Dayspring had had to tell me what had happened to me when I was an intelligence. I didn’t remember then, but now...certain flashes of my previous existence were breaking through.
I remembered feeling trapped, like now…I remembered Agatha’s thoughts…our thoughts, like now—Agathess’s thoughts. I remembered hurting other intelligences, lesser ones—that would inhabit the bodies of animals.
Part of me—Agatha—was trying to keep them from evolving, she thought it was amusing. I couldn’t remain quiet…I wanted to be free of her and I wanted to help those poor intelligences. They couldn’t help themselves, they couldn’t understand like we could. They were suffering, I could feel it, and they didn’t know why.
This was too much. I broke away from her. We became two, the twins. But we were nothing alike, we were complete opposites. I tried to help those other intelligences, but I couldn’t, I was now too weak. I was missing a portion of my essence, I was now just as vulnerable as the rest, but I understood. They still didn’t. I bargained with her, I traded their freedom for my own captivity, she agreed, but it was horrible. She took pleasure in my misery.
I was so alone…all the time…I had nothing, no one. I experienced nothing, I felt nothing, and I saw nothing. I wanted to cease to exist, but I didn’t. I pleaded to the only source that could free me…that’s when They sent him…my Angel…my love—Alex.
He found me. He was the only other intelligence I had encountered since the lesser intelligences left. He stayed close by, where Agatha couldn’t sense him…but I could. Then the others who were with him, Celeste and Russell, they distracted her and he freed me.
They told me to fly as fast as I could. I did. They were faster, but they waited. She followed them, but was stopped, and I got away. It was Russell who stopped her, so the rest of us I could get away.
I didn’t see her again until I was formed and wandered off into that canyon. What made me go there…my curiosity or my subconscious?
Am I destined to live out my existence with her? Is she always going to be part of me?
“Your choices will dictate that, yours and hers,” They said, drowning out her voice, and restoring my peace. Even in this weird state that I was in, I could recognize the Eternals when they spoke to me. So…they were still aware of me, and they still cared.
“How?” I asked them.
I am not sure how, but I could swear that I felt them smile.
“It was a choice that separated you from her. You were never one, you were always two. A special two—attached. But you found the strength to separate, we watched and helped.
“It was a choice that Agatha made, that kept you and her together here and now. The many choices that are to follow will determine how this ends, or continues.” They came forward, glowing out of the darkness…they were smiling and had their arms outstretched. I went to them and they held me—and I felt it! A hug! I felt the pressure of their arms around me, the tapping of one hand on my back. I felt the warmth of their bodies warming mine, and I felt loved, completely loved.
“One more thing…” they whispered in my ear. “The Veil does not erase memories, it blocks them. Your knowledge, your memories, they will always be yours. When you are ready you will be able to retrieve them,” they said, now looking intently into my eyes. Then they were gone, but the memory stayed. I could still feel the warmth of their arms in the spots where they had touched me. I could still remember the pressure of the embrace.
“Co…mm..ss…hee…not…ick… Ple…sss…here…” I heard in my head.
“listen…mee” I was not completely sure, but that sounded like Alex.
“Tess…Tess?” Alex’s beautiful smiling face was before me. Dorian was a ways off holding Agatha who had her arms bound behind her back.
I felt confused. The room was dimly lit and felt cramped. There were hollow sounding murmurs coming from all directions.
I had a lot of questions, but I threw myself into Alex’s arms, and found contentment there. His ability to find me…now I knew. It was a gift,a wonderful gift from the Eternals. They made a way for him to find me, so I wouldn’t be lost and alone. They gave us this unusual gift so that we could survive whatever we would be asked to endure.
Somehow they knew we would love each other…or maybe we love each other because of this gift. It didn’t matter. He was here now, like he was there then, like he will be in the next life and the next…and forever.
* * * * *
Chapter 40
Agatha got in trouble—major trouble. Not only with the High Council, but with the Eternals, and to make matters worse, with her own Fallen Angels. She swore to her followers that she was set up, but they don’t believe her. I do, because I can read auras and hers is a bright shade of livid. All the Fallen Angels think that she put them all under the effects of the game in order to get more training herself, thus hampering their own evolution. Funny, how they had no qualms about doing that to the rest of us, but when it was they that were wasting their own training time…then it was different. Eugenia was the main instigator of this feeling—no doubt she was behind the set up—but I wasn’t about to say anything.
Agatha’s days as the leader of the Fallen Angels were over, and she hated me all the more for it. Somehow I was to blame for her undoing. She even lost Eros, he left soon after he was found in the cavern, and they didn’t leave on the best of terms, though I am convinced that in spite of all of this, he is in love with her. Strange…these spirits are so full of hatred, yet some of them still have a little room for love in them.
Dayspring says that none of the spirits who chose to come to mortality are all bad. She says that we all have great potential for goodness, and that the Veil is the best way to ensure equal footing in the next life.
I finally got to meet Suy, briefly though, because he had to leave immediately. I also had a long chat with Robyn, where I apologized profusely for leaving her alone. She insisted that it wasn’t my fault, but I will never forgive myself for that. Apparently we had been standing next to each other when they had us hooked to those things, and that is why I sensed her and why I saw her in my own dream crying. I tried to get her to talk about it, but she wouldn’t, so I let it go. Eventually, she and Katie got to know each other well and the two of them are best friends now.
I told Alex and Dorian all about my experience while I was hooked up to that game thing, and how I remembered the whole rescue mission Alex, Celeste, and Russell, exacted when we were intelligences. Alex said he remembered something along those lines, and said Russell was the one who organized the rescue. He worked his first miracle then, and never even knew it.
The next thing on my ‘to do’ list, is a meeting with the High Council about my future. Everyone has one of these meetings. Alex just had his. He says it was very…enlightening. I tried to get him to tell me more about it, but he said we weren’t supposed to tell. It’s OK. I’ll find out soon enough. At least I go to this meeting with a new understanding of who I am, and I have a new sense of trust and confidence that I didn’t have before. Maybe what Agatha intended for harm, actually turned out to be for my own good. Perhaps that is how the Eternals work. It would seem that they let bad things happen, yet they use those things as a means for teaching us. There is a great sense of accomplishment in knowing that you just survived something hard, and came out of it alright. This gives me hope for my next life.
The High Council’s court is on top of a mountain, on an island that overlooks the Pacific Ocean. Only those who have business there go to the island, there are no training facilities, just the large building and a lot of beautiful mossy gardens. And through these Dayspring and I walked extensively as we waited for my turn with the High Council.
“What exactly do you talk about in there?”
“You get to choose your path in life,” she said as she lazily swished her tail.
I stared. “You mean I get to choose how my life goes?”
“Don’t you wish!” she laughed. “It’s more li
ke…well…you’ve heard mortals talk about destiny, right? They often say that they feel like they are destined for something or other,” she said, pausing under the shade of a large-leafed tree.
“Yeah, I’ve heard them say that.”
“Well, they do because of this meeting. You will decide the possible course of your life. The Eternals are linked to the High Council, and they use their abilities as seers to show you the direction your life might take. It all depends on your decisions, of course, but you will be shown two possible roads your life might take, given two possible circumstances. Then they will show you the possible outcomes of either path. You choose the one you think you want to do.” Dayspring straightened her dreads, and I was struck once more by her poise and beauty; hers was not just a superficial beauty, it was a deep beauty, one that shone from the inside outward.
“I would like to be like you…” I thought, and of course, she discerned my thoughts and smiled.
“It does depend on your choices while you are alive,” she continued, “but let’s say that you make all the right choices…which path would you rather walk? The easier path, or the harder path?” she asked cryptically.
“Doesn’t everyone choose the easier path?”
“Some, but not all.”
“Well that’s silly, why would anyone willingly choose a harder path if they could help it?”
“I chose the harder path, it made me who I am,” she said, with a significant look.
I considered that for a moment, and then my name was called.
There were twelve of them. I knew them all, they had been the ones that reprimanded Celeste and I when we got in trouble for crashing another planet’s spirit world—one of Celeste’s bright ideas.
They greeted me. Some were smirking, remembering that incident.
“Please step up, step up, Tess. Make yourself comfortable,” one of them said. He was a particularly short spirit and his head barely cleared the bench.
“You’ve been staying out of trouble I trust?” he asked and chuckled as he did so. A few other spirits joined him.
I smiled and assured them I had.
“Very well, let’s begin.” As soon as he said this an image appeared in between us. The image was three dimensional and it was me, as a child.
“Who do you want to be, Tess?” one of the High councilors asked.
I shrugged and looked over at Dayspring who frowned at me. “I…I want to be me?” I said, not knowing what to say.
“A wise choice. You have, after all, accomplished much here,” the short one mused, as if my answer had great philosophical value.
“I would like to spend my life with Alex…and Dorian,” I added for good measure.
“Yes, we know about Alex. Don’t worry, he made sure of that already.”
I flood of relief rushed through me. “In that case…I don’t much care.”
I noticed one of them raised an eyebrow, and next to my image, appeared another—Agatha’s.
“Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. I guess I didn’t…”
“She doesn’t have to be in your life, but she should,” another one said.
I could tell that they could see things I could not, their eyes were tracking as if there were moving figures in front of them, and only I couldn’t see them.
“Why?” I asked, and then Dorian appeared in the image as well, he was thin and tall for his age, but still Dorian.
“You said you wanted Dorian in your life?”
“Yes.”
Suddenly Agatha’s image disappeared, now it was only me and Dorian. I was holding him in my arms, we were both crying, but I could tell that I was consoling him. Something pulled at my heartstrings, and I yearned to help him.
“This prophesy has been given,” one of them said.
“It will be fulfilled,” assured another.
“Do you accept this challenge, Tess?” one of them looked intently at me.
“Yes!” I said firmly. I didn’t have all the details, but I knew I would be there for Dorian. He was counting on me and I would never let him down.
Another image appeared, it was me again, I was walking down a hallway, and then I made a quick turn into what looked like a classroom. I turned my head as soon as I entered and there he was. A young version of Alex, he sensed my presence and lifted his head. Our eyes met…we couldn’t look away…we knew…
Another image, this time it’s that of Agatha. She is down on the floor, she looks hurt, she is bleeding. She was pushed by someone…Amanda! I tap Amanda’s shoulder and tell her something, and she looks murderously angry with me. Agatha looks puzzled and gets up from the floor, she rushes to Amanda’s side and knocks her down.
The High Council shake their heads in clear disapproval, but say nothing. Then they continue to see things I don’t.
“It’s your choice, Tess, we would never ask you to put up with her,” one of them said.
“But Tess will be a completely different person if she does not take this challenge,” another one said and looked at me for a second opinion.
“How am I supposed to choose which Tess I want to be?” I asked, exasperated.
“It all comes back to the first question, who do you want to be, Tess?”
“Can I be given some examples?” I asked timidly.
“Certainly,” the short one said with a smile. “The challenges you will face while dealing with Agatha will teach you to be independent, tough, decisive, sure of yourself. Without her you might end up…weaker, timid, and dependent on others for your own happiness.”
“Regretful,” another High Councilor added, then he pointed to the images in between us and I saw me. I was laughing and running down a sandy shore, Luz was chasing me. Amor and Paz were sitting on a blanket surrounded by food. We looked happy.
“Dorian will not be there,” the short High Councilor said. “You are his link to her.” He pointed to Luz.
Thoughts of Dorian reassuring me that we would help each other, came to me. Then another picture came up, it was me clinging to Alex with uncertainty. Now the images started moving faster and faster, but I saw them all. Alex loved me, but regarded me as a child, he took care of me, but I was weak and had to be coddled. I didn’t want that, I wanted to be strong and independent.
They seemed to read my mind. “It will come with a price, perhaps a heavy price,” one of the High Councilors said.
“How heavy?” I asked.
“Sorrow is a good teacher, tough, but good.”
“That doesn’t answer my…” I started to say, but Dayspring shot me a warning look.
“Loneliness is also a good teacher,” said another.
“But you already know a little about that?”
I thought about my experience with loneliness and did not recommend it—not even to my future self.
“It will be worse than that,” another said, discerning my thoughts again.
Another image appeared, it was Alex, he was young…a teenager. I was crying, my face buried in my hands. I could feel the utter misery I felt. He approached, puzzled, he didn’t know how he found me, but he got down on one knee and put his arms around me—and I was safe.
“I’ll do it!” I said again. “If he is going to be there, I’ll do it.”
I turned to look at Dayspring who shrugged her shoulders. “This is your life,” she mouthed.
I turned back to the High Council and the image had changed. Alex and I looked as we do now—we were on a boat sailing, the sky blended with the ocean, his arms encircled me—we were happy.
“Not all will be pain, you will have much joy.”
My mind was made up, I nodded once and the image disappeared.
“A path has been preordained,” the one in the center declared and tapped the mallet.
* * * * *
Chapter 41
Dayspring and I headed to the Herald and Sentinel headquarters in Antarctica. There were several new spirits who were being initiated, in much the same way we had been—by way of a
snowball fight.
“Doesn’t it get old?” I asked Dayspring.
“Not to them.” She laughed. “Unsuspecting recruits are always fun for them.”
Amid the newcomers were Dorian and Alex, who as veterans, were trying to help them win the fight. They had gotten some good moves in, but the Cherubs’ abilities were no match, even for Dorian who could see what their next move would be. Alex was a good strategist and had improved a lot, but Kerubiel had a lifetime of fighting under his belt, and Alex…well…he didn’t stand a chance.
Dayspring and I chose to watch the match from a safe distance. The great white expanse had a mountain range and we watched from one of the closer peeks. I turned to look at Dayspring with a sudden jerk of my head. She didn’t mean for her thoughts to get away from her, and she quickly reeled them in, shooting me a warning look in the process.
I raised my eyebrows, surprised at the thoughts I had just heard. She intensified her glare and made it look more alarming than ever, she might have even growled a little—I couldn’t quite tell.
I decided to put some distance between us, but she nearly pounced on me when I started to move—so I stayed. Then, changing her mind, she grabbed me by the elbow and dragged me away from the sight of exulting Cherubs, who had apparently won—again.
“If you say anything…” she warned through gritted teeth.
“Who am I going to tell? Besides, pretty soon I’ll forget everything and everyone I have ever known. Your secret is safe with me,” I assured her.
She didn’t respond, she just looked at me with intensity.
“I don’t understand, why don’t you tell him?”
“Tell him!” she snapped. “Are you crazy? What good would that do?”
“He might feel the same way,” I suggested. “He has no mate right?”
“Lots of Seraphs and Cherubs have no mates. It doesn’t mean anything.” She looked down, her anger had passed and all she felt now was misery.
“I know I don’t have much experience with these matters…” I began.
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