by Renna Peak
And because I said I loved him.
I close my eyes at the pang I feel in my chest, realizing why this happened. That it isn’t some sort of payoff for sex. That it has nothing to do with money. That it only has to do with him loving me, too.
I’m free.
Part of me wants to call him—to at least thank him. But then I remember why I’m here and not there. And I don’t want to be the one interfering with his life. I know he’ll do the right thing—he’ll own his mistake. He’ll learn to be the man he needs to be—the father his child deserves to have. The man I know he is deep down inside.
Tears well in my eyes thinking about it again. It isn’t like me to be this tearful—it has to be because of the travel. Because of the extreme level of emotion that’s taken its toll on me over the past week. And I haven’t slept—my being overemotional can be explained by my exhaustion at least as much as by anything else.
I decide to send an email to Victoria—to tell her I’m available to meet in person if she wants to do that tomorrow instead. And I remember how I had been looking forward to driving through New Mexico before Leo had sidetracked me last week.
It’s so strange to realize I can do whatever I want. That I’m no longer bound to anything—that I have a new sense of freedom that I’ve never felt before. And it’s all because of Leo.
I turn on my ignition and smile. And I say it to myself again—the words are almost playing on a loop in my head.
I’m free.
I’ve never been to Santa Fe before, and I guess it isn’t exactly as I imagined it, though it’s pretty great in its own way. I stayed in a motel last night—I suppose I have the funds to stay in a fancier hotel now if I want, but there’s something about living the life I talked to Leo about—the life of a normal person—that is making me happy, at least for the time being. I don’t need fancy things just for the sake of having them. I guess they’re nice to have once in a while, but I definitely don’t really even want them that much. A clean room with a bed that isn’t too iffy is more than enough for me.
Victoria is meeting me at a cafe she suggested—I hadn’t asked where she lived when I spoke with her a few days ago when I was still in Montovia. I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised to find out that she lives in Los Angeles—she is a celebrity reporter, after all. But she told me she’s traveled throughout the Southwest and she remembered this place.
I see her walk through the door of the cafe—I’m not sure how I know it’s her, but I do. There’s something almost familiar about her, but that doesn’t make much sense. She’s not a huge journalist or anything—from what she said on the phone, she’s been trying to break into more substantial reporting than covering celebrity scandals. And Matthias had said that though she had written a lot about the royal family, she had always portrayed them in a positive light.
I stand and she walks over to me, pulling me into an embrace. She pulls away after a moment and smiles at me. “It’s so good to see you again, Elle.”
Again?
Her smile widens a little. “You don’t remember me, do you? I suppose it was pretty crazy that day. All those reporters in your face.”
My jaw drops and I remember where I’ve seen her before. Outside my house in L.A. When I took the garbage out—she was the reporter who asked me how my relationship with Leo was going to end.
I drop into my seat without a word and stare across at her. It takes me a few moments to collect myself. “You…you were there.”
She nods. “You remember?”
I drop my gaze to my water glass, nodding. Fuck, that seems like it was a million years ago. And there was something so…invasive about that whole thing. I’m almost embarrassed about it now. About how it ended, especially.
“I’m not proud of that either, Elle.” She presses her lips together. “It was a job—I’ve been assigned to report on the Royal Family for the past few years.”
“I know.” My stomach is twisting on itself again—I’m not even sure what this is about. I shouldn’t feel ashamed to be talking to her. I don’t owe Leo’s family anything. The fact that I’m speaking to her at all is proof enough of that. If Stephan hadn’t been trying to protect the family he serves, my secret might still be safe inside that palace.
“So, I did a little digging on your story. It turns out your medical school has almost sixty sealed claims against that particular professor. Did you know anything about that?”
I shake my head and lift the water to my lips. My hands are shaking now—I’m not sure what I was expecting from this visit, but I guess I wasn’t planning to talk about it. About what happened back then. I guess I—stupidly—thought this would be more like a get-to-know-you kind of thing. A sort of lunch with a friend.
She nods. “They’re sealed, so there’s no way to know what’s in them. But someone in the office was willing to tell me there are claims almost every year. They’ve paid out a lot in hush money, Elle.”
“Oh.” My brow furrows—I have no idea what to do with this information.
“I found two women—they’re both a little older than you. More established in their careers.” She lifts a brow. “And both of them have families, so they aren’t willing to speak on the record, but they have stories extremely similar to yours.”
I can only nod.
“I also spoke to a lawyer friend of mine. She said that the statute of limitations is probably up on any damage they might have done as a school. But…” She smiles. “She thinks you should file a suit, anyway. On the day this article comes out.”
I gulp. “For what purpose? I don’t want any money from them. I don’t want the school to suffer—”
“Elle, they know about his actions. That professor. They’ve been covering it up for years. If they catch wind that you’re going to go public, they’ll do whatever it takes to stop the story from running. They’ll try to pay you off.”
I nod again. “I don’t need the money.” And I don’t—not now. Thanks to Leo, I don’t even have to fear what will happen if I lose my medical license and can’t work again. It doesn’t matter anymore.
“They’ll still do what they can to try to stop you, so we need to move fast. You just have to be prepared that there will be consequences. The licensing board will probably open an inquiry. My lawyer friend thinks that they’ll probably find in your favor—especially since you repeated the class with a different professor and ended up passing legitimately. You did pass legitimately, right?”
My head bobs. It seems to be about the only thing I can do right now. I hadn’t realized how fucking hard this was going to be. How difficult it was going to be to talk about this stuff. It’s been buried inside of me for so long—and it wasn’t something I ever wanted to be dredged up.
“Elle, I really need to thank you. This is exactly the kind of story I’ve needed to try to break out of the world of celebrity bullshit.” She frowns. “I don’t want you to think I don’t care about your story—I do. What happened to you was wrong, and I want to try to help you as much as I can. But it’s going to be painful. You’re going to lose a lot.”
“I know.”
She nods. “Do you know what you want to gain by going public?”
“Yes.” I let out a short breath. “I want to be able to let it go. And I want for this to not happen to any other young women.”
She smiles. “That’s perfect, Elle.” She splays her hands on the table. “The other thing we need to talk about is the Prince Leopold situation.”
“We don’t have to—”
She interrupts. “We do, though. It’s the main reason people will be interested. Otherwise, you’re just another wronged woman. If you’re a wronged woman and also the ex-lover of Prince Leopold…”
Ex-lover. My breaths hitch in my chest and tears sting at my eyes again.
What the fuck is wrong with me? I guess I’m taking this a lot harder than I thought—I mean, I know my heart is broken. There’s no question about that. I feel like someone has
ripped it out of my chest and stomped on it before shoving it back in there. But I’ve had my heart broken before. Hell, I’ve had my whole life stomped on before, and I didn’t react like this.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Not yet.” I take a shaky drink of my water. “Maybe afterward.”
“It’s part of your story, Elle. It needs to be told—”
“I said I’m not ready.” There’s something strange in my voice when I interrupt—something I don’t recognize. I try to gulp it down, whatever it is. “I’m sorry. It’s still really raw and I’m not ready to talk about it. Maybe in a few days.” Or never. And that still might be too soon.
She frowns. “Okay. But Elle, I’m just going to lay it out there for you. It doesn’t get easier. It might hurt a little less if you wait, but telling your story isn’t going to be any easier the longer you wait.”
“Well, maybe I need for it to hurt a little less, then.”
She watches me for a moment—probably trying to read my expression. But then she nods. “Okay. We’ll take it at your pace. But we really need to get in front of this. The Montovia state dinner is coming up and all eyes will be on that palace. If we get your story out before that, it will get you even more attention. It will—”
“It will get you more attention is what you’re saying.” My jaw tightens. “I’m not doing this for your career. I appreciate that it’s something you want for yourself—I know all about wanting more. But I’m not going to do a celebrity tell-all—”
“That’s for your book. The publisher I’ve worked with in the past is ready to deal. And I have an agent ready to sign you—”
“I don’t…I don’t want that. I never…” Tears well in my eyes again—I can’t do that to them. To the Royal Family. Not now. Not with what I know Leo is going through. Not with how kind they were to me—well, most of them.
She reaches out and pats my hand. “It’s something to think about. But striking while the iron is hot… Well, there’s a reason for that expression. If you wait to tell the rest of your story later, the world will have moved on. If you can get it all out there now, if we can time it all to happen around that state dinner… You’ll have it all, Elle. You’ll have the world at your feet.”
“I don’t want the world at my feet, Victoria. I just don’t want to have any more dirt for anyone to dig up on me. I want to be able to live my life without this shame hanging around my neck.” I shake my head. “I could have lived my whole life without ever having told this secret. If I hadn’t met Leo—”
“And that’s what the world wants to know, Elle, as hard as that is to hear. They’ll be interested in the medical school stuff, but only because of your relationship with a prince. They want to know about the fairy tale—they want to be secretly happy that it failed. Telling the whole story is a way to get everything you can out of what you’ve got. You got the raw end of this deal in every way, didn’t you? You had your shameful past brought out for everyone to see and your prince left you for another woman. Isn’t there some small part of you that wants to come out on top?”
And when she puts it that way, there’s no way I can’t agree. I know exactly what I have to do.
I have to tell her everything.
Leo
It’s hard for me to comprehend how much my life has changed in the past couple of days.
Last week, I was planning for a life with Elle. Finally coming to understand what I was willing to sacrifice for her. Allowing myself to think of how we might build a future together. God, I was even considering taking a proper job for her.
Now she’s gone. When I lie awake at night, I can think of nothing but the scent of her, the taste of her, the feel of her beneath my hands. It’s so vivid that sometimes in my exhaustion I swear she’s right next to me—but then I move and realize once again that I’m alone in my bed. That the pillow beside me is cold.
And now I have a role to play. I’m not sure which enticed me to go along with Karina—my fear that Elle would think less of me for abandoning a child, or this sense of conscience that didn’t seem to exist before I knew her. Either way, I have little choice—Karina needs my help, and I can help her as no one else can. For now, I’ve agreed to stay at the Centennial in London until the story breaks. Karina says her interview should hit the newsstands tomorrow.
Ten million dollars. Who knew that was the going rate for an exclusive interview about an unplanned pregnancy with an infamous prince?
I sigh and go to the window of my penthouse suite, looking out onto the street below. It’s a gray, drizzly day, and in the distance I can see the fog rising off the Thames. I was willing to offer her money myself until I heard how much that tabloid was giving her for exclusive rights to the story. She’s right—this is the fastest way for her to earn money. I just wish I hadn’t been dragged into this mess.
It can’t be anyone else, Karina told me. No one pays millions of dollars for a story about me having a baby with anyone less than a prince. And the whole world already knows we were an item, if only for a little while.
She’s right. I’m not ignorant to the influence my name bears in the press. I just wish I’d had more say in the matter—she was clear that she had no intention of retracting her story, even if I refused to be there for her.
Go ahead, tell the whole world it isn’t yours, she said. In fact, you have my blessing. The scandal will only make people hungrier for more. I’ll have them throwing money at me.
I rub my eyes. I have no say in the matter. The magazine has already paid her—ten million bloody dollars—and no bribes or threats of lawsuits will keep them from publishing what is certain to be the story of the year. So I have a choice—to be the man who publicly abandons her or to be the man who publicly stands by her side. For Elle’s sake, I’m choosing the latter.
For Karina’s sake, too, I suppose. When she finally broke down and told me the truth, the exhaustion and desperation was plain on her face. She’s in a corner and has no other options—I certainly can’t give her the money she needs. And the fact that she’s not even doing this for herself, but for her father—sorry excuse for a man that he apparently is—makes it near impossible for me to even be truly angry with her. What would I do in a similar situation, if the vices of a family member had led my family into such extreme debt? I can’t say I wouldn’t do something just as desperate. Perhaps Karina and I only spent a week together—there’s certainly no love between us—but she’s still a human being who needs my help.
Damn conscience.
I pull my mobile out of my pocket and pull up Elle’s number. Seeing Elle is out of the question, at least until my agreement with Karina is up—I don’t want Elle dragged into this, and when this story breaks, they’ll be watching my every move. But if I call her, perhaps I can tell her everything before the story becomes public. I can explain that the baby most definitely isn’t mine, that I just need to help Karina…
My thumb hovers over the call button, but I can’t bring myself to press it.
If she didn’t believe me before that the baby isn’t mine, why should she believe me now? I think. Especially when I’m about to spend the next few months publicly accepting that I’m the father? I asked Elle to stay with me, to wait by my side until it could be proved that I didn’t father Karina’s child. But she refused. Matthias is right—she’s already been through so much hardship, and things are about to get even more complicated. How can I ask her to be by my side through the next few months?
I shove my mobile back into my pocket. The moment my arrangement with Karina is up, nothing is going to stop me from going to Elle. Nothing. If I have to lay the whole world down at her feet to get her to speak to me again, I’ll do it.
In the meantime, though, I have to get through the next several months. Play the role I need to play and try not to make this situation worse for anyone involved.
And pray that Elle will somehow understand.
Elle
Striking while the iron is hot turns ou
t to be…lukewarm at best.
It turns out that pretty much no one gives a shit about a girl who traded sex for grades in medical school, even if she is one of the many ex-lovers of Prince Leopold. Particularly when that prince is embroiled in his own scandal. Victoria and I both should have known that royal babies trump pathetic whores every time.
I lay back on the beach towel I’ve spread out on the sand and close my eyes. The sun feels good, and I’ve felt so crappy the past few weeks—I still can’t believe it’s been eight weeks since I left Montovia—that I’ll take whatever I can get. Something about selling out Leo’s family has me constantly feeling like I’m going to puke. Or maybe I feel sick because I have to see the headlines about that goddamn royal baby every time I walk into a store.
I suppose I should be glad Leo did what I asked him to—that he’s owned his responsibility. Even though it kills me to see it, I know it will be better for him in the end. And I was going to have to face the truth sooner or later—Leo and I never would have worked. Even though Victoria was wrong about how much people were going to love reading about my failed fairy tale, she was right about how I needed to get that story out. How I needed to let it go to get past it. And it was a strange but pleasant surprise how I also made a good friend in Victoria. I’m almost thankful for the experience now—as difficult as it was—because of it.
Her voice rings out next to me. “How did you find this place? I’ve lived in Los Angeles for five years, and I’ve never seen a beach this dead.”
I open my eyes and turn my head to glance over at Victoria. She’s spreading a blanket next to mine and sits down on it.