by Tara Brown
But I can't. That night is no longer the blur it was. Being in this house with him makes some memories clear for me - his lips on mine in the hidden shadows of the corner of the foyer - his dark blood greasing my lips and filling my throat. It had already coursed through my veins and made me stronger by the time I was running for the hiding house. It made my senses stronger. I ran faster. I moved quieter. I moved like a predator.
But when the sun set, I became a predator. I changed alone in a bathroom stall of an abandoned roadside diner. Days had passed and I didn’t know how long it had been. I just knew I was hungry in a way I had never been. My throat burned to the point of me screaming and stumbling through the woods. I stumbled out into the night, trying not to cry out in agony. I passed out in the woods and woke to the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.
The rising sun.
My body told me to run.
I scrambled up and ran away from the line of the sun. I ran until I reached an old cabin in the woods. I kicked the door in and hid under a bed. I slept and when I woke I ate the two old people in the house - a man and a woman. I ate them and I never felt bad. They tasted good. It was the best thing I'd ever eaten.
I knew then what I was. I knew what he had done to me and what he was. I knew I would never be the same again and I had no one left in the world who would care either way.
I ran.
I glance up at him now and can't feel the sex in his stare any longer. I feel nothing but distrust and betrayal. All that he left me with. I finally feel the right things.
"If I could take it back I would. I would have changed you alone in a beautiful place and helped you." It's as if he's read my mind. "I panicked. I ran out of time."
I look at him and shake my head, "I don’t really want to hear it. I just want you gone."
He looks broken and it hurts me, "I have two things to show you. I told you that. I promise to stalk you from a distance the minute I explain those two things."
I roll my eyes, "I think you're full of shit."
He shakes his head, "I'm not. You need to see them to understand everything."
I sigh and point at the door, "Fine. Let's just get the things you have to show me over with, so you can go back to leaving me alone."
His words stumble from him, "I never left you. I was with you every step."
I grin, "You were a step behind."
He shakes his head, "I have watched you for forty-eight years, Lorelei. Almost everyday. I found you as you were getting on a plane and flying to France."
I frown, "Why didn’t you speak to me? How were you with me?"
He looks crushed, "I'm your maker. I made you, so I know where you are at all times. You’re the only one I've ever made so I can follow you easily. My maker couldn’t distinguish me out of the many he's made. He wouldn’t be able to pick me out of the crowd. But you are my only one."
I stand and walk to him. I walk past him and out the front door.
I scoff, "If you were so busy stalking me why did you assume I wasn't a virgin?"
He follows, "I don’t know exactly what's going on in your head. I just know where you are or if you're panicked. I'd know if you're running terrified or needing help. But sex is like feeding. I assumed you were having sex when you ate the ones you liked. I can only sense small things to help you if you need it. That’s the point of the master connection."
The word flares anger inside of me. I spin and point a finger at him, "You are not my master. You are my murderer."
He pinches the bridge of his nose and walks past me, "Let's just do this before I lose my fucking mind." He never swears.
I follow him to the truck and try not to notice the way he makes me feel.
He mutters, "Forty-eight years, Lorelei. You can't hold a grudge for half a century."
I shake my head and look out the window, "You have no excuse for killing them. I saw you. I saw you slash your hand across his throat. I saw his blood shoot across the room and splash everywhere. It hit me. I never even got to process it properly. You killed me inside and my emotions wouldn’t attach to their deaths. So forgive me for not giving two shits about whatever you have to say."
He sighs and we drive in silence.
He turns onto a bumpy road and instantly my stomach is in my throat. My skin crawls.
The world slows down as I press my face against the glass of the truck when we drive past it. My breathing speeds up. If I had a heart beat it would be going crazy too.
The trailer's roof has fallen in and the whole thing is covered in moss. It's decrepit and it's as if I can see the arms of the swamp it sits on, reaching out and pulling it into the water. The black water.
Flashes of the present mix with memories of the past and I can't seem to focus. One second I'm in the car with Grandmamma and my granddaddy is standing there with his pit stains and disgusting green pants. He has greasy thinning hair that’s combed over his sweaty head. I think for a second he knows who I am. I'm transparent and terrified. I'm terrified he is gonna grab me and the swamp is gonna drag us both into the black water. I'm scared it will suck my soul out like it did my momma's.
The next second he is gone and I almost wish he was still there.
My granddaddy, who is as undead and dead as I am.
Nonexistent.
The truck bumps down the road and I feel lost. The memories have stirred up my own black water and my granddaddy's face is floating inside my mind. He is dead for real and that piece of my history is gone. He was the proof I was real once. Proof that I once had a heartbeat. Pretty sad when even the granddaddy that I never knew is dead. I have no one. No kin. I have Tessa, whose elevator only stops on one floor, the crazy one, and my ghost aunt and my ghost sister.
I glance at him and know he took it all away. My love for him ruined everything. I can hold this grudge for another forty-eight years easily.
The truck stops and he hops out.
I mutter, "Grandmamma Holt's cottage? Why are we here? Surely she is dead. She was seventy when Ramón died."
I climb out and notice the cabin's life is still there. Its internal heartbeat is still ticking, the swamp is held back by that. Louisiana swamps can't claim things that people still love. This cabin is loved.
It's small and brown and quaint. I've only been here with Ramón and I feel weird without him.
I stumble past Whit and brush my fingers against the hard door. The short brown door is etched with flowers and a pond. My fingers trace the flowers. I know a black tear has slipped down my cheek.
He grabs my hand and looks nervously at the door, "You're here by her request. I've never explained this, at her request. I'll be out here, for you."
I scowl and put my hand up to knock but the door opens as my knuckles touch a flower. A woman, who looks identical to Grandmamma, stands in the front entryway.
"Child, you done gone and died inside. Your soul is leaking out your eyes." She sounds like Grandmamma Holt. She steps back, "You may enter my home, Lorelei."
My feet move before I take a step and I'm inside. The door slams leaving him outside. I don’t know what moved me but I feel weird from it.
She chuckles just like Grandmamma. "I never liked his kind, but I gots to say if you has to be with one of dem suckas, you pick a good one, Lorelei. He got good juju." She turns around and starts stirring something on her stove. The cabin is a tiny one-room home. "Course now you're one of dem suckas ain't you child?" It's Grandmamma. There is no doubt.
Her white eyes don't freak me out like they did when I was a teenager and she lost her sight. Her grin is the same, "You done got stunned by dem too? You gots no tongue no longer?"
I nod, "Yes ma'am, I mean no ma'am, I'm just confused."
She nods vigorously, "I see dat about you. I also sense dat if you's give him time to explain you gonna find he ain't so bad as you tinks he is. Ramón, stop being so chicken."
I blink my eyes, "Grandmamma, you called me Ramón."
She shakes her head and squin
ts her white eyes, "Oh no I didn’t, child. Ramón, now you show yerself before I gets angry."
The room doesn't change and the air doesn't sparkle but before I can comprehend what's happening, Ramón is standing in front of me.
He's in a white t-shirt and tight black jeans with the cuffs rolled and he doesn't look no different than he did before. No different than the moment he left me in the car to seek help. No animal markings or blood covering him.
He smiles and wipes his brow with his handkerchief. There is no sweat but I know it was his nervous habit, before.
I burst. So many things that needed catching up, do it in that moment. I drop to my knees and sob like a baby.
Grandmamma clucks her tongue at me, "Tsk, tsk, tsk, you best not be crying dem Devil's tears in my house, Miss Lorelei."
I ignore her and sob. His arms encompass me and I have no choice but to lean into him. I don’t have the strength to hold myself up.
"I needed you. I needed you." I mutter through the black water running down my cheeks.
He wipes my face and grimaces, "I'm here now. You got some nasty tears now, baby."
I laugh. His voice is the same. He looks the same. He is the same and the hole in my heart fills in a little bit. Emily and Ramón have filled in the spots they had left empty when they died.
He brushes my hair out of my face, "I was there. I was always there. You just couldn’t see me. You can only see me here."
I look up at him through my thick wet lashes and smirk, "You haunted me?"
He nods and wipes his hands on his pants, trying to hide the disgust on his face. "I tried to. It was hard."
I gasp, "The hospital bed? I saw you that night."
He nods, "I did try to warn you they was coming for you."
Grandmamma leans on his shoulder and watches me with her spooky white eyes, "You be eating people all dis time and you ain't never been haunted by one of dem?"
I shake my head, "Just my aunt Maria for some crazy reason, but I didn’t eat her. Her being older than me and kin. She knew about the vampires. She tried to warn me."
Grandmamma snaps her fingers, "Dem be the icy breaths in your room at night. Maria be trying to warn you because dat be how she died. She wouldn’t talk to me when I was coming der. She be linked to you. Her being kin and all." Her white eyes sparkle. "Damn, I kept her outta dat room for you. She be trying to save you and my magic kept her from helping." She crosses herself and closes up the curtains and windows and mutters things. She lights a bunch of long dried grass and waves the smoke around the house.
In a hushed voice she speaks, constantly staring around the room. "Your momma done found dem fanged monsters in da bayou when she was a girl. That be how she paid for dem fancy clothes and da fancy education. She done traded her sister's blood for der help."
I shake my head and look at Ramón. He rolls his eyes, "Girl, yo momma has always been evil. Don’t look confused."
I shake my head, "What kind of evil?" He gives me his best diva look and I'm instantly transported back forty-eight years. I leap into his arms and hug him, "I'm never letting you go. I missed you." I whisper.
He chuckles, "me too. But Lorelei, there is something you gotta know." He pulls me off of him. His eyes are worried and tense. Even the sparkle of ghost eyes is muted by the emotion.
"What?"
Grandmamma gives him a poke and turns her white eyes on me, "Your momma, she a witch. No regular witch neither. She a Blackwater witch."
I shake my head, "Okay? But she's dead. I watched her die."
She clucks her tongue at me, "You seen nothing. She no die. She too evil to die." She turns and walks back over to the long grass and starts burning it again.
My stomach swirls, "Where is she?"
Ramón purses his lips and finally speaks, "She in a mansion, not far from Huntington manor. She got herself a fancy house and a fancy man. She looks different, Lorelei. She ain't aged a day; shit, I think she looks younger."
I chew my lower lip and process it, "I'm not sure I want to know what that means but if she's alive, why the hell did she leave the mansion to rot?"
He sighs, "She left it and moved on. She got what she wanted. The life insurance on your daddy and all his inheritance."
"I don’t understand?"
"She ain't gonna be none too happy you alive, Lorelei." Ramón says quietly.
I put my hands on my hips, "What does this have to do with the price of tea in China?" I ask my grandma's favorite sarcastic question.
Ramón shakes his head, "She didn’t get everything she wanted that night. But one thing she wanted was for you to suffer through some of the life she had. She had a plan. She couldn’t get your body to look the way she wanted it to, so she moved on to Emily. You always were too fat for her liking. She starved your ass for years, trying to make it look right. I never knew it until I was dead and Maria explained everything to me. Your momma had a plan and your man out there, he ruined it."
I scowl, "What more could she have wanted, she clearly ain't aging and she has money and a new man? She ruined my life, she killed my daddy and Emily."
"She wanted Emily alive, Cheri."
I furrow my brow, "Emily?"
Grandmamma waves the smoke in my face, making my eyes sting, "She wanted to become your sister, mon cher. She switch bodies. Take yours and trap ya inside of her aging one. She was about to do it to Emily. She just need ya outta the picture, married off. She had it all planned out. Only ya woulda noticed if Emily was different. She was going to let ya marry that Martin and let him do tings to ya and then murder ya off." She waves the smoke and gives me the scariest stare ever with her white eyes, "She done it before."
I whisper, "Maria?"
She nods, "Your momma's body was used and tattered but she keep Maria safe like a good big sister. Your momma sold herself to dem fishermen for money cause her daddy wasn’t no good. She let dem have her goodies. Den when she was ready to make her move, she done da ritual and stole Maria's body. Her body was used and sickly but she got herself some connections out der in da swamps. Once she was in your aunt's body, she drained her sister of blood and traded it to da vampires. She done da ritual on her sister and stole all da blood in Maria's old tired body. But no Blackwater witch ever gets laid to rest, Mon cheri."
I shake my head, "She put herself in Maria's body and then when Maria was in her old body she drained all the blood?"
Ramón nods, "She was about to do it again." He points to the door, "That man saved your sister."
I shake my head, "He killed her?"
Ramón shakes his head, "He saved her and your daddy. They was both dead soon anyway. Your momma had done all the preparations. You was gonna be married to get her the right kind of connections and then she was taking Emily's body and killing them both in a car accident and killing you afterward. Emily be an only child and sole heir to the family fortune."
It's too much, I'm mostly lost but I'm also livid. I turn and cross the house in a series of angry steps. I fling open the door and shout out the front door, "You knew what she was doing?"
Whit stands in the filthy, swampy yard with his arms crossed and a dry look on his face.
"You knew what she was doing and you thought murdering them was the best bet?" I'm angry in a way I've never been. I feel something stirring in my palms. "Why didn’t you tell me what she was at? I coulda saved them. I coulda killed her."
He tilts his head, watching me and not answering. His eyes lower to my hands. I squeeze my hands into fists, "You knew? Answer me goddamned!"
He nods once, "She came to us, my family. Said she would have a large amount of a special type of blood to trade. Sometimes we do that, for certain types of blood. I came to meet the family, scope you all out. Make sure it was legit. I spent my nights watching you."
I feel dizzy and sickened. I turn back around and slam the door shut. I collapse into the chair and drop my face into my hands. "She was trading our blood. He was there because she was trading our b
lood and he knew." I rock back and forth and sob.
Ramón is on me instantly. His cool hands are not a comfort but his touch is.
"He freed her. Emily was dead anyway, Cheri. She was always dead. Your momma had started the ritual. It takes months to perform but once it's in the final stages, there ain't no turning back Cher. It was done long before he ever come to Baton Rouge. Emily couldn’t even leave the plantation after the engagement party. It would be why she's stuck there now."
I shake my head, "I saw her die. I saw momma die. If Em died where did Momma go?"
"You saw what you thought was her dying, but that wasn't, Cheri. She had already taken the vampire blood. You saw her transforming. She knew what Mr. Whitlock was. She had called them, she thought it was him checking you out. I too woulda known what he was, had I been alive. Witches sense those things." His voice changes, "Trust me, what happened to Emily was far kinder. Your momma was using the vamp blood in small doses to keep herself young. She was much older than she appeared. She was dosing herself with tiny bits and doing magic to make sure the blood didn’t change her. But the minute she died, she changed. Not even a Blackwater witch can die with vampire blood in their veins."
I lift my head and wipe the Devil's tears from my face. Grandmamma Holt sits next to me and nods, "Your grandpappy was nearly ninety years old when you saw him in da bayou. He and your grandmamma were teenagers when dey had dem twins. Might have been fifteen. Your momma was almost seventy-five when she died. Da vampire blood was keeping her young for some time. Your daddy wasn’t da first man in her life and he already ain't da last."
I don't have any room left in my brain. I stand and cross the room, "I need to sort this out. I need to know the answers from Maria and Tessa and Em. I love you guys but I need to process. I need all the answers. " I leave the small house and walk past Whit. I climb into my truck. I don’t want to speak to him. I just want to leave. My brain is full, it hurts from the information.