“What was she like?” Sara thought of Beau’s grief at losing his wife.
“She was too good for this world.” He kicked a small rock on the road.
Sara pulled him a little ways off of the path and then quickly kicked her leg over the wooden fence. “I know it’s not lady like to climb a fence in a dress.”
Beau hiked over it and laughed. “I think we’re past that. Plus, I’d rather have you climb than carry you.” He smiled mischievously.
She smacked him in the arm, and he laughed, feeling her mood lighten just being with him. “So this is it. He said it reminded him of the sacred grove.” She sat on a stone bench. “He put this here.” She patted the side of the bench. The huge trees towered over them, leaving a hole in the center. A bright shadow filled it with light.
Beau sat down and turned to her. “It’s beautiful.”
Sara turned to him and saw the way he was looking at her.
He cleared his throat, again, and looked away. “Would you come here often?”
Sara thought of her dad’s face and felt a deep peace come over her. “Yes. He would sit here with all of us at different times and really talk. That’s what he would say. ‘Let’s go really talk in the grove.’” She smiled at Beau.
He put his arm gently around her shoulders and pulled her into him. “He gave you all such a gift. He was a good man that loved you.”
She nodded, feeling drained. “I should probably get back to the house. My brothers will wonder where I am.” She stood and Beau stood too. They both stared into each other’s eyes. Sara felt like she finally understood Beau a little bit. All the callousness and sarcasm was there to protect him. But he was really a good person.
“Are you doing okay?”
Sara thought of the quasi-breakdown she’d had two days ago in the barn and a calmness filled her heart. “It’s strange—ya know. I was so mad that day. And, it’s just been a rough couple of years seeing him get sicker and sicker. But when we surrounded him before he passed—I just . . .” Another tear broke free and her voice broke. “The Spirit was so strong. I really can’t explain it. It was like—the Lord was there, ya know. And I knew that Dad was happy and—so was my mother. Even though I’ve never known her.” She wiped the fresh tears off of her face and smiled. “And—I’m okay.” Inhaling deeply she looked at Beau’s perfect, sympathetic face. “I’m just so grateful for my dad and his example to me. He never quit telling us that things would be okay if we just put our faith in the Lord—and for a while I didn’t believe him. But—well, it was just amazing, the peace I’ve felt since that day he passed on. That’s what I want—to live up to the example he has set for us. I want to grow close to the Savior so I can say that I know it will be all right.”
He slowly grabbed both of her hands.
They were silent, but she could feel his breath. And she wondered, again, if he would kiss her.
Chapter 18
But he didn’t lean in.
She did.
She reached up and pulled his head to her, kissing him softly, like a whisper. It would have been an understatement to say the earth moved. It was more like it opened up and swallowed them into a whole new place that made the compass change. Everything she thought was up was down and down was up.
“I’ve wanted to do that since I saw you that day at the airport.” He sounded unguarded, like a child discovering something new.
She liked it.
Then he kissed her again. And she kissed him back. This time it was . . . passion. It was wonderful and painful and she never wanted it to stop.
Beau pulled back and inhaled quickly. “I can’t marry you.”
“What?” Sara pulled away so quickly she almost fell over.
He reached out to support her.
“I didn’t want this to happen.” He seemed to be looking for something in her face. “I have a past, Sara.”
Jonathon’s face flooded her mind. She pulled her hands to her mouth, feeling instant shame. “He’s coming home in three days.” She couldn’t believe she’d completely forgotten about him.
Beau stood there, frozen, searching her face.
“I just—I just—. Why can’t you marry me?” Confusion burned through her mind.
Beau laughed. “This is incredible.” He shook his head. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m completely wrong for you. One hundred percent wrong.”
“Why? Is there someone else?” She couldn’t believe she’d asked that.
Beau’s smile fell from his face, and he stepped to her, gripping her arm tightly and pulling her close to him. His face hardened. “I don’t know, Sara. Is there someone else? Why don’t you tell me?”
She felt paralyzed. “What?”
He let her go and turned, running his hand over the stubble on his face. “Come on,” he said it sharply, like he was talking to a child. He reached for her hand.
“Don’t talk to me that way.” She took off for the fence, hiking over it quickly.
He was beside her. “I’m sorry.” They walked in silence until the house came into view.
They got to the edge of her yard and stood there for a few moments. It seemed neither of them knew what to say.
Finally Beau turned to face her. “Let me be a friend to you right now. Let’s forget about everything else, and I’ll just be here for you.” His voice was unguarded and sincere.
She looked at him, trying to analyze his motives. “Why?”
He pursed his lips together then let out a sigh. “Because I know what it feels like to face death alone.”
There it was. Beau had a way of getting straight to the heart of the matter.
Reaching out to her, he held his hand in the air.
She looked at it with uncertainty—knowing if she took it she would be giving more than she could. “Beau?”
He gently took her hand in his. And they walked into the house that way.
**
It was Saturday morning and Sara stumbled as she got out of her car. She was tired. Between the funeral last week and trying to get caught up on classes the past two days, even the bench next to the entrance of the Ivinson home looked inviting to sleep on. But she’d missed last Saturday, and she knew Martha and Larry would be worried.
“Sara.” Martha rushed to her side, pulling her into a soft embrace just as the electric doors closed behind her. “You look exhausted.” She put her hand to Sara’s head and seemed to be mentally checking her temperature.
Larry stepped out from the hallway. “Is she all right?”
Sara smiled and began walking to the cafeteria. “Just a little tired, but happy to see the both of you.”
“We didn’t know if you’d come today.” Martha took the blue tooth player from her and plugged it in. “We would have understood.” She hugged her again. “Are you doing okay?”
Sara nodded but looked away because she knew if she saw the concern on Martha’s face, she’d end up crying again.
Larry frowned and rubbed his mustache. “We’ve been worried about you, girl.”
Tears started coming down her face. “You both are so wonderful, thank you.” She wiped her tears on her sleeve. “Let’s not talk about it right now, okay.” She put on her bravest smile. “I just want to dance.” Pulling away from them she took some music out of her bag.
“There’s no timetable on grief, dear.” Martha was beside her. “If you need to talk, whenever you need to talk, you come to us, okay?”
Sara nodded and cleared her throat to get her emotion to go away. Somehow Martha and Larry had become a lot more than students to her. “Well, I hope you haven’t been slacking this last week.”
The cafeteria doors opened and Beau walked in. He was in jeans and a light blue button down shirt. His hair lay mussed around his face. He smiled at her, and Sara felt completely off center. Why was he here?
“Hey.” He walked over to her, shaking hands and introducing himself to Larry and Martha.
“You’re the one that called us
with updates from Montana last week.” Martha pulled him into a hug. “Thank you for letting us know about everything.”
Beau’s face reddened, and he cleared his throat.
“What are you doing here?” She didn’t know why her heart was beating so fast. Martha and Larry both turned to her. Her voice had come out a little snippy.
“Well, you said you taught dance lessons and your partner flaked on you.” He shrugged, and Sara noticed his eyes appeared a deeper blue this morning, like the ocean. “I thought maybe I could help.”
Sara was uncertain, she thought of her conversation with Jonathon two days ago when he’d asked if she was dating anybody. Then she caught Martha’s vigorous nod behind Beau.
“Okay.” Relenting she shrugged and turned to get the music going. “But I hope you know the Cha Cha.”
At the end of the dance lesson, Sara watched Beau easily twirling Martha and laughing with her. The song ended, and he turned to Sara. “Do you want me to switch out the music?”
Pulling away from Larry she shook her head no. “I think that was the last dance guys.”
“What?” Larry followed her. “I need one last chance to practice with Martha.”
Martha twirled over to him and lightly placed her hand on his shoulder, posing. “We need one more song to cement our moves.”
Sara laughed, feeling much lighter in spirit than when she’d first walked into the building. “Okay.”
The music began and Larry put his hand out formally to her. “May I have this dance?”
Martha took his hand and said in a sultry voice, “But of course.”
Beau laughed softly and moved next to her. “I hope I’m still in love like that when I’m their age.”
“They’re not married, you know that, right?” Sara folded her arms, telling herself she needed to push Larry harder to express his feelings, which were so obvious to everyone else.
“They’re not?” Beau whistled under his breath. “They look like they’re crazy about each other.
“Oh, they are. They just deny it to themselves.” Sara shook her head, feeling disgusted for them and wishing she could change things.
“Yeah.” Beau cleared his throat and turned like he would say something to her.
“What?”
Beau picked up her phone and looked through the music. “Nothing.”
Pulling her bag over her shoulder she turned to him. “Thanks for coming. It was nice to have help.”
Beau nodded, holding her eye. “Have you talked to him?” He looked down and pulled a string off of his shirt.
“What?” Sara didn’t want to discuss this with him.
Leaning back, he paused. “Come on, Sara.” He laughed a little, but he didn’t back down. “Is he home?”
Looking away she bent to stop the music and pull the plug. “Yep, he’s home.”
Martha and Larry walked over to hug her and shake Beau’s hand.
“Come next week, Beau.” Martha nodded vigorously as they walked Sara and Beau down the hall. “We’d love to have you.” She smiled and turned to Sara winking. “It’s not every day that someone can keep up with Sara.”
Sara felt her cheeks flush, and she waved off the compliment. “You’re sweet, Martha. See you both next week.”
Beau walked her to her car and opened the door for her when she’d unlocked it. “Did you read the Beatrice article last week?”
Stunned, she turned right into him, coming within inches from his face. “Why?”
He leaned back against her car, crossing his arms and looking her up and down sheepishly. “She said that true love should make you feel weak in the knees and butterflies in your stomach.” He leaned closer to her. “And look at a bad day and see the good in it, knowing that you’re safe with that person.” His breath was on her face, and she thought of their kiss in the grove. “I just wondered if that’s how you felt when you talk with him?” He stepped back.
She didn’t realize she was leaning into him too and had to step forward so she wouldn’t lose her balance.
“See ya later, Sara.” He did a little salute to her and walked to his truck.
Chapter 19
Sara stared at herself in the mirror, adjusting her hair up then back down again. It was the big day. The day of Jonathon’s homecoming talk at church.
“Are you ready to go?” Genova stepped into the room with Kevin behind her. They had agreed to drive to Cody with her for Jonathon’s homecoming.
“Yeah.”
Genova picked Sara’s sweater up off of the bed for her and waved Kevin out of the room. “Are you okay?”
The door clunked as Kevin walked out.
“We gotta hit the road, ladies, if we plan on attending the nine o’clock Sacrament. I’ll be in the car.”
Sara decided on up and grabbed her clip off of the bedside table. “I just don’t know about anything anymore.”
“It looks perfect.” Genova stood behind her.
Sara turned and picked up her phone and scriptures. “Do you think Jonathon will like it?”
Genova looked her up and down thoughtfully. “I think Jonathon is the least of your problems, girl.”
Sara frowned. Genova had been teasing her mercilessly about everything that had been happening with Beau. “I can’t think about all of that right now.”
“Come on, it’ll be over soon.”
**
Sara stood next to Genova and Kevin in the foyer, waiting for Jonathon. The meeting had gone long, and it seemed that everyone in the chapel was waiting to talk with Jonathon or shake his hand.
Genova bumped her shoulder. “Okay, that was the best musical number sung by a family that I have ever heard in church.”
Sara smiled, hating the fact her stomach was tied up in knots. “This could be it, Genova. It could all end right now.” She knew she was being overly dramatic.
“Or begin.” Genova put her arm around Sara’s shoulders.
“Brother Adler.” An older gentleman with a binder tucked under his arm reached out his hand as Jonathon walked out of the chapel doors. “Fine talk, young man. Welcome home.”
“Thanks.” Jonathon smiled at him, and Sara realized that he was taller than she remembered him. But his brown hair cut in missionary style and warm eyes were the same. He turned, scanning the foyer. All hand shaking stopped when he saw Sara.
Sara’s butterflies were worse than she’d ever remembered them being. She could hardly breathe as Jonathon took two giant steps to her and picked her up, swinging her around in a circle.
“My Sara,” he breathed into her neck contentedly.
Sara heard gasps from people standing in the foyer but felt her heart soar with relief. Tears touched her eyes. He was still the same. He still loved her, and she loved him. And now everything would be so wonderful.
He put her down and kissed her gently. “I’ve been waiting to do that for two years and eight days.”
There was a low whistle in the foyer.
“Son.” Jonathon’s dad, Howard, stepped to him and had a twinkle in his eye when he looked at Sara. “Why don’t you two and her friends head on over to the house. I think you’ve earned a ditch day from classes.” He reached out and shook Sara’s hand and Kevin’s and Genova’s. “So glad you could make it. Help yourself to whatever at the house. We’ll be coming in a little bit.”
Sara looked at him and smiled, remembering how different he treated her as a pre-mission girlfriend, compared to a post-mission one.
Howard looked over the glasses that hung low on his nose and put a gentle hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry to hear about your father, Sara.”
Trying to relax Sara nodded. “Thanks.” Of course he would know—Jonathon would have told his parents. It just felt a little awkward.
His eyes were serious, and he pulled her into a big bear hug, squishing her against him. “Your family has been in our prayers.”
Jonathon’s mom, Cindy, appeared next to them, her arms open. “Oh, Sara, let me have
a hug too.”
“Uh . . .” She was wrapped into another hug and tried to pat his mom gently on her back, but she really just wanted to be released from this madness. Her family wasn’t overly touchy—and it appeared that Jonathon’s was.
Cindy held to her shoulders but pushed her back, studying her. “Oh, you’ll have to get used to our family hugs. And, yes, we heard about your father. You poor girl.” She looked between Jonathon and her. “Well, you have a new family now.” Cindy nodded her head firmly.
Sara stiffened. She didn’t need a new family, but she kept her lips tight.
Cindy let her go, putting a possessive arm around Jonathon’s waist. “Yep, that’s right. We’re here for you now. If you’re his—you’re ours.”
Sara assumed that her smile was meant to be comforting, but nevertheless a knot began to form in her stomach.
Jonathon beamed, turning to his parents and making introductions between Genova and Kevin. He seemed so at ease with himself, especially since he’d never met them either. Sara reflected this was probably because he’d been meeting different people for two years on his mission.
“Hey,” Howard hesitated as they were all walking outside. “How is that cousin of yours?” His overly bushy eyebrows went into a slight frown.
Taken off guard, Sara floundered. Beau. “Uh . . . um . . . yeah, he’s good.” She hated that her face was turning red.
“Who’s this?” Jonathon was beside her, lacing his fingers through her own, and Genova and Kevin were still talking with Cindy a little bit ahead of them on the sidewalk.
Howard looked at Jonathon. “Didn’t she tell you? She broke down the day you were flying out at the airport—and she was lucky enough to run into a cousin that helped her.”
“No,” Jonathon said giving her a concerned look.
Sara didn’t want to explain it all. It seemed stupid now, but she didn’t want to talk about Beau.
“Look,” Kevin said stepping closer to them and pulling Genova to his side. “We want to take a little tour of the town.” Sara knew he was trying to give her some time alone with Jonathon.
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