I felt an ache in my gut for her.
“Got them,” West said quickly.
By the time I turned around he was gone and I ran out after him.
Shane had spread a sheet on the ground.
“Listen,” he said gently to her. “We’re gonna try to move you. To help you. It’s going to hurt and I am sorry for that. But we have to try.”
She whimpered.
West took hold of her feet, while Shane covered his hands with pillow cases. He grabbed her left hand then placed his hand on her other shoulder.
She tried to cry out, but all she made was a sound.
“On three,” Shane said to West. “One, two … three.”
They rolled her onto her back and on the clean sheet. A move I imagined was incredibly painful. She failed at another attempt to scream. The second they had her on her back I gasped in shock and moved back when I realized it wasn’t just blood on the lawn.
Her determination and perhaps even faith gave her the strength to drag herself from her kitchen, across her home and to her lawn. However, her chest was just as burned as her back, and in her attempt to drag herself to safety, she pulled every bit of flesh from her upper body, her entire chest was exposed bone.
13 – DECISIONS
Shane had an idea. I wasn’t quite sold on it.
It stemmed from her picture, or rather was inspired by her picture.
We learned from mail that her name was Amanda, if the framed photo in the living room was any indication, she was young, about thirty. A beautiful woman with gorgeous curly brown hair, she had a dashing husband and baby girl who was around two.
She had a family, was loved and now lay dying on the front lawn of the home she probably purchased with a first buyers loan.
We didn’t see the husband or the daughter, we never looked. I didn’t want to. They weren’t anywhere to be seen in the main living area of the house, I could only assume they were in bed when it happened.
I cried for Amanda and the pain she was in. We searched the medicine cabinet for medication, pain pills, something, but there was none. I didn’t think there would be, not with a small child in the house.
They left me alone with her while they searched the two nearby homes.
I couldn’t do anything but tell her I was sorry for her pain.
We were there for the duration, not one of us wanted to leave her alone. It was horrible enough what she endured, she didn’t live a full life to die alone. I would hope someone would have done the same for me or my family.
West found a bottle of low milligram Xanax in the house next door and some cough medicine with codeine.
That’s when Shane came up with the idea.
“She doesn’t deserve this,” Shane said. “I don’t know her, but looking at this house, her life, she wanted much more.”
“No one deserves this,” I replied.
“She doesn’t deserve to die out here on her lawn. I have an idea.”
“Oh my God.” I dropped my voice to a whisper. “You want to take her into the house and kill her.”
“What? No! Why would you say that? Holy shit, Audrey.” He looked at West. Obviously their exchange of glances told me he had discussed this with him already.
“What?” I asked.
“We take her to Staunton.”
“The walk will be too painful.”
“No.” He then looked at the large SUV in the driveway, then back at me. “I saw the keys in the house …”
“No.”
“We drive her the nine miles to Staunton.”
“Oh my God, no.”
“We coast. We only turn on the vehicle when going uphill.”
“We saw Ralph and Doris,” I argued.
West stepped forward. “We know whatever this is, it’s not constant, it comes in waves.”
“It’s a good plan,” Shane said. “I ran it by him. He knows these things. He graduated from MIT.”
“I don’t care if he is the fucking clone of Einstein. My answer is still no.” I waved out my hands. frustrated “Amanda is going to pass. We stay with her, comfort her until she does.” I turned away.
“But nine miles away is a hospital, a clinic,” Shane put his hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him. “Listen to me. We put the bikes, the packs on the top rack. We put her in the back. We get there in fifteen minutes tops. Tops. Nine miles away, everything can be fine. That’s nine miles closer to your end game. I know she isn’t going to live, but let her last moments at least be peaceful and pain free, not slightly loopy from a codeine cough syrup we give her.”
“I pray to God it is fine, but what if it’s not. What if there is no one there to help her?” I asked.
“We can at least find something better to medicate her with,” Shane said.
“You’ll be halfway home,” West added. “If there is no help there, if you don’t want to stay until she passes, you’re closer to home.”
“She pulled herself burnt like that.” Shane pointed. “What it took for her to get from her house to the lawn. It tore her apart wanting help. She did that. The least we can do is try this. My gut tells me we will be fine. I feel it. We won’t do this without you.”
I stepped back and looked down at Amanda. We had covered her with another sheet, but it was sticking to her and her body trembled. I thought about how if that were my sister, my husband, what would I want three strangers to do. Risk their lives to give my family member an hour or so of no pain?
I wouldn’t want them to risk their lives.
Shane and West were passionate about it, so certain we’d be fine.
Amanda cried again, a short piercing cry filled with her agony.
Arms folded tight to my body, I looked at Shane. “Get the car ready.”
14 – THE BOBBY JOE
When I first realized it wasn’t over, when I saw Ralph and Doris, I likened the situation to unknowingly playing Russian Roulette. I had no idea what that meant until I got in the SUV.
We folded down the driver’s side rear passenger seat allowing Amanda to lie comfortably in the back, her head close to me as I sat in the seat next to her. I was given the option of sitting up front, but I chose not to.
In fact, I even contemplated only getting in the vehicle when it was off, walking up the hill and making them wait. But since Shane and West were taking that chance, I would as well.
West had handed me a half of Xanax, I never had taken one before and didn’t know what to expect. If it was supposed to calm me, it was failing.
The second Shane turned over that ignition, my heart start pounding. They had to feel it as well, they did.
I could barely breathe when we drove up the first incline. At the top, Shane shut off the ignition and froze. He exhaled loudly, a breath of relief, looked at me then West and then let the SUV roll. It wasn’t any less stressful or tense. Cars were in the road and Shane swerved several times.
I believed I was going to die one way or another on that nine mile trip.
When he needed to start the vehicle again, I held my breath. Beginning a mantra in my mind, ‘please God, just let us get there. Let us get there.’
There was no feeling of ease at all, the stress was worse with each crank of the engine. To me, it really was Russian Roulette and every time the motor ran, we were rotating the cylinder. When we made it to the coasting portion, it was the click of the trigger without the bang.
My head started to hurt from the stress and tension, my jaw was sore from clenching down. If that little pill was actually doing anything for me, I hated to think of how I would feel if I hadn’t taken it.
Amanda surprised me, she was still alive. She hung on. It wasn’t that it was that long of a trip, it just felt like it.
No one spoke, not a single word.
My hands shook out of control, and I felt like tremors shot through my body. I wondered if I’d feel anything if it happened or would I go quickly.
Staunton was our goal. It was far enough away
from Gridlock and that area, surely it had to be fine. That was the assumption we moved on.
As we neared Staunton we knew that wasn’t the case.
Staunton was a small town with big aspirations. Everything a larger city had including traffic was there, and it was jammed into a pile up just off the main road. We were able to go through. Sporadic fires burned through the town creating a hovering veil of smoke. Probably, like the diner, things were cooking when it happened and they burned.
I was so disheartened by what I saw I forgot for a second we were in a ticking time bomb.
On the first corner, after entering town, there was a large chain drug store, Shane pulled over and turned off the car.
He held his hand on the ignition and lowered his head. I could see the sweat on his brow. If it was the longest seventeen minutes of my life, I could only imagine how he felt.
Staunton was a bust. There was no help to be found, no one was alive, not that we could see.
Shane was the first to step out, then me.
West got out last, shaking his head. “I thought … I really thought, even though I knew better, I thought we’d hit an end to it. I hoped this was it.”
“What do we do?” I asked.
Shane pointed to the drug store. “I’m gonna go in there and get something for her,” he said defeated. “That's all I can do.”
“We should move her,” I suggested. “It’s hot. If we’re going to make her comfortable then let’s do it.”
Shane nodded in agreement then walked inside. He emerged a few minutes later, and he and West gently carried Amanda into the store.
A table was up front, the items that had been on it were sprawled out on the floor, on top of the table was a blanket and they placed Amanda on it.
I stayed with her while Shane and West searched out the pharmacy.
“We tried,” I told her. “We tried. They’re going to find something for you. For the pain.”
I was in a dilemma. Stay with her until she passed away or go and try to find my family. I was close, so close to home. Shane and West were there for her, it felt morbid to stand over her watching, waiting. Especially me, would I subconsciously be hoping she’d die faster so I could go? Not wanting to know the answer to that I informed them I was leaving. I was headed home.
They both understood and I left them my address.
My home town was only ten miles away, I didn’t hold high hopes that it was unaffected, but I had to see.
West rode with me for about five miles, then we parted ways. I didn’t expect to see him again and I thanked him as if it were the last time we’d speak.
I prayed in my mind, each pump of the peddle. ‘Let them be alive, let everything be alright.’
I focused forward even my pace was good. Although, I probably wouldn’t be able to maintain it. I couldn’t. I slowed down after a couple of miles, but when I saw the sign for my town I was charged again and adrenaline rushed through my veins.
That was short lived, but I made it home.
Staunton was the first bigger town we had come across, Waynesboro was much smaller, but it was the same situation. Cars on the road, smoke in the air, people on the ground.
I clenched my jaw to fight the ache that crept up my chest.
Our house was three blocks from a four-way intersection. At the intersection a telephone pole lay toppled and eight cars were crammed into one big smash up.
I didn’t want to go down my street, but I did. My home was nine houses down, and before I even got there I could see my car in the driveway and what Ken and I called ‘The Bobby Joe’ set up on the lawn.
Ken had a cousin, Bobby Joe who used to perch two lawn chairs on the front yard, a cooler between them and shout conversation across the street to the neighbors. Bobby Joe died a few years earlier in an accident. At first it was a running joke, but after Bobby died, it was a tribute. Every summer Ken would have the set up in the front yard, two chairs and a cooler. Our neighbors would do the same.
When I saw the chairs and cooler I figured Ken had been out there that first night. Molly’s toys were there as well. They had been out late and left them when he went in, figuring he’d get them in the morning.
That obviously never happened.
Like everywhere else it was quiet, too quiet.
My lips quivered and I fought back the tears. Where was the noise, the children playing?
I headed up the walk to my front door and I stopped.
It was the middle of the day and I heard nothing.
For all that had happened, I still held out hope that they would be alive and well, that Michael would be there. I didn’t see his bike.
Suddenly, I felt my insides crumble when I realized my life was done.
I didn’t know for sure what was behind that front door, but I had a good idea and I stepped back.
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to walk in my own house to find my family.
I wasn’t ready and I didn’t know if I ever would be.
15 – A SPECIAL QUIET
There were four indentations in the lawn next to the Bobby Joe chair set up. I ran my fingers over them, knowing they could only have been made by the pack and play. The portable play yard was a godsend. We brought it out a lot when we lawn sat in the summer.
Ken must have had Molly outside for a while that evening. I wondered who he talked to, why he was out so long. Probably a long-winded debate with Jeremy across the street, complaining about baseball. Or Roy three houses down, he came down quite a bit to talk. Sometimes sitting with Ken, other times sitting with Jeremy. It depended on what side of the argument he wanted to take. Roy was funny. He wasn’t much older than us, but he acted like he was. He had lost a good part of his hearing when he served our country. We had to keep reminding him to put in his hearing aid, even though we found his loud talking funny, it was annoying when he couldn’t hear us and kept saying, ‘What?” He insisted the internet was the beginning of man’s downfall. Maybe Roy was right. I had no idea what caused the immediate dead hush that took over the world. I probably would never know.
I hope that the final night Ken had was a good one. I hoped he laughed and had a great time. I hoped Molly fell asleep in his arms, just after cuddling and telling him ‘wuv you’.
He deserved it.
I wasn’t there, so he didn’t rush to clean up the lawn decorations. The cooler still had four beers inside. Despite that they were warm, I drank one, then another. I turned the Bobby Joe chairs away from facing the street to facing my house.
I hadn’t gone in. With no plans to do so, not yet, I made myself comfortable on my lawn. I had that small blanket in my pack and I covered up with it. I wasn’t in a hurry to go anywhere.
I was home.
My next course of action remained to be seen.
I’d wait at the house a little bit, maybe Michael would show up. Perhaps he had returned to the house, found Ken and Molly then headed back to Gridlock. Surely he would look for me? Just like I needed to look for him. If both of us were searching, would we ever find each other? What was the solution?
By the third beer, it hadn’t gotten dark and I could barely keep my eyes open. I didn’t know if the Xanax was still in my system, I doubted it, but I was tired and fell into a dead sleep.
When I woke, I was chilly and stiff. The reality of what I faced was right in front of me. I stood from the chair and stretched, grabbing the last beer as my morning coffee.
Several times, I stood and walked to the house, but stopped short of going in.
There was a finality that I just didn’t want to face. Not only that, I don’t believe I was strong enough to see my dead family.
I was holding a total breakdown at bay, and I knew the second I saw them, it was going to cause my meltdown.
When I thought about how cowardly I was being, I thought of Amanda. How brave and strong she was. I paled in comparison to her. And I left her. How pathetic that I walked away only to sit on my front lawn, afra
id of my destiny while drinking old skank beer.
It was late in the day, almost approaching another evening when I finally I made up my mind. I would go into the house. As hard as it would be, I needed to find out for sure.
The plastic of the lawn chair stuck to me when I stood and it fell over. Good lord how long was I sitting in that chair?
When I bent down to pick it up, I nearly fell over with it when I saw Shane and West pushing their bikes down my street.
It was such a relief to see them. I really didn’t think they’d find me. I lifted my hand in a wave and they headed my way. They looked tired, and moved slowly.
They brought their bikes up on the curb toward my lawn.
West paused and looked at the police tape that was still set up by my driveway from when Pole Man met his end. I was so consumed with the Bobby Joe set and house, I didn’t pay attention to that.
“I’m ... I’m so glad to see you two,” I said, and even embraced them both. “I didn’t think you’d come.”
“Why not?” Shane asked. “We said we would. How … how are you?” He lowered his head and looked at me through the tops of his eyes.
“I’m doing. I was hopeful, you know, that everything would be normal here. Obviously, it’s not. I’m beginning to think it’s everywhere. Some sort of global thing we can’t control.”
“Yeah, me, too.”
I shifted my eyes from Shane to West. “How was Amanda?”
West answered, “She passed really early this morning. We kept her drugged, you know, but she held on. What a testament to human will. It’s kinda heartbreaking. She really wanted to live.”
“I wish I had an ounce of her strength,” I said.
“Are you kidding me?” Shane smiled. “You do.”
“No, really, I don’t. I have been here a day and I can’t bring myself to go into my own house. I can’t … I can’t find my family. Finding strangers is one thing, seeing those you love, is another.”
Above the Hush Page 6