by Ajay Patel
5
The Perfect Imperfect Person
The morning sun woke Vijay up minutes before his alarm clock did. As he opened his eyes, still in a semi-drowsy state, it hit him like a thunderbolt. It was Saturday. He would finally meet Megha today.
He jumped out of bed fully awake and went to the bathroom to get ready. The itinerary for the day involved only one thing—Disneyland. Megha had never visited the magic kingdom and Vijay thought it a good place to go because although the lines would be long, it would provide them with a chance to better get to know each other in a fun setting.
After getting ready, he drove to Leena auntie and Rajan uncle’s house who, like his parents, also lived in Yorba Linda, to take Megha out on their get-to-know-each-other-date. Rajan uncle had picked Megha up from the airport the evening before insisting that he and Leena auntie get at least one evening with Megha before Vijay monopolized her time. It was awkward enough having to meet her for the first time, but to have to do it with Rajan uncle and Leena auntie there made it even more of an ordeal. As he walked up the front path of their house, the only saving grace, he thought to himself, was that his parents weren’t there with him as well. This wasn’t to say that they hadn’t offered. Vijay, however, had convinced them that it wasn’t necessary because they would meet Megha tomorrow when he brought her home for dinner.
He rang the doorbell.
“Hello!” Rajan uncle answered the door.
“Hi Vijay,” Leena auntie said from behind Rajan uncle with a smile.
“Hi Rajan uncle, Leena auntie,” he addressed each of them one at a time. He then asked, purposely before coming in, “Is Megha ready to go?” He wanted to just pick her up and leave.
“Come in and sit down,” Rajan uncle insisted, “we’ve just finished breakfast. Megha only now went upstairs to get ready.” With that, Vijay feared that any hopes of a quick exit had been thrown out the window. However, no sooner than having walked into the main hallway came Megha, down the stairs, two at a time, wearing a pair of faded denim overalls with a backpack purse hanging from one shoulder, and her hair in a ponytail with a scrunchie holding it in place. She had soft delicate features and a button nose to go along with a pleasant smile.
As he looked at her, his immediate reaction was one of relief. Although her practicality, self-confidence, and voice were well known to him, he up to now had still been in the dark as to how she really looked. He had been worried that when he saw her he might find her to be unattractive. That certainly was not the case. But knowing that he didn’t find her to be unattractive was only one-half of the battle. He needed to now figure out whether he found her to be attractive to him. The answer to that, to his chagrin, was unfortunately not as readily apparent.
Everyone knew who everyone was, and so the need for introductions didn’t seem necessary. “Come, sit down for a minute,” offered Leena auntie.
“No, we can’t really,” Megha looked at Vijay as if that were a cue. Before either Rajan uncle or Leena auntie could make another request, the front door had been opened with Megha already through. She was evidently in a rush to get out. Vijay caught up to her outside and let her in the car. He closed the door and went around to enter in on the driver’s side. While doing so he said good-bye to Rajan uncle and Leena auntie while Megha did the same.
And with that, Vijay and Megha drove away. After a few minutes, she let out a sigh. “Sorry about rushing out like that. It’s just that, well, I was so late in the first place because they were giving me the standard speech and lecture and I just couldn’t take it any more. I was literally about to scream!”
“That doesn’t sound like a good way to start your weekend here,” Vijay said consolingly.
“Why do they feel like I don’t want to find anyone?!” she ranted, blowing off the steam that must have accumulated while she was politely listening to Rajan uncle and Leena auntie’s lectures.
Vijay just drove on, listening only, waiting for when she really wanted him to respond.
“All they did was talk about having to decide quickly before it was too late! They keep pushing me!” she complained to herself out loud, her voice rising all the while.
After some silence, Vijay offered, “Sometimes I wonder if they all just think we can’t take that first step. You know. It’s almost like they see us standing at the edge of a swimming pool, wanting so much to go in, but we don’t because we’re afraid that the water is too cold even though everyone is telling us that the water is fine. By saying all the things they do, they might just be trying to push us into the pool so that we can join the fun.”
“I think I’m more worried that I’m not getting pushed into a pool, but off of a cliff! I just want to know for sure before I jump!” she complained.
They drove in silence for a while, each contemplating the risks that they at some point would have to take when they made their jump.
“Ok! Enough of this!” Vijay broke the silence. “We’re going to Disneyland! I propose a rule. No more talk about all this business. I think we’ll be talking about all of this stuff later anyways. There’s no sense in ruining a visit to Disneyland over it, don’t you think?” he proposed.
“Well, okay, at least for today,” she agreed reluctantly as they pulled into the Disneyland parking lot.
Once the decision to abandon the serious topics was made, the day as well as their conversations became much more enjoyable, as if they were on the telephone again. Despite this, however, Vijay grew concerned. Throughout the day, as they waited in lines for various rides, Vijay would often sneak careful glances at Megha. The truth was he still wasn’t sure how he felt about her, even after having met her in person for the day. This meeting of theirs was intended to answer the many questions that they had remaining. The biggest and perhaps all encompassing question was whether he could see himself spending the rest of his life with her. To that he had no definite answer. Was there significance to that fact, even if he had only been with her just one day? Megha, on paper, was just what he was looking for. That, he began to realize, was the most frustrating part of everything. She had a great personality, was bright and attractive. Yet, in the words of his relatives, it just didn’t seem to “click” when he had met her. There had been no fireworks. Something was missing.
After a long day at Disneyland, they drove home. Megha watched the cars parked along the curb whiz by as Vijay kept his eyes fixed to the road, silent. They came to a stop at a red light.
“So, let me ask you something. Did we make any progress today?” They had spent the entire day avoiding the purpose of Megha’s visit. Now, while driving home, Vijay felt like the topic needed to surface again.
“I don’t know,” she quietly replied, not looking at him. “Actually, no, I don’t think we have, or at least, I haven’t. I still don’t know how I feel,” she said in an exasperated tone.
Vijay shifted his gaze away from the road towards her for a brief moment, a look of relief on his face. “I feel the same way and I don’t know what that means. It just might be that I’m afraid. Or maybe it means that this isn’t right. I don’t know,” he said helplessly.
“I know,” she responded understandingly. “The only thing we can do is to keep talking and see where we go from there. Until we know more. That is, unless you don’t even think that’s worthwhile,” she asked, not wanting to assume anything.
Vijay hesitated for a second. “I think some more time would help me, err, us, to figure things out. It’s definitely worth it,” Vijay agreed. “I’m just wondering, will we get that time?”
“Let’s just take this one day at a time for now,” she said, “and use the time that we definitely have. Tomorrow. If we need more time, we can worry about that later.”
Vijay turned the car into Leena auntie and Rajan uncle’s driveway. All of the lights were out in the house except for the one over the front porch.
“I’ll pick you up at eleven in the morning. We can just go around here and spend some serious time figurin
g things out,” Vijay offered.
“That would be good,” she agreed with a nod.
Vijay saw her to the door, wished her a good night and walked back to his car, relieved that the whole day was now behind him. It wasn’t that he was disappointed in meeting Megha. It was more that he was disappointed that he was still uncertain, even after having spent the whole day with her. He wasn’t sure if she was the perfect person for him and that uncertainty troubled him greatly.
Vijay exited the freeway to go to his parent’s house, recalling how his parents continuously told him not to expect perfection, that he should be prepared to settle on some things. He had always fought the notion that he would be willing to settle for anything less than perfection. He often would argue with his parents that whenever he talked to his married friends, they always proclaimed that they had found their perfect persons despite the odds against it. If they could find such matches, why shouldn’t he expect to do the same?
As he drove up the hill to his parents’ house, however, he revisited this argument and began to question if what his married friends often proclaimed was really true. Had they really found their perfect persons? He had to admit even he doubted it at times. These doubts largely stemmed from the fact that some of his friends had ended up with spouses who were often not at all like the perfect persons they were looking for when they were single. Maybe what they were looking for in a perfect person had changed over time. Vijay believed, however, that it was more likely that his friends had just convinced themselves that they had found their perfect persons even if objectively they did not.
Maybe that was the secret, Vijay thought to himself. Maybe no one truly ever finds their perfect person, but they just convince themselves that they have. The question, however, was whether he believed that, and if so, whether he could believe that about Megha. But on another level, he thought to himself, was it wrong to actively try to convince himself that Megha was his perfect person even if he consciously knew that it might not exactly be true? After all, shouldn’t that process, whether objectively true or subconsciously decided, be an effortless exercise, not one that had to be worked on with practice as if it were a task?
These were far too many questions that he had running through his mind after a long day. He wondered because the whole process was on such a rushed basis, whether he would have the time to figure out the answers. The great uncertainty of it all overwhelmed him, and he sought sleep in the hope some guidance and clarity would come.
6
Order Disorder
The next morning’s sun came like a rude awakening through the window of his room at his parents’ house. Vijay opened his eyes and for a second, as he lay there in bed blinking, he wondered if it had all been a dream. A trial run of sorts. But as the sleepy haze slowly melted away, he sadly realized that the many questions he had asked himself last night remained unanswered.
He rolled out of bed, splashed some cold water on his face in the bathroom, and slowly treaded downstairs. His parents were already up as usual.
“Good morning Vijay. You’re up just in time for breakfast,” his father said getting up off the floor in the living room with the newspaper and heading towards the kitchen table. The truth of the matter was that his parents had already eaten their breakfast over an hour ago, but this would give them the opportunity to sit at the table with him and get details about yesterday.
Shantiben poured out some chai she had reheated. As Vijay took his first sip she asked, “So…what are you thinking? How did it go?”
He took an extra moment, and then let out a sigh and answered deliberately with a shrug of his shoulders, “She’s really nice. We had a nice time yesterday.”
“Good! Good! So you are liking her then?” she asked leadingly, handing him two slices of buttered toast. To her, the formula was simple: Two people from similarly good families and background meet plus they have a good time equals marriage.
“I don’t know, mom,” Vijay answered, his formula no doubt more complicated than her’s. “First of all, even though we had a good time yesterday, I don’t even know if she likes me and I’m still not sure if I really like her yet either.”
“What are you meaning? I am thinking you said you are having good times with each other?” She asked disappointed, sensing that wedding plans and the trip to India might have to wait.
“She’s great and everything, but it’s just that…,” he stopped for a lack of words to express his doubts. “We’re spending the day together trying to get to know each other more, so we’ll see what happens,” was all he could offer.
All this time his father was silent, but realizing Vijay’s uncertainty, he said “Don’t worry. Take your time. It’s only been one day. You still have today to find out,” he said, trying to sound hopeful, although keeping the clock ticking.
Vijay began to realize the urgency of deciding if Megha was the right one for him. “Well, I gotta go get ready if I’m going to have to figure things out that quickly,” he said grumpily after taking one last bite out of the slice of toast in his hand.
Vijay had chosen a small ocean side restaurant in nearby Laguna Niguel for brunch. By the time he and Megha finished lunch it was well after two in the afternoon. They saved any progress-making discussions until after eating, when they walked to the back entrance of the restaurant, took off their shoes, and went to the edge of the surf on the beach. They began to walk, leaving two parallel zigzag tracks in the wet sand as they dodged in and out, trying to avoid the cold water on their feet. Behind them, the waves that came further in erased any trace of their journey, almost as if the things they were revealing to each other were for one-time disclosure only, to be erased if things did not work out.
“You know, as long as we’ve talked and gotten to know each other, we really never have talked about the typical marriage issues,” said Vijay, the muted roar of the ocean waves in the background.
“You’re right,” Megha admitted, “That was one of the things that I liked about you. You were nothing like the other guys that usually asked me their prearranged questions on the first call.”
“Really?” Vijay asked, amused. “What were some of the things that they asked about?”
“You know, are you vegetarian? Can you cook? What’s your bra size?”
“Bra size?” Vijay burst out laughing. “You’re kidding, aren’t you?”
“Don’t even get me started about that guy,” Megha groaned. “I guess you need to ask the questions, but I just got tired of having to always answer them mechanically, especially right up front!”
“Well let me turn this around for you then,” Vijay said. “Do you have any questions you’d like to ask me?”
She looked at him thoughtfully as they walked, trying to determine if there was anything that she needed to know. “It’s strange, I’m usually the first to answer questions, not ask them.” They walked a bit further in silence and then she said, “Okay, here’s one. If we were to get married, could you move to North Carolina?”
“What?” Vijay looked at her in surprise. Apparently there would be no easy questions to get warmed up on.
“You didn’t automatically assume that I wanted to move to Los Angeles did you?” she asked, looking at him to gauge his response.
“Well, actually, I kinda did,” Vijay shrugged. “I just expected that was a given.” Vijay had automatically assumed that any life they spent together would be in Los Angeles. In Indian culture, the wife always followed the husband. Now Megha was questioning that. “Do you think you might not want to live here?” he now wanted to know. This was an important factor to consider.
“I don’t know. I guess I just want to know what you would do if, after being here for a while, I was miserable. Could you leave?”
Vijay wanted to say “no” but he chose a more diplomatic approach. “I guess I could if it made sense. But it would have to be a move that would make us both happy if we did it.” He was not liking the concessions he was already making n
or where the conversation seemed to be going.
“Okay. How about family?” she brought up a new subject feeling like the first subject had already started things off on the wrong foot.
“I definitely want one!” Vijay responded with a laugh. “Two kids, one boy, one girl.”
“That’s exactly what I want!” she agreed, bringing harmony back to their discussion. “Although, I don’t think we have an exact say in how it all works out!” she joined in Vijay’s laughter.
And so it continued, with religion and parents following. They continued to walk and talk and went through many more questions and answers. Before either of them knew it, three hours had gone by and they had walked until their feet were impervious to the cold ocean water.
They returned to the car and slowly put their shoes on. Despite the rough start, their long talk did not uncover any issues that Vijay liked to call “deal breakers”, although additional doubts certainly had been raised. But just as there were some doubts raised, there were many more fears that were put to rest. Vijay and Megha were in fact very compatible. Although they had assumed that to be true as they had gotten to know each other by telephone, it was reassuring to hear, in person, that this was the case. Vijay thought all the while how strange it was that this knowledge was not coming through the normal evolution of a relationship, but rather through a forced and contrived question and answer process. It certainly took the spontaneity and fun out of courtship and made it more of an arranged process. Fitting, Vijay thought to himself, considering that if things worked out, their’s would be considered an arranged marriage.
It was time to go home to visit Vijay’s parents. When they arrived, Rajan uncle, who had arrived earlier with Leena auntie, got up and came to them and introduced Megha to Vijay’s parents. After the hellos and introductions had been made they all sat down in the family room. For a second, Vijay was afraid that an awkward silence was about to fill the room. But what followed was a lively conversation as Vijay’s parents made Megha feel at ease, and likewise, Megha made his parents feel at ease. Everyone seemed to like everyone and after a while, it seemed as though everyone in the room was getting the idea that Vijay and Megha might also like each other. Vijay stopped to think for a moment as he looked at Megha from across the room with a smile. It had been a good weekend after everything had been said and done, hadn’t it? It was almost as if the doubts of yesterday had somehow been completely erased from his memories by the feelings of reassurance today from his family and friends.