I couldn’t control myself any longer. I began to sob.
“I can’t believe this. Thank you. Thank you,” I sputtered. I leaned over and hugged Emily, crying even harder.
“No, thank you!” Emily said.
A crew member leaned in and handed Emily a box of tissues. She handed them to me and I dabbed at my face, unable to stop the flow of tears. Offstage, I saw all of the moms smiling proudly at us. A new flood opened up.
“When we come back, I’ll show you three ways to upcycle used peanut butter containers!”
“Commercial!”
Emily and I stood up at the same time.
“Emily... this means so much. Thank you,” I blubbered.
Emily put her hands on my shoulders.
“Ashley, you are an amazing person. Last night you helped remind me why I do this.”
We hugged.
“I’ve got one more segment left—five baby arugula smoothies your toddler will love.”
“Sounds delish,” I said, and made my way to the group of moms waiting for me.
As soon as we were in the hallway and out of earshot of the set, they swarmed me.
“Go, Ashley!”
“Congratulations!”
Kimmie walked up to me. Her face was emotionless as she stood, her nose six inches away from mine.
“I’m so happy for you!” she said, and threw her arms around my neck, practically choking the life out of me.
To my surprise, I heard her sniffle. I hugged her back, shocked. “Thank you, Kimmie!”
She let go of my neck and wiped her eyes. “It’s just that, I know how that woman on the plane felt. Every time I take the kids to the country club I feel so stressed out that they’ll make too much noise. Everyone just glares.” She flapped her hands emphatically. “But what am I supposed to do? Stay at home 24/7?”
I smiled, nodding. Kimmie’s problems always sounded so glamorous.
Anna popped up with her trademark clipboard.
“Hello, ladies! It seems as if the overwhelming consensus is that a full breakfast isn’t in the cards because of your...adventure last night.” Anna looked up from her clipboard. “So we’ve taken the opportunity to pack each of you a lunch for your travel home.”
Chef Lorenzo and his kitchen staff walked down the hall carrying cute pink bags with pink-ribbon handles.
“Good morning, ladies!” Lorenzo looked as dashing as ever in his pristine white chef’s uniform with shiny silver buttons running down the front and a red apron. His crew began distributing the lunches.
“I’ve packed you all cold, slow-roasted, aged peppercorn beef sandwiches with our local buttery cheddar cheese,” he began. Someone behind me dry heaved.
Lorenzo’s eyes widened. “Perhaps I will not go into the details right now. You had some night.”
Lorenzo leaned into my ear. “Lovely tattoo, by the way.”
My body flushed. The skinny-dipping. I’d completely forgotten. He’d been there?
When I got back to my room I grabbed my computer and, typing faster than I ever have before, logged into Facebook to see if any of my new friends had posted incriminating photos from last night and to gauge the response to my televised tear fest. To my relief, there were only a few photos that included me. In all of them, I was smiling and fully clothed. Phew. And I wasn’t trending on Twitter. What a relief.
I was just about to check Instagram when Kimmie walked into the room.
“Crazy morning, huh?” she said, throwing items into her bag. “You know...” She stopped packing and stared at me. “I’m going to miss you and all of the moms here. You’re not the type of person I’d usually hang out with, or even notice, but I like you.”
“Thank you?” I said, getting up to start packing myself.
The rest of the morning flew by. After packing we headed downstairs where all the contestants stood in the foyer, surrounded by bags.
After a few more hugs and exchanges of email addresses, it was time to go. You’d think I’d be sad to leave the gorgeous mansion, catered meals and excellent sleep, but all I could think about was seeing Aubrey and David. I couldn’t wait to apologize for how nuts I’d been behaving and hold my baby in my arms.
It was already 11:30. My car was scheduled to arrive at noon to take me to the airport.
“My car’s here!” Kimmie said, lowering her sunglasses. She stared at me as if trying to comprehend my entire existence. “You’re a doll. It’s been real, hun.”
“It was great to meet you, Kimmie,” I said, giving her a hug.
“Congrats again on the prize. You deserve it, Ashley. You’re a good person.”
I smiled. If only she knew about La Lait and the DentaFresh debacle. I still hadn’t received an email back from Nina or Lola. Or anyone.
“Thanks, Kimmie.”
“What are you going to do with the money?” she said. “If you’re going to invest it in yourself, something I highly recommend, I know a great plastic surgeon.”
I laughed.
Anna appeared before I could think of an answer. She was holding a ziplock bag that contained my cell phone covered in moss.
“The groundskeeper discovered this for you,” she said flatly. “You do realize there are security cameras everywhere, right?”
I flushed red. “Sorry about that.” I quickly took the phone.
“You also have a phone call.”
“Oh, thank you.”
I knew who it had to be. I quickly said goodbye to Kimmie and followed Anna to a waiting phone.
“Thanks,” I said, cupping the receiver, but she didn’t budge.
I awkwardly turned my back to her.
“Hello?”
“Mama,” a small voice said. My mouth hung open and I was speechless. Even though it was the first time I’d heard her say the word, I knew my daughter’s voice. Tears began flowing down my face.
“Baby,” I managed to choke out.
“Did you hear her?” David’s voice was breathless with excitement. “She said Mama!”
“I know! It’s amazing! When did she first say it?” I was shaking with emotion.
“She saw you on TV and pointed to you and just said Mama.”
A fresh batch of tears cascaded down my cheeks and began to form a damp spot on my shirt.
I heard Anna take a few steps away from me to give me a bit of space, but she still remained close.
“I can’t believe it. Tell her I love her so much!”
“She knows,” David said softly.
The line was quiet for a few moments.
We started talking at the same time.
“David—”
“Ashley—”
We both stopped.
“I want to go first,” I said, turning back to see how close Anna was to me. She’d given me a respectable distance of about six feet.
I leaned into the receiver and lowered my voice.
“I am so, so, so, so, sorry. What I did was wrong. I should have told you. I just need you to forgive me.”
David sighed. “Ashley, you were trying to help. I know that. I made so many mistakes and the biggest one was making you think you were the only reason DentaFresh passed on us.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re a young company. They wanted someone with more experience. I think I just used that email as an excuse to make me feel better. They wouldn’t have gone with us, anyway.”
“I’m sorry, David. Things will get better.”
“No, Ashley. Folding the company is the right thing to do. I need to think about you and Aubrey.”
As amazing as it would be to have David home at a normal hour and not be stressed out, I could hear the pain in his voice and knew I couldn
’t let him do this.
I clenched my fist.
“No. David, I won’t let you do this. We’ll use the prize money to help with bills until you get the company back on its feet. I know you can do this. This has been your dream forever. I believe in you.”
As I said the words, I knew they were true. There was silence on the other end of the phone.
“What do you say?” I asked. “All in?”
After a few moments I heard David clear his throat, the way he does when he’s trying not to cry. “All in. I’m all in. I love you, Ashley.”
I smiled like a girl on prom night. “I love you, too, David. I can’t wait to see both of you.”
“You, too, babe.”
When we hung up, Anna ran over to me quickly, her black adult-sized Mary Janes clicking on the marble.
“Before you go, Emily would like to speak to you.”
She took my arm and we run-walked over to a small office just off of the foyer.
Emily was sitting in a makeup chair in front of a mirror framed by bright lights and wearing a pink robe. Her hair was in rollers.
“Ashleeeey!” she squealed. She hugged me, rocking me back and forth like a giant baby. “Were you surprised?”
I held my cheeks. “I almost fainted! I didn’t even know anyone had filmed what happened on the plane! I was just speaking from my heart.”
Emily sat back down on her chair and motioned for me to take a seat in the one beside her.
“That’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.”
I sat down.
“What do you mean?”
A woman began taking the curlers out of Emily’s hair, sending her hair cascading down her neck like a mini waterfall.
Emily kept her face forward and talked to my reflection in the mirror.
“Ashley, you have a voice. A raw, honest voice that I think mothers everywhere would love. I want you to come work for me.”
I laughed. “Me? Work for you? I can’t cook, clean or make crafts...” I shook my head, confused.
Emily grinned. “I know. That’s why I want you for this. You’re real and messy...”
I cleared my throat, “Messy?”
Emily laughed diplomatically. “In the best possible way, of course. Moms relate to you. I want to add a more...relatable aspect to the blog. I want normal, everyday moms to feel part of the Emily Walker family. My marketing team thinks you’re perfect and I agree.”
I was stunned. I wasn’t exactly thrilled to be such an obvious mess, but I totally got it. Emily wanted to inject a dose of reality into her scripted Insta-world.
“Emily, I—”
“Just say yes.”
I stared at her, perfect Emily Walker in her robe with full makeup looking like a vision of everything I’d wanted to be. She didn’t want me to change. I didn’t need to be anyone other than who I already was. I never imagined that someone would want to pay me for that.
“Yes.”
“Good. You start next week. Air kisses!” She pursed her lips in my direction and sucked twice.
“Your car is here, Mrs. Keller,” said Anna, who had been waiting by the door.
“Bye, Emily...thank you...for everything.”
Emily winked at me.
Before I lowered myself into the black Town Car, Anna handed me a white manila envelope.
“It’s your check. Congratulations. I’ll be in touch about the column.” She smiled. I could sense that she was as shocked that I’d be working for Emily as I was.
“Thanks, Anna.”
And we were off to the airport.
1 P.M.
I was sitting in first class again. The flight attendant had offered me a glass of champagne, but I passed. Somehow I’d managed to avoid a terrible hangover but my body still felt like I’d run a marathon on stilts.
There was another baby on the flight, this time accompanied by a mother and father in their early thirties. The toddler couldn’t have been more than two and was raising absolute hell.
“WANT IPAD NOW!” he shrieked as his father unsuccessfully tried to get him to doze off.
“Sammy, the iPad is dead. Would you like to color?”
His high-pitched growl sounded only partially human. Sammy didn’t want to color.
I glanced back and saw his mother trying to buy his silence with a pack of gummy bears.
The passengers around him looked like they were trying to will themselves onto another plane. I smiled. Note to self: If I ever fly with Aubrey when she’s a toddler, bring a charged iPad, I thought before turning around.
Aubrey. I couldn’t wait to see her face. Two months ago I was bored to tears every single day, but now, all I wanted to do was spend a long afternoon on the floor playing blocks.
I looked out the window at the clouds. Everything just felt better somehow, and nothing had really changed. Well, except my phone was dead. I wondered if anyone tried to get in touch with me since the show aired.
I fished my laptop out from under the seat in front of me and fired up my email. Forty-three new messages! Most of them were old coworkers and friends saying they saw me on TV.
There was one from Nina. She’d sent it last night.
To: Ashley Keller
From: Nina Pikkering
Subject: Re: The truth about me
Ashley, we know. We’ve known for some time now. It’s not every day someone thinks “nipple confusion” means a baby can’t decide which breast to feed from first. We love you. Can’t wait to see you at the next meeting.
PS. You can stop feeding Aubrey in the bathroom now. We don’t care. Why should you?
For the second time that day, I was crying. Thank you was all I could write. There was so much to say. I’d say it the next time I saw them.
I saw an email from Joy and clicked on it.
We all watched you on TV together! Congratulations! You were beautiful. You looked a little tired and puffy though—what did I say about making sure you got enough sleep the night before? Check Instagram when you get a minute. When did you get a tattoo?
No. No. No. No.
I’d deal with that later, too. I closed my laptop and placed it in my bag under the seat.
My hand hit a paper bag. It was the pink lunch bag that Lorenzo had packed. I was starting to get a little hungry.
I put my tray down and set the gorgeous pink-and-white checked bag in front of me.
Inside a mesh cooler was a plastic container. Through the lid I could see a delicious-looking artisanal sandwich and some kind of potato salad, separated by dividers. Yum!
I opened the plastic and BAM: the scent hit me like a punch to the face. A wave of nausea rolled through my insides and quickly rose in me like a snake. I closed the container and jumped over the empty seat next to me before sprinting down the aisle.
Once inside the bathroom, my entire guts spilled out into the toilet. I didn’t even have time to lock the door. I held it closed with the back of my foot.
I took a deep breath. Maybe I was more hungover than I thought. I tried to make sense of this. I’d been feeling okay a minute ago.
Another wave came and I heaved into the toilet.
After a few moments I flushed, pulled myself up to the sink and washed my hands and face. I looked into the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot and my face ashen, but I felt better.
I opened the door.
A flight attendant was standing in the small hallway of the plane. He looked at me, concerned.
“Ma’am, are you okay?”
I tried to not look like I’d just left all of my internal organs in the flying porta-potty.
“Yes,” I said, steadying myself against some turbulence with the wall. “Just a bit sick from a long night.”
He smiled knowingly.
“That’s not it,” said the elderly woman in a green pleated skirt and matching argyle sweater seated in A1.
“Excuse me?” I replied, confused.
The woman looked up from a ball of peach-colored yarn and two quickly moving knitting needles. She wasn’t a day under eighty-five. She stared at my face as if she were studying every cell.
“I said, that’s not it. You’re pregnant.” She pointed a needle at my abdomen.
The flight attendant laughed.
“What? I’m sorry, ma’am, but...” My voice trailed off.
My period. It was late.
My eyes widened in abject terror and I looked down at the woman. She smiled, as if taking delight in my realization.
“I’m pregnant.”
* * * * *
Acknowledgments
Thank you to my agent, Holly Bemiss at the Susan Rabiner Literary Agency. You made this possible. To my editor, Emily Ohanjanians at MIRA Books, thank you for saying yes.
ISBN-13: 9781488022883
Confessions of a Domestic Failure
Copyright © 2017 by Bunmi Laditan
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Confessions of a Domestic Failure Page 27