Our Mister Wren

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by Lewis, Sinclair


  never knew there was such red lips. And an artist--paints

  pictures!... Read a lot--Nitchy--German musical comedy. Wonder

  if that's that `Merry Widow' thing?... That gray dress of hers

  makes me think of fog. Cur'ous."

  In her room Istra Nash inspected her nose in a mirror, powdered,

  and sat down to write, on thick creamy paper:

  Skilly dear, I'm in a fierce Bloomsbury boarding-house--bores

  --except for a Phe-nomenon--little man of 35 or 40 with

  embryonic imagination & a virgin soul. I'll try to keep from

  planting radical thoughts in the virgin soul, but I'm tempted.

  Oh Skilly dear I'm lonely as the devil. Would it be too bromid.

  to say I wish you were here? I put out my hand in the darkness,

  & yours wasn't there. My dear, my dear, how desolate---- Oh you

  understand it only too well with your supercilious grin & your

  superior eye-glasses & your beatific Oxonian ignorance of poor

  eager America.

  I suppose I _am_ just a barbarous Californian kiddy. It's just

  as Pere Dureon said at the atelier, "You haf a' onderstanding of

  the 'igher immorality, but I 'ope you can cook--paint you cannot."

  He wins. I can't sell a single thing to the art editors here or

  get one single order. One horrid eye-glassed earnest youth who

  Sees People at a magazine, he vouchsafed that they "didn't use

  any Outsiders." Outsiders! And his hair was nearly as red as my

  wretched mop. So I came home & howled & burned Milan tapers

  before your picture. I did. Though you don't deserve it.

  Oh damn it, am I getting sentimental? You'll read this at Petit

  Monsard over your drip & grin at your poor unnietzschean barbarian.

  I. N.

  CHAPTER VIII

  HE TIFFINS

  Mr. Wrenn, chewing and chewing and chewing the cud of thought in

  his room next evening, after an hour had proved two things; thus:

  (a) The only thing he wanted to do was to go back to America at

  once, because England was a country where every one--native or

  American--was so unfriendly and so vastly wise that he could

  never understand them.

  (b) The one thing in the world that he wanted to do was to be

  right here, for the most miraculous event of which he had ever

  heard was meeting Miss Nash. First one, then the other, these

  thoughts swashed back and forth like the swinging tides. He got

  away from them only long enough to rejoice that somehow--he

  didn't know how -- he was going to be her most intimate friend,

  because they were both Americans in a strange land and because

  they both could make-believe.

  Then he was proving that Istra would, and would not, be the

  perfect comrade among women when some one knocked at his door.

  Electrified, his cramped body shot up from its crouch, and he

  darted to the door.

  Istra Nash stood there, tapping her foot on the sill with

  apologetic haste in her manner. Abruptly she said:

  "So sorry to bother you. I just wondered if you could let me

  have a match? I'm all out."

  "Oh _yes!_ Here's a whole box. Please take 'em. I got plenty

  more." [Which was absolutely untrue.]

  "Thank you. S' good o' you," she said, hurriedly. "G' night."

  She turned away, but he followed her into the hall, bashfully

  urging: "Have you been to another show? Gee! I hope you draw

  a better one next time 'n the one about the guy with the nephew."

  "Thank you."

  She glanced back in the half dark hall from her door--some

  fifteen feet from his. He was scratching at the wall - paper

  with a diffident finger, hopeful for a talk.

  "Won't you come in?" she said, hesitatingly.

  "Oh, thank you, but I guess I hadn't better."

  Suddenly she flashed out the humanest of smiles, her blue-gray

  eyes crinkling with cheery friendship. "Come in, come in, child."

  As he hesitatingly entered she warbled: "Needn't both be so

  lonely all the time, after all, need we? Even if you _don't_

  like poor Istra. You don't--do you?" Seemingly she didn't

  expect an answer to her question, for she was busy lighting a

  Russian cigarette. It was the first time in his life that he

  had seen a woman smoke.

  With embarrassed politeness he glanced away from her as she

  threw back her head and inhaled deeply. He blushingly

  scrutinized the room.

  In the farther corner two trunks stood open. One had the tray

  removed, and out of the lower part hung a confusion of lacey

  things from which he turned away uncomfortable eyes. He

  recognized the black-and-gold burnoose, which was tumbled on the

  bed, with a nightgown of lace insertions and soft wrinkles in

  the lawn, a green book with a paper label bearing the title

  _Three Plays for Puritans_, a red slipper, and an open box of

  chocolates.

  On the plain kitchen-ware table was spread a cloth of Reseda

  green, like a dull old leaf in color. On it lay a gold-mounted

  fountain-pen, huge and stub-pointed; a medley of papers and torn

  envelopes, a bottle of Creme Yvette, and a silver- framed portrait

  of a lean smiling man with a single eye-glass.

  Mr. Wrenn did not really see all these details, but he had an

  impression of luxury and high artistic success. He considered

  the Yvette flask the largest bottle of perfume he'd ever seen;

  and remarked that there was "some guy's picture on the table."

  He had but a moment to reconnoiter, for she was astonishingly saying:

  "So you were lonely when I knocked?"

  "Why, how----"

  "Oh, I could see it. We all get lonely, don't we? I do, of

  course. Just now I'm getting sorer and sorer on Interesting

  People. I think I'll go back to Paris. There even the

  Interesting People are--why, they're interesting. Savvy--you

  see I _am_ an American--savvy?"

  "Why--uh--uh--uh--I d-don't exactly get what you mean. How do

  you mean about `Interesting People'?"

  "My dear child, of course you don't get me." She went to the

  mirror and patted her hair, then curled on the bed, with an

  offhand "Won't you sit down?" and smoked elaborately, blowing

  the blue tendrils toward the ceiling as she continued: "Of

  course you don't get it. You're a nice sensible clerk who've

  had enough real work to do to keep you from being afraid that

  other people will think you're commonplace. You don't have to

  coddle yourself into working enough to earn a living by talking

  about temperament.

  "Why, these Interesting People---- You find 'em in London and

  New York and San Francisco just the same. They're convinced

  they're the wisest people on earth. There's a few artists and

  a bum novelist or two always, and some social workers. The

  particular bunch that it amuses me to hate just now--and that I

  apparently can't do without--they gather around Olympia Johns,

  who makes a kind of salon out of her rooms on Great James

  Street, off Theobald's Road.... They might just as well be in

  New York; but they're even stodgier. They don't get sick of the

  game of being on intellectual heights as soon as New-Yorkers do.

  "I'll have to tak
e you there. It's a cheery sensation, you

  know, to find a man who has some imagination, but who has been

  unspoiled by Interesting People, and take him to hear them

  wamble. They sit around and growl and rush the growler--I hope

  you know growler-rushing--and rejoice that they're free spirits.

  Being Free, of course, they're not allowed to go and play with

  nice people, for when a person is Free, you know, he is never

  free to be anything but Free. That may seem confusing, but they

  understand it at Olympia's.

  "Of course there's different sorts of intellectuals, and each

  cult despises all the others. Mostly, each cult consists of one

  person, but sometimes there's two--a talker and an audience--or

  even three. For instance, you may be a militant and a

  vegetarian, but if some one is a militant and has a good figure,

  why then--oof!... That's what I mean by `Interesting People.'

  I loathe them! So, of course, being one of them, I go from one

  bunch to another, and, upon my honor, every single time I think

  that the new bunch _is_ interesting!"

  Then she smoked in gloomy silence, while Mr. Wrenn remarked,

  after some mental labor, "I guess they're like cattlemen--the

  cattle-ier they are, the more romantic they look, and then when

  you get to know them the chief trouble with them is that they're

  cattlemen."

  "Yes, that's it. They're-- why, they're---- Oh, poor dear, there,

  there, there! It _sha'n't_ have so much intellekchool discussion,

  _shall_ it!... I think you're a very nice person, and I'll tell you

  what we'll do. We'll have a small fire, shall we? In the fireplace."

  "Yes!"

  She pulled the old- fashioned bell-cord, and the old-fashioned

  North Country landlady came--tall, thin, parchment- faced,

  musty- looking as though she had been dressed up in Victorian

  garments in 1880 and left to stand in an unaired parlo r ever since.

  She glowered silent disapproval at the presence of Mr. Wrenn in

  Istra's room, but sent a slavey to make the fire-- "saxpence uxtry."

  Mr. Wrenn felt guilty till the coming of the slavey, a perfect

  Christmas-story-book slavey, a small and merry lump of soot, who

  sang out, "Chilly t'-night, ayn't it?" and made a fire that was

  soon singing "Chilly t'- night," like the slavey.

  Istra sat on the floor before the fire, Turk-wise, her quick

  delicate fingers drumming excitedly on her knees.

  "Come sit by me. You, with your sense of the romantic, ought to

  appreciate sitting by the fire. You know it's always done."

  He slumped down by her, clasping his knees and trying to appear

  the dignified American business man in his country- house.

  She smiled at him intimately, and quizzed:

  "Tell me about the last time you sat with a girl by the fire.

  Tell poor Istra the dark secret. Was she the perfect among

  pink faces?"

  "I've -- never -- sat -- before -- any --fireplace --with

  --any--one! Except when I was about nine--one Hallowe'en--at a

  party in Parthenon--little town up York State."

  "Really? Poor kiddy!"

  She reached out her hand and took his. He was terrifically

  conscious of the warm smoothness of her fingers playing a soft

  tattoo on the back of his ha nd, while she said:

  "But you have been in love? Drefful in love?"

  "I never have."

  "Dear child, you've missed so much of the tea and cakes of life,

  haven't you? And you have an interest in life. Do you know,

  when I think of the jaded Interesting People I've met---- Why do

  I leave you to be spoiled by some shop-girl in a flowered hat?

  She'd drag you to moving-picture shows.... Oh! You didn't tell

  me that you went to moving pictures, did you?"

  "No!" he lied, fervently, then, feeling guilty, "I used to, but

  no more."

  "It _shall_ go to the nice moving pictures if it wants to! It

  shall take me, too. We'll forget there are any syndicalists or

  broken-colorists for a while, won't we? We'll let the robins

  cover us with leaves."

  "You mean like the babes in the woods? But, say, I'm afraid you

  ain't just a babe in the woods! You're the first person with

  brains I ever met, 'cept, maybe, Dr. Mittyford; and the Doc never

  would play games, I don't believe. The very first one, really."

  "Thank you!" Her warm pressure on his hand tightened. His heart

  was making the maddest gladdest leaps, and timidly, with a

  feeling of historic daring, he ventured to explore with his

  thumb-tip the fine lines of the side of her hand.... It

  actually was he, sitting here with a princess, and he actually

  did feel the softness of her hand, he pantingly assured himself.

  Suddenly she gave his hand a parting pressure and sprang up.

  "Come. We'll have tiffin, and then I'll send you away, and

  to-morrow we'll go see the Tate Gallery."

  While Istra was sending the slavey for cakes and a pint of light

  wine Mr. Wrenn sat in a chair--just sat in it; he wanted to show

  that he could be dignified and not take advantage of Miss Nash's

  kindness by slouchin' round. Having read much Kipling, he had

  an idea that tiffin was some kind of lunch in the afternoon, but

  of course if Miss Nash used the word for evening supper, then he

  had been wrong.

  Istra whisked the writing-table with the Reseda- green cover over

  before the fire, chucked its papers on the bed, and placed a

  bunch of roses on one end, moving the small blue vase two inches

  to the right, then two inches forward.

  The wine she poured into a decanter. Wine was distinctly a

  problem to him. He was excited over his sudden rise into a

  society where one took wine as a matter of course. Mrs. Zapp

  wouldn't take it as a matter of course. He rejoiced that he

  wasn't narrow-minded, like Mrs. Zapp. He worked so hard at not

  being narrow- minded like Mrs. Zapp that he started when he was

  called out of his day-dream by a mocking voice:

  "But you might look at the cakes. Just once, anyway.

  They are very nice cakes."

  "Uh----"

  "Yes, I know the wine is wine. Beastly of it."

  "Say, Miss Nash, I did get you this time."

  "Oh, don't tell me that my presiding goddessship is over already."

  "Uh--sure! Now I'm going to be a cruel boss."

  "Dee- lighted! Are you going to be a caveman?"

  "I'm sorry. I don't quite get you on that."

  "That's too bad, isn't it. I think I'd rather like to meet a caveman."

  "Oh say, I know about that caveman--Jack London's guys. I'm

  afraid I ain't one. Still -- on the cattle-boat---- Say, I wish

  you could of seen it when the gang were tying up the bulls,

  before starting. Dark close place 'tween-decks, with the steers

  bellowin' and all parked tight together, and the stiffs gettin'

  seasick--so seasick we just kind of staggered around; and we'd

  get hold of a head rope and yank and then let go, and the

  bosses, d yell, `Pull, or I'll brain you.' And then the

  fo'c'sle--men packed in like herrings."

  She was leaning over the table, making a labyrinth with the

  currants from a cake and li
stening intently. He stopped

  politely, feeling that he was talking too much. But, "Go on,

  please do," she commanded, and he told simply, seeing it more

  and more, of Satan and the Grenadier, of the fairies who had

  beckoned to him from the Irish coast hills, and the comradeship

  of Morton.

  She interrupted only once, murmuring, "My dear, it's a good

  thing you're articulate, anyway----" which didn't seem to have

  any bearing on hay-bales.

  She sent him away with a light "It's been a good party, hasn't

  it, caveman? (If you _are_ a caveman.) Call for me tomorrow at

  three. We'll go to the Tate Gallery."

  She touched his hand in the fleetingest of grasps.

  "Yes. Good night, Miss Nash," he quavered.

  A morning of planning his conduct so that in accompanying Istra

  Nash to the Tate Gallery he might be the faithful shadow and

  beautiful transcript of Mittyford, Ph.D. As a result, when he

  stood before the large canvases of Mr. Watts at the Tate he was

  so heavy and correctly appreciative, so ready not to enjoy the

  stories in the pictures of Millais, that Istra suddenly demanded:

  "Oh, my dear child, I have taken a great deal on my hands.

  You've got to learn to play. You don't know how to play. Come.

  I shall teach you. I don't know why I should, either. But--come."

  She explained as they left the gallery: "First, the art of

  riding on the buses. Oh, it is an art, you know. You must

  appreciate the flower-girls and the gr-r-rand young bobbies.

  You must learn to watch for the blossoms on the restaurant

  terraces and roll on the grass in the parks. You're much too

  respectable to roll on the grass, aren't you? I'll try ever so

  hard to teach you not to be. And we'll go to tea. How many

  kinds of tea are there?"

  "Oh, Ceylon and English Breakfast and--oh--Chinese."

  "B----"

  "And golf tees!" he added, excitedly, as they took a seat in

  front atop the bus.

  "Puns are a beginning at least," she reflected.

  "But how many kinds of tea _are_ there, Istra?... Oh say, I

  hadn't ought to----"

  "Course; call me Istra or anything else. Only, you mustn't call

  my bluff. What do I know about tea? All of us who play are

  bluffers, more or less, and we are ever so polite in pretend ing

  not to know the others are bluffing.... There's lots of kinds

  of tea. In the New York Chinatown I saw once---- Do you know

  Chinatown? Being a New-Yorker, I don't suppose you do."

 

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