Sarah felt her insides quiver. She couldn’t hold back shuddering breath. Amanda would certainly call her to task for such boldness—but there were so few occasions to be alone with Jared Hill. And now to take a chance she never would have considered had Amanda accepted his proposal. But with her sister’s rejection, he could easily turn off the trail at the next branch—and neither of them would ever see him again. Sarah pressed onward, hoping her voice and her shaking legs wouldn’t fail her. “I… wouldn’t have refused you.” There. She’d said it, even if the utterance had been barely audible. Now she waited—almost prayed—for the world to open up and swallow her. She would positively die if he made light of her declaration.
He stared for a heartbeat. That merest hint of a smile reappeared as his even brows rose a notch. “Sarah… if you’re—” He stopped, kneaded his temples, then began again. “A beautiful young girl like you—”
“Woman,” she corrected bravely. Desperately.
“But I’m old enough—”
“To need someone who loves you,” she whispered, unable to stop now without baring her soul. “And loves Bethy and Tad, too. And can’t bear even the thought of having to say good-bye when we get to the end of—wherever it is we’re going.”
“You mean that?” he asked, appearing utterly astonished. “You’d actually settle for me? With that face of yours you could have your choice of a thousand young bucks!” He wagged his head in wonder even as undeniable hope rose in his eyes.
“My heart has already made its choice.”
Jared searched her face for a moment, as if still uncertain whether to believe this was really happening. Then ever so gently, he reached toward her.
Sarah melted into his arms, barely able to hold back tears of profoundest relief as she felt his strong heart keeping pace with hers.
“I never thought for a moment I could have you,” he said softly, cradling the back of her head in his palm as he rocked her in his embrace. “I figured, I mean, with you being young, you deserve somebody just starting out in life, same as you. Your sister didn’t seem as taken up with fellows her age.”
“Does that mean you might grow to love me, too, someday?”
His embrace tightened as he hugged her closer. “It means I won’t have to go on fighting the feelings I’ve had for you since the first time I saw you with my young’uns. When I was sure I’d never have this chance.”
Sarah turned her face up to his with a slightly teary smile. “Life’s filled with chances, isn’t it?”
“It is at that, Sarah Jane. It is at that.” And Jared’s lips at last claimed hers.
Seth stared up at the midnight sky. It seemed as if every star that had ever been created was out tonight, each of them representing one of the countless ways he’d been a fool. If he lived to be a hundred he would never forget the sight of Amanda’s cart turning off the trail.
Or the anguish in her eyes on that day at the river.
He turned in his bedroll, seeking comfort in the stillness while Red was on watch. What had possessed him that he’d railed at her after she’d nearly drowned? Thinking back on the event, he realized those had been the last words he’d spoken, no, bellowed, to her. After that, she’d given him a wide berth. And he sure didn’t blame her.
But Amanda should have known he’d reacted out of anger. Anger at the Green for wrecking her wagon, nearly wiping out everything she owned in this world. And maybe foremost, anger at the fact that Widower Hill was paying her so much attention.
But there was one thing she couldn’t have known. He had only now come to where he could admit it himself. He loved her.
Loved her.
He’d set ridiculous standards after Liza dumped him. They had him scrutinizing a woman against some insane checklist. Truthful? Check. Reliable? Check. Sensitive? He deflated his lungs in exasperation. What were all those traits anyway, compared to spunk, an unquenchable spirit, or a valiant heart?
Come to think of it, Seth realized, there was nothing he didn’t like about Amanda Shelby. Including her faith. In its utter simplicity, it took him back to his own roots, when his deepest desire was to do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with his God, as the Old Testament said. Since he’d turned his back on the Lord, his life had been nothing but a sham. Amanda, not Liza, was the example of true Christianity… and much too good for the likes of him. Maybe it was for the best that she ended up with someone else. After all, he’d practically pushed her into Jared Hill’s arms himself!
Seth waited for the pain of that thought to subside.
It would take some time before the emptiness would go away, though. And inside, he knew where he had to go for the strength to live the rest of his life without her. Easing out of his blankets, he knelt beneath the stars and sought forgiveness from the God of his youth.
CHAPTER 20
April 1849
Do I look all right, Sissy? Oh, I’m still so thin.”
Standing in the Randolphs’ spare bedroom, which she and her sister had shared through the winter months, Amanda had to fight tears as she fluffed out Sarah’s veil. Throughout the long trek over the Oregon Trail she had envisioned life with the two of them together, running a store… for several years, at least, if not forever. But God’s plans had proven to be vastly different from hers. She would content herself with the few months that dream had been reality.
“He’ll be rendered speechless,” Amanda finally murmured, mustering a smile. Her fingertips lightly touched a cluster of seed pearls and alabaster sequins adorning the fitted lace bodice. “You’ve done a beautiful job on your gown. Maddie would be pleased to see how those years of stitching and samplers paid off.”
Sarah covered Amanda’s hand with hers. “I only wish I weren’t moving away. Won’t you please reconsider closing the shop and coming with us to Mount Shasta?” she pleaded. “Jared always said you were more than welcome. And you know how Bethy and Tad became enamored of you while they stayed here and Jared went off to find a place of our own.”
With a stoic smile, Amanda met the younger girl’s shimmering eyes in the oval cheval glass. “Not just yet. It’s so convenient here on the farm, with Sacramento only a few miles away. You know how busy we’ve been, what with that tide of newcomers pouring west. Mr. Randolph doesn’t seem to mind my using the wagon to drive to town and back every day—and besides, you need some time to be alone with that new little family of yours. You’re a bride, remember?”
“I… sometimes feel a little guilty about that,” Sarah confessed quietly. “After all, he did ask you first.” Taking a fold of the lacy skirt in hand, she stepped away from the mirror and sat on the multihued counterpane draping the four-poster.
Amanda eased gently onto the rocker, so as not to crush the cerulean taffeta gown she wore. “Well, it’s time to put those feelings to rest. You and I both know I never loved him in that way. And I could hardly miss seeing that you did.”
A light pink tinted her sister’s delicate cheekbones.
Increasingly conscious that soon enough the buckboard would bring Jared and his children, Amanda was determined to keep the mood light… the last sweet moments before Sarah’s wedding ceremony would bring the younger girl’s old life to an end and embark her upon the new. “It’ll be ever so exciting,” she gushed. “I wonder what your house looks like. I’m surprised Jared was able to finish it so quickly.”
“Probably not quite as grand as this one, I’d venture. He wouldn’t even give me a hint in his letters—and no doubt the little ones have been sworn to secrecy, too. I only hope the curtains I’ve sewn will fit the windows. It’ll be nice having those braided rugs Mrs. Randolph taught me how to make, though, and the pretty needlepoint pillows you’ve done. But no matter what, I’m determined to like it—and to be the best wife and stepmother in the world. Perhaps one day the Lord will see fit to bless me with a child of my own.”
Amanda felt tears welling deep inside. Tomorrow the shop in town would seem unbearably quiet and empty withou
t Sarah’s bubbliness. Happy as she was for her sister, it was difficult to dismiss the waves of sad reality that insisted upon washing over her.
The sound of approaching wagon wheels drifted from the lane leading into the rolling section of land.
Sarah sprang to her feet. “He’s here!” she whispered breathlessly, and moved to peer out the window.
“Don’t let him see you,” Amanda teased. “I’ll go downstairs and find out if everything’s ready.”
There was a soft rap on the door. Mrs. Randolph opened it and peeked around the jamb. “It’ll be just a few minutes, my dears.” Her glance fell upon the bride, and her eyes misted over. She stepped inside the room. “Oh now, just look at my sweet Sarah. Almost too purty to look at, I swear. I couldn’t be prouder of you if I was your own ma.”
Sarah Jane flew into the older woman’s arms. “Don’t you dare make me cry. I’ll spoil your pretty new dress.”
“Pshaw!” Mrs. Randolph clucked her tongue. “Don’t pay me no mind, even if some of my mountain of happiness spills out of these old eyes.” She switched her attention to Amanda, slowly assessing her from head to toe. “And my other sweet gal. Never were spring flowers as purty as the two of you.”
Barely containing her own emotions, Amanda joined the huge hug.
Mrs. Randolph’s bosom rose and fell as she tightened the embrace, then stepped back. “I’d imagine everybody’s in the right spot by now. I’ll go tell Cora to start the organ. Nelson Junior never told us his wife could play.”
As the first reedy notes drifted to their ears, Amanda moved to the top landing. Her eyes grew wide at the breathtaking transformation of the staircase and parlor. While she and Sarah had been fussing with curls and gowns, masses of brilliant orange poppies and blue lupine had been gathered to fill garlands, vases, and centerpieces to near overflowing. Here and there, tall tapers lent a golden aura of candlelight to the lovely scene. Taking one of the nosegays of spring beauties that Mrs. Randolph had thoughtfully left on the hall table, Amanda slowly started down, aware that all eyes in the house were upon her.
Hair slicked back and in his Sunday best, Charlie Randolph met her at the bottom landing and offered an arm, then escorted her toward the fireplace, where Jared Hill, in a crisp new shirt and black suit, waited with the minister. Bethany and Tad, seated off to one side with Mrs. Randolph, waved and smothered giggles.
Amanda took her place, then watched Jared flick his attention toward the top of the stairs to his bride. His expression of awe almost shattered her fragile composure. It was all she could do to hold herself together as Mr. Randolph escorted Sarah Jane to the side of her husband-to-be.
Lost in remembrances of all that had transpired to bring this moment about, Amanda witnessed the simple ceremony as if it were a dream… a blur of loving looks, tender smiles and murmured vows, the breathless kiss. Soft laughter at the end brought her back to reality. She blinked away threatening tears and fortified herself to extend her best wishes to the newlyweds. “Much happiness,” she managed to whisper as she hugged Sarah.
Returning the embrace, her sister kissed Amanda’s cheek. “Oh Mandy… I never knew there could be so much happiness as I feel right at this moment.”
Amanda moved into Jared’s open arms next. “I always wanted a brother,” she told him. “I’m so glad Sarah chose you. May God bless you both.”
He gave a light squeeze. “I’ll take care of her for you. I promise.”
“I’m sure you will. Be happy. God bless you both.”
He nodded. “When you come to visit, the kids will sing you a whole raft of new songs, I’ll wager. They begged me to make sure she brings her guitar home with us.”
Amanda’s lips parted. “You really like her music?”
“Well, sure! Can’t carry a tune in a bucket, myself, but Sarah’s pretty voice pleasures me.”
Amanda had to laugh. After a lavish celebration of Mrs. Randolph’s grandest fare, everyone went outside to see the newlyweds off.
Daylight was fading into a watercolor glory of muted rose and mauve as the setting sun gilded the edges of slender clouds low on the western horizon. A perfect end to a perfect day, Amanda decided. She bent to kiss Bethany and Tad, then their father swept them up into the wagon bed.
Sarah Jane threw her arms around Amanda once more, and they hugged hard for a long silent moment. Amanda knew instinctively that her sister was no more able to utter a word than she. Finally they eased apart with a teary smile. “Be happy,” Amanda whispered again as Jared came to whisk his bride away.
Waving after them, watching until the wagon was but a speck in the distance, Amanda’s heart was filled to bursting. She had never known such happiness.
Or such sadness.
Amanda plucked her shawl from a hook by the door and tossed it about her shoulders, then grabbed the parcel containing the men’s shirts she’d finished the night before. “Good-bye, Mrs. Randolph,” she called out. “I’m going now.”
“Take care on the road,” came the older woman’s answer from the backyard, where she was beating rugs on a clothesline.
Amanda drove the wagon at a leisurely pace toward the teeming settlement of Sacramento, whose level of noise and activity seemed to increase constantly. Every day brought more and more newcomers to replace those who had pulled up stakes and moved on to the next gold field. New businesses sprang up overnight in the very structures abandoned only days before. And an amazing number of lonesome, homesick men appeared at Amanda’s shop on the pretext of needing a button sewed on or a tear mended. She never imagined she’d receive so many proposals! But after having her heart shattered two times already, marriage was the last thing on her mind. Inhaling the heady scent of the spring flowers adorning the greening countryside, Amanda wondered if there were as many farther north, where Sarah had gone two weeks past. Perhaps one day soon, after the newlyweds had settled in, it might be fun to take the stage and visit. After all, the store was hers, and she could close it up whenever she took a fancy. Smiling at the thought, Amanda felt considerably more cheerful.
Dear Lord, her heart prayed. Please watch after my dear Sarah Jane. I’m lost without my sister, my best friend, my confidant. I miss her so, yet I would never begrudge her this happiness. It still humbles me to think back on the indescribable journey You kept us through. Deserts, swamps, horrific storms, torturous mountains—to say nothing of how easily I might have drowned that day…
As happened so often despite all her best efforts to the contrary, the memory of Seth Holloway intruded. Amanda had never so much as spoken his name aloud since the incident at the Green River… but a small, secret part of her couldn’t help wondering what had become of the man. “Oh, what does it matter?” she hissed. The farm horse twitched an ear her way. Chagrined, Amanda returned her attention to the road.
Guiding the gelding along the bustling dirt streets of town, she took pride coming into view of the painted sign above her own enterprise. Apparel and Alterations, grand forest green letters proclaimed, then in much finer print, A. J. Shelby, Proprietor. She turned alongside and drove around to park in back of the small square building Mr. Randolph and Charlie had fitted with shelves and counters months ago.
Using the rear entrance, Amanda hung her floral-trimmed bonnet on a peg, then went through the swinging half doors to the salesroom. There she slid the shirred curtains apart on the front window and turned the Open sign out… duties she would perform every day, save Sundays, for the rest of her life. It was her lot, and what she had planned—or, nearly so, anyway. She would get used to the solitude. To help matters, she would look for a room to rent this afternoon as well, so it would no longer be necessary to burden the kind Randolphs or tie up their wagon. Thus decided, she began tidying the simple shop in readiness for the day’s business.
After eating a bite at noon, Amanda walked several doors down the street to Mrs. Patterson’s boardinghouse and put a deposit on a room that only that day had been vacated by a former tenant. Then, return
ing to her own shop, she tackled the ledgers.
The bell above the entrance interrupted the chore. Amanda set her quill aside and peered toward the dark figure silhouetted against the bright daylight. “How may I—?”
He removed his hat.
“W—why, Mr. Holloway!” Amanda gasped, rising to her feet.
Seth watched the blood drain from her face. He had been similarly shocked himself when, moments ago, he’d exited the Crown Hotel a few doors beyond the boardinghouse and glimpsed Amanda as she strolled to a clothing store up the street. He’d have recognized her anywhere, even with that long hair of hers tucked ever so primly into her bonnet.
He gave a perfunctory nod and settled for a simple greeting. “Good day,” emerged on his second try.
“W—what are you doing here? I mean, you’re the last person I ever—” Amanda’s expression was one of utter confusion as she stood still, her mouth agape.
Another nod. Seth suddenly realized his hand was crushing his good hat and eased his grip. Lost in those glorious green eyes, he couldn’t recall a word of the great speech he’d worked out so carefully in his head through the Oregon winter. He cleared his throat. “You’re well?” Great beginning, idiot!
“Yes… fine… and you?”
“Not bad. Your sister, she’s well?” It was all he could do not to roll his eyes at this inane conversation.
She nodded, then blinked quite suddenly and shook her head as if to clear it. “What are you doing in Sacramento?”
No point beating around the bush, when the truth was so much easier to get out. He shored up his insides. “Looking for you, actually.”
“I—I don’t understand,” she said, her fine eyebrows arching higher. “Why would you—?”
Seth raked his fingers through his hair. “Sorry, I never asked if you were busy, Miss Sh—I mean—are you? I won’t take much of your time.”
The Brides of the Old West: Five Romantic Adventures from the American Frontier Page 54