“You have to join us then,” Kristin declares scandalously. If any other girl invited him into the pool while naked, I would have given her a Vulcan death-grip, but it’s Kristin, whom I trust wholeheartedly. I expect Taylor to politely decline, but he shrugs and then starts to unbutton his shirt. I lean over to Kristin and whisper, “brace yourself,” in her ear.
Taylor removes his shirt and then pulls his undershirt overhead. He slips off his pants. The vague outline of his penis is visible once he removes his boxer briefs. Watching him from a distance, being just a spectator to his statuesque physique instantly makes me horny and giddy. At this moment, I realize this scene is only unfolding in front of us because Kristin and I have polished off most of a bottle of wine. As for Taylor, this side of him is a surprise to me, and it excites me thoroughly. He dives into the water and disappears for a few moments, popping up in front of me. I let out a yell and he picks me up out of the water, then throws me a surprisingly long distance.
“See, I know how to play,” he says, swimming towards the edge of the pool to steal my wine.
I look over to Kristin, who hooks her hand over her mouth and mouths an, “oh my god,” to me as she points to his flawless, bare ass. I smirk and nod in agreement. “I’m going to get another bottle,” Taylor says, pulling out of the pool, his muscular upper back dripping wet and gleaming in the moonlight as he walks, completely to my surprise, butt-naked into the house. It is completely lit and through its glass facade, his naked body is completely visible to us.
“I cannot believe him,” I say, shaking my head in disbelief.
“It’s fine by me,” Kristin says with a smirk.
“Oh shut up!” I say as I splash her. She and I are engaged in a vigorous splash fight by the time Taylor comes back.
“It’s like a cheesy soft porn,” he says, sliding back in. He fills his glass all the way to the top, which strikes me as unusual, but perhaps like me, he feels the very strong need to unwind. “So whose idea was it to skinny dip?”
“Me…” Kristin, raises her hand hesitantly.
“I have an idea.” Taylor says. I know from the tone in his voice, he means trouble.
“What?” I ask with an eyebrow raised.
“Have you ever dropped E?”
“Ecstasy?” Kristin pops in.
“Yeah.”
“No,” I say and the exact same time as Kristin says “yeah.”
“Well have you?” I ask Taylor in disbelief.
“Yeah.”
“I thought you never did drugs.”
“E is different. You don’t feel altered. You just feel happy. I mean I do it once every couple of years. It just seems fitting tonight.”
“I’m down,” Kristin says.
“You guys…really?” I ask again in disbelief.
“He’s right, it’s not like shrooms or anything else, you don’t feel out of it. You should at least try it once. Come on, you’ve smoked weed.”
“My grandma does weed. I’ve never popped pills. I don’t know.”
“No pressure, doll.” He says, taking a swig of wine. I give Taylor a strange look, I don’t recognize him right now.
“Hey-oh!” Another male voice comes from the pool deck. What the fuck is Henry doing here?
“Henry! What are you going here?” I ask.
“I invited him,” Taylor interjects. There is officially some tomfoolery amidst.
“Oh…well okay. Um, Kristin, this is Henry. Henry, Kristin.”
“I have the goods,” he says, pulling a small baggie from his pocket. Taylor had this planned before ever mentioning it to us. Without skipping a beat, Henry rips his clothes off. This night has taken a wildly unexpected turn.
Taylor turns to me and leans into my ear. “You don’t have to do anything, but it would please me greatly if you did. Remember what I said about giving you unimaginable pleasure?” As soon as he pulls away, Kristin pops a pill.
“Kristin!” I say.
“What?” she shrugs innocently. Taylor is next. Now I am the only one not doing it.
“Come on Shyla, we wouldn’t make you do anything that wasn’t great. You can’t be the only one not rolling.” Kristin says.
Under the water, Taylor places his hand on my ass and gives it a hearty squeeze. I’m too old for this shit. “Okay, but if I like start to think I am an eagle or some shit, I am going to be so fucking pissed at you guys.” They all laugh, and Henry hands me a pill. This is my first time seeing him since the “elevator pitch,” when he drunkenly tried to make out with me in St. Petersburg, and there is some residual awkwardness. I wash the pill down with wine and expect some sort of instantaneous, magical effect, but there is nothing.
“This is it?” I ask the group.
“Give it a bit,” Henry says through a smile. We decide unanimously to spend some time in the hot tub. As we walk over, I lean into Kristin’s ear and whisper “I am so going to kill you for this.” She gives me an innocent shrug and slides into the hot tub.
Taylor sits next to me with his arm around my shoulders. Henry and Kristin sit on the opposite side, but at a comfortable distance from each other. I quickly come to the conclusion that Taylor is trying to set them up and I want to be furious with him, but for some reason, I just can’t. Then I look at Henry, and I am filled with an overwhelming sense of love and forgiveness. Out of nowhere, I blurt out “Henry, I just want you to know that I think you are an awesome beautiful human being. There is no awkwardness, and I completely forgive you. I love you. I love you guys.” There is half a second of silence where Taylor, Kristin, and Henry look at each other awkwardly and then they all burst out into laughter.
“You’re rolling out of your mind!” Henry says in an especially jubilant manner.
“I am? — I am!” Suddenly the world feels like a beautiful, limitless place, full of wonder and love. I feel so…so…happy. Unadulterated euphoria; I don’t think I’ve felt like this since Christmas morning as a child. And while I know I took a drug, it feels so real, I don’t feel like I’m on anything at all. I can genuinely say I love everyone from the bottom of my heart. The world is a perfect place right now.
Henry addresses my statement. “Thank you and I’m sorry, and I love you too. I love Taylor like a brother and I am happy that you two are together.” We are in a supernova of love, riding on a space-unicorn into a cloud of cotton candy. The next hour or so, it might have been two hours, because time seems to move independently from us, consists of us singing and taking turns jumping into the pool and the hot tub. During this time, I notice Henry and Kristin becoming more and more comfortable with each other. Instead of wanting to stop her, or talk some sense into her, I want them to continue, to share their love and beauty with each other. It all seems so harmless. How can spreading these wonderful feelings be a bad thing? Finally, I spot them, together in the hot tub, making out.
“Taylor, oh my god, look!” I point.
“I know,” he says with a big smile. “Not sure why I didn’t think of it sooner.” Taylor leans in and kisses me. I feel so much a part of him, as if we are the two lovers in Klimt’s “The Kiss”. I get so hot, so horny. After a while, Taylor stops me. “Looks like things have escalated,” he whispers. Laying on one of the outdoor beds on the deck, under the moonlight, Henry’s head is in between Kristin’s legs.
“Oh my god!” I let out one of those shout-whispers. “He’s going down on her!”
“They’ll probably end up fucking.”
“This is bad,” I say. “Chad.”
“Oh they’ll be fine. They’re just having a little fun. Kristin and Chad just started seeing each other. Watch.” Taylor says, turning me so that I am sitting between his legs with my back to him. We watch in silence as Taylor glides his hand down my belly under the water, and begins to fiddle with my clit.
“This is so bad.” I say.
“Shhh…” He whispers into my ear. “There’s no such thing if it makes you feel good.”
I moan as he plays
with me. It surprises me how attractive I find Henry’s body as he thrusts into Kristin, but I’m not sure if it’s me or the E thinking that. Taylor softly kisses my neck, one hand fondling my breasts, the other massaging my lips. Such a simple act feels outrageously pleasurable. I’m not sure why. Is it because I’m rolling? Is it because this is so naughty? Is it the presence of the two really good-looking naked men? Taylor bites my earlobe and tugs on it with his teeth just slightly. Henry and Kristin seem to have no idea that we are watching and are very much into their own sexual adventure. In an effort to keep our little secret I presume, Taylor covers my mouth so that when I come, the sounds of my moans are muffled. I didn’t think it was possible, but I feel even more joyous, more bold. I turn to Taylor.
“I want to see you touch yourself. I want to see you hold your dick and make yourself come.” I beg.
Taylor cocks his head. “Oh really?”
“Yes, something about you holding your dick is so hot.”
“Come on,” he says, guiding me out of the water and into the pool house. “Lie on your back, keep your legs spread. I want to see your pussy.” I lay down, obeying his commands. “Spread the lips open, I want to see the ripe, pink flesh.”
“Okay,” I bite my lip.
He stands over me. From this angle can fully admire his chiseled, long torso, and his thickness as he grips it with his large hand. He begins to jerk himself as he rolls his eyes back for a moment. Then he stares at my naked body like a hungry animal, with every second his breathing becomes shallower. Finally, his knees become weak.
“You look so fucking hot right now baby. Your cock looks so hard and thick. Come on my pussy, let your load out on it.” I keep the lips spread open, ready to catch his cum.
He drops to his knees so that his dick is level with my groin and lets out a deep sigh as he comes all over it, releasing an especially large load. I think he’s done, but he takes it a step further.
“Taste it,” he says. I hesitate for a moment, but then I take my index finger, and run it along my labia. Then I place my entire finger in my mouth and slowly suck it to the tip. “Mmmm.” I say with a smirk, biting my lower lip. Taylor collapses to my side with a huge smile.
“I love it when you act slutty with me. See, I told you you wouldn’t regret it.”
***
The feeling of complete and utter lowness I feel when I open my eyes the next morning is only amplified by the incredible heights I was soaring the night before. None of it was real. I will never feel that completely relieved of burden, of pain, or doubt. It was all just a magical little pill, a chemical reaction. Taylor is not by my side; I peek my head out of the pool house and Kristin and Henry are no longer there. My clothes lay on a chair in the pool house, it seems Taylor was kind enough to spare me the embarrassment of trying to find them in broad daylight. Sluggishly, I pull myself out of the pool area and walk past the sliding glass doors into the great room. If yesterday felt like a unicorn was shooting me out of its ass, today it feels like I am attending that unicorn’s funeral. Taylor is reheating leftovers on the range.
“Hi,” I say groggily.
“Good morning,” Taylor says, almost formally. It seems he too is no longer floating in the cloud of universal love.
“Where is everyone?”
“They were gone when I woke up. I think we fell asleep around four in the morning.”
“Fuck, I cannot believe Kristin and Henry hooked up. I have to call her. I feel like total ass. Like a five-foot-plus turd. Do you?”
“Well I am a little down from yesterday. It hits some people harder than others.”
“I feel really depressed, and stupid. Really, really, stupid. The shit I was saying last night. It wasn’t me. You didn’t say as much stupid shit.”
“I comport myself differently is all. Trust me, I felt it. It’s actually nice to feel joy the way other people do. At the same time, it’s a great reminder that what we feel is really just a constellation of neurochemicals acting in concert.”
“How romantic of you. Seriously, I feel like I hate myself.”
“Eat something. Chill out today. You’ll be fine. You had fun, that’s the kind of fun you would have if you had no inhibitions. It’s nice to experience that once in a while.”
“I’m not sure how I feel about you plotting out Kristin and Henry.”
“That was all them, I simply didn’t want her to feel like the third wheel and since Henry is so affable, I thought he would make for good company. Henry mentioned he had the goods, but I never set the expectation that he was going to get laid. I’m not surprised though, they’re both outgoing, attractive people. They’re both adults Shy, don’t put that on me.”
“Where did you go last night? I know that wasn’t business.”
“You’re in a funk.” He turns to put some food on a plate.
“You’re dodging the question.”
“Considering your current mood, it might not be the best time to talk about anything.”
“Well now you have to tell me!”
Taylor’s face suddenly drops and becomes very serious. I know that look and he only reserves it for painful news.
“You sure you want to hear this?”
“You know me well enough to know the answer. Spit it out.”
“So, like you asked, I had someone look into Em.” There he goes again, calling her Em. Vomit. “Actually, it was Harrison, he knew I had company over, so he didn’t want to walk in and tell me, he called instead so we could step away for a bit and talk it over.”
“Tell you what? What is it Taylor?”
Taylor takes a deep breath. “Em is dead,” he says, looking down at the kitchen counter, trying his best to avoid my eyes.
CHAPTER SIX
“She’s dead? How?”
“Car accident. Drunk driving. A few months ago.”
“Oh my god. She was drunk driving?”
“Yes.”
My mind races. Maybe there is some validity in Eric’s claim that I check out her story. On the other hand, it seems Taylor is being honest about what happened to her, I mean death is a worst-case scenario.
“And you didn’t know that she died before yesterday?”
“Of course not, no idea until yesterday. I’ve had no contact with her since we parted ways, like I have said countless times.”
“So you found out this news and then you decided to have a pool party?”
“I’m not sure what you’re getting at with that question. I wasn’t celebrating her death with a pool party.”
“Your ex-girlfriend is dead and it’s like nothing happened. You don’t even care.” I realize, it might not be so much that I care about how he feels about her, but that I have always feared that I could be the next Emily Brown.
“She’s not my ex-girlfriend, at least not in the conventional sense. And if you must know, I did find the news upsetting, but what was I supposed to do? Walk in crying? Begging for hugs from you and Kristin? You know me better than that.”
“I don’t know, maybe show some human sympathy?” I say.
“People deal with death in different ways and you should know not to expect a typical reaction from me by now. You were having fun, you looked relaxed. It was nice to see that after what you’ve been through. I figured waiting to tell you was a good idea. You had fun last night, didn’t you?”
“Any fun I had was because I had no idea that Emily was dead.”
“You didn’t even know Emily and she’s been dead for months now. Maybe you should step out of yourself for a second and think about how the people who actually knew her felt.”
“You felt good enough to watch your best friend fuck my best friend. My god, what the fuck did we do last night?”
“Aw, now you’re going to get all self-righteous on me? No one put a gun to your head. You were begging me to cum on you.”
“No, but everyone was begging me to do the E.”
“That included Kristin, who seemed to be enjoying he
rself.”
“Don’t talk about her!”
“I’m not judging her. I think what she did was totally fine. You’re the one freaking out!” Taylor says in frustration.
Eric’s claim replays in my head: You know you’re slowly changing, to be the person that can fix him, but you can’t…you may think the person you are becoming is by choice, but nothing around Taylor happens by choice.
“What did you do to her?” I ask.
“Who are you talking about? Kristin?”
“Emily. What did you do to her?”
“You need to watch what you are about to say next Shyla. There are things that cannot be taken back once you say them.”
“I don’t mean that you killed her, but you changed her, didn’t you?”
“Are you saying I drove her to drink and drive to her death? It was a freak accident.”
“I don’t know, but Eric—“
“Eric? Do tell, what did Eric say?” Taylor asks sarcastically, throwing his arms up in the air. “It’s enough that I looked her up based on his bullshit suggestion to you. I cannot believe you are about to quote him. I mean, if you are trying to somehow prove to yourself that I have a heart by breaking it, then go ahead, say you believe what Eric has told you about me.”
Something about the last thing he says, the vulnerability in it, stops me in my tracks. What am I doing? I am reacting hysterically. I steeple my fingers over my lips and take a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I should have never brought Eric into this, that was low of me. I don’t know what I was thinking. I think I have just had more than I can handle as far as emotional stress, and each thing that happens seems to rattle me easier than the one before it. You’re right, I didn’t even know Emily and she had a life after you. To even think of blaming you is wrong. It’s ridiculous.” It seems my words have come a little too late into the conversation. His eyes look haunted, I should feel some sort of power being the only person who can hurt him, but instead I feel like an enormous asshole. “Taylor, I don’t feel like myself right now. I mean it, I think my brain chemistry is fucked up from the E.”
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