by Martha Carr
Thatcher put up a hand and said, “Thank you, Captain, and thank your men for us. That will be all for today.”
The captain nodded and turned, holding his hat under his arm. He looked back at Thatcher curiously for a moment, then walked out of the room. The captain hadn’t been aware that the senator was a magical being, and he was starting to get a bad taste in his mouth for their kind.
“I suppose we need to ask for help one last time.” Thatcher sighed, pushing his chair back.
“Berens?” Brownwood asked, surprised. “But she refuses to do anything about the shifters.”
“Then we move on from them,” he snapped. “If we want to punish those who break the rules, we need rules to begin with. We’ve wasted enough time on the shifters for now. Let’s see if we can’t get Berens back on the team, at least on some sort of terms. I’m not saying we won’t have to tuck tail, but we are running out of options. It’s her or that old Fixer fellow Turner, and trust me, you don’t want to work with him. He is even more demanding than Berens. She knows the system and she knows both sides of the fence, and her loyalty is to the planet as a whole.”
“How are you going to get her here?” Brownstone asked as Thatcher pulled out his wand. “It’s not like she is looking for a chance to have another meeting..”
“I guess I’ll just have to go get her.”
Leira fiddled with the knob on the coffeemaker, unsure why it wasn’t working. She pulled the carafe out and checked the water and the filter, and still nothing. She pushed the carafe back in and sighed, leaning her hip against the counter. Yumfuck stood in the kitchen doorway hiding a smirk. He grew to five feet, then walked over and plugging the coffeemaker in.
“To attain the elixir of life, you must first tap its energy.” Yumfuck smiled.
“Thank you, Buddha.”
She smiled and pulled a coffee mug down and looked at Yumfuck, offering a cup, but he shook his head and shrank back to three feet. She shrugged and put the cup down, adding a bit of sugar for once. She was tired of drinking it black.
“I have enough energy for seven humans,” he told her. “Besides, I am going out on an adventure later, so I don’t need to be bouncing off the walls. I must stay focused. Crime-fighting takes focus.”
“Crime-fighting?” Leira raised her eyebrow.
“Somebody has to keep the city safe.” He smiled again, then turned and headed through the living room and up the stairs.
Leira nodded as the coffee slowly filled the carafe. She leaned her head in her hands, waiting for her “elixir of life,” especially after the crummy night’s sleep she’d had. She never slept well when Correk was on assignment, since she had gotten used to doing everything with him three feet away. On top of that, she kept having a nightmare about the shifters and the army. It was unsettling, to say the least, but even after checking with Louie there wasn’t any word on a fight or spike in magic.
When the carafe was finally full she smiled, pulling it out and pouring the coffee slowly into the cup. She breathed in the aroma, wishing it was Turner’s coffee. Still, it was better than the thick goo they used to serve at the station, so she was going to sit down outside and enjoy a cup. She grabbed a book from the shelf and headed out the back door, placing her chair out of the glare of the sun.
“Finally…a moment of peace, a cup of coffee, and a book I’ve been trying to read for five years now,” she whispered to herself.
She set her coffee on the table and got comfortable, opening the book and grabbing the mug again. She brought it to her lips, but before she could sip there was a loud crackle, causing her to jerk and spill the coffee on herself and the book. “Really?”
She put the cup down and tried to wipe the brew off the pages, finally setting it on the table and turning around, to find Senator Thatcher standing there in his suit and tie. She pulled her sweatshirt closed over her chest and looked down at the coffee on her jeans, rolling her eyes.
Thatcher grinned. “Did I do that?”
“You know it’s really rude in the human world to just show up unannounced, which makes popping in portal-style even ruder. How did you even know I would be back here?”
“I didn’t,” he admitted, closing the portal behind him. “I thought it would be better to open out here than in the middle of your living room.”
“Probably a smart choice,” she agreed, waving to Yumfuck, who was standing in his window growling down at the Senator. “Why are you here?”
“Right, get on with it.” He nodded. “There has been a change in things. An event that opened my eyes to the reality of what we have been facing. I would like to sit down with you one last time and discuss your involvement with us.” He put his hand up to stop her. “And before you say anything, it’s nothing to do with the shifters specifically.”
Leira sighed and looked longingly at her book. She would have to wait on that for another day, she supposed. She eyed Thatcher suspiciously, assuming that if he had gone to the trouble of porting to her house instead of sending word it must be important.
“All right,” she agreed. “I’ll talk to the two of you, but this is the last time. And remember, I don’t work for goodwill and troll snuggles.”
“Noted,” he replied, turning and opening a portal. Senator Brownwood looked curiously through from the other side. “After you.”
Leira nodded and took his hand, climbing carefully through the portal into their meeting room and turning to help him through as well. The portal shut with a fizz and Thatcher walked over and sat down in his chair. “Please, Leira, have a seat. Can I get you anything? Maybe a new cup of coffee?”
“That would actually be really nice. I think we might be here for a bit,” Leira replied.
Thatcher nodded at the guard at the door, who walked out of the room. Leira sat down in the chair at the head of the table and put her hands in her lap. Thatcher cleared his throat and began talking, not giving the other senator a chance to ask any stupid questions.
“When we were unable to secure your help with the shifters we sent in a tactical team,” he began, watching Leira for any sign of exasperation. She stayed firm, staring at him with no surprise on her face. “It was both successful and unsuccessful, the latter because we did not achieve our objective. Successful because it seems we should have listened to you. The shifters fought back, but only to protect their land. They let the whole team go, just some scrapes and bruises. They had every opportunity to kill them.”
“But they didn’t,” Leira interjected, nodding. “Because they would get nothing but retaliation for that, and they are just trying to build a sanctuary.”
“So it seems,” Thatcher replied. “We are now at a crossroads and I feel—we feel—it is important to move forward and not continue to focus on Lucius and the shifters until they give us cause.”
“If they give you cause,” Leira corrected, holding back a smirk. She was imagining the poor human soldiers pissing their pants as they ran from the big bad wolf, Lucius.
“Yes, if,” Thatcher replied. “In the meantime, we would like to bring you in and have you work out a plan to deal with the magical problems we continue to see, between the rogue idiots out there just showing off and the bigger issues like the dark families. We know you are adamant about doing things your way.”
“Yes,” Leira said simply.
“All right, what are your terms?”
“If I were to agree I would want to be contracted, not an employee, and have full access to sit in on all discussions about tactics and problem-solving for magical beings. Also, if you make a plan I do not agree with, I reserve the right to challenge it and have a discussion, and if we cannot come to terms I won’t be a part of whatever it is. For example, the shifters.”
“All right,” he agreed, letting out a deep breath. “What else?”
“I work with my own team. If backup is needed I will utilize yours, but I don’t need an extra person to look out for in dangerous situations.”
“Agreed.” Thatcher was using
his wand to make notes. “As far as payment, it can be per job, per hour of work, or on salary. How is up to you, but how much is up to me.
“If we were to do it as a salary, or a retainer like an attorney, how much per year would you need?”
Leira lifted an eyebrow and took a pen and paper. She wrote down three amounts and handed it back to him. He looked at the numbers and narrowed his eyes, looking at her for an explanation.
“The first number is my salary, the second is the bonus for any situations that are considered high danger, and the third is how much you will pay my team for each gig they operate with me on.”
“Hazard pay.” Thatcher snorted. “Anything else?”
“Yeah. Better coffee.” She smiled.
“That one might be difficult.” He smirked back. “Been trying for years. Leira, you drive a hard bargain, but we need you, magical and non, to get through this change. So you have a deal.”
Leira shook Thatcher’s hand, then turned and shook Brownwood’s too, even though it was obvious he had no clue what was going on. Leira looked up at the guard as he brought back a mug of coffee, setting down sugar and cream in front of her. She picked up the mug with a smile on her face, then took a sip and grimaced.
“Nothing like a cup of military sludge.”
“Cheers,” Thatcher said, lifting his cup.
24
Yumfuck finished a bag of Cheetos in his room and tossed the empty bag into his trash can, making a cheering noise as the bag landed in the bin. He put his little paws in the air and ran around in a circle, cheering himself on. He had been watching basketball replays on the Sports Network recently and found he was pretty good at dunking Cheeto bags in his trash can, obviously qualifying him for NBA.
He slowed down as he reached the closet and opened the door, pushing on the false back and waiting for it to slide open. He pulled out his Ninja Turtle backpack and grabbed two sizes of cape and mask, just in case. He skimmed his hands over his weaponry and decided to skip the major weapons for the day, filling the rest of his bag with cat toys. Saving the little fur balls from the trees had become a regular occurrence for him, and he wanted to be prepared.
Yumfuck pulled on his cowboy boots and grabbed a hat, this time going for the NYC ball cap he had been gifted with by a street vendor he had helped stop a thief a week before. He pulled it down and looked in the mirror; tufts of green fur stuck out the back as if he had a mullet. He grinned and nodded, pulling his pack on and closing the closet door. He headed down the stairs and stopped, looking at Leira, who had just gotten back from meeting with the senators.
“You don’t look as angry,” Yumfuck commented.
“Yeah, not too bad this time,” she agreed. “I think they learned their lesson with the shifters, and I now have a freelance gig for some really good money. Oh, and if you come along you get paid too.”
“Oooh, I can save up,” Yumfuck exclaimed, turning and walking toward the front door.
“For what?” Leira asked.
“A car.” He smiled and shut the door behind him.
Leira opened her mouth and frowned, then pursed her lips and turned back to the kitchen, making a mental note to hide the Mustang’s keys and question him more thoroughly about that later.
Yumfuck took a deep breath of the afternoon air, giggling as he walked down the steps. He looked down the block and waved at Lily, who was out admiring her pretty flowers. She waved back, and he walked down the street the other way, deciding to check out Adams Morgan that afternoon. The sun was shining, the people were out, and he knew that there would be someone he could do a good deed for, hopefully something he could use his detective skills on.
Yumfuck kept his three-foot stature, finding it easier to weave in and out of the foot traffic. He bobbed along as he went, window shopping at all the different clothing stores. As he passed a small vintage shop he stopped, staring at the mannequin in the window. It was wearing a button-up short-sleeve shirt with flamingos across the front of it. He oohed, pulling the cash he had left out of his pocket and counted it out.
“Six dollars and thirteen cents,” he said to himself.
The door was propped open, so he went inside, staring at the woman behind the counter until she noticed him. She tilted her head to the side and picked up her cup of coffee, looking suspiciously into the cup, then shook her head and sighed, smiling at Yumfuck.
“How can I help you?”
“How much is the shirt in the window?”
“Oh, that one’s on sale,” she said enthusiastically, almost as if she were relieved someone was asking about it. “Today it’s only three dollars.”
“Oooh,” Yumfuck trilled excitedly. “I’ll take it.”
When he walked back out he was proudly wearing his new shirt, growing a foot so that it would fit him better. He bounced down the street, catching side glances from the pedestrians but smiling and waving as he passed. When he reached the crosswalk for Massachusetts Avenue he stopped in his tracks, watching wide-eyed as a parade passed. There were large vibrantly colored rainbows with men riding atop them and throwing rainbow beads to the crowd.
He waved and caught a set, putting them around his neck and jumping up and down as they passed.
“Well, look at you! They come in all shapes, don’t they?” a tall woman remarked as she peered at him.
“Sure do.” He smiled. “Cool rainbow, just like Oriceran.”
The woman pulled her brows together and watched as Yumfuck ran across the street towards Adams Morgan. The streets became less crowded as he went, and he found himself whistling as he walked. He high-fived a homeless man at the corner of the bridge and crossed, staying close to the railing. He made his way down to the row of bars and clubs, all closed until later, finding a donut shop on the corner. He stood outside trying to decide whether to splurge or not when he heard a loud bang.
Down the block was a middle-aged woman with neat cornrows, grunting and groaning as she tried to pull and push a mattress up the stairs to her house. Yumfuck shoved the money back in his backpack and straightened his shirt, pleased to find the first good deed of the day. He scurried down the sidewalk and picked up the other end of the mattress, peering over it at the woman. She looked at him cautiously as she smiled, tilting her head.
“Need some help?” he asked.
She waited, staring at him. “If I wasn’t so desperate, I’d have more questions for you. Sure, why not. On three... One, two, lift. Oooh, you’re a strong little nugget.”
Yumfuck lifted the mattress end easily and tried to take some of the weight off the woman. Slowly they maneuvered the mattress inside and up a flight of stairs. They twisted and turned, fitting it through a door, laying it down on a queen-sized mahogany bed frame. The woman straightened, dusted off her hands, and turned to Yumfuck.
“You are a lifesaver.”
“All in a day’s work.”
“I’m Mira,” she said, cautiously shaking his paw. She tilted her head again to get a better look at him. “I suppose I’ve seen stranger things, but I can’t be sure. Wait till my cousin, Eddie hears about this one. He swears there’s aliens. I thought it was all the weed he smokes. I may owe Eddie an apology.”
“I’m Yumfuck.”
She lifted an eyebrow and smiled. “I’m sure you are. That’s an interesting name. Where are you from?”
“Oriceran,” he replied.
“Oh,” she said, biting the inside of her lip. “Is that in Florida?”
“Close.” He cackled, looking around as they left the room and headed down the hallway. “What is this place?”
“It’s a boardinghouse.” She smiled. “I rent out rooms to people, but not by the hour.”
She eyed Yumfuck, waiting for a reaction.
He smirked and nodded his head. “If I sleep it’s for a lot longer than an hour.”
She smiled back and tilted her head to the side. “I like you, Yumfuck. I think we should be friends.”
“Deal. I’m interested in
a room.”
“Then you should come inside.” They walked down the stairs and to the right, heading into the kitchen. “Come on, I have some iced tea in the fridge.”
Yumfuck followed her into the large kitchen, easily spotting the large jar of colorful jellybeans on her counter.
“Help yourself. I’ll warn you, they’re old.”
“Never been an issue for me.” The troll opened his mouth and breathed in, sucking jelly beans into his mouth. One went up his nose, momentarily clogging it as Mira clapped him on his back. “That’s a neat trick. You learn that in Florida?
Yumfuck blew the jellybean out of his nose as it pinged off the counter and rolled to the floor.
“We’ll just leave that one there for now. Take them all. You can bring me back the jar later.”
Yumfuck pulled the jar closer as he looked around the room. “What kind of people rent rooms here?”
“I get a lot of business people, staying for a week or so and then leaving. It’s cheaper and more homelike to stay here. Kind of like a hostel, but more personal.”
“I like it. It reminds me of my home in Austin.”
“You lived in Austin?”
“For a little while, then I came here with Leira and Correk. We live in Georgetown.”
“Did you walk all this way?”
“I did, and I found this cool shirt.” He pointed down at the flamingoes.
“It’s definitely a fun one. You got those beads from the Pride Parade heading down Dupont?”
“Yeah, got my dance on.” The troll cackled as he scooped up a handful of jellybeans and let them drop into his mouth, pinching his nose shut with his other paw.
“I usually go and show my support, but business has been wild lately. I had to get some rooms set up and stay in for the day.”
“I’m glad we met. Aloha!”
“Oh, you’re from Hawaii. Always wondered about those islands. This is where we part. I have to get back to work. There’s a new guest checking tonight. You should come back another time and visit.”
“Consider it done!”