Guys, it doesn’t have to be like that. The Winning Attitude means that you’re playing a team sport – well, a two-person team, sometimes three-person-or-more team, but a team nonetheless. You need to do what you can to help your partner succeed. If she orgasms, I guarantee you that she’ll do everything that she can to make you orgasm. On the other hand, if you’re just in it for your own immediate gratification, she’ll quickly come to the conclusion that she’s not getting much out of the relationship – whether it’s a one-time thing, or a lifelong commitment.
We’re not necessarily talking about love, we’re talking about you becoming her sex god, the one that she worships and adores!
In order to succeed you have to start with understanding the female orgasm.
The Female Orgasm – Give Her More than Just One!
As I showed previously, the majority of women (70 to 80 percent in the general population) require direct or indirect clitoral stimulation in order to achieve orgasm. That means some form of friction against the clitoris, or related organs.
According to the Mayo Clinic, "Orgasms vary in intensity, and women vary in the frequency of their orgasms and the amount of stimulation necessary to trigger an orgasm." The clitoris itself has more than 8,000 nerve endings, more than the penis, and more than any other part of the human body. That makes it a rich and productive area in which to excite a woman, but also makes it easy to over-stimulate her, which is often interpreted as pain. So a fine and gentle touch is necessary.
The vagina itself has fewer nerve endings, with the exception of the "G-Spot" and the urethral sponge. Those areas have more and can lead to occasional orgasms when stimulated, though fewer intense orgasms and lesser sexual pleasure than the clitoris. Nonetheless, when a G-Spot orgasm is combined with a clitoral orgasm – something you will learn in this guide – the total of sensations is described as "overwhelming."
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"I had never had sex with another girl, but I was curious, and didn’t want to go through life wondering what it was like. When I dropped a few hints to Mary Ann, my lesbian roommate, she was dubious at first. ‘I don’t want to fuck up a perfectly good friendship,’ she said.
But I insisted and finally broke her down. She was so sweet. She charmingly had candles and my favorite wine ready for me one night after I came home from work, and seduced me in our apartment.
Oh. My. God. What she did to make me cum was mind-blowing, I thought she’d have to scrape me off the ceiling, and more than once! And the best part is, that was the first and last time I did it with a girl, but I told Michael, who I eventually married. He wanted to know exactly what she did, became really good at it, and now I don’t think his lovemaking will ever grow old."- Elizabeth, 33
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According to Masters and Johnson, all women are potentially multiply orgasmic, and that "the female is capable of rapid return to orgasm immediately following an orgasmic experience, if re-stimulated before tensions have dropped below plateau phase response levels." Well, that shows you that, if a man can arouse a woman properly, he has a greater chance of finding her response to be extremely rewarding for them both in terms of her enjoyment and her willingness to continue ‘playing.’
Other studies show that, after the first orgasm, subsequent orgasms for women may be stronger or more pleasurable as the stimulation builds.
The Vulva – An Anatomical Pleasure Chest
The vulva is the scientific name for the external genital organs of the female. Many men initially find the layout and the purpose of the various parts confusing. Don’t feel bad, so do some women! However, after spending time examining the vulva, you will find it to be easy to understand, and extremely rewarding once you appreciate how different parts serve a woman’s orgasm – and yours.
The Mons Pubis
This is Latin for "hill of Venus." It’s located where the hairy crown above a girl`s clitoris is found, and below the stomach. The normal growth of hair may be completely removed, or trimmed somewhat. It’s also the layer of fat that covers her pubic bone, and provides a cushion of sorts from the impact of another person’s pubis during face to face sex.
The Front Commissure
The front commissure lies just underneath the Mons Pubis and is the beginning of the clitoral shaft. If you can get a woman to hold still for it, stick your face down there (or look at the illustration) – see, it’s that spot where it goes from the flat part of her Mons (see above), and starts to rise up. Sometimes it’s a lot better for you to stroke this part than the clitoris (below it), because some women are just too sensitive on the clit itself. This is a good opportunity to remember an important point about women during sex:
A little bit often goes a long way. Women enjoy and respond to soft, gentle, varied and drawn out touching, caressing, and sex. Don’t rush it, don’t be rough – why do you think women like chick flicks instead of action movies?
The Clitoral Shaft
Much like the front commissure, the clitoral shaft lies beneath the skin. It’s one of the more sensitive parts of the vulva, other than the clitoris itself. If a woman is sensitive, sweeping the flat of your tongue with a soft, gentle pressure on the clitoral shaft can help arouse her and make her cum.
The Clitoral Hood
Okay, this is important if you’re going to be eating pussy. You should be both cautious and careful around, and on, the clitoral hood. If not, you can find yourself lessening the likelihood of her orgasm, instead of helping her build to one. The hood protects the clitoris from unwanted sensation – remember, with over 8,000 nerve endings, it’s really easy to do too much stimulating.
The clitoris is REALLY sensitive – think "getting kicked in the balls" for the girl, if you don’t treat it right. Some touches can just be too much on the clitoris and may hurt her. The hood’s job is essentially to obstruct you from touching the clit itself, and it actually moves to achieve that. When a woman’s orgasm builds, the hood pulls back to allow greater stimulation. If the hood is covering the clit, lick in downward strokes over it, or gentle circles around it.
This can help to excite your lover, by increasing her access to stimulation. If the hood moves back over her clit, but she’s obviously building to an orgasm – moaning, head rocking from side to side, hands grabbing the sheets, etc. – that’s good, but DON’T poke your tongue under the hood, she doesn’t need any more stimulation of her clit. Just lick around it, and on and around the hood. Her body is reacting as it should to help her cum!
The Clitoris
With 8,000 nerve endings, the woman’s clit has far more sensory receptors than any other part of the human body, including a man’s penis, which takes second place at 4,000 nerve endings. That’s why any guide to the sexual aspects of the female body will have at least some reference to its importance. You can take guidance from that priority, to be certain that the clitoris is the key to a woman’s sexual happiness.
Unlike the penis, though, the clit has no other function than to bring a woman pleasure – can you imagine that? As a result, it is generally very, very good at that one task – which means, if you can unlock the potential for pleasure hidden within it, you will have a very, very happy woman on your hands. Probably one who will do anything that she can to make you happy in return.
Because it is so wondrously sensitive, though, any direct contact with the clit has the potential to actually be painful – an overload of sensation, you could say. Your goal, as a ‘cunning linguist,’ should be to provide pleasurable sensation in that area of her body, but never to go over the edge of over-stimulation.
The clitoral hood protects the clitoris, and actually moves, advancing over it and retracting, something like the roof over a football or baseball stadium, as circumstances warrant. Normally, the clit is well covered, but as a woman’s excitement increases, the hood retracts to expose the hungry little clit to more pleasurable sensations.
The clitoris itself may seem difficult to find, because, just like the penis, the tip on th
e exterior of the woman’s body can vary in size from very small, to noticeably larger when excited, and swollen with blood (though much tinier than the male’s version of the clitoris, the penis.) It will always be found just under the hood. Just as with the penis, it doesn’t matter whether it’s big or small, sensitivity of the clit is not dependent on size.
The entire extent of the clit is not just that little organ peeking out from under the hood, it actually extends under the vulva, around and along the labia, back through the perineum (the skin between the fourchette and anus) – sensitive nerve endings accompanying it, which helps to explain why this area is so rich in erogenous zones, and why the right touch in this entire area is so pleasurable to a woman.
The Frenulum
The frenulum, where the labia meet at the top, is the beginning of the inner labia. It is comprised of tissue much like that of the labia themselves, and possesses delicate nerve endings that are a rich source of delight to a woman if massaged and handled carefully.
The Labia Minora and Labia Majora
These parts, commonly called the "lips," are a nice source of pleasure when licked and caressed, and are not as sensitive as the clit itself. The labia minora, also known as the "inner lips," and the labia majora, also known as the "outer lips," act as protection for the vaginal opening.
More to the point of this guide, however, a woman will discover that they are an extremely pleasurable area for a man’s tongue and lips to express his affection. Why restrict yourself to just the area around the clit, when you can both enjoy the feel of your mouth on her lips, too?
The Vaginal Opening
Also known as "vagina," "pussy,’ "cunt". It’s where the baby comes out – but, of course, you knew that (I hope!) and has been voted as the majority of men’s ‘favorite female organ’ year after year in polls. For women, the G-spot, located about where the rear view mirror is on your car, is a great source of additional pleasure. Most women like feeling a finger, or a penis, dildo or tongue inside her vaginal opening, although probably not to quite the level of screaming ecstasy that erotic videos might lead you to believe. It’s still great, though!
The Fourchette
Located at the lower side of the vagina, this is the equivalent of the frenulum, with nerve endings that can bring noticeable pleasure. Because of its location so much closer to the anus, some women and men might be uncomfortable with this area being licked and tongued. Talk to her if she displays discomfort with your attention there, and be open to the sounds she may make, and to her movements to understand how she’s accepting your attention there.
If she has previously had an episiotomy (a surgical cut made through the fourchette to allow an easier vaginal delivery), she will likely be very sensitive here, and not enjoy the touch of your tongue on this area. Know your female partner well enough, or at least communicate with her enough to be aware of this history, or you might find her leaping out of bed from pain or the shock of your touch there.
The Perineum
This is the area of skin lying between the anus and the fourchette. It can be an incredibly sensitive and erotic area to caress and massage, and to kiss if you’re both willing, but it requires communication and understanding on the part of both partners, as there may be considerable inhibition about oral and near anal contact, or even about just near anal contact of any sort, even just the fingers.
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"It literally took years for Bobby to convince me, but I finally gave in and told him he could lick me near my asshole ‘one time.’ I hoped that he’d find that he didn’t like it and leave me alone about it, because I really thought it would be creepy. To my surprise, I came almost immediately after he started touching and licking me there, and now I love feeling his tongue there and inside my asshole too. Are we perverts because we like it?" – Molly, 29.
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Female Erogenous Zones
Erogenous zones – areas of the body that react to sexual stimuli – vary in sensitivity from woman to woman, but on the whole are easily identified. One of the most pleasant aspects of foreplay is identifying a particular woman’s receptive areas, and then profiting from a masterful touch. The expression, "playing her like a fiddle,’ is apt when it refers to seeing a woman blossom in pleasure from your touch!
The most common areas on the surface of a woman’s body include her hair, neck, ears, lips, breasts, armpits, stomach, the skin that covers the spine, her butt, vulva, legs, and her feet.
These zones can be stimulated by your fingers, your lips and tongue, and by physical objects. Often, this stimulation or arousal can begin in the company of others, your touch on some of these erogenous zones perfectly natural and admirable, building her to a level where she demands that you take her somewhere private, to explore the rest of her erogenous zones!
Hair
One of the most exciting touches for a woman, is to feel your fingers run through her hair. The gentle stimulation of her scalp, and the tickling sensation simply from the movement of her hair is amazingly positive. Most people, not just women, like to have their hair touched by someone they’re attracted to.
Brushing her hair back, away from her eyes, shows her that you care how she looks. In addition, it invariably draws her eyes to yours – there is no stronger non-tactile attractant to a woman than for a man simply to look into her eyes in a sensual, loving way. That doesn’t mean that you should have a sappy look on your face, it just means that your eyes express happiness at seeing her.
I can’t tell you the number of times that a fleeting look has gotten another woman into bed, after I touched her hair. Similarly, a man can turn me on instantly with his eyes, and his touch of my hair. Think of how exciting it can be to you as a lover, too, to realize that it’s so simple.
Later, when you’re naked in each other’s arms, as the passion builds, pulling her hair, whether on her scalp or that sweet bush above her pussy, may be appropriate too, but that takes a deeper, longer reading of her desires.
Neck
Of course, there’s more to exciting a woman than just touching her hair! That would get boring after a while, so you need to vary things – and there is so much more to choose from. Caressing her neck with your fingertips, kissing her throat and the back of her neck, even light licking – there’s a lot of geography to cover there, and not all parts of her neck feel quite the same – when it’s done properly, adds to her growing excitement, or done further along in lovemaking, may bring her to orgasm by itself.
Ears
Ears are very, very sensitive and can really turn a woman on, but can also be a major turn off if handled improperly. And some people just don’t like having their ears touched at all.
Whisper in her ear, see how she reacts. Such a private act, shared between two people only – that’s another non-physical turn on to her, aside from your touch. Gently kiss her ear, her lobe, caress with your fingertip, maybe even catch her earlobe between your thumb and forefinger (gently), just remember, slow and gentle goes a long, long way with a woman. And avoid wet willies – yuck! Nobody wants a wriggling tongue in their ear, plus earwax tastes so bad, so spare yourselves the annoyance!
Lips
Oh boy, lips. I can write pages and pages of erotic fiction just centered on the possibilities of exciting a woman through her lips. I bet if you surveyed a spectrum of lesbian erotic stories, written by women for women, that a big, big part of the lovemaking would involve kissing, lips meeting lips. It’s unbelievably hot to us. If women (who presumably understand what a woman wants pretty well) want to spend their time caressing lips to get off, well, there’s probably a pretty good lesson there for you, don’t you think?
Lips can be kissed, which is the caress of your lips on hers, but it’s also the rush of your breath over her lips, as well as, eventually, your tongue over her lips. All different types of stimulation to her, and there are SO many nerve endings in her lips – take advantage of them.
Of course, finger tips can caress and excite
lips too. But, as with the ears, be careful. She may be turned off by having what she assumes are dirty fingers so near her mouth. Or she might bite you! On the other hand, if she lets your finger slip between her soft, warm and moist lips and she sucks on it...that’s got to be a fairly good sign for your prospects, eh?
Breasts
Breasts are composed of more than just that little pink or brown thing on the end, guys. They’re also often very sensitive, and when they’re mauled or squeezed, it can hurt. Trace finger tips, or nails (ONLY if they’re well-trimmed and smooth) following the curve of the breast to excite and build her anticipation. Kiss her breasts, lightly lick them, and after some of that you may even feel her urge you towards her nipples. Then it’s okay to kiss, lick and lightly nibble her nipples – but let her control your speed. If she moans or sighs, or says, "yessssss," then you’re doing it right. If she yelps – oops, you’re on the wrong track.
Arms
Yes, please. I think that most girls like having their arms stroked, even with (well-trimmed and smooth) finger nails, and with the tips of fingers. Don’t squeeze too hard, our muscles aren’t like yours. Stroking her armpit can be fun for her, and allows her to open herself to you a little bit, trusting that you won’t go for the cheap joke and try to tickle her...so, don’t. Don’t ever give in to the temptation to tickle her more than just a little, and only after you know her really, really well.
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