I nodded my head.
“Will Maddie be there?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Has she stopped texting you?” The old man leaned forward.
“No, but she hasn’t mentioned the party.” I took a swallow from my soda. “I don’t know if that means she’s not going, or that she doesn’t want me to know she’s going.”
The bastard chuckled.
“I’m glad this is so funny for you.”
“I’m looking forward to meeting Maddie. She sounds like an amazing young woman.”
“She is.”
“Eventually you have to decide if you’re really going to let her go or if you’re going to fight to keep her.”
“Fight?” I looked up wondering if that meant there was something I didn’t know. Had she finally given up on me?
“We are our worst enemies, Jake. From what you say, Maddie loves you, but eventually she will have to move on for her own mental health. If you want her, you’re going to have to fight to keep her. Fight to make yourself better so you can be the person she knows you are.”
“You’re like a fucking Hallmark commercial.”
“And you’re not the first person to tell me that.”
“Shit.” I got up and threw my can in the recycling bin. “I hate this. I fucked up but I’m not sure what I’ve screwed up the worst. My head or Maddie.”
“Never said this would be easy.” The old man stood up and pulled on his jacket. “I’ve got an early flight, so I’m going to call it a night.”
“Sure.” I looked at the man. “I’ll see you when you get back.”
“Yes, you will.” He slapped me on the shoulder and left my house whistling.
After he left I paced through my living room. My phone buzzed and I stopped to look at it.
KYLA: Get your ass over here.
“Puz!” I went to the door and grabbed his leash. “Let’s go.”
He sat patiently while I clipped his leash on and followed me with a wagging tail to the truck.
“Sir?” One of the agents walked over to my vehicle.
“I’m going to Kyla Holland’s house.”
“Yes, sir.” The man raced back over to the black SUV.
“You sure you want to go?” I looked over at Puz.
He stood up in the passenger seat and barked.
“Fine.”
Cars lined the street in front of the house I’d helped build with Maddie. I frowned and took a couple of breaths before heading out. It felt odd to see so many smiling faces at the home where my friend had died.
Music floated through the air from the backyard and I made my way toward the groups of people.
“Yo, man!” Tame came over and slapped me on the back. He was about my height, but leaner with blond shaggy hair. “You came! Kyla thought Shade and I were going to have to drag you out.”
“Shade’s here too?” I looked around. I saw the big man talking to a blonde woman with an ample figure.
“Yeah. This is what Cyrus wanted. A party with his friends.” Tame gripped my shoulder. “So, we’re here to have a good time and eat good food. The neighbors have all been real cool about it.”
“That’s great.” I let my gaze run around the yard, but didn’t see Maddie. Emotions bubbled under my surface but I couldn’t sort them out. I was upset that she wasn’t here, looking for me. I was relieved that I didn’t have to face her yet.
“C’mon, let’s get you a beer.”
“I drove.” I shook my head.
“You’re the Vice President’s son. I’m pretty sure you have a DD whenever you want one.” Tame pulled me toward the house and nodded his head at our friend. “Shade has been trying to score with that little thing over there all night. Wanna make a bet?”
“Twenty says she gives him a fake number.”
“No way, she’s going to end up smacking him before the night’s over. Do you remember Dallas?” He laughed.
“Okay, you’re on.”
Tame had a way of working a room that just pulled people toward him and he never seemed to leave anyone out. I’d been that way not that long ago but now I was happy to let him do all the work while I just enjoyed the company.
People shared stories about Cyrus that led to different stories. There were sad moments, but they always seemed cushioned by the good ones. It wasn’t comfortable, but it also wasn’t cold and distant. It felt like life. The good and the bad mixing together to form a tale about a young man taken too soon.
It was a while before I realized that Puz had disappeared with Korbin. The little boy had begged to play with the dog until I’d caved.
“Have you seen Puz?” I asked Tame. “Or Korbin?”
“I think Korbin took him into the backyard.” My friend tilted his head toward the back of the house.
I slapped him on the back and headed for the back door. My chest had released over the last hour as I relaxed around people I’d known for years and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could really breathe.
“Puz?” I opened the back door and took a deep breath, letting the crisp air curl through my lungs. “Korbin, where’s Puz?”
The sleepy little boy was sitting on his grandfather’s lap and pointed toward the bonfire.
A familiar form sat next to the fire, wrapped in a blanket, and cuddling my dog while talking to a few other women. A man was playing the guitar quietly and there was the smell of roasted marshmallows in the air. She moved and the fire glinted off her soft brown hair and the sound of her voice caressed my ears.
My heart stuttered and I almost missed a step on the stairs. I watched as Maddie scratched Puz’s head and leaned down to whisper in his ear. I could imagine her telling him she missed him. I’d never wanted to be a dog so badly in my life. She laughed at something someone said and I swear my entire body came alive.
How had I stayed away from her for so long? How had I ever managed to tell her to leave? I loved her so much it hurt and that scared me. It scared the shit out of me.
But did I deserve her? Was I good for Maddie or would I just drag her down with me?
“Don’t be such a pussy. Go talk to your woman,” Kyla said from beside my elbow with a smile. “That’s what Cyrus would say, right? Of course, I’ve never really cared for that comparison. Vaginas are a lot stronger than people give them credit for.”
“You’re something else.” I laughed.
“I know.” She leaned against my arm for a second, her head barely reaching my shoulder. “Thanks for coming.”
“Yeah.” I looked down at the infant in her arms and traced a finger over the pudgy little arm. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you. For all of you.”
“You can’t help my family until you help yours first. Maddie is your family, you love her, Jake. Despite everything that went wrong, I wouldn’t have traded a single second of my life with Cyrus.” She looked around the backyard. “And I still have all this, all these people to be thankful for. Don’t give up on being happy because of what might go wrong because a lot could go right.”
I pulled her into a hug and kissed her head. She laughed but I heard her sniff. Before I could say anything else she pushed me toward the bonfire. “Go. Get woman. Argh.”
I shook my head and started for the fire, but stopped when Puz ran straight to me and danced around my feet. I looked up expecting to see Maddie, but she was gone. The blanket she’d been wrapped in was laying on the chair as if she’d disappeared in a puff of smoke.
A sense of dread washed over me and I looked through the house.
“Hey, have you seen Maddie?” I asked Shade. He was nursing a beer in the kitchen.
“She left, man.” He nodded toward the front of the house. “Looked upset. You do something stupid?”
“I’ve done nothing but be stupid.” I shook my head.
Shade nodded his head. “Know how that goes.”
“Don’t tell me she slapped you.” I narrowed my eyes at my giant friend
.
“Nah, man. She left with someone else.” He shrugged. “No big deal.”
I looked back toward the front door. Shade’s problem might not be a big deal, but Maddie was.
“I gotta go.” I slapped his shoulder. “Better luck next time.”
“You better do something big. A girl like Maddie deserves big things.” He pointed at me. “She deserves better than stupid.”
“You’re right.”
And I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to pull out all the stops. I couldn’t live without Maddie any longer. I needed her and I wasn’t going to let her slip away. Doc had been right. I needed to fight for what I wanted.
And I wanted Maddie.
Chapter 26
Maddie
I stared up at my ceiling wishing I could sleep, but my dumbass brain had other plans. Instead of snoring I was going over the party in my head. I’d been so hopeful that evening, silently praying that Jake would show up—that I’d get to see him, maybe talk to him.
Instead I’d watched as he pulled Kyla into his arms and leaned down to kiss her. I’d sat there as my hope was ripped from my chest. It had felt like the world had crumbled under my feet as I stood and stumbled around the house toward the waiting car.
And my brain seemed stuck on instant replay. Everything about that night had gone wrong. Tony had gone on overload, thinking something had happened when I came barreling out to the street with snot streaming down my face and blinded by tears. His face had been a cold mask of fury. One of the other agents had to drag him back to the car.
It had taken a minute before he got in the car so we could leave. Once in the vehicle he’d handed me a tissue and stared hard at the house as we drove away. He’d followed me to the residential suite, but I hadn’t paid much attention to anything he’d said. In fact I didn’t remember much of what had happened after I saw Jake and Kyla.
The rational part of my brain fought to not blow it out of proportion. It could have been incredibly platonic but that hurt too. I mean, Kyla just lost her husband and I couldn’t imagine her jumping into someone else’s arms. But it hurt that while pushing me away, Jake had found comfort somewhere else, even if it was in a friendly way. I hadn’t been the one to help him and that hurt me.
My phone buzzed on the nightstand and I rolled over to pick it up. When I saw Phoebe’s name I almost cried in relief.
“Phoebes?” I hit the green button and listened for the only voice that could talk me down from the ledge.
“Are you okay? I’ve had this horrible feeling and couldn’t shake it.” Her voice sounded distant.
“What, you’re psychic now?” I brushed at the tears that gathered in my eyes at the sound of my best friend’s voice.
“I’m just very in tune with your energy.” Her voice sounded serious. “Now tell me what happened.”
“I don’t even know, Phoebe. I just don’t know what’s going on.” I closed my eyes.
“This is about Jake, right? You guys are having trouble. I saw a picture of his mom arguing with you on some sidewalk.” Her voice lowered. “Tell me what’s happened.”
“God, Phoebe. I fell in love with him.” I choked on a sob and had to take a minute to calm down. “I can’t go into it on the phone.”
“Yeah, I get it.” She sighed.
“He’s got some issues to work through and doesn’t want my help.” I bit my lip.
“There’s something else.” Her voice took on a soothing tone.
“He didn’t want my help.” I emphasized my so she’d catch my drift.
There was silence from the other side of the phone for so long I thought she might have lost our connection.
“Phoebe?”
“I met this witch doctor while digging a well. I bet he’d give me something to shrink Jake’s winky.” Fury laced my normally peaceful friend’s voice. “It’s a powder that you drop in his food.”
I suppressed a giggle. “His winky?”
“You know what I mean.” Her voice got a little louder. “I’ll do it. I can get it through customs.”
“What, are you going to swallow a balloon full of winky-shrinking powder?” I grimaced.
“For you, I’d swallow two balloons.” Her voice cracked. “I’m serious, Maddie. I’ll do it.”
“Have I told you lately that I love you?” I rolled over on to my back and wiped at my nose. “And I don’t even know if it’s anything other than friendship between them.”
“Doesn’t matter. He’s letting someone else piece him back together. That was your job.” I could imagine her sitting on a cot in a communal tent full of other volunteers. “That hurts.”
“Yeah, it hurts.” I closed my eyes, listening to the sound of voices in the background of Phoebe’s current home. “I don’t know what to think. There is nothing I can do.”
“Yes there is. You can get some damn sleep, because I know it’s late there, and in the morning you get up and you start working on the bill.”
I closed my eyes. “His mom said she’d get it canned.”
“That stank bitch!”
I sputtered a bit. “Stank bitch?”
“Yes! Stank, rotten, prissy-ass bitch!” She sucked in a breath. “Oh, I’d love five minutes in a room with her.”
“Yeah, probably not a good idea.” Virginia Simmon made generals sweat in their boots and dictators avoided her at the UN. “But I appreciate your willingness to face the beast.”
Phoebe growled into the phone.
“Simmer down, Fluffy.” I sat up in bed and rubbed my forehead.
“Why didn’t you tell me that bottle-red horcrux was blackmailing your bill?” Phoebe practically hollered. “Who does she think she is, anyway? Lucille O’Ball? She’d be so lucky.”
“There wasn’t anything you could do.” I shrugged even though she couldn’t see me.
“Good grief, Maddie! Your dad is the frickin’ President!” She lowered her voice. “He’d lose his shit if he knew his VP was blackmailing his daughter and I sure wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of him being pissed. Do you remember when North Korea decided to test missiles last year? No one is forgetting that speech he made. He was all righteous Bill Pullman from the movie Independence Day.”
“I don’t need my dad to fight my battles.” I tried to not sound petulant. “This is my deal, my project. I don’t want anyone saying that the bill got passed because of my father.”
“I get that.” She sighed. “But you can’t just let that bitch blackmail you.”
“I—I don’t know what I’m going to do yet.” I picked at the blanket.
Phoebe groaned. “I’m sorry, Maddie. Now’s not the time. You’ve got enough on your plate right now.”
“It’s okay.” It wasn’t, nothing was okay.
“It’s not, but it will be, Maddie. I promise.”
“Thanks, Phoebe.” I threw myself back on my pillows. “I think I’m going to try and sleep now.”
“Sure.” Her voice was soft and I fought to ignore the pity. “Things are always better in the morning.”
“Good night.”
“Good night, Maddie.” The phone clicked and I sat it back on my nightstand.
I don’t know how long it took me to fall asleep, but morning came entirely too soon. As did the knock on my bedroom door.
I rolled over and covered my head with the blanket. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I didn’t want to see anyone, and I definitely didn’t want to get out of my bed.
“Maddie?” Tony’s voice was quiet.
“Go away, Tony. I’m not getting up today.”
“I’m sorry, Maddie.” Something in his voice made me uncover my head. “This is important.”
My stomach dropped but I threw the blanket off and stood up. Walking over to my bathroom I grabbed my robe and wrapped it around me. I stuffed my feet into my slippers and opened my bedroom door.
“The shift change is about to happen and I wanted to introduce you to my replacement.” Tony looked pas
t my shoulder.
“What?” I shoved my hair out of my face.
“I’m rotating out, but I wanted to introduce you to the new person. Mona is the best there is and I think you’ll get along well.”
“Rotate out? For vacation?”
“No, Maddie. It’s time for me to move on.”
My mouth opened but words wouldn’t come out. Tony had been my guard for the last two years and he was just going to leave now?
“Mona is on the young side, but has a lot of experience. I wouldn’t trust anyone else.” His eyes tightened and his jaw clenched. “I wouldn’t leave you with just anyone.”
“I don’t understand.” I shook my head. “You’re leaving me?”
“It’s time. Most agents don’t stay this long with their charge.” He stepped closer. “Can I come in?”
I stepped back so he could come in my room.
“I know my timing sucks, Maddie. I can’t imagine how pissed you’re going to be at me for this, but it needs to happen.” He stuck his hands in his pockets. “I’m going to California.”
“You’re going to California? Why?” I wrapped my arms around my stomach. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, that’s the last thing I want you to think.” He stood there looking so calm while my whole world fell apart. “I can’t protect you anymore.”
“Because . . . ?”
He pulled his hands out of his pockets and walked across my room to look out the window.
“Is it Dahlia?” I wracked my brain for reasons. “Does she miss her family?”
“Yes.” He turned to look at me. “And no.”
“I really need you to be straight right now, because I’m having the shittiest week ever and this is making it worse.” Was there anyone that didn’t want to run as far away from me as possible?
“I can’t take care of you the way I should.” His eyes were pained. “We’re not supposed to become attached to our charges. It blinds us to what’s going on, where danger could be coming from, and so far I’ve been lucky.”
“So, you’re leaving because you’re my friend?” I rubbed my forehead with my fingers.
“You’re like my little sister, Maddie.” His eyebrows pulled together. “And that makes it hard for me to do my job. So I’m leaving before something bad happens.”
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