Maybe a little bit for herself. Because look how interested she was in him now and she’d only known him for a few days.
“One coffee date, and we never touched on your actual art. Your plans for the future. Mine, for that matter.” Alex pushed away from the table. “I like what I know of Paige-the-Woman. I’d like to get to know more about her.”
Oh, so dangerous. Getting to know the real Paige. Would that be the Paige who helped to plastic-wrap the police cruiser the night of the big ice storm? Or would that be the Paige who scored exceptionally high on her SATs only to choose art school over an Ivy League education?
Or maybe he’d like to know the Paige who used men as a means of getting her parents’ attention. She’d been living down Fun Paige’s reputation for almost five years, since the night she broke things off with the law student and decided to change the direction of her life.
Most people didn’t mention all the hell she’d raised as a kid. Most of them, even Mrs. Purcell, welcomed her back to the quiet community in the Missouri countryside just before Kaylie was born. She was grateful for the welcome. For their acceptance of her and of Kaylie. She would not jeopardize any of that for a date with Alex Ryan.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want Alex to live down her reputation. But she didn’t want to see his face when he learned the kind of person she used to be. That she apparently still was, because the voice in her head telling her to go out on a date with Alex was Fun Paige. The Paige who acted first and thought about the consequences later. The Paige she’d promised herself she wouldn’t be when she had her own family.
She couldn’t afford to be that woman, not again.
Paige loosened her hands in her lap. It wasn’t even that she thought her reputation would smear Alex’s.
The problem was she didn’t want him to know, period. She liked knowing that when he looked at her he only saw the woman she was now. There was no shadow of the girl she used to be. No past for him to dredge up and use against her. For Alex there was only Paige-the-Mom or Paige-the-Teacher.
She wanted to keep it that way.
It was smarter that way. Smarter for her. Definitely smarter for Kaylie.
This was not the time to act impulsively but to come up with a plan and stick to that exact path.
Having a path and a plan was absolutely smarter.
Why did she keep repeating that to herself?
Paige tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked anywhere but at Alex, who leaned against the deck railing, feet crossed at the ankle, thumbs tucked into his back pockets. T-shirt taut over what had to be the best-looking set of pecs she had yet to see.
Nope, she was definitely not looking at him.
She had a plan: let Alex be Kaylie’s friend, watch him like a hawk—not in that way, in a motherly way—and assign him to the “friends without benefits” category she assigned nearly every man she knew.
“Paige-the-Woman stays up too late, hates washing her car and is probably a little too indulgent with her daughter.” She picked up Kaylie’s plate, still filled with veggies but with barely a smear of barbecue sauce left, and gestured at it for emphasis. “This is about Kaylie, remember? Getting to know her, building a relationship with her.”
“I’m not sure getting to know Kaylie precludes getting to know you. And, if you’re worried about veggie intake, you could always make vegetables a game.”
Paige laughed. “You read a parenting book, didn’t you?”
Alex blushed, which made Paige giggle harder. He was cute when he blushed. And he crinkled his nose when he laughed along with her.
“I might have read one, but it had some good ideas.” He followed her into the kitchen, carrying their empty glasses in his big hands. “You know, count the stalks of broccoli as the kid puts them in her mouth—”
“And wait for her to throw them up when she can’t chew all seven at once?”
“Okay, that might work better on peas. But there’s always the reward system.”
Paige rinsed the plates, holding in the urge to shake her head or dissolve into another laughing fit. Alex didn’t deserve that. He was trying. And parenting books weren’t bad, per se, it was more that living with a toddler in the real world meant being a little more creative. “So you’d have me bribe my daughter with M&M’s or a video game each time she eats her vegetables?”
“Reward, there’s a difference.”
“Tomato, to-mah-to.” She finished rinsing the dishes and stacked them in Alison’s dishwasher. “So, Kaylie eats her vegetables because she gets chocolate or something as a reward. To get her to finish her homework—”
“She has homework in preschool?” Alex asked incredulously.
“In theory.” Paige scrunched her brows together. What was her point again? Right, the reward system. “To get her to put her dirty clothes in the hamper—better reference?”
He nodded and motioned for her to continue.
“—the reward is an extra fifteen minutes of television, and then she expects that same return with everything. But life isn’t like that. We don’t all get the fluffy unicorn at the checkout counter just because we put strawberries and apples in our shopping cart rather than chocolate-chip cookies and potato chips.”
“She’s only four, and it’s only a way to get her to try something new.”
“And then she’s fourteen and then twenty-four, and then she’s still living at home when she’s thirty-four because she’s never learned that there are things you do—like hold down a job and pay rent and buy groceries—even though you don’t like those things.” Paige huffed out a breath. “I’m not saying I have meaningful conversations about the benefits of vegetable consumption every night after dinner, and I have wavered when we’re in the grocery store and she won’t be quiet about a new package of cookies. But you’re the new person. You have to be careful or she’ll figure out the reward system starts and stops with you.”
Alex scowled and then his expression softened. “I didn’t think of it like that. I just read the book and it made sense.”
“The books always make sense until you’re in the middle of a meltdown because your child was good walking through the aisles and wants one of those little plastic dolls at the checkout. And you say no.” Paige shrugged. “Sometimes ‘eat your vegetables’ or ‘no’ or ‘don’t pick your nose’ just have to be enough.”
“And she’ll eat her vegetables when she’s ready?”
Paige nodded. “Or I’ll make her a smoothie later with all her least favorite veggies juiced into it.”
“Sneaky.”
She pointed her thumb at her chest. “Mom. There’s a difference.”
“So about dinner—”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Alex cocked an eyebrow and that smooth smile spread across his face, pulling the scar at his mouth until it disappeared. “If you have dinner with me I’ll wash your car.”
Paige laughed. “I already told you the reward method doesn’t work.” But she was tempted. Oh so tempted, and that was definitely a bad thing. Temptation had a way of wrecking her life.
“You said it doesn’t work on four-year-olds. You’re not four.”
This time Paige blushed. The intimate tone of Alex’s voice and the dark look that came into his eyes when he said the words were too much. Too interested.
Too daring.
He reached his hand toward her face and Paige backed up, her hip hitting the corner of the counter.
“No, I’m not four and—”
A crash from the pantry interrupted Paige’s train of thought. She hurried across the kitchen, pulled open the door and gasped.
Alison and Tuck were wrapped around each other, kissing. Her hands were under his shirt, her ball cap on the floor and his hands forked through her thick, auburn hair. A couple of soup cans fell from the shelf when Tuck backed Alison up another step, joining the collection of canned green beans and packages of dried pasta already on the floor.
&nbs
p; Alison opened her eyes and pushed against Tuck’s broad shoulders.
“Um, hi,” she said, putting an inch of space between them. “We were, uh...”
“Checking the expiration dates?” Alex’s voice was filled with laughter at the twin expressions of embarrassment on Alison’s and Tuck’s faces. “Having a little dessert?”
Tuck took Alison’s hand and led her into the kitchen. “Getting to know one another better,” he said. “Not that it’s any of your business.”
Paige had seen plenty of kisses and she had talked about the dirty details of even more, most of the time with Alison. Something about this kiss was different. Maybe because Alex seemed to want to test the boundaries they’d agreed on just a couple of days before. Seeing Alison wrapped around the handsome ranger tied Paige’s stomach into a knot. Made her clench her hands and take another step away from Alex.
Not that she was angry with Alison for kissing Tuck. She was single and unattached. He was most definitely kissable, from his full lower lip to the teasing light that never quite left his blue eyes. Paige wasn’t a prude, for Pete’s sake. Seeing Alison and Tuck wrapped around one another in the pantry made her wonder what it would be like to kiss Alex. To tease her tongue against that scar at the corner of his mouth. To feel his hands buried in her hair. On her body.
To trace her fingers against the thick muscles of his shoulders. To feel the strength of muscles not hidden by his tees and shorts at all.
“We just...” Alison trailed off.
Paige waved her hands in the air and pasted a smile on her face. She knew when Tuck said they were in the nonexistent basement that something was going on between the two. They were entitled to a little fun; both were consenting adults. “No need to explain.” None at all. And she needed to get out of here because all she could think about was that game Spin the Bottle, and joining Alex in the pantry after her spin landed on him.
That was so not helping.
“Like Tuck said, it’s not our business. I was just coming in to tell you thanks and I’ll see you Tuesday, for girls’ night.” No need to go into Alex asking her out or why she couldn’t want to go. Paige had to get out of the kitchen. Away from Alex. She waved and backed out onto the deck, calling to Kaylie that it was time to leave.
Neither Tuck nor Alison had a kid who could be caught in the cross fire should things go wrong. They could afford to flirt and be reckless.
She wanted to be reckless. That’s what had her upset. Not that Alison was kissing a hot guy, not the reminder of what she might do if the situation were reversed.
She wanted their situations to reverse. She loved Kaylie, but there were times she did wish she didn’t have to worry about babysitters or being quite so careful about people she allowed into her life.
Until three days ago, when Alex had shown up on her curb, she hadn’t missed being single once since making her decision to create the family she wanted rather than wait to see if it happened on its own. Now it seemed she couldn’t stop thinking about being impulsive.
“Paige,” Alison called from the deck.
Paige grabbed Kaylie’s light jacket from one of the lawn chairs and motioned her daughter to hurry. Then she plastered a smile on her face and turned back to her friend. “I expect details later,” she said, waggling her eyebrows. “Full-on details,” she lied through her teeth.
“I’ll call you later,” her friend said, concern etched in the thin line of her mouth, her eyes worried.
Alex stood in the shadows, watching Paige intently. She dared not look at him. Finally Kaylie wandered across the lawn and Paige directed her to the car. The little girl didn’t fuss about leaving—score one for the non-reward-giving Mom. Kaylie accepted that when it was time to go it was time to go—the little girl waved to the adults still on the deck and picked a petunia from Alison’s flower bed.
She buckled Kaylie into her seat and then offered a jaunty wave to the three watching her from Alison’s front porch. See? Nothing to worry about here. Nothing’s wrong. I’m— Crap!
The manual transmission stalled as she pulled away from the curb. So much for the jaunty wave.
All the way across town Kaylie chattered about the trapeze and seeing her grandparents and meeting her new friends, Alex and Tuck. Paige added a few “uh-huhs” and “reallys” to the conversation but didn’t truly join in.
She was too focused on ignoring the pang in her belly.
The one that told her she’d gotten what she wanted—she had avoided a date with Alex Ryan.
Why, then, did she feel like she’d lost something?
* * *
ALEX PUSHED HIS shopping cart past a row of too-ripe bananas, choosing a bunch that was still mostly green and putting it under a loaf of French bread. He needed to hit the meat counter and then the dairy section and this day would finally be over.
Not that it had been a bad day. Three days after the barbecue, one week since he’d met her and Alex decided it was a Paige Day.
He paused at the end of the aisle, looking left and then right to decide which way to go. He usually shopped at the grocery store in Farmington, but the past three days he’d been assigned to St. Francois Park rather than St. Joe, and the market in Bonne Terre was closer. He saw the sign for the meat counter and headed that direction, plucking a box of snack cakes off another shelf as he passed.
Added benefit of shopping in Bonne Terre: he might run into Paige. If that happened it would really be a Paige Day, not just a Memory of Paige Day. She’d turned down his dinner invitation, but he chalked that up to the situation. First meeting with Kaylie. Tuck’s attraction to Alison. Paige’s parents. He had a feeling her parents had a lot to do with her insistence that they not go on a single date.
What they needed was a little unexpected contact. Something that wasn’t set up around their daughter. The attraction he felt for Paige was...unexpected. Maybe slightly unwanted. But it wasn’t wrong. He’d convinced himself of that during a hike on Monday when he couldn’t get her out of his head.
He kept hearing her laugh through the wind in the trees. Felt the brush of her fingers against his arm. Saw the sad smile she’d offered him after her parents left the barbecue.
Even after the worst argument he’d had with Deanna, the one about going to the fertility clinic because she thought something was wrong, he’d been able to concentrate on the trails, his work. To get lost in nature and decompress for a few hours. He’d gone home that night and agreed to go with her to the clinic because whatever his misgivings, it was important to her.
Monday, he hadn’t gotten lost in anything except his memories of having coffee with Paige, of the painting he’d seen in her home and holding her hand when Kaylie jumped off the swing set. Of his mouth going dry when Paige’s gaze locked with his after they found Tuck and Alison in the pantry together.
That was the biggest distraction.
He’d wanted to kiss her then. Wanted to follow her home after she left.
Alex placed his order at the counter and then stepped back while the butcher wrapped everything up.
He hadn’t followed her home because he knew what would happen. He would kiss her, probably scare her off. She wouldn’t go back on her promise to let him get to know Kaylie, but after only knowing her a few days, Alex’s priority was to get to know the mother as well as the daughter.
To build a relationship with them both.
And wasn’t that crazy?
After Dee died, he’d thought that part of his life was over and that he was fine with it. How could a strange woman and a little girl bring back all of those emotions when he barely knew them?
Alex added the paper-wrapped pieces of meat to his cart and continued down the aisle to the dairy section, picking up a package of lunch meat and a jar of pickles on the way. He spotted a sale on macaroni and cheese in another aisle and stepped away from his cart to grab a couple of boxes, but his cart kept moving.
Alex raced after it but he was too slow and the cart rear-ended a s
hapely body bent over the egg case.
Paige dropped the carton of eggs and whirled around as Alex squeezed his eyes closed and grimaced. So not the impression he wanted to make.
“Hey,” he said, grabbing the cart and pulling it away from Paige. “I must have nudged it when I saw the mac and cheese sale.”
Paige’s expression morphed from annoyance to mirth. She smiled at him. “You’re not who I expected.” She wore a pretty skirt with blue flowers on it, a plain blue tee and a jean jacket. It was still warm enough to wear sandals and he saw she’d repainted her toes a deep purple. He was staring, he realized, and focused his attention on her face.
He got a little lost in her green eyes and the soft tendrils of hair that had escaped her ponytail during the day. What had she said again? Right, not expecting him.
“Someone else likes to run you down with their shopping carts?”
She shook her head, checked the carton of eggs and placed it into her basket. “Not really. I just...” She shook her head. “What are you doing here, anyway?”
Alex picked up a gallon of milk and joined her as they walked toward the checkout stands. “Stalking you,” he deadpanned.
Her eyes rounded and then she elbowed him. “You’re terrible.”
“I’ve been working at St. Francois Park this week instead of St. Joe. Couldn’t face the drive to Farmington so I stopped here on my way home.”
“No fast food? Pizza delivery?”
“You wound me.” Alex put his hand over his heart, glad for the comfortable repartee they were sharing. Paige grabbed a couple of boxes of the discounted macaroni as they passed. “I do cook. I don’t always rely on the kindness of near-strangers or fast-food restaurants for my meals, you know. You?”
Paige motioned him ahead of her in the checkout lane. “One of those parenting things. I didn’t want to have debates over fresh grapes versus snack cakes or whole-wheat bread versus white. So I’m shopping solo.” She placed a whole rotisserie chicken on the belt as Alex paid for his things.
“Nice. Sneaky, but nice.”
“Mom, remember? There’s a difference.” She put a bunch of kale on the belt followed by plain yogurt and fresh berries. “I’m also meeting Alison later for a girls’ night—manis, pedis and wine—to thank her for watching Kaylie last week.”
The Daughter He Wanted Page 7