Breathless

by Sarah Sanders

  Having exited with diva-like drama, without consciously thinking about it, Sonny found her feet walking towards Lara’s house. Her steps slowed down as she drew closer and began thinking about what she was doing. She turned around abruptly and walked away only to turn back and return with purpose…and repeat the manoeuvre…

  ******

  Mornings had never felt so long.

  Lara had gotten out of bed at six as usual after having spent the night reliving every word, every touch, every expression, every emotion of the previous day in excruciating detail – repeatedly. She’d never felt so alive. So awaiting the next day. She didn’t lay around thinking of the things she needed to do today, the next milestone she wanted to reach and carefully plan the steps she needed to take to reach that milestone. She simply wanted to flow into the day. Just be present in this pocket of time with Sonny. No yesterdays or tomorrows to mar the perfection of today.

  She’d exercised for two hours. Swum for an hour. Finished her breakfast. While having breakfast, she’d had a con-call with her manager, agent and PR person about giving her disappearance a whole backpacking-incognito-across-Europe spin. Had another quick conversation with her agent about work (no worthwhile scripts coming in, but the talks with the French-Canadian production were progressing and they wanted to set up a meeting soon). Touched base with her folks (who didn’t know what all had happened in her life or where she was now holed away) and had an upbeat-sounding conversation of all’s-well with them.

  Now at ten-thirty, she was beside herself. She literally felt she was out of her skin with wanting to go to Sonny’s place. I don’t know where she lives, Lara thought with surprise. She picked up her phone to send Sonny a good morning message and stopped short – we don’t have each other’s numbers she mentally hit her head. I can ask Vic…sure, run with that excuse to go and park yourself at pqrst and wait for Sonny.

  Feeling like she was maybe thirteen in the throes of her first crush, opening the door just in time to see Sonny turn around and walk away. Lara’s heart took flight with happiness at the sight of Sonny. By the time Lara reached the gate and could see the entire road outside, Sonny was in the turning-around-and-walking-to-Lara’s-purposefully part of her manoeuvre.

  Sonny slowed down self-consciously when she saw Lara walking towards her. Fortunately her skin was not prone to blushing or she’s have been flaming red. Lara walked towards her at an even pace with a smile that was a complex mixture of knowing, relief, amusement and joy.

  Unhesitatingly Lara walked into Sonny’s arms and kissed her. What started out as a good morning kiss moved further than expected – very fast.

  “Hi,” Lara breathed heavily pulling back.

  “Good morning,” Sonny smiled.

  “Out for a morning walk?”…a knowing grin.

  “Maybe,”…wrinkling the nose.

  “So you’re much more active and have healthier habits than you let on, hmm?”…grinning wider.

  “Right? Who knew?”…with an answering grin.

  “You crazy person…I missed you too…I was on my way to peakrest to find you.”

  “Oh thank God! I was feeling fourteen pacing in front of your house,”…heaving a relieved sigh, eyes twinkling.

  “Why didn’t you just come in?”

  “I thought you’d be busy…exercising, making calls…”

  “Sonny, I’m never going to be too busy for you,”…an implacably serious note.

  “And if you are doing something, maybe it will be okay for me to just hang around?”

  “Deal,”…a soft kiss. “So which way should be go…peakrest, my place or somewhere else?”

  “Anything you feel like doing?”

  “Yes…being with you.”

  “Would it be okay to see a movie?”

  A smile of agreement.

  “One of yours?”

  “Seriously? You want to see one of my movies?”

  “Is that okay?”

  “More than okay. I just didn’t think you’d want to.”

  “Why wouldn’t I want to?”

  “I thought you didn’t want to deal with some parts of me,”…a small voice laced with uncertainty.

  Sonny bracketed Lara’s face within her palms. “Why would you be okay with someone wanting to deal with only parts of you? You deserve someone who is interested and invested in all of you. Lara, I want to know all of you. I want a relationship with all of you, not just parts of you. Please don’t doubt that in any way or accept anything less.”

  Lara blinked back unbidden tears pricking behind her eyes and gave Sonny a watery smile. “Thank you,” she whispered. Sonny kissed her…and kissed her…and kissed her.

  “Yeah, okay…we seriously need to go somewhere indoors,” Sonny finally broke the kiss and rested her forehead against Lara’s.

  “My place,” Lara said decisively.

  ******

  Lara’s body of work was vast and varied. Sonny didn’t know what to pick and Lara couldn’t decide where to start. Matt and Sam weighed in and advised a light semi-com coming-of-age movie. Tay’s house had a mini-theatre and they settled in there to watch it from Netflix.

  Sonny was blown by Lara’s talent. Typical of Indian movies, songs and dances punctuated the film and Lara was the embodiment of magic. She just became the character and Sonny laughed, cried, hurt, ranted and got enraged along with the character.

  When the movie ended, Lara switched off the projector and switched on the lights. She looked at Sonny, eyes wide with questions. “So…?”

  “You are unbelievable…” Sonny was stumped for descriptors.

  “You liked the movie?”

  “No…I loved it. And sign me up as your biggest fan in the world. You are stunning.”

  Lara’s face lit up with happiness and she hugged Sonny. “I’m so glad you want to see this part of me too,” she said emotionally into Sonny’s ear.

  “You’re kidding, right? You are fantastic.”

  Lara drew back, “Fan, hmm?” she gave Sonny her patented under-the-lashes look which was shy and siren-like at the same time.

  “Let’s just say that if I had seen your movies before I met you, I’d be a stuttering star-struck mess when we met.”

  Lara laughed, “You can never be that.”

  “I am a star-struck stuttering mess with you, Lara…and not just about your movie-star persona,” Sonny said softly, pinning Lara with an intense gaze.

  “I am star struck by you too,” Lara returned the intensity upping it with stark earnestness.

  ******

  “Your yoga is not going to make the cut if I keep eating like this,” Sonny groaned after yet another large, heavy and finger-lickingly delicious meal created by Matt.

  “You could just sleep it off,” Lara eyed Sonny with amusement.

  “Yeah…that will just make me balloon even more.”

  “Sonny, do you have a problem with your weight?” Lara asked getting serious.

  “Ummm…”

  “I’m asking because you didn’t seem like you did.”

  “Hotness, nobody in this world wants to be fat,” Sonny stated.

  “Okaaaay…” Lara dragged out the word inviting Sonny to continue.

  “Like with everything else in my life, I’ve been okay with my weight, though secretly I want to be lean and ripped,” Sonny spoke with a lightness that covered her truth. Someone less observant than Lara wouldn’t have caught how deeply Sonny meant this. Sonny looked at Lara and added seriously, “Now I want to do something about it.”

  “Is it something I said or did?” Lara asked.

  “Of course not…”

  “Good…because honestly I see you as perfect,” Lara said sincerely.

  “I don’t want you to be put off by me,” Sonny’s voice was barely above a whisper as she looked away.

  “Sonny,” Lara called softly.

  “Hmm?”…not making eye contact.

  Lara got up and knelt beside Sonny’s chair. She looked up
into Sonny’s eyes. “You know how madly I am attracted to you, right?”

  When Sonny’s answer was a barely perceptible single uncertain nod of her head, Lara got up and straddled Sonny which forced Sonny to look at Lara in her face.

  “Now tell me…do you or do you not know just how madly I am attracted to you?” Lara smiled sweetly.

  “Maybe…” Sonny’s eyes still held insecurity.

  “This is possibly the most uncomfortable place in this house at this moment with food and china an inch away from us and with Matt’s and Sam’s eyes peeled on us from somewhere, but if you kiss me right now, Sonny, you’ll know just how wildly attracted I am to you,” Lara said gently, holding Sonny’s face in her hands.

  Sonny wrapped her arms around Lara, splaying her fingers across Lara’s back, desire flaring in her eyes. “Never with an audience. Only I get to see you like that,” she said possessively. “But I can still try to lose weight and get fitter, right?”

  “If you want to get fitter and feel healthier, I’m the girl for you…I’ve spent a lifetime learning all about dietetics and exercise,” Lara smiled with heart-breaking sweetness. “And maybe I should get off you before we break this designer chair,” she placed a quick kiss on Sonny’s nose and stood up holding out her hand for Sonny. Sonny held Lara’s hand, got up and held her just drinking her in.

  “Damn, Sonny…this going slow business…I think it sucks,” Lara said eyelids growing heavy. “I think we should revisit that idea.”

  “Let’s revisit it in the evening…I have a video call in twenty minutes,” Sonny however couldn’t help leaning in to kiss Lara – all slow, sensuous and thorough which had Lara melting into her.

  “Right…now leave me like this,” Lara complained.

  “Come back and pick you up at four? We can do the yoga thing at peakrest.”

  ******

  Around four-fifteen in the afternoon Sonny and Lara strolled into pqrst hand-in-hand.

  “If it isn’t Glinda who’s miraculously making a person out of a pillar of placid – Transformer and Transforming...Cocoon and Caterpillar,” Vic’s cheerful voice hailed them.

  Lara burst into tinkling laughter as Sonny scowled at an unapologetic Vic. “Did you just call me a caterpillar?” Sonny’s voice held mock outrage, but Lara sensed an underlying real irritation in her. Lara looked at Sonny studying her expression and body language, picking the unspoken, the controlled and the unexpressed. Her mind flashed to Sonny’s discomfort about crushing grapes and to the conversation when Sonny agreed to doing yoga with her only if Lara promised not to laugh at her.

  “Yeaah,” Vic could’ve just as well have said ‘duh’, “You’re still on your way to becoming a butterfly, ergo: caterpillar.”

  “Vic writes fiction,” Sonny told Lara, “and clearly there are some impressive creative juices flowing around right now.”

  “Are you writing something now?” Lara asked Vic.

  “No…right now I am crying over and totally hearting this Most Amazing Book Ever Written,” Vic held up the book In the Silences somehow managing to verbalise capitals while talking. “Wassup with you guys?”

  “We’re going to do some yoga.”

  “Seriously? Sonny? Yoga?” Vic chortled totally entertained.

  “Go suck a lemon, Vic,” Sonny threw out and once again Lara caught her veiled disquiet.

  Vic burst out laughing. “Sonny, you can’t be so totally retro and uncool with your cussing slang.”

  Sonny huffed good-naturedly and walked away pulling Lara along holding onto their still joined hands.

  “Hey Lara…can I join in too?” Vic called.

  Lara exchanged a quick look with Sonny questioning her whether it would be okay. Sonny shrugged. “You can join in from the next time but only if you promise not to pick on Sonny or laugh at her anymore,” Lara replied. Sonny blinked in surprise. No one had either recognised her sensitivity to being teased or ever taken up cudgels on her behalf.

  “Hey…I’m sorry,” Vic was immediately contrite. “I didn’t think Sonny minded.”

  “Sonny may not mind, but I do,” Lara said kindly. Lara’s words amazed Sonny. This was staggeringly perceptive, oddly possessive and heart-swellingly protective. Sonny pressed Lara’s hand in gratitude. She didn’t mind Vic’s teasing but she didn’t always enjoy it either. Sonny had a very low threshold for being teased and was astounded that Lara had picked that up. She was shaken and touched.

  “Thanks,” Sonny said gruffly.

  Lara stopped making Sonny stop too, and turn towards her. Lara cupped the side of Sonny’s face with one hand, looking at her with bottomless tenderness. “Mine,” she said softly with fierce protectiveness.

  ******

  Lara played soft sitar instrumental music as she readied the space for them. She spread out the yoga mats that she had carried along. Starting slow, she led Sonny through basic warm-up and exercises to loosen the joints followed by a few simple asanas.

  “That is enough for the first day,” she said after about twenty minutes. “You did awesome, but your muscles are going to pull slightly tomorrow, okay?” she warned before making Sonny lie down for shavasana, the cool down.

  Lara continued her intensive set for another fifty minutes without breaking into a sweat. Sonny sat and gazed at the poetry in motion. She drank in Lara’s luscious curves lovingly encased in form-fitting yoga pants and a thin singlet. Her eyes caressed each curve as Lara stretched and swirled.

  “You’re making me self-conscious,” Lara chided, blushing. This was a first to her. She was used to an audience but being watched by – visually made love to by – Sonny was a completely different experience.

  “Would you like me to go?”…sounding reluctant.

  Lara bit her lip, eyes twinkling and flirtatious, and shook her head. Secretly she was revelling in the pointed attention and her body was reacting in all sorts of ungodly ways creating an anticipation which she was relishing. Pinpricks of awareness were giving her goosebumps and butterflies fluttered around in her stomach. There’s something to be said for this going slow business with all these controlled and banked desires.

  ******

  “There’s an interesting project in the offing.” They were strolling in the backyard of pqrst along the low wall after their yoga session and Sonny was telling Lara about her call earlier in the day. “A group of the topmost European musicians are getting together to create something online. They want me to be a part of it right from the product development stage. Their goal is to be something like Netflix for music.” Their fingers were intertwined and Sonny ran her thumb along the soft back of Lara’s hand building a burn in Lara.

  “Sounds great,” Lara said enthusiastically. Discussing their day felt strangely intimate. Lara treasured the feeling. It felt like a new dimension was added to their galloping relationship and yet like this was something that they did all the time.

  “Nothing is finalised yet. They just wanted to know whether I’d be interested.”

  “My people have been in talks for an international film for a few weeks. It’s going to be a French-Canadian indie film. The Indian producers aren’t yet decided, but they want to meet me soon. My agent, Tanu, says the meeting could be in the next ten days.” This kind of sharing was completely new territory to Lara. Usually she made her decisions with her team and there was no one else that she really spoke to, discussed things with or shared. Informed yes; shared, no. This warmed her in unexpected ways.

  “What’s the movie about?”

  “It’s this lawyer defending a girl accused of murder. The girl is a homeless drug addict who claims it was self-defence against rape. The lawyer sees herself in the girl. It is mostly the retelling of the lawyer’s life interspersed with the relationship between the lawyer and the defendant and the actual court case. It’s a fantastic script.”

  “Sounds heavy.”

  “Hmm…it’s really gritty and challenging. Will be made in English and in French. I really want it.”<
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  “They won’t get anyone better than you.” Lara felt strangely validated by Sonny’s solid faith in her.

  “So what do you want to do with the rest of our day?” Sonny asked.

  “You mean you can leave?”

  “I don’t need to be here at all, Lara…remember? Everything about peakrest is voluntary,” Sonny grinned.

  “Can we go home then?” Lara asked, her voice turning a little husky.