She had been pacing in the common area back and forth, looking at the grounds in front of the facility. Her thoughts were racing, yet she didn’t finish any of them. Suddenly she realized that her fingers felt moist and sticky. She looked down and with horror saw that her hands were bloody.
Oh crap! she thought. This looks great! If they ever doubted I was a nut job—this will prove it. Valerie hurried to the bathroom and rinsed her hands under the tap. She pulled a fresh napkin from the dispenser and patted her hands dry, taking special care to absorb the blood from her fingertips.
She put pressure on them to stop the bleeding and then hurried down the hall to catch a nurse for a bandage. But she stopped half way down; realizing that if all her fingers were bandaged it would look too conspicuous. So she settled on air drying them, hoping that the offense would look minor and no one would notice.
However, when Nancy came to greet her, the first thing she noticed were the fingers. Her training as a nurse gave her an edge that most mothers might not possess. She had quickly scanned her daughter for signs of any outward danger, and noticed the fresh wounds on her hands.
Nancy said nothing though. Instead she greeted her warmly and walked her to the gardens where Russell was spreading a blanket under a willow.
“We thought it was a good day for a picnic, so we brought tons of junk food,” Nancy explained with a smirk. Valerie said nothing, she had gotten used to being quiet.
Russell gave her his customary bear hug, lifting her off the ground and dangling her a bit, and for a moment she forgot where she was.
This visit did her good, and Valerie started to feel like herself again. They didn’t avoid the dreaded subject. They talked about it, deciding that being open would be the best thing, even if it was painful. Russell assured his daughter that he had heard and seen it all—in the Navy and at war—and that her problems were nothing new to him. Nancy stroked her hair and reassured her of her love.
Meanwhile, Alex and I floated above the willow, my head resting on his lap, and my hair spread over his legs. We were silent for a long while, enjoying this rare break.
“Will you marry me?” he asked while he ran his fingers through my hair.
“I will,” I responded with a mental laugh.
“Why do you laugh?”
“Because, you’ll forget all about this question as soon as we are born. You have a perfect alibi.”
“I’ll remember the moment I see you. Besides, you can still promise.”
“I promise.”
“Just like that, you don’t need to think about it?”
As I started to laugh, Russell, Nancy and Valerie laughed too, bringing back memories of our previous gatherings—when we were all spirits and spent many moments such as these.
That evening Valerie felt better than she had since her suicide attempt. She participated in her group session for the first time since she was admitted, and felt confident in the love her parents had for her. This got her thinking of home and how nice it would be to be back in her room, with her things and her parents. When the horrible realization of life back among her peers hit her with full force.
She started pacing again and the itch came back. She rubbed her fingers over and over again until the freshly healed-over scars started to bleed.
Everyone and their dog will know what I did. They’ll know that I’ve been committed to the loony bin. What will they think of me? Will they be scared of me? Will the parents think I’m weird and bad company? Oh, what have I done? What have I done?” she agonized, and started to hyperventilate.
One of the nurses saw her bloody hands and called the doctor.
“Valerie. Valerie? Can you hear me?” the doctor inquired.
Valerie startled once she realized he was there, with two husky nurses standing right behind him. She was struck with panic as she looked down on her hands and realized they were bleeding once more.
“I…I’m sorry. I didn’t realize…It won’t happen again, I swear,” she promised. But the doctor kept coming closer to her and the nurses blocked her escape on either side of him. They looked menacing as they tried to corner Valerie. She became more and more agitated. She didn’t know what they wanted with her, and why they were coming so close to her.
Alex rushed to her side and quietly whispered. “Val, it’s OK. They just want to give you some medicine.”
But Valerie wasn’t listening to her Guardian Angel. She screamed, putting her bloody hands to her face. This horrified her even more and she screamed even louder.
The nurses had her pinned in one corner and grabbed her by the arms trying to steady her, while the doctor injected her with a tranquilizer.
Moments later, Valerie’s legs gave out from under her. She mumbled something incoherent and was soon passed out on her bedroom floor.
“She should be out all night,” the Doctor said as he glanced at Valerie’s still form on the floor.
The nurses picked her up and put her on her bed. They changed her into her night clothes, washed her hands, and applied thick bandages to her fingers.
Alex was beside himself. “I feel so powerless. What is there to do?”
I thought about it. There had to be something we could do to help her. We are Angels! We were sent for moments such as these.
“There is something you can do.” The clear thought that ran through our connected minds was not our own.
“She is sleeping now, give her a dream. We will extend your abilities, Tess, so you can link with her. Think of the time she volunteered for a special mission. She will see it as you saw it, through your eyes.” The Eternals gave us the instructions and disconnected. As soon as this was done, I saw in my mind how the link worked. It was so simple, like a puzzle where the pieces fit, and were not just a random fluke. I had been holding a few pieces of that puzzle, which allowed me to connect with Alex, but now I had them all!
I went to her bedside and was easily able to add her consciousness to ours. I was mesmerized by the simplicity of it. I nodded to Alex, signaling to him that the link was made. Right then, Valerie reached REM, and we began.
“Valerie,” Alex whispered softly. “I would like to show you something.”
“Who said that?” Valerie’s voice responded. Her mind was blank, so an idea occurred to me. Since I was linking Alex and Valerie in a dream—and I was to show Valerie from my memory what happened during special missions class—I would give her dream some context.
First I added light, soft sun-like light, like rays that filter through clouds. I was told not to disclose too much, so I placed Alex’s form right underneath one of the rays as if a spotlight was on him. Besides this I added nothing else, so all Valerie could see was Alex and sunshine.
“Who are you?” Valerie asked as soon as she saw Alex’s form in her dream.
“I’m an Angel,” Alex answered.
“Am I dead?”
“No,” he said, laughing slightly. “You are having a vision.”
“Like a dream?”
“Yes, a vision in a dream. You are still at the institution.”
“Man…those drugs are strong!”
“It’s not the drugs, you are sleeping, and this vision is real. I exist,” Alex assured her.
“What am I doing here?”
“I would like to show you something.”
That was my cue to make a memory appear in the scenario I had created. So I placed a door, a ways off in the distance.
Alex saw it and turned. “Here, follow me.”
“What is this place?”
“Heaven,” Alex said plainly. Of course it wasn’t but there was no other way to explain this to her, so he kept it simple. She was, in essence, about to see a memory from heaven. So I guess, for all intents and purposes, it was.
Alex opened the door and asked her to look inside.
She hesitated. “But heaven is for dead people. Will I die if I look inside?”
“No, you will not die. This is the heaven we all come from.
The heaven were we lived before we were born.”
Valerie poked her head in the door and I displayed the room where the special mission’s class had taken place. I showed her the seats filled with spirits, as they quietly interacted with each other. Then I focused on the row where Valerie was sitting, and showed her the image of her sitting there, attentively listening—her face slightly more mature looking than her teenage face was now. Her eyes were riveted on the teacher as he explained the different types of infirmities that we might willingly take on in mortality. Then the fateful moment, when the teacher asked who of us would willingly volunteer to take on one of these infirmities.
Valerie watched herself lift her hand with a determined look on her face.
“I chose this?” she asked, aghast.
“Yes, you did,” Alex asserted.
“So, you are telling me that I willingly chose to take on this freaky mental illness?”
“I am.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know that, but I do know that no one is allowed to take on more than they can handle. You are strong, Valerie. Stronger than you think you are. You knew it then, I am here to remind you of it now.”
I faded the room and placed them back at the bright open area with nothing else to see but Alex’s form.
“You don’t have wings,” she noted.
Alex smiled. “I don’t.”
“What’s your name?” she asked incredulously.
“Alex,” he blurted out before he even thought about it. Then it was too late.
“I like that name.”
“You must return now.”
“But I want to see more,” Valerie protested. “I feel so good here.”
“I was sent to remind you of this one choice only. You need to remember that it is within you to cope with this illness.”
“Cope? I will not be healed?”
“You will not.” Alex’s voice was husky, I could tell that he would want nothing better than to take this burden away from her, but she chose it, and she must endure it.
“Valerie, you are strong enough to deal with this and live a happy life. Summon that strength that you know lies dormant in you,” he said sternly, yet lovingly.
I slowly started to fade the vision.
“Wait, don’t go! Will I ever see you again?” Valerie asked.
Alex wanted to tell her so much…but couldn’t.
“You will,” he added, much against his better judgment.
“When?”
“When you give birth to me.”
The borrowed knowledge from the Eternals faded from me, and Valerie’s dream ended.
“You said too much,” I told him.
Alex looked straight into my eyes with a determined look. “Right now she needs a reason to live, and without her I will never be.”
* * * * *
Chapter 34
After the dream, Valerie’s life seemed to take a turn for the better. The next day she spoke to her psychiatrist for the first time, and later on she joined an Art class that was being offered there. Much to her and our amazement, she was very talented. She was quickly able to learn the techniques that she was being taught and mastered them in about a week’s time.
She now filled her days drawing and painting, in a group or alone, in her room or out on the grounds. Her doctor wasted no time in using this to his advantage and quickly developed a treatment for her through art.
Meanwhile, Alex and I were called away to class, and we left her with the knowledge that she was on a path to recovery.
“Mmm…’Creativity.’ that sounds like an interesting class,” I mused.
“It sounds boring to me,” Alex complained, and then he frowned. “Wow, it’s weird having to talk again.”
I shook my head. “Why would you think that it’ll be a boring class? It sounds perfectly…Robyn!” I halted, with the sudden realization that I had forgotten all about her.
“What?” Alex asked and looked all around for signs of trouble. “What is it?”
“Robyn…I left her alone during the investigation!” I said, and then I tapped my calling stone and tried reaching her. “Robyn? This is Tess,” I whispered, not wanting to disturb her if she was busy. “Robyn, can you hear me?” I said a little louder, and still no response.
I looked at Alex with worry, but he didn’t seem worried at all. “She’s probably undercover and can’t talk,” he soothed as he wrapped his arm around me. Technically I was where the pendant was telling me to be, but I still worried that I had done something wrong in leaving her all alone.
“Alex!” Katie’s voice startled Alex out of the stupor that the “Creativity” class had him under.
“Shh…Katie, not so loud! I’m in class,” Alex whispered as he hurried out of the classroom, with me at his heels.
“Sorry,” Katie replied. “I just…you have to come! Dane is going to Texas right now. We have to make sure he meets Valerie! Or she’ll kill me in the next life,” she said with agitation.
“Texas is a big place, Katie. What makes you think we can even pull this off?” Alex replied.
“He is going to check out Baylor’s Med. School. Isn’t that where Valerie is going to school?” Katie said, straining her voice.
“I have no idea where she is going to school. She was in high school last time I checked,” Alex replied as we flew toward the Archives room and through Heaven’s door.
“Not anymore, I heard through another spirit who was up that way, that she was going to Baylor,” Katie said amid a loud engine sound.
“What’s that noise Katie?” I asked.
“Oh…that, well…I am hitching a ride on top of Dane’s plane.”
Alex and I looked at each other and exchanged puzzled looks.
“Any particular reason for riding on top?” Alex asked bemused.
“I like it?” she answered, and that’s all the explanation Katie had to give.
“OK. We’ll be right there,” Alex promised, and we were off again—to play matchmakers this time.
“Will you get in trouble for coming with me? I mean, I want you to come…” Alex asked.
I shrugged. “My pendant is not glowing,” I said, ignoring the tinge of guilt I felt over it. Truth was, if I was needed I would be called there…right?
I felt complete validation for my rationale the moment we landed on campus. Katie was there already, gliding next to Dane, who looked hilarious with longish hair parted down the middle, tight bell-bottoms, and extra pointy cowboy boots.
“I have an idea, but it’ll take some finagling,” Katie yelled as she made her way through the crowds of mortals and spirits.
We listened as Katie put forth this elaborate plan where animals and other creatures would be involved in bringing them together.
“Great plan, but we won’t need to use it,” I said to her.
Katie looked at me, puzzled. “Why not?”
“Look.” I pointed to a bench where Valerie was sitting, looking at her portfolio. Dane was walking straight toward the bench as he wrestled with the campus map and some other brochures.
“Oh good!” Katie exclaimed with delight. But her smile faded as she saw that both were looking down at their papers and that Dane would walk right past Valerie, and miss her altogether. Right then, Katie threw her hands up in the air and rushed to the side of a seeing-eye dog, and whispered something in its ear.
Upon hearing Katie’s instructions, the dog stood up and left his master’s side at full speed toward an unsuspecting Dane. Katie was flying right next to the dog shouting more commands in hopes that the dog would hear her and ignore his master, who was calling the runaway dog back.
Dane was oblivious to all the commotion that the dog—or the unseen Katie—was creating. Valerie, however, lifted her head and watched as the dog stopped at Dane’s fast moving feet tripping him to the ground, pamphlets flying in all directions and most of them landing at Valerie’s own feet. Dane’s nose was also at Valerie’s feet as he le
t out a groan.
Alex was laughing out loud and so was I. Meanwhile Katie was whispering something into the dog’s ear, and the blind man groped the air in front of him as he made his way to the scene.
“I’m so sorry,” the man kept exclaiming to Dane. “He’s never done this before. I don’t know what came over him!”
“Katie came over him!” Alex laughed.
Katie now went to Dane’s side and whispered, “Tell the man not to be mad at the dog.”
“I’m OK, don’t worry,” Dane told the blind man. “This type of thing actually happens to me quite often; the animal kingdom converges on me all the time.”
“Katie he could have gotten hurt!” Alex reproached, but he quickly realized that Katie and I were not paying any attention to him. We were happily gazing at Valerie—who at Dane’s comment burst out laughing. On hearing her, Dane looked up and saw Valerie for the first time in his mortal life.
The blind man kept apologizing to Dane, who was no longer listening to him. All he could see was Valerie, and all she could do was laugh, as she picked up her fallen portfolio drawings.
“Dane, snap out of it!” Katie demanded as she snapped her fingers together. “Say something!”
Dane obeyed her quick command and blinked a few times, then furrowed his brow. “Do I know you?” he stammered.
Valerie raised one suspicious eyebrow. “I don’t think so.”
Dane looked at the scattered paintings, and helped her gather them. “Are these yours? They are really good.”
“Thanks.”
As Valerie tried to get up, Dane hurried to his feet and offered her his hand and she took it. They exchanged pamphlets for drawings.
“Pretty chivalrous for bell-bottoms,” Alex teased.
“Dane listens to you very well,” I said to Katie.
“Yeah, most times. He is very sensitive, he puts everyone’s feelings before his own. But he has finally stood up to his father. That’s why he is here. He is putting some distance between himself and his parents.”
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