by Rachel Cross
The evening so far had been enjoyable, but not memorable.
Until the moment the band began to play “Strangers in the Night.” Keila’s back tensed and her heart slowed as she scanned the crowd, seeking Jake and feeling pathetic, because if he hadn’t remembered her from that summer night, he certainly wouldn’t remember the last song they’d danced to. When her eyes finally found his, he was watching her, too, and his gaze was filled with such burning, white hot intensity that she suddenly had no doubt in her mind: Jake Kelly hadn’t forgotten their last song and he hadn’t forgotten her.
Keila immediately looked away, her breathing uneasy. Forcing a smile, she excused herself and slowly zigzagged through the crowd, making her way to the glass exit doors, in need of fresh, outside air.
Why had he pretended not to know her that day in his campaign headquarters and why hadn’t he ever said anything? Different thoughts whirled around in her head, yet only one really made sense. He hadn’t known she was Cate’s friend so he’d probably thought she’d found out who he was and had hunted him down like some infatuated groupie, thinking that night had meant something.
Both pride and vanity became wounded by the ridiculous idea. A minute ago she’d felt respected by him, and now she felt belittled. She conveniently put aside the fact that if she could have managed it, she probably would have pretended she didn’t remember their sizzling night of dancing, either, just so she could feel more comfortable around him.
Out in the hallway she saw Julia, alone, sitting on a black lacquer and silver chair, her expression dreamy.
“Julia?” Keila called out, tentatively. They’d never really spoken, Julia always seeming distant and apart.
“Yes?” she answered, and Keila was taken aback by the shy, apprehensive note in her voice.
“Um, is there are a garden nearby, or a pool area, maybe? Some place where I can get some fresh air?” she asked.
Julia stood up and fumbled for something inside her black satin clutch, finally pulling out a keycard. “There’s a rooftop garden—but you need this to reach that floor.” She motioned Keila to the elevator, following Keila in. She inserted the keycard, hit 75 on the floor indicator panel, and then quickly got out of the elevator. Smiling timidly, she added, “You’re going to love it.”
Keila smiled back and thanked her, just as the door shut, and she leaned back against the cool metal wall, thoughts of how she didn’t get Julia Hamilton now crowding in with thoughts of how full of himself Jake must be until a soft thud told her she’d reached the seventy-fifth floor.
As soon as she stepped out onto the rooftop paradise, Keila gasped, delighted. Hundreds upon hundreds of roses and shrubs in mahogany rectangular boxes were arranged in step fashion all around her. Vines and ivy crept and trailed up the elegant railings and wall brackets surrounding the roof, and fragrant maples and evergreens dotted the landscape in blue glazed pots, with a few willows stooping down over wood and iron benches here and there. A fairy-tale garden, she thought.
She nearly jumped a minute later when the door to the garden opened, half-expecting someone had come up to tell her she couldn’t be there.
Instead Jake stepped out and Keila felt her heart begin to pound dangerously. “Julia told me you were here.”
“You were looking for me?” Keila asked, eyebrows raised. She waited but Jake surveyed the view and ignored her question.
“I thought we were done promoting the music program and I’m sure you have many other things to promote and attend to tonight, so why are you up here looking for me?”
He finally looked at her, a challenge in his eyes. “I’ve had a hard time not looking for you all evening,” he finally said, and as revealing as his words were, his tone was, as usual, infuriatingly even.
He took a step toward her and held out his hand. Keila, at a rare loss for words, looked at his hand for a long moment before finally deciding to take it. He led her to the railing, and her breath caught at the sight there.
Thousands of city lights dazzled below and beyond, and hundreds of stars refused to be dimmed by the city’s glow as the moon reflected off of Lake Michigan in the distance. It was exhilarating and Keila couldn’t take her eyes off of the city she loved. “It’s breathtaking,” she murmured. Sighing, she wondered how she’d ever leave it, if her career took her elsewhere.
“So are you,” Jake said, softly. He let go of her hand to place it on the railing between her hand and her waist, his arm grazing her back, and she knew she had never felt as conscious of anything as the words he had just whispered and the proximity of his body.
“You’re lucky, you grew up with a view just like this one,” Keila remarked, struggling with composure and feeling a strong need to highlight the distance between their lives.
Jake jutted his chin in the direction of her neighborhood. “And you grew up in a loving home behind one of those lights. You’re lucky, too.”
Goose bumps ran up her arms and, as a way to explain them, she quickly observed, “I guess you’re so used to this sight, you don’t get chills when you look out over the city this way, the way I do.”
“Chills? Not really.” Jake noticed her goose bumps and lightly ran his fingers up and down her forearm. Keila could barely breathe. “Filip once told me that behind each of those lights are real homes; some complete, some broken, some happy, some sad. So now, that’s all I can think of when I look out over the city. He ruined it for me.”
“So Filip is your Jiminy Cricket? I like that you listen to Filip,” Keila finally smiled, too, and looked up at him. But that was a mistake. His fingers lightly touching her, intense blue eyes watching her, it was too much. She’d never had such a confusing reaction to anyone before. “He also should’ve taught you better manners than to make a person feel forgettable,” she added.
“I think you know I didn’t forget you.”
“Then why did you pretend to forget?”
Jake smiled his wicked smile and looked away. “You’ll get mad if I tell you, and though I’ll admit it’s entertaining to see you all riled up, I’m not sure I could handle it right now.”
“You thought I was some sort of psycho stalker, didn’t you?” Keila accused. She looked out over the city again and tried to find the will to walk away from Jake and go back inside.
“Only for a moment,” he admitted.
Finally, Keila pushed off the banister and prepared to leave.
“Wait. Don’t go.” Jake cleared his throat. “You just caught me off guard, that’s all. You were sweet, fun, warm . . . the stuff of dreams for someone like me and I never expected to see you again. To be honest, I didn’t want to see you again. I’m not looking for dreams.”
Keila tried to get her breathing and heartbeat under control. She knew exactly what she should say, that she wasn’t looking for dreams either and that she should leave, and she turned away from the blurry lights with every intention of saying it.
But as soon as she turned, she was effectively trapped between his arms. And instead of walking away, her hands went up to his chest and she buried her face in his neck. Jake stood very still, his warm, uneven breath on her cheek. She breathed him in and every thought melted away.
His hands crept up her back, caressed her neck, and became entangled in her hair. He tugged her head back and hot, impatient lips came down on hers in one sweeping movement. Keila grabbed onto the lapels of his tuxedo, hungrily pulling him down closer, effectively inviting him to invade her mouth.
The kiss went from breathless and desperate to sensual and searching, and when she began to feel too much, she pulled away, reluctant, but frightened. “I don’t want this,” she said, gasping for air.
Jake swept her hair away from her face and breathlessly said, “I know. Neither do I.” They stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment before their lips slowly, tentatively met again, this time for a long, soft, deeply moving kiss. Keila wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down as close to her as she possibly could as he
circled his hand around her waist and pressed her up to him.
They finally parted, both winded, both betraying apprehension when they finally looked at each other again. “So we agree neither of us wants this?” Keila finally spoke, knowing more than ever that she really didn’t want this, this felt so good it was nearly devastating. Devastating was never good.
Jake nodded, slowly tracing a circle on her neck with his thumb. “We probably should’ve gotten it over with the first night we met. We’d be over it by now instead of having let it build up like this.”
He looked as if he were about to kiss her again, but Keila gently pushed him away before turning to leave. It was one of the most difficult things she’d done in a long time.
• • •
Jake watched as Keila, once again, walked away from him. The night they’d danced she’d left him frustrated; he’d wanted to enjoy their startling physical chemistry just a little bit longer, see where it led . . .
But tonight he was almost relieved. It wasn’t just about chemistry anymore. Keila wanted him, too, he knew, but getting the wanting over wouldn’t be enough because she was also getting to him in different, worrisome ways. He liked her, he enjoyed her, and she made him feel great. And she’d looked so beautiful, with the ivory in her dress accentuating her golden skin, the amber light in her earrings picking up the fire in her eyes.
Jake rubbed the back of his neck moodily. He’d actually told her she was the stuff of dreams. What the hell was that about? Where did that crap come from? What was wrong with him?
Had he run so hard and so far away from becoming his father that he’d slowly turned into his mother? Shaking his head, he was tempted to slap himself.
The one good thought he could come up with was that with everything going on in his life, it would be easy enough to stay away from Keila, and soon, he knew he’d wake up from whatever spell he was under.
Chapter Eight
November brought cloudy, melancholy days, a comfortable routine, and doubts about her future. Thoughts of auditioning for other orchestras in different cities crept into her mind as fear over the future of her career grew.
Thankfully, she was no longer anywhere near Jake Kelly’s sphere and what little gossip remained regarding the two of them eventually died. Pretty soon she was so overexposed to Jake’s image in newspapers, magazines, and on TV, that he seemed more like a distant public figure than someone with whom she’d shared a few confusing moments.
It had been over a month since their explosive kiss, a moment she had tried hard to lock in a box and push to a corner of her mind. The problem was there were many other moments she should lock up as well, but couldn’t manage to. Crazy as it seemed, she missed being near the real him. Thoughts of his unguarded smiles and intense moments where they’d shared something snuck up on her at odd times, leaving her perplexed.
She’d often force herself to think of Mark, instead. They’d gone out two more times. Both times, they’d met at a cozy café near the night club where he played. The snug interior had echoed the warm, relaxed way she felt around her ex-boyfriend. She could sink onto one of the huge brown corduroy armchairs across from him, and be at ease. Mark was easy to listen to; there were no confusing moments, no out-of-control tummy tumbles and belly flips. No tingles. No chills. No jealousy. Just comfy stuff.
Until he’d asked her how she felt on their second Saturday evening date.
“Keila, I’ve really missed this. I’ve missed us and it’s obvious you have, too. Do you think you’re ready to try again? To take our relationship to another level?”
Keila wanted to grab onto the comfortable part of their relationship and hold on tight. But Mark still wanted more. And she now understood why he placed great value on breathless mind-blowing kisses: his hopes for a peaceful lifetime would not be in jeopardy over a few of those.
But she now knew there was only one person who’d managed to awaken that in her, and not only did she not feel that kind of attraction for Mark, she didn’t even want to.
“Mark,” Keila exhaled heavily, not really knowing what she was going to say, but wanting to be honest. “Have you ever looked at someone and felt so attracted to them that your whole body reacted by its own volition?”
“Yes,” he laughed, looking into her eyes and touching her nose with his forefinger.
“Well,” she flinched at his smile and considered her words carefully, realizing she’d started on the wrong foot. “I’ve felt it, too, even though I really don’t want to feel it, for someone else,” she cringed at her admission, wondering if she was being brutally honest. “I’m just telling you because I finally understand that’s what you want from me, but it’s just not how I feel or want to feel about anyone. I see now we really aren’t looking for the same things in a relationship, even if we want similar things out of life.”
For a moment, Mark seemed angry, scraping his chair back abruptly and brooding out into the crowd. But after a long and uncomfortable silence he calmly said, “People always want what they can’t have and that guy you’re lusting after, he probably doesn’t want you, and it turns you on. You don’t feel it for me because you think I’d take you back, because I’ve been so good to you. Let’s see how you feel once I disappear for good.” He stood up then, and left. Keila got up and left, too, mortification stinging her eyes. Finally she realized that common interests just weren’t enough; she and Mark weren’t compatible at all. He was an ass.
So there she and Mark were, done for good. While she and Jake were, thankfully, strangers again. In a city like hers, it was possible she’d never see either again. Just one more thing to love about Chicago.
With fall peaking late, her hometown was now rife with russet, copper, and gold, and while the colors picked her up, the occasionally somber weather matched her mood.
It was now the last week of November and Keila found herself battling a constant nervous buzz of anticipation. Geraldine Bernard, a violinist with a permanent position, had just presented her two week resignation letter. Keila was on pins and needles, waiting for a call from the Symphony director, hoping she’d soon be offered the full-time position.
If not, it meant she had some major decisions to make. Decisions she didn’t want to make. Either she auditioned for another orchestra in another city or she applied for a music teacher position here. Both meant giving up a part of her dream.
She did her best to push these thoughts aside as she listened to Cate go over their plans for the next day on a brisk, Tuesday morning, the week of Thanksgiving.
“Robbie has a lesson till 7:00, and I have a staff meeting till 7:30, so we’ll just meet you guys at Navy Pier Park for the fireworks at 8:00,” Cate was saying over the phone. “Keila, are you there?”
“I’m listening,” Keila said as she hopped off a bus and dashed toward rehearsal. “We’ll meet you and Robbie at Navy Pier Park after the Christmas Tree lighting. Oh! And don’t eat before we get there. Mom and Tia Gina are packing loads of food.”
On Wednesday evening, Keila, Tania, Mia, Graciela, and their favorite aunt from their father’s side, Gina, headed out to the loop in Tania’s little white Mazda 3. Tania, Mia, and Graciela would be spending Thanksgiving out of town with Mia’s paternal grandparents, both families believing that it would be good for Mia to see them spending a holiday together. Today was Keila’s day to be with her family.
Christmas in Chicago came early, and it was every child’s fantasy. Magnificent Mile welcomed the season with over one million lights to brighten any spirit. They walked around with their mouths agape, ooohing and ahhing over every amazing display.
Everywhere they looked there was a spectacle of lights and a myriad of elaborate decorations. Window displays featured everything from realistic Santa workshops and sophisticated North Pole villages to talking snowmen and flying reindeer.
Once they were fully satisfied with the wonder of Magnificent Mile, they headed over to Daley Plaza to witness the tree lighting ceremony. The sixty-fo
ot tree was strung with thousands of yet-unlit candy-colored lights and hundreds of ornaments in every Christmas hue and shape imaginable.
Chicago Children’s Choir filled hearts and air with their angelic voices. Keila watched her niece’s face fill with happiness when the tree lit up as Tania leaned over to say, “The look on her face is always my favorite part.”
The lavish display of holiday cheer would end in a spectacular fireworks show over the harbor and the five of them headed to the Navy Pier, brimming with holiday bliss, to meet Cate and Robbie.
After exchanging greetings, Cate announced, “Listen, Jake rented out a sixty-three foot schooner for his staff, so we could all watch the fireworks from the water. But when I told him I already had plans with all of you, he said you were all welcome on board.” Mia, Graciela, and Gina instantly agreed, Gina enthusiastic over the prospect of meeting a political figure, Mia and Graciela just wanting to see the fireworks directly over their heads. Picnic baskets in hand, they walked to the pier, as Tania and Keila strolled behind them, neither too sure of the change in plans.
Keila hadn’t seen Jake in little over a month and a half and though she’d long since convinced herself it was better if she never saw him again, her body betrayed her. The tingle came back and her heart began to flutter nervously. To say it would be strange to face him for the first time since participating in such a mind-blowing kiss was a major understatement.
“That crap doesn’t work on me, buster,” Tania said under her breath.
“Who are you talking to?” Keila asked when she turned and didn’t see anyone beside Tania.
“That guy, the one who gave you a ride that day, he’s giving me this lame ‘come hither’ look.”
Keila turned to look at Tyrone, who was waiting by a plank that led to a beautiful red and black three-masted schooner, and saw what Tania meant. Except it wasn’t a lame look at all, it was an “I’m hungry and I mean business” look and Keila thought she’d need to stick her head in the cold waters of Lake Michigan after witnessing it.