom closes her eyes for a brief moment, sighing. “Oh, Kade.”
Kade glares at her. “What?”
“Nothing,” she says, but her gaze lingers between them. “I’ll pick you up at five. Okay?”
“Okay,” Kade says. He doesn’t know what his mom is hiding, but he squeezes Felix’s hand anyway, just in case. Felix squeezes back. “See you later.”
At five, Felix’s dad pulls up in a huge black car. Its chrome grill sprawls out in an elaborate trellis, and its engine purrs, the sound of it vibrating in Kade’s ribs. These cars are rare; he’s only seen one before, in the workshop his dad works at. His dad had said, “That’s an expensive mistress right there.”
He can’t see through the tinted windows. Felix steps forward, though, and the back door swings open. Inside, a burly man sits by the other window. An older boy, also blond, waves from the middle seat. Felix lets go of Kade’s hand, angling a small smile at Kade before he climbs in.
“Father,” he says in a small voice, almost drowned out by the car. “This is Kade. I exchanged bonding marks with him.”
The man turns to look at them both. Kade recognizes his face from TV. Mayor Henry looks solemn, though. Kade hasn’t been paying attention to what he actually does in town.
“Bonding marks?” the mayor says, nostrils flaring. He looks sharply at Felix.
Felix repeats himself, stretching out his wrist shyly. Both his father and the blond boy look at it. “Mrs. Mulberry says to tell you I’m an early bloomer.”
The frown on his father’s face deepens. He flicks a look at Kade, then Felix. “What do his parents do?”
“His father’s a mechanic. His mother’s a housewife,” Felix says. Kade tries to grin, daunted by the size of the car, the austere man inside, how wide the expensive leather seat looks around Felix.
The mayor’s mouth presses into a thin line. His gaze flickers across Kade, then Felix, and he looks out the other window. Kade bristles at the callous way Felix’s father treats him.
“Close the door,” the mayor says. “We’re leaving.”
Felix flinches. He turns back to Kade with a wan smile and wriggles his fingers, as though he’s hiding it from his father. See you tomorrow, he mouths.
“See you,” Kade says. Was this what his mom had been worried about? The expensive car, or Felix’s father treating them both like disgusting midgets? Kade knows they can’t afford anything expensive. But that doesn’t mean the mayor can treat Felix like a mangy dog.
The car door slams. Kade tries to look through the window at Felix, but all he sees is a reflection of himself. Then the car rolls off, a sleek monster prowling out of the narrow parking lot, and Kade is alone once more.
In the following days, Kade and Felix realize that the bullies don’t care about bonding marks. Nor do they care if someone gets hurt.
They haul Felix away from the playground into a bathroom. Kade chases after them, kicking and punching. They give him black eyes and bruised ribs, and Kade shoves someone hard into the wall, breaking his arm.
Felix apologizes after, when they’re both huddled in a stall and shaking, and it’s only the two of them, their breathing loud in the silence of the bathroom.
“It’s not your fault,” Kade growls, looking down at his own hands. He needs to get stronger. Better. So he can beat the crap out of those bullies and protect Felix, so they won’t threaten his friend anymore. “I swear I’ll trash them so hard they won’t even think about touching you.”
Felix sighs, leaning into his arm. “I’m sorry for getting you into this. You really didn’t have to.”
But Kade’s mom had pulled him aside the night before, telling him about bondmates and staying by his mate for life. Kade will be damned before he abandons Felix. So he holds on to Felix’s trembling hand, giving him a squeeze. “We’re in this together. I’ll swear it again if you want.”
Felix smiles weakly at him, holding his hand tighter. “Thank you.”
Two years later, they kiss in Kade’s bedroom.
It’s not something Kade anticipates, when all he meant by the bonding mark was to protect Felix. But as they sit side-by-side at a low table, doing their math homework, Felix sighs, and Kade has never seen anyone with greener eyes than him.
“So the bonding mark,” Kade says, turning his wrist up to face them both. The scar Felix left is a thin, curved line now, tiny against his growing wrist. “You ever thought about what it means?”
“Other than we’re supposed to be mates?” Felix laughs, then sobers. His brows draw together. “Do you regret it? I mean, if you find someone you really like out there...”
Kade stares. He’s never even thought about anyone other than Felix. “Do you like someone else?” he blurts, suddenly uncertain. Because he still remembers the mayor’s cool stare, the way Alastor Henry never seems to be satisfied with him. “Someone with more money?”
Felix laughs. “I like being here,” he says, looking up at the dusty rafters of Kade’s bedroom. “It’s nice.”
But Kade has been to Felix’s house once—it’s all marble, shiny and vast and expensive. When they got home, his dad had said, “We’ll buy something like that if we shit gold bricks.”
“This is a small house,” Kade says. He looks at the worn covers on his bed, the chewed ends of his pencils, Felix’s legs kicked out on a threadbare rug. “I’ll get something better for us.”
“You don’t have to,” Felix says, his eyes twinkling. “I have everything I want.”
Really? Kade wants to ask. Because Felix is worth so much, and he deserves all the best things Kade can give him.
Felix leans in, his nose skimming Kade’s neck to catch the pine and cedar scent. When he follows Kade’s jaw up to his mouth, K
ade freezes.
He’s thought about it. Never really known if this is what Felix wants, because their friendship is fragile. He can’t risk kissing Felix, and having Felix reject him. Not when they’re bondmates. His heart thunders in his chest.
Felix brushes their lips together, slow and soft. Then his hand slips on Kade’s thigh, thumping hard on the floor. In the next moment, he’s sprawled across Kade’s legs, giggling. Heat sweeps up Kade’s cheeks.
“You call that a kiss?” he says, because Felix kissed him, Felix just kissed him, and he has been hoping for this to happen for months.
“Maybe?” Felix grins, pushing himself back up. “Should we try again?”
“Hell yeah,” Kade says, hauling him close. Felix purrs, shoving him down onto the floor.
Against him, Felix is warm and delightful and safe. Kade can’t imagine his life without this boy. He wants to spend years and decades with his bondmate, wants Felix laughing by his side, wants to hold him close and never let go.
In that moment, he understands why his dad had given his mom that bonding mark. He will protect Felix, no matter what it costs.
30
Kade
Present day
When he opens his eyes, Kade finds his fist clenched around the ring on his chain. He looks into the shadows, unfurling his fingers. In the glow from his laptop screen, the ring gleams a silvery-blue.
Once upon a time, he had promised Felix everything. Nothing is left between them now, and his heart aches for it.
Kade sighs, peeling himself away from the door. He settles down in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, and the same emptiness haunts his gut again. Felix is pregnant. The baby isn’t his.
This happens in the news sometimes. Famous Omega Carries An Outsider’s Child. Kade never imagined it would happen to him. It feels like he’s a failure, like he never was good enough for Felix.
He piles other thoughts on top of it, trying to bury the reminder. He has promised Felix protection. He can’t go back on his word, even if Felix is carrying someone else’s child.
How had Felix even gotten pregnant, anyway? He’d been in heat that first night. Kade remembers that sharp, musky scent, remembers the desperate hunger humming through his body, when Felix’s heat had triggered his rut.
For a minute, Kade lingers on that night, the desire in Felix’s eyes, the way he had lifted his chin, inviting Kade over. The way Felix had held his wrist, asking him to stay.
He swallows.
He has no idea how long Felix had been in heat at that point. Felix could have fucked someone in Highton before he returned. Does the baby’s dad know? Had he abandoned Felix? Did Felix return to Meadowfall to recoup from that loss?
A chill slithers down his spine. If Felix had kept the baby a secret because it isn’t Kade’s, because he was abandoned by his previous lover... then by walking out, Kade has done wrong by him. And Kade knows how it feels to be left behind. He tucks the ring back into his shirt.
“I’m an idiot,” Kade mutters. Hadn’t his mom said Felix needs you more than you think?
The child Felix carries is not his blood. He wants to snarl. It should have been Kade’s, just like Felix is his omega. He can’t accept Felix carrying someone else’s child; the thought sends another wave of shame through his body.
Get over it, he thinks. Dignity doesn’t mean shit. Felix needs protection, especially now.
He tries to sleep, but he spends the entire night tossing in bed, thinking he shouldn’t have left Felix at the store, thinking about the past, and how he could have changed any of this.
In the morning, he trudges to the kitchen, where he finds his mom with a hot cup of tea.
“Did you sleep?” she asks, looking up from her book.
“No,” he rasps, pulling a mug out for coffee. “Sorry ‘bout last night. Lost my temper.”
His mom turns the page and studies him, her eyes kind. “I’m not the one you should apologize to.”
He sighs then, thinking about Felix, wondering if they’ll ever meet again. Felix had been planning to leave from the start. And this is why, isn’t it? He had expected Kade’s rejection. Kade shouldn’t have left him at the store.
He turns the faucet on, watching as water fills his mug. “I know.”
As soon as he calms, he’ll visit Felix’s place first, then the gas station. And hopefully, he’ll be able to catch Felix before he leaves.
——
31
Felix
“The next time I see Rick, I’m quitting,” Felix says as he steps out of the backroom, glancing through the store. It’s empty here, anyway. “I’m leaving.”
Susan blinks owlishly behind the counter. “What? That was sudden.”
“I’m leaving Meadowfall tonight. I’m not staying here anymore,” Felix says, touching his abdomen through the baggy maroon shirt. If he holds his hand still for long enough, sometimes, he feels the baby from outside. How big is it now? The last time he measured, he’d been thirty-four inches around. How obvious had it been to Kade? “So I suppose you could say your goodbyes now.”
“What happened?” Susan tidies the stack of forest-themed postcards at the register, watching as he rounds the counter. “You look like crap.”
Felix sighs. After a whole sleepless night, fatigue weighs down on his body. He’s amazed at himself for even crawling out of bed. He shouldn’t be here. He should be packing at home, where he can lock Kade out, and taking the bus out of Meadowfall. “I’m not surprised.”
“Tell me already.”
“What do you think happened?” He rubs his face, turning to the cigarette boxes on the back wall. Kade’s haunted eyes flash through his mind. Felix cringes. How much more can he hurt his alpha? How much more can Kade hate him? “I fucked up.”
“You mean... Oh.”
“I’m a failure and a disappointment, Susan. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong.”
“Surely it can’t be that bad.”
“It is. I met him at the store yesterday.” Felix cringes. “My brother and I were looking at baby clothes. And he just... showed up. I can’t even... The look on his face. Oh, gods.”
“Oh my god. I told you, you should have said something to him before this.” Susan clicks her tongue. “The baby clothes section? Really?”
“Really.” Felix buries his face in his hands, moaning. How has his life come to this? “So he found out I’m pregnant, right? I told him it isn’t his.”
“What the fuck.”
“I’m leaving Meadowfall. Tonight. I’m packing up and taking all my things and I’m never going to see anyone here ever again.” Felix sucks in a deep breath. “It’s been nice working with you.”
“Can’t you just... tell him the truth?”
Felix sinks behind the counter, burying his face in his knees. “No. I can’t. I’ve thought about it for ages.”
Because he’s turned it over and over in his mind, trying to find a way to tell Kade everything without Kade hating every inch of him. Kade’s father dying. The bankruptcy. The lies. The baby. Kade never wanted children. With each addition, it feels as though he’s walking further out on a rotting bridge, and there’s a river roaring ten feet below him.
Felix wishes he would fall, be swept away, so he won’t have to worry about any of this again.
“Come on, don’t give up,” Susan says, crouching next to him. She sets a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I’m sure he’ll forgive you.”
He laughs, and it sounds broken in his ears. Kade hasn’t forgiven him for leaving five years ago. Why would he forgive Felix for the baby now? “No, he won’t.”
The thought of it slices like a knife between his ribs.
“Put on a smile and stand up,” Susan says, tugging on his arm. “We’re working.”
Felix sighs. He pushes to his feet, blinking when Susan leads him to the cramped back room and flicks the light on. There, she opens her locker, pulling out her brown canvas backpack, then her wallet.
“Here,” she says, handing him a five-dollar bill. “Treat yourself to some ice cream.”
He takes it cautiously, his eyes prickling. “Why?”
“Because you need some comfort food.” Susan slides her bag back into the locker, turning the key. Then she grins, her gaze sympathetic. “And I never see you outside your shifts. It would be awesome if we could hang out somewhere that isn’t this place.”
Felix gulps, folding the note into his palm. It feels like kindness. “That’s too nice of you.”
“You offend me.” She holds his shoulders and steers him back out of the room. “Now, get back to work.”
He laughs weakly, pushing the money into his back pocket. It’ll help pay for his trip out of Meadowfall. To a new life someplace else, where no one has ever heard of him, and no one will know he left his bondmate behind.
The thought feels like escape, like freedom. Felix hangs on to it, trudging back to the counter.
A tall man steps through the doors, carrying a whiff of lemongrass with him as he heads for the fridges. The next customer—a lady with long black hair—steps in a second later, adjusting her purse. Susan nudges Felix to the register, grabbing the inventory list again.
“Do you have a basket?” the beta guy asks.
“Just behind the candy racks,” Felix says, glancing past the lady to point at them. Who needs a basket at a convenience store? The things here are expensive, almost twice the grocery store prices. Felix would never buy any of them himself. He isn’t paid enough for that.
The man waves his thanks. Felix turns to the omega lady when she sets two boxes of mints on the counter. “You smell wonderful,” he says, grinning at her orange blossom scent. She smiles, and they wait as the card transaction takes forever to go through. “I’m sorry about the delay.”
“Don’t worry,” she says, her gaze drifting down to his abdomen. Her lips twitch. “All the best with yours.”
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