“I gotta have surgery again.” His deep voice cracked and he cleared his throat.
“I heard.” I set the controller down and squeezed my hands into fists.
I could hear Cyrus’s labored breathing and I fought to stay calm, to sound calm.
“When does it stop?” Cyrus’s voice got a little louder in my ear than required. “When will I be done losing bits of me? They’re going to fuse my spine in three places. That’s another year of physical therapy. Another year of Kyla having to take care of me like I’m one of the kids.”
“Nah, man. It won’t be that bad. Besides, you have a big family that is more than willing to help out and you’ll be up and moving around again in no time.”
“Don’t try to feed me the bullshit, Simmon. Would you want your wife to have to change your diapers?” His voice took a slightly hysterical tone.
“Holland, get your shit together. Kyla doesn’t care about that stuff. The surgery is meant to help you, not make it worse.” Puz put a paw on my leg and I absentmindedly scratched his ear. “Look at how fast you bounced back already. This is a simple surgery, they fuse vertebrae on a regular basis now.”
“You ever wonder why it was us? Why our ’copter got shot down? Why we lived while everyone else died?”
Bile rose in my throat. “Yeah, Cy. I’ve wondered those things, but that’s a dead end. We’ll never have those answers. We just have to push forward.”
Silence was my only response and panic gripped my throat.
“Cyrus, you still there?”
“Yeah. I’m here, man.” I heard him take a deep breath. “Sorry. I need to find a different game.”
“I bought the Lego Hobbit game the other day.”
“Dude, your girlfriend is turning you into a dork.” Cyrus laughed and I let loose the breath I’d been holding.
“Well, if you want something a little more tame, I think they sell a game where you can play with fluffy little animals. They dance and you can feed them and shit.”
“Fuck you, Simmon. I’d rather fight dwarves and dragons. I’ll get the Hobbit and I’ll kick your ass at that.”
“I didn’t realize there were dwarves and dragons. Who’s the dork now?”
“I heard your girl talking about them.”
“Fuck you, Holland.” I smiled, relieved to hear some of his normal spirit back in his voice.
“No thanks, man. You ain’t my type.” He chuckled. “I’m signing off. Kyla is going to kick my ass when she realizes I’ve set up the game station and not the new crib.”
“Derelict.”
“You know it. Later.” His avatar disappeared from the screen and I took a deep breath. Puz nuzzled my hand and looked up at me with his big dorky eyes.
“A poodle. You had to be part poodle.” I lifted his ears and let them flop back on his head. “You’re lucky you’re cute. But if you tell anyone I said that, I’ll deny it.”
I inspected his stitches and then lifted his lips to check his teeth. Puz pushed at my hands with his paw. “It’s not my fault you got your ass handed to you by a squirrel. Those stitches need to come out soon or your skin’s going to grow over them.”
He lifted his head as if shocked.
“It’s not that bad. It’ll take a few seconds.” I ruffled his fur and he rolled over on his back so I could reach his belly. “You’re a belly rub whore, you know that? And I could take the stitches out here, but since you like the vet better I’ll take you there.”
“Do you always hold full conversations with Puz?” Maddie skipped down the stairs and into the living room wearing one of my T-shirts.
I turned the game station off and threw the headset and controller on the table.
“Don’t be jealous that he doesn’t answer you.” I stood up and went to the kitchen. She followed close behind me. “The Thai food arrived while you were in the shower.”
“Thank goodness. I’m starving.” She went straight to the cabinets and got out plates.
I watched as she stood on tiptoes to reach some glasses and my shirt skimmed the top of her thighs. It was a look I could get used to.
“So, what are we going to watch?” She looked at me over her shoulder as she spooned food onto her plate.
I moved up behind her and wrapped my hands around her waist. Leaning down I placed a kiss on her neck and smiled when she wiggled to get away. One of the things I’d learned over the last few weeks was that she was incredibly ticklish just below her ears.
“What do you want to watch?” I didn’t care what was on the television as long as Maddie was beside me.
“Netflix released a new fantasy show that I’ve been dying to watch.” She scooped a healthy serving of rice on her plate. “There’s dragons and sword fighting, kick-ass damsels that are not in distress. I can’t wait.”
“Sure, but next time I get to pick.” I looked down at her, trying to keep my horror from my face. Fantasy wasn’t exactly my preferred genre.
“Come on. I think even you’ll like this one.” She handed me my plate.
I filled my dish with lots of goodies and carried it to the living room before going back to get us drinks.
“Who were you playing on your game?” Maddie crossed her legs on the couch and reached for her plate.
“Cyrus,” I answered.
“It sounded like you were arguing.” She used her chopsticks to scoop some food in her mouth.
“Not exactly.” I took a drink from my beer bottle. This was territory dangerously close to things I didn’t want to talk about with Maddie. “I think he had an episode of some kind.”
“Hmm.” She frowned and picked up her wineglass. “Was it bad?”
“They’re never good.” I shrugged and stuffed food in my mouth. I rolled my shoulders to ease some of the tension that had gathered in the center.
“But some episodes are worse than others, right?” She went back to her food and I knew that she was choosing her words carefully, trying to not step on my toes, and that annoyed me.
“Maddie, you said you wouldn’t tiptoe around me.” I pointed my chopsticks at her.
“I’m not. I’m tiptoeing around what Cyrus went through.” She rolled her eyes at me and I felt oddly better. “Kyla said he wasn’t doing so well.”
“The game triggered something and he got upset about his surgery.” I shrugged. “We decided to play something else.”
“He’s trying to put it off until after the birth of his daughter.” She pushed some of the food around on her plate. “Ew, there’s a piece of chicken in my rice. Get it.”
She held her plate out to me and I picked the piece off and popped it in my mouth. “Yummy.”
She shuddered and went back to her vegetables. “Gross.”
“When was the last time you had meat? You might like it.”
“It’s not whether or not I like it. It’s about feeling bad for the animals.” She shook her head. “Nope, I’ll stick with what I eat now.
“So, back to Cyrus. Do you think he’s seeing anyone about his episodes? I think Kyla is worried.”
“We all have to see a military psych every so often. It’s standard procedure.”
“How often do you have to go?” She picked through her vegetables for a carrot and then a piece of pineapple.
“My mandatory evals are every six weeks.” I shrugged. My hackles were rising and I rolled my shoulders to try and relax. I was already tense from the things Cyrus had said.
“You feel comfortable talking with him?” She took another sip of her wine.
“I told you I’d find someone, Maddie.” I tried to keep the frustration off my face.
“I’m sorry.” She reached over and touched my knee. “I just didn’t know how it worked.”
“I don’t want to talk about that stuff with you, Maddie. I can’t.” How was I supposed to tell her what had happened, what I had done over there? She would never be able to look at me the same again and I couldn’t bear that.
“It’s fine, Ja
ke. I don’t want details, you know? I’m not asking for that. I just wanted to know that you were okay.”
The concern on her face killed me.
“I haven’t figured out who to talk to. I can’t talk to the military psych. Anything I say in there would go straight to my mom.” I sighed and set my plate down. My appetite was gone. “It can’t be someone that would report to the Commander-in-Chief.”
“That makes sense.” She shoved some more food in her mouth. “Do you want help looking for someone? I could ask around.”
“No.” The word came out a little sharper than I had intended. “It’s fine. I’ll find someone.”
She nodded her head but didn’t meet my eyes.
“Tell me about your bill.”
“I don’t want to bore you.” She waved her chopsticks in the air. “Honestly, it’s just a bunch of grunt work right now.”
“Have you gotten a lot of support so far?” Politicians should be jumping at the chance to help President McGuire’s daughter.
“Some.” A shadow crossed her face and she looked down at her plate.
“I would think they’d be lining up to be co-sponsors. You’re the President’s daughter.”
“Not really.” She grimaced and put her plate on the table next to mine.
“I’m missing something.” I watched her face carefully.
She shrugged. “We’re up against the big pharmaceutical companies. They have a lot of money to throw around and to fund campaigns. People don’t want to piss them off.”
“Is that all?” Something felt off, like she wasn’t telling me everything.
“Pretty much. I mean, not everyone wants to help. My father has made some political enemies over the years. That’s part of the job, I guess.” She waved her hand in the air. “It’ll all work out in the end. It’s just going to take a lot of work.”
I knew there was something she wasn’t telling me, but I had no right to push. I had secrets, so she was entitled to her own.
“Come here.” I leaned back on the couch and held my arms open. She scooted over and cuddled up against my chest. I reached the remote with my fingertips and turned on the show she had been talking about.
It opened with a couple of teenagers running from a bridge troll and I resigned myself to hating it. Of course, it wouldn’t matter as long as I had my arms around Maddie. That made anything bearable.
Chapter 18
Jake
“Six centimeters,” Cyrus explained. “If she doesn’t progress in the next hour or so, they’re going to do a c-section.”
The concern in his voice was palpable. Knowing that cesarean surgeries were performed on a regular basis around the world didn’t make it any less scary. The thought of watching the mother of my child cut open on a table while they dug the baby free from her body made my heartbeat speed up and it wasn’t even happening to me. My eyes darted at Maddie and I bit the inside of my cheek.
“It’s going to be okay, Cy. I bet Kyla isn’t worried at all.”
“Kyla isn’t scared of shit. She’s coloring with Korbin right now like she isn’t attached to a hundred different fucking machines.” His voice dropped and I had a new understanding.
Every hospital smells the same, doesn’t it? Antiseptic and cleaning products that barely cover the smell of blood. I can’t go in one without going back to the tent in Afghanistan.
“Is there anyone else with you?” My fingers tightened on the phone. Flashes of the doctors and nurses in scrubs slid through my mind. I could imagine the beeping of machines and the odd combination of smells that included blood, vomit, and cleaning products.
I jerked when Maddie’s small hand touched my leg. Her eyes were full of worry and she mouthed “let’s go.”
“My parents are flying in from Wisconsin and Kyla’s parents are here, but exhausted. She’s been in labor for over twenty-eight hours now.” I could hear the desperation in his voice. “We’re all tired. I’m not sure how she’s still so damn chipper. She should be cursing and throwing things.”
Maddie mimed spooning food into her mouth and I nodded my head.
“Why don’t we bring you some food? Something better than hospital grub,” I offered.
“Nah, that’s too much trouble.”
“We’re coming no matter what, so we might as well get you some food on the way. Tell me what you’d prefer or I’m going to get a bunch of tacos.”
“I fucking hate tacos and you know it.” Cyrus’s laugh was gruff but there. “Burgers would be good though. A real one. Korbin hates pickles though.”
“Any other particulars?”
“Kyla can’t eat anything and her parents ate earlier.” He covered the phone for a second before coming back on. “Yeah, they don’t want anything. Just me and Korbin. God, a juicy hamburger sounds perfect. Thanks.”
Maddie leaned forward and whispered something to the driver.
“No problem, man.” I hung up the phone.
“How’s Kyla?” Maddie turned to me.
I tapped my phone on my leg. “Better than Cyrus. Apparently she’s coloring with Korbin but they may have to do a c-section.”
“I’m not sure anything would stop Kyla. She’s like a force of nature. All sunshine and smiles.”
“Smiles are a part of nature?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Oh you know what I meant.” She smiled up at me as if to prove her point and it worked. I was awestruck. The green dress she was wearing highlighted her hazel eyes.
Lifting my hand I cupped her face. “Yeah, I get it now.”
Her cheeks pinked and I brushed my thumb over her skin. Leaning closer I pressed my mouth to hers and instantly wished we didn’t have to go to the hospital. She tasted like honey and all I wanted was to wrap my body around hers somewhere private.
I tangled my hand in the hair at the back of her neck. Her soft moan gave me the chance to capture her bottom lip with my teeth. She gripped my shirt with one hand and poured herself into the kiss. That was my Maddie, all or nothing.
When she finally pulled away there was fire in her eyes. I loosened my hold on her hair and stroked the skin of her neck.
“We need to spend more time together,” she whispered.
I knew exactly what she meant.
“We’re about to go on a whirlwind promotional tour.” I placed a kiss on her nose.
“Not exactly romantic.” She rolled her eyes.
“Everything is romantic with you,” I answered.
She shook her head. “How do you manage to walk the line of corny and sexy so well? If that line came from someone else I’d have laughed.”
“It’s a gift.”
“It’s something all right.” She chuckled. “I’m glad they’re having the baby before we leave. Is Cyrus worried?”
“I think Cyrus would be worried if Kyla had a hangnail.” I wove my fingers with hers. “But he did perk up at the thought of a burger.”
“That’s where we’re headed right now,” Maddie explained. “I figured we’d get him the good stuff and pick something up at the Shake Shack.”
My stomach growled. “Maybe we should grab something for us too.”
She patted my stomach and laughed.
“Sounds like a plan.”
By the time we got to the hospital I’d eaten my burger and most of the fries. The driver dropped us off with our bodyguards at the entrance and we managed to find our way to the waiting room.
There’s a different feel in a maternity wing than in the rest of the hospital. Hope is heavy in the air and people are smiling, but the smells are the same. Everywhere I looked there were nurses and doctors rushing to and fro. My gut clenched and I started to sweat. No wonder Cyrus had sounded a bit panicked on the phone.
“Kyla Holland?” Maddie stepped up to the nurses’ desk. She must have sensed my apprehension because despite my connection with Cyrus she took the lead.
“She’s being prepped for surgery.” A shorter woman with red hair looked up at Maddie an
d her eyes widened. “You’re Maddie McGuire!”
“Yes, ma’am.” Maddie gave her a small smile. “Is there somewhere we can wait?”
“Yes, the rest of the Holland family is over by the television. They put on Disney for the little boy.” Her eyes moved to me before looking at our security detail. “I can try to find extra seats.”
“No thank you.” Tony smiled and I realized it was one of the few times I’d seen him do so. “We’ll be fine.”
“If you need anything let me know.” The nurse’s eyes darted down to where I was holding Maddie’s hand and her smile grew. I’d completely forgotten that I’d threaded my fingers with hers after we got out of the car. A few other staff members had taken notice of us at this point.
“Thank you,” I said.
“Maddie!” Korbin ran over to where we were standing, followed by an older woman with gray hair. He held up a red truck in one hand and wiped his nose with the other. “Look at my fruck!”
“That is an awesome truck!” Maddie knelt down and admired the fire truck.
“I’m so sorry. He’s been cooped up all day.” The woman scooped Korbin into her arms and deposited him on her hip. “I’m Karen, Kyla’s mother.”
Maddie stood up and shook her hand. “I’m Maddie and this is Jake. We’re friends of Kyla and Cyrus.”
“It’s nice to meet you. Kyla thinks very highly of you.” The woman smiled at us with weary eyes. “They’re getting ready to do the c-section.”
“How were she and Cyrus doing?” Maddie motioned to where an older man snored in a chair next to the television. “I think you were sitting over there.”
“Oh, yes. That’s Frank, my husband.” She went back to her seat. “Excuse us, it’s been a long two days.”
“Fruck. Vroom!” Korbin waved the truck in the air and one of the wheels got tangled in his grandmother’s hair.
“Oh, Korbin.” The woman grabbed the truck and worked the wheel free from her hair. “No trucks in Nana’s hair.”
“Torry, Nana.” Korbin brushed her hair with fingers. “Pretty hair.”
Karen smiled at her grandson before leaning down to nuzzle him.
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