by Tim O'Rourke
“So what were you looking for if not medicine?”
“Nothing,” I said, heading back across the room and toward the door. I tried to brush past Calix, but he took me by the arm.
“Tell me what you’re looking for and I might be able to help you find it,” he said.
“Just let go of me, Calix. I want to go home,” I said, shaking free of his grip.
“What do you think Rea would do if she found out you’d been in here snooping through her belongings?” Calix asked me. “Didn’t you listen to the warning I gave you about not making an enemy in Rea?”
“Are you going to tell her?” I asked.
Calix grinned at me. “What’s my silence worth?”
“What do you mean?”
“How are you going to repay me for keeping your secret?”
Was he teasing me? Being difficult? Was he really hoping that I might repay him in some way for keeping quiet about discovering me in Rea’s room?
Realising what Calix possibly had in mind, I said, “Screw you, Calix.” Forcing my way past him, I headed back down the landing and to the top the stairs.
“I was hoping it might be the other way around and you might let me screw you.”
I whirled around to face him. “You really are a disgusting pig!”
“I’m guessing that a girl like you enjoys being disgusting,” he said, coming down the landing toward me.
“Don’t you dare speak to me like that,” I said, prodding him hard in the chest with my forefinger. “You know nothing about me, Calix. And besides, I thought me and you had started to become friends.”
Calix batted my hand away and winked at me. “Only friends?”
Standing my ground, I stared hard at him and said, “Look, Calix, I think you need me more than I need you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I scowled at Calix and said, “If it wasn’t for me, you’d all be dead by now.”
“I doubt that very much,” Calix shot back.
“If it hadn’t been for me casting a spell over Shade, the vampires would have gotten to you by now and they vastly outnumber you,” I reminded him. “I nearly lost my life to protect you and the others. Isn’t that enough for keeping quiet – for not telling Rea about me being here today? Because you’re right, Calix, Rea doesn’t like me and if she found out I’d been snooping around her bedroom, she just might dislike me even more – she might come to hate me so much I would no longer be able to stay with you and the others and would have to leave. If I leave who is going to cast magic spells to save your arse next time? Perhaps you should think long and hard about that!”
Before giving Calix a chance to come back with some cocky reply, I turned away and headed back down the stairs into the bar. Throwing open the door, I stepped out once more into the street. I looked left and right to make sure I hadn’t been seen. With my hood up and head bowed low, I crept into the alleyway and set off toward home.
Chapter Seven
I wasn’t sure whether it was my fever returning or not, but by the time I’d reached home and slammed the door tight behind me, my skin felt burning hot again. I was furious with Calix. How dare he treat me in such a way? I knew we weren’t the best of friends but I thought at least we had started to have some kind of understanding between us. We had shared breakfast, and after all, he had given me that warning about Rea, so I thought that perhaps some kind of friendship had started to form between us. Perhaps I was mistaken and once more been foolish. Was there no one I could trust in Shade?
Heading up the stairs and to the bathroom, I threw off my clothes and turned on the shower. While the pipes behind the wall clanked and banged as the water warmed in them, I looked once more at my reflection in the mirror. I studied the bite-mark Calix had left on me. I was relieved to see those hairs hadn’t grown back – not yet, anyhow. Stepping beneath the warm water, I let it splash over my seething skin. And as I let the water run through my hair, I wondered why, despite living in Shade with five other people, I felt so utterly alone. I felt like an outsider. I knew that however hard I tried to help these people – these werewolves – I would never really be a part of their pack. But did it really matter? That wasn’t the real reason I’d come into this world, was it? After all, in the world I’d come from, I’d been totally alone as well. Perhaps it had been that sense of isolation which I had been trying to escape from. Maybe that’s why I struggled so much to deflect Trent’s advances? Why was I so keen to welcome his approach, only to rebuff him when he became too close? Dare I let Trent get close to me? He wasn’t Pariac nor was he Theo – both of them were dead now. Did I not have a right – did I not deserve – to be given the chance to move on and to make a new life myself? I understood what I’d done and how much pain I’d caused, and I was desperately trying to put it right. But did I have to make this journey of redemption alone? If Trent was attracted to me and I was attracted to him, what harm could there be in us sharing something deeper? The rational part of my brain told me no – to keep away from Trent, not only because of Rea and her jealous streak, but because of what had happened before when I’d gone and fallen in love with a werewolf and vampire. But that was then and this was now. Did things have to be the same as they were before? I’d definitely learnt from my mistakes – or so I hoped – so couldn’t things be different now if I was to let Trent get close to me and if I were to get close to him?
Turning off the water, I reached for a towel and wrapped it tight about me. With the ends of my hair dripping water down my back, I headed along the landing and into my room. After putting on a dressing gown, I flopped down onto the bed. Never before had every bone and muscle in my body ached so much. Closing my eyes, I searched for the magic that was as much a part of me as I was it, but I couldn’t feel it flowing through me. It was like someone had flipped off a switch inside me – turning off the magic power I had. If I really had drained myself of magic to protect the werewolves I travelled with, the very least they could do was to show me the courtesy of being my true friends by not breaking into my house in the dead of night and stealing from me, not demanding favours when I asked them to keep secrets, and not to constantly make bitchy and snide remarks like the ones Rea had made. Why had I given up so much – so much of myself – to help these werewolves? Rolling onto my side, I pulled my knees up beneath my chin. I knew why I had helped them and risked so much. I was desperately trying to make amends for my past mistakes, which had led to the very war I was now trying to end.
Wishing that I was someplace else, I screwed my eyes shut and thought of Theo. I remembered the first time we had met and how I’d instantly been drawn to him. What young woman wouldn’t have been captivated by his pale and flawless skin, thick black hair, and immaculate blue eyes? The time we’d spent together had been intense but short – far too short. But during that time I had been loved like I’d never been loved before. Theo had been the first to stir those unimaginable feelings of pleasure in me. He had given me a glimpse into a darker world of pleasure and pain that I’d always suspected existed but had never been able to find. Theo had whetted my appetite for a murkier kind of love, but he had been taken from me far too soon – before my hunger had been fully sated. So with a ravenousness lust still seething inside of me, I had sought out another Beautiful Immortal to take as a lover. Pariac had been dangerous and I’d liked that about him, just as I had liked it in Theo. But unlike Theo, Pariac hadn’t been a vampire, he’d been a wolf. I had never been loved by a wolf-man and Pariac threw open whole new doorways for me to step through so I could explore the darker worlds that lay in wait for me on the other side of them. And if I were being honest with myself, it was why I had been so attracted to the Beautiful Immortals – they had a side to them that the Wicce didn’t. They had a darker side which, if not kept in check – could easily lead to depravity. Being loved by a Beautiful Immortal was like standing on the edge of a precipice and staring into a darkness that was just waiting to swallow you up. Perhaps Calix
had been right about me? Maybe he could read me better than I first thought. However much I had tried to turn my back on it, I knew there was a side to me that did relish in the disgusting – the sordid side of love that you would only ever find in the arms of a Beautiful Immortal.
The love that Pariac and I had shared had been so intimate and intense it eventually became too dangerous for the both of us. And even though we both knew the love we had for each other would not last forever, I don’t think either of us had any idea that it would come to such an abrupt and violent end.
I heard the sudden sound of banging coming from below. I sat up in bed, taking shallow gasps of breath. Had the intruder returned? I glanced about the bedroom that was now in darkness. How long had I been asleep? I had no idea, but the fever I’d earlier felt had broken. My skin felt cool to the touch once more. The banging sound came again. I cocked my head and listened.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
It wasn’t the sound of somebody moving around inside my house but someone knocking on the front door. Was it Rea? Had Calix told her how he’d found me searching through her belongings? Had she come to my home to confront me? With the sound of banging coming again, I reached blindly in the dark for the matches and the candle that were on the bedside table. Finding them, I struck a match and lit the candle. With the flame flickering before me, I left my room and headed downstairs to the front door. The knocking came again, this time louder than before. Preparing myself to be confronted by an enraged Rea, I took a deep breath and threw the door open. To my surprise it wasn’t Rea standing outside, but Trent.
“You had me worried there for a moment, Julia,” Trent said, eyes wide. “I thought something had happened to you. I thought you were dead.”
“Dead?” I frowned, shaking the last of the sleep from the furthest corners of my mind. “Why would I be dead?”
“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been standing out here and knocking?” Trent said. “The last time I saw you, you were heading back home as you felt unwell. I thought I’d stop by to see how you were doing, and when I didn’t get an answer, I began to get worried.”
I couldn’t help but feel touched by Trent’s concern for me. It went some way in melting those feelings of loneliness I’d earlier felt.
“You really didn’t need to be worried,” I said, stepping back from the door to that he could step inside. “I was just sleeping that was all.”
“And how do you feel now?” Trent asked, stepping into the hallway and closing the door behind him.
“A little better, I guess,” I said, heading down the hallway and into the kitchen. Placing the candle down on the table, I lit three more. “Would you like some coffee?”
“You sit down and rest,” Trent said. “I can make it.”
“Okay, thanks, that would be nice,” I said, taking a seat at the table.
While Trent had his back to me, I raked my fingers through my hair, trying to get rid of the bed-head I suspected I’d woken with. I looked down and could see that my pyjamas were creased and dishevelled but there was little I could do about them.
Once Trent had boiled some water on the stove, he heaped spoonfuls of coffee into two mugs. When the coffee was made, he set the mugs down on the table and took a seat opposite me.
“Well, you do look a little better,” he said, peering at me through the candlelight.
I took a sip of the coffee, then said, “I can’t wait to start feeling my old self again.”
“Do you still feel ill then?” Trent asked, that look of concern back in his eyes.
It wasn’t that I just didn’t feel well, it was also that since waking from that state of unconsciousness, I could no longer feel any magic within me. I’d also been left feeling rattled and disturbed by the intruder who had come into my house. And what, with wrestling with my conscience and memories from the past and the fact that I had been bitten by Calix and discovered those hairs. I was surprised that I hadn’t lost my mind. But how did I tell Trent any of this? I wasn’t sure that I wanted him to know about my past, but what harm would there be in telling him about the break-in and the theft of my spell book? I didn’t suspect Trent for one minute so what harm could there be in telling him about it?
Setting down my mug of coffee, I said, “I woke last night to find somebody in my house.” I looked at him through the candlelight that flickered before us to gage his reaction.
“Who?” Trent asked, looking surprised by what I’d told him.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I chased after them, but whoever it was got away before I’d had the chance to see who it was.”
“But why would anyone want to break in here, in the dead of night?”
“Because whoever it was, was looking for something.”
“Looking for what?”
“For my spell book,” I said.
Trent looked surprised once more and said, “You have a spell book? You mean witches really use such things?”
“Yes, witches use spell books,” I said. “But I didn’t have it to use it.”
“Then why have it?” Trent asked, looking more confused than surprised.
“When I stepped off the train at that railway station up in the Swiss mountains, I found the spell book in my coat pocket but I’m sure I didn’t have it with me when I left.”
“So who put it in your pocket?”
“What I would rather know is, who stole it last night?” I said.
“I can’t understand who would want to do such a thing,” Trent said. “It’s not as if you have any enemies here.”
“Seriously?” I gasped. “Do you really think Rea likes me?”
“Okay, Rea might not be your number one fan,” Trent said, “but I doubt very much she would break in here while you slept and steal from you.”
“I can’t think of anyone else who would do such a thing.”
Trent sat thoughtfully for a moment, strumming his long strong fingers on the table top. “Would you like me to speak to Rea about it?”
I shook my head. “No thanks.”
“Why not? If you really believe Rea has stolen the spell book, you have every right to get it back,” Trent said. “I’ll speak to her about it.”
“No,” I insisted.
“Why not?”
“Because things are pretty bad between me and Rea as it is. Accusing her of stealing from me will only make matters worse,” I explained.
“So what do you want to do about the missing spell book?” Trent asked.
I took another sip of the coffee, then set the mug down again. “Once this is all over – the war between the werewolves and vampires has come to an end – perhaps Rea will finally realise I didn’t come here to take sides and we will become friends. And if it was Rea who took the spell book, she will give it back to me.”
“Don’t you need the spell book now? Isn’t it important to you?” Trent asked. “Don’t you need that book to help you use magic – to cast spells or whatever it is a Wicce does?”
“I’m beginning to wonder whether I’ll ever cast another spell again,” I told him.
Trent looked across the table, and the light from the candle made his eyes look as if they were on fire. “And what does that mean?”
“It means, since I woke the other day, I haven’t been able to feel the magic within me. It’s like I used it all up casting the spell to create a wall around Shade,” I tried to explain.
“Will the magic – power – that you have come back?”
“I’m sure it will eventually return, once I’ve rested properly. I just feel tired and worn out. Perhaps it’s the magic that has left me drained and weak somehow,” I said. “I’ve never cast such a powerful spell before. But if only I could sleep…”
“You’re not sleeping?” Trent cut in.
“It’s pretty hard to sleep when you’ve got somebody creeping around your house in the middle of the night, and when you’re worried…” I let my words travel away.
Setting down the mug of
coffee he held, Trent looked at me and said, “Is there something else worrying you, Julia? Because if there is, you know you can tell me, right?”
“I’m worried about Calix’s bite-mark,” I confessed. “You said the other day that there was nothing to worry about, but now I’m not so sure.”
“What do you mean?”
“The bite-mark – I found some…” My words failed me again. I cringed inside. What would Trent think of me if he knew I’d been sprouting hairs? After all, it wasn’t a very attractive thought.
Sensing I was struggling to find the right words, Trent pushed his chair back and stood up. He came around the table. Taking my hands in his, he eased me up out of my chair. Just inches apart, Trent looked at me and again I could smell that familiar scent, and it reminded me of Pariac – scent of a wolf. Those feelings of passion and desire flared up in the pit of my stomach once more and there was a part of me that welcomed them. Those feelings suddenly filled the hollow left by the lack of magic within me. But I knew that however enticing those feelings were, I needed to trample them out – crush them before they took hold of me.
“Has Calix’s bite-mark changed?” Trent asked.
I nodded my head.
“How?”
Meeting his gaze, I whispered, “I found some black hairs growing out of the wound. They were bristling – they were disgusting – so I cut them away.”
Trent’s eyes seemed to change – grow darker somehow. “Have they grown back since you cut them?”
“No, I don’t think so, at least I hope not,” I said, realising I hadn’t checked the bite-mark since earlier that day.
“Do you mind if I take a look?”
Hearing this, I flinched backwards. Trent still had hold of my hands, stopping me from moving too far away from him. “Why do you want to look?”
“Just to satisfy my own curiosity,” he said.
“Curiosity about what?”
“That the wound hasn’t become infected in some way.”