I discarded my wet clothes and tried to dry off. The rain had left me chilled to the bone, icy and ornery. But she melted me.
Before I climbed in bed I watched her breathe, the white sheet rising and falling almost imperceptibly.
At that moment I would have fought windmills just to hear her draw her next breath; I would have launched a thousand ships just to bring her close; I would have strolled through nine hellish circles and pushed the devil aside just to hold her hand.
I climbed in bed next to her and pulled her close, her head resting just beneath my chin. Her cold, naked breasts perked and pressed close to my bare chest. The heart beneath them beat against mine and I fell asleep listening to the torrent outside slosh at the slightly open window.
Chapter 8
Senior year March 13 fell on a Friday – the Friday night before we left for spring break. But the year before—junior year—March 13 fell on a Thursday. The day of the week didn’t matter; March 13 became a very unlucky date for me and for those around me.
It was junior year and the Providence College basketball team played its last game of the season. It was the first round of the NCAA tournament—March Madness. They lost. The entire campus buzzed because our logo splashed across a major television network and by the time the clock ticked down to zero and the Friars were heading home, most students were heading out of their dorm rooms and off-campus apartments to commemorate the defeat.
Lily, Shoddy, Lindsey, Emily and I ended up at a party. But we hadn’t planned it that way. Originally, plans involved going to the local college bar, Primal, getting drunk on watered down Bud Light and maybe, if Lily prodded enough, watch Shoddy and I do the white-man shuffle on the dance floor. Word was, everyone would be there drinking away the loss and toasting our underachieving ballers.
My professor being a rapid basketball fan let us out of my Shakespeare seminar early that afternoon. I witnessed countless undergrads walking back from the packie, hidden cases of beer in tow. Two guys from my dorm shuffled by, each gripping a strap on a hockey bag, laboring from the apparent weight. Neither of them played hockey. It was a typical Thursday evening.
I had two messages on my cell phone when I got back to my room. One was from Shoddy and one from Lindsey, both describing the same outline for that night’s activities. I called Shoddy back to confirm.
After a quick dinner with Shoddy, I went back to shower. I grabbed a cold Bud from my mini-fridge and jumped in the shower. One of the small pleasures in life is a cold beer in a hot shower. Something about the contrasting temperatures or the seemingly unnatural beer-drinking environment makes it an undeniable temptation. Also, a soap tray makes an excellent can holder during rinse and repeats.
I threw on a green long-sleeve button down shirt and jeans, no jacket. It was the middle of March and therefore still brisk, but I knew the crowd inside the bar would elevate the temperature.
Shoddy knocked on my door as I was finishing a bottle of Sam Adams that I had cracked open post-shower. We flopped on the small beat up couch and watched the end of the basketball game. A few minutes into the second half we started playing a drinking game: drink every three-pointer the Friars scored. Five minutes later we hadn’t taken a sip. We broadened the rules to include both teams.
When the time clock hit zero, the scoreboard wasn’t the only thing buzzed. Shoddy insisted we finish a few more before meeting up with girls. Forty-five minutes, two beers and a shot of cheap tequila later, Shoddy and I were lubricated enough to begin the evening. We met Lindsey, Lily and Emily in front of their apartment building and began the trek to Primal.
We were late and they weren’t happy about waiting.
“There’s going to be a line now, thanks to you two,” Emily said. “We told you to meet us like an hour ago.”
She was right. There probably would be a line. But that really didn’t bother Shoddy and I, neither of us really enjoyed Primal. Neither of us liked to dance. I only wanted to go to be close to Lily. Shoddy only wanted to leer at freshmen girls.
“Are you just mad because the basketball team is a thousand miles away and you won’t be able to sooth their woes after such a humiliating loss?” Shoddy jibed. One of his favorite pastimes was prodding her to breaking point. It didn’t take much.
“Shut up, Marcus,” Emily retorted, “that was one time with one basketball player.”
“Must have been a lay up,” Shoddy said. “Too bad tonight’s game wasn’t so easy.”
“Fuck off,” Emily snorted. The other girls laughed and so did I.
Shoddy faked a jumpshot and upon landing, smiled, winked and pointed at Emily.
“I could hit that all day, baby,” he said. Even Emily smirked. I’ll never understand why, but his crass, insulting and offensive behavior was endearing to those who knew him best. Perhaps it was because his lewd honesty was weirdly refreshing in our secluded college world, where everyone was trying to be somebody else.
The walk to Primal Bar that night took us down the streets with off-campus houses and then a half-mile walk through one of the worst inner-city sections of Providence. That’s the nice way of saying to get to Primal, one had to brave the ghetto.
The college had recently, and publicly, deemed that area unsafe for students to walk in at night. It had gone so far as to say that any student who was caught drunk on campus and was found to have gotten that way at Primal, would be severely punished. It was an empty threat, and one the college could really never prove or uphold. But they thought it would deter students from going there, thus keeping them out of the ghetto and safe. The college was wrong. The mere taboo boosted Primal’s weekend business and even timid freshmen began braving the trek.
Every Monday, rumors of muggings, theft and even rape spread across campus. A large percentage was more than just rumor. That year, on the first weekend back from Christmas break two freshmen were jumped and had their money taken by three shady characters in hooded sweatshirts. A week later a sophomore girl was reportedly grabbed and dragged into the cemetery that runs along the half-mile route. A waist high stone wall separates the graveyard from the sidewalk and she said the man was holding her down and groping her, all the while she heard groups of her classmates walking by on the other side of the wall. The report was that the groper ran away before anything else happened. Apparently a cop car speeding towards the college campus spooked him.
All of these incidents were reported in small snippets in the local section of the Providence Journal. Only homicides, political scandal or real estate development made their front page. The paper and the city had stopped giving too much ink and credence to these reports. They warned about that area. The police put up fliers every September warning students to walk in groups, never go out alone at night and stay in well-lit areas. They set up a satellite police station on the corner of the campus. What else were they to do?
We had a large group and therefore never had an inkling of danger on our walk to Primal. It was cool and I envied the girls who all had on black jackets. Granted, underneath were strips of cloth they called shirts but still, they had the appearance of being warm.
“See, I told you,” gloated Emily.
A long line stretched out the door of Primal and wrapped almost to the side of the building. The bar was located on a corner, with its front door on a main street. To its left was a side street that ran into the center of the low-income housing section. The cemetery that ran along the main road stopped at the corner before Primal and stretched far back into the darkness, with this unlit road as its border. Primal’s back lot was directly across from the cemetery along this side street. It was where they received beer deliveries and kept their dumpsters. It was also utilized as a urinal by many a drunk college student.
“Dammit, I hate lines,” Shoddy said. We were standing at the corner of the cemetery deciding whether or not to get in line.
“It’s cold, I don’t want to wait,” Lindsey said.
“Well then you’ll have to walk back in th
e cold, so that doesn’t make much sense,” Emily said. “Let’s just get in line. It won’t take long.”
“Lily, what do you want to do,” Lindsey said. Apparently she never thought to ask Shoddy or I our opinion.
“Well, I don’t care. Those shots you made us in the apartment are keeping me warm,” she said. She smiled. I could tell she was buzzed already. “Shaw, do you want to stay?”
“Me? Well, Emily seems to want to go in so let’s just wait in line,” I said. Really I just wanted the chance to dance with Lily.
Our relationship was on an upturn since the dousing JRW deluge. It was slow to start. But eventually we bought each other Christmas presents. We spent New Years Eve together in Boston watching the fireworks extravaganza from our hotel window while the annual Boston Pops concert played in unison on the television. The year began anew, fresh with hope.
Lily apologized for antagonizing Duncan the night of JRW. She claimed she didn’t remember much on account of the booze. We both knew she was lying but like a bandage it hid the wound long enough for a scab to form. Overall we lacked the same passion that burned during the summer. But I was confident we’d find the fire again. Perhaps a little dancing at Primal would provide a spark.
“Fine, let’s get in line,” Lindsey said. “If we’re gonna wait in the cold it might as well be here.”
Emily had a smug grin on her face.
While we were debating, Shoddy had already crossed the street and was offering the bouncer $20 to let us in. He thought because the bouncer lived on the same floor as he did, our group would get special treatment. We crossed over and stood a few feet away at the corner of Primal Bar and waited to see if Shoddy could work some magic.
Profanity began flying from the line. The bouncer was in a predicament. Shoddy was the provider of beer for the underclassmen on his floor, of which the bouncer was one. But the line was cold and each person in it was quickly losing the buzz they had put on prior to their walk. Mob-rule was very persuasive.
Shoddy tried again but the bouncer let a few people from the front of the line in instead of Shoddy. It wasn’t going very well.
“C’mon, man, I bought you that keg last week for your rugby party, you owe me,” he begged. “The next time you need a . . .” He stopped mid-sentence and turned back to us.
“Hey, forget it let’s go, this isn’t working.”
“What! You had him; he was going to let you in!” Emily pleaded. Shoddy was already walking back to the group and waving his arms to usher us back across the street, away from Primal.
“What are you doing?” I asked. I stretched to see over his shoulder to see if the bouncer had gone inside or if the bar had switched to a less easily persuaded bouncer.
The bouncer was still there. He was beckoning for us to go back, like he was about to let us in. He looked confused.
I yelled back at Shoddy. “What the hell is your . . .”
Then my heart leapt into my throat. At the front of the line, looking at the ground and not a bit confused was Duncan. He had on a tight red sweater and even tighter designer jeans; his hair gelled up in a spiky attempt at fashion. With him was an attractive blonde girl, slender and taller than Duncan with a very familiar face. It was familiar because I had seen it up close and personal. Duncan had brought Rose, my ex-girlfriend, my high school sweetheart, my first love to the one place where she wasn’t ever supposed to be.
I froze. It felt like I was standing in drying cement.
That relationship was over, we parted on bad terms. Duncan was a major cause of it. I always thought, though, that Rose and I would never have made it even if Duncan didn’t spread rumors about Lindsey and me. Rose stayed home in Boston to go school. She lived at home. I moved south to Rhode Island. Our lives were too different. I was having too much fun and she was having none. It wouldn’t have lasted. Duncan’s lies just hastened the break-up.
The last time I had seen Rose was a few months before, over Christmas break. We bumped into each other at a coffee shop back home. We chatted over lattes for about an hour. She had forgiven me, told me she was wrong in assuming I cheated on her. She said she didn’t want to leave our relationship with bad memories. I agreed. She told me she hated Duncan and she knew he was a liar. She had heard rumors about some of the things he did to me over the years at college and that nobody deserved treatment like that, especially from a former friend. She said he stabbed me in the back.
Now, standing with him a few months later on my home turf, Rose was twisting the knife.
Shoddy noticed me noticing Rose and nervously started pushing the girls across the street.
“Hey, Shaw, let’s go, let’s head back,” he pleaded. He knew I knew. He could see my face growing redder.
The bouncer was still trying to get Shoddy’s attention. Duncan looked up and caught my eye. He tried to get the bouncer’s attention. Rose seemed oblivious to the entire situation, until she followed the bouncer’s yells. She focused on Shoddy, then the group of girls, then on me.
With one cold, callous, slender finger, she tapped Duncan on the shoulder and pointed to me. It was an unnecessary action, he already knew I was there and he was trying to ignore it. She tapped him again and a smirk slowly spread across her faux-tanned face.
The switch was hit. She knew exactly how to flick it. I jumped out of the drying cement and pushed one of the girls out of the way, making my way to the door. The bouncer was still yelling to Shoddy. Duncan started frantically tugging at the bouncer’s shirt, begging to be let into the bar. He was paid no attention.
I was a bull solely focused on the red target. I dropped my head, pointed my horns and charged.
Shoddy the matador got in front of me.
“Hey, forget it, let’s go. NOW!” He grabbed me by the shoulders.
I saw right through him, the only thing on my mind was grabbing Duncan and hurting him while Rose watched. I’d wipe the smirk of her face by putting my fist in his.
“Shaw, stop,” Shoddy said, his voice rising.
He was going to start yelling any second. I kept charging. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders but I flailed like a fish on a line, trying to get free and jump at Duncan. Shoddy put some force into his restraint. He dug in his heels and pushed back.
Rage I usually tucked away, took over.
“Let me go Shoddy. Don’t get in the fuckin’ way, let me go.”
“Are you nuts? That bouncer will end you. He’s not gonna let you in there.”
“Duncan’s outside, I’ll beat him outside. Bouncer can’t touch me. Let me the fuck go!”
We were wrestling; I was fighting my best friend. I tried to shrug him off, tried to push him away but he was stronger than me and had me in a very effective bear hug. We were close to the front of the line. Duncan was still there, pressed up against the building, semi-hidden by the bouncer who was now very concerned about the enraged maniac running at his door.
Duncan took out his wallet and was trying to show the bouncer his ID. He waved it around, pleading desperately to be let in, like the last vagabond in the soup kitchen line.
I caught Duncan’s eye and took one last lunge against Shoddy. The momentum hurdled us both at the bouncer, the door and the front of the line. The bouncer fell back into the door, which swung inwards, his bulky arm whacked my ex-girlfriend in the chest and she jumped back and slammed into Duncan, sending him reeling into the brick façade of the bar. He stumbled, his arms flailing but he kept his balance. Scantily clad coeds dove to the sidewalk, one after the other.
The domino effect gave Duncan an escape. He quickly grabbed Rose and pulled her into the bar through the accidentally opened door and then slammed it shut.
Shoddy and I were sprawled out on the sidewalk, my elbow lodged in his side and his knee crunched against my ribs. The bouncer was at the bottom of the dog pile. He was clearly not happy.
“Get the fuck off me!” he bellowed. Other people in line were following Duncan’s lead and stepping over the bouncer to
get into Primal.
“Hey, nobody gets in! Stay in line!” He had lost control because I lost control.
“Dude, get up, now,” Shoddy said.
I was being pulled from behind and when I was on my feet I turned to see Lily and Lindsey wiping their hands on their pants. Emily was pulling up Shoddy.
My head was pounding and my ribs were sore. All I could think of was getting in the bar. But the bouncer had other plans. He was on all fours now, catching his breath.
“We’re leaving,” Shoddy said.
He grabbed me by the arm and dragged me across the street. I tried to resist but I knew he’d throw a punch if I tried to go back.
“Fuck ‘em, Shaw. It’s not worth it.”
He was my best friend again, trying his damn hardest to make me feel better. I wanted to push him away and run back. The rage still bubbled.
“Come on, Hero,” Lily said. “That’s enough of that.”
She came up from behind and brushed her hand across the nape of my neck and ran a finger down my arm.
A sudden shock to my system: a splash of cold water on a bonfire.
Her touch stopped me in mid-stride. I shivered and the rage shook away. The heat that had enveloped me evaporated, the testosterone steaming from my skin. Her one hand, a feathered touch, relaxed me like the hands of a thousand masseuses working my muscles in unison.
Lily turned to smile at me and then hurried up to the other girls who were walking ahead of us. Shoddy still had me by the arm but it was limp and his tight grip unnecessary.
Lindsey yelled back the executive decision the girls had made. We were going to an off-campus house party.
I came out of the trance and wrenched my arm from Shoddy’s hand. I looked back at the bar. Shoddy tensed and reached out for me, afraid I’d make a run for it; afraid I still had some fight left in me.
“Nah, no need,” I assured him and brushed away his hand. “I’m good. Seriously, I’m fine.”
He wasn’t convinced.
“You sure you’re alright, man? What they did there, that wasn’t cool at all. I can’t imagine how you must feel.”
Stone Angels Page 7