by K E Osborn
“Amber your mic and amps all look okay,” Jayce says breaking me away from my thoughts.
I look over to him and nod as I hear Hunter starting to yell. He’s talking to some old man and he doesn’t seem impressed. Pulling my arm from around Mase, I stand up walking over to Hunter, whose body is rigid, but his hands are flailing about. His face is bright red and his nostrils are so flared I think they might split if he doesn’t calm down soon.
“What the fuck? How can this not be covered by insurance?” Hunter yells and my eyes open wide with shock.
“Because the damage was done by the patrons and not as a result of the members of my staff, or from damage from the building, therefore, it’s not covered by insurance,” the man says.
Hunter shakes his head and points to the stage. “Have you seen my band’s instruments, they’re totalled. Some of them were priceless. Money can’t replace the sentimental value, so what are you going to do about it?” Hunter asks. I stand close by and watch my brother and the bar owner at a standoff.
“What am I going to do about it?”
“Yeah?” Hunter asks.
“Nothing, you decided to play here. You know the town, you know the patrons, or at least you should have researched before you came. The damage is not my fault. I didn’t do it, so why should I pay for it?”
Hunter throws his hands in the air in frustration. “Are you kidding me?” Hunter glares at the man, his face turning beetroot red. “You’re a fucking piece of work you are. We should sue your arse into the ground. Do you know who we are? Do you know the band that played in here last night? The caliber and quality of musicianship that I allowed to grace your premises?” Hunter asks and I try to hold back my smile as I grab his elbow to try and calm him down.
“Wow, you have a big head there mate,” the owner says and Hunter races forward. I quickly grab him holding him back, as the owner scurries off retreating like a hermit crab into the back room.
“I’m going to report you, you fucking bastard,” Hunter calls out.
I pull on his arm and make him look at me. “Hunt, let it go. He’s not worth it—”
“He’s a gutless fucking wonder, that’s what he is,” he says and I actually chuckle.
“Yes, he is! But we need to sort this shit out if we’re going to continue this tour. We need instruments, and we need you in the right headspace. So can you come back to earth and help us drag the remnants of the gear back to the bus, and then we need to find a music shop, okay?” He looks in my eyes and exhales, then nods and then gazes over to the stage where the guys are sitting on the edge all looking miserable.
“So much for starting the tour off with a bang,” he says and I smile.
“Well it did, just not the right sort of bang,” I say and he exhales and nods.
“Let’s go get the boys some new instruments.”
We make our way over to the stage to the other members of Red Velvet, who all look as deflated and disheartened as we feel.
A day later and we’re driving to Liverpool. We have approximately a fifty-minute trip ahead of us, and I’m sitting in the seat holding Charli and playing with her. Brax has been keeping his distance since our ‘sort of fight’ and we haven’t spoken much since then. The tension has been awkward to say the least, and I wish one of us would be brave enough to make the first move to say something. But I’m worried that if that person is me, I’ll get on the defensive right away and snap at him again because I’m so confused about what I am feeling. I know he’s sitting opposite me and I can sense his eyes on me. I’ve been feeling it for a while, and it’s making me uncomfortable. I glance up and notice he’s smiling at me.
I furrow my brows and huff. “Stop smiling at me,” I mumble under my breath.
“What? So now I’m not allowed in your space and I’m not permitted to smile at you?” he asks and I nod my head.
“Yes, that’s exactly right. Stop looking at Charli and me like we’re adorable, just do your job and everything will be fine.”
He exhales. “God, are you even human?”
I open my eyes wide and glare at him. “Excuse me?”
“I mean do you have any emotion other than pissed off at the world, or should I say at me? Yes, I’m here to do a job, but I also have feelings and when I see something cute that makes me want to smile, I should be allowed to fucking smile.”
I flinch back in surprise. “Are you saying I’m cute, or Charli is cute?” I ask with a hint of humor in my voice.
His lips turn into a slight smile. “I’m saying you’re both cute.”
I look away from him because his intense stare is making my breathing hitch. “Well,…that’s nice of you.”
“I’m actually a really nice guy if you’d only take the time to get to know me.”
“It’s not my job to get to know you, Brax. You’re here to protect me, that’s it. The less I know about you, the better.”
“Okay, if you want it that way,” he says and shrugs. He stands up and walks off down the back of the bus. My heart starts to race, whether it’s from our conversation or the fact he’s leaving, I’m unsure.
I look down at Charli, who’s sitting happily in my lap oblivious to my anxiety. Brax is hot there’s no doubting that. But after losing myself in Aston, I can’t let another man in. Any man—whether it be Mason, someone else, or Brax. I can’t open myself up to that hurt again. I’m struggling as it is. I take a deep breath and lean in kissing Charli on her cute little button nose.
“You’ll be the love of my life, won’t you baby girl?” I whisper as Clara comes over and sits next to me, her perfume filling my senses making me instantly relax.
I smile up at her and she smooths her hand over Charli’s head. “You shouldn’t put so much pressure on a baby, Amber. Being someone’s everything is hard work. You don’t want that life for her, do you?” Clara asks and for a moment I’m annoyed and I furrow my brows and open my mouth to yell at her. But then I think of Aston, and how I made him my everything, and the pressure that put on him, our relationship and my emotional state was unhealthy. I realise Clara is right, putting all your emotions into one sole person is hard work for that person, and I don’t want to make Charli’s life hard. I only want what’s best for her.
“Clara, thank you,” I say resting my hand on hers.
She smiles and nods. “You know I’ll always be honest with you, Amber. I love you like family, and I want what’s best for you and Charli, and smothering her with your affections will only be detrimental in the long run.” I nod as a regretful tear forms in my eyes. I’m doing everything wrong.
“I just want to be a good mother and a good person, I feel like I’m losing myself. Mum died, and to cope with her loss I threw myself into Aston, and then he left me for Annie and then Charli came along. My life’s changed so much in five years, I have no idea who I am or what to think,” I say honestly and Clara pulls me to her and I cuddle into her side.
“Amber you do the best you can do. You have an incredible support system around you. You just need to rely on us a bit more when you’re bottling your feelings up. You can talk to me anytime you want to. I’m not a counsellor and I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I’ll help where I can. I love you, Amber, don’t lose sight of that.” I smile and wrap my arm around her embracing her tightly with Charli in between, giggling at us.
“I love you, too. I’d be lost without you, Clara.”
“Now, in all honesty, it’s been over a year since you broke up with Aston, nearly two. Don’t you think it’s time you start thinking about moving on,” she says and I tense up.
Shaking my head, I sigh. “No, I’m not ready for that yet.”
“I think you are. I see the chemistry between you and Alex. Don’t push him away, Amber. That’s all I am going to say. Now let me take Charli, and you go to the back of the bus and talk. Just talk. Try and keep the conversation civil, okay?” She takes Charli from me and I go to debate, but she stops me by putting her finger up an
d shushing me. “No, buts, go before I have to get all motherly on you,” she says. I chuckle while standing up and looking toward the back of the bus. “You’re a strong, confident woman, Amber Jewel. You can do this.” I nod and run my finger along Charli’s cheek and my feet feel heavy as I walk the plush red carpet along the aisle of the bus. My footsteps match the rhythm of my heart that’s thrashing in my chest as I walk toward Brax.
His eyes move up and down my body, and I stand a little taller knowing that look in his eyes is one of appreciation. I move to sit next to him, and he looks at me raising an eyebrow looking at me questionably.
“What? Can’t I sit here or something?” I ask.
“No, of course, you can. It’s just you’re sitting so close, you’re kind of in my personal space,” he says with a gleam in his eye and a smirk.
But I don’t find it funny if anything it just pisses me off. I stand up and huff. “Fine, sorry,” I say as my chest tightens and I move to walk away, but he reaches out and grabs my arm stopping my escape. I can’t help but notice the heat from his fingers pulsing down my arm from the touch of his fingertips.
“No, I’m sorry. I was only teasing Amber. Please sit, stay, talk to me?” I turn around looking into his eyes seeing he’s being honest. There’s a sparkle in his eyes that makes me want to not only sit back down but sit in his lap and make out with him. Did I just think that? I swallow hard and break our eye contact, and he slowly releases his grip on my arm and I mourn the loss of contact noticing the tingles are still shooting up and down my arm.
I slowly sit down next to him. My thigh brushes against his and a slight smile crosses my face that another part of me is touching him. What the hell is happening to me?
“Hey, I’m sorry for being so snappy all the time. I’m stressed, and being a single mum is hard, let alone being on tour and having to deal with a new bodyguard around the place. I’m not used to having people around me all the time.”
“Amber, I understand and that’s why I’ve been trying to keep a safe distance, and trying not to get in your space too much,” he says and I smile to myself.
I wouldn’t mind him in my space right now! I mentally slap myself for thinking that.
“Well, thank you. I had noticed you backed off, and I appreciate it. I really do, but we can’t keep going on avoiding talking to each other. That’s not healthy, right?”
“No, I don’t think so. Plus, when you're nice, it’s a pleasure to talk to you,” he says and I smirk and bump my shoulder into his playfully.
“I am sorry. I don’t know why I keep snapping at you. I think it’s ‘cause you’re new and an easy target.”
“Well, I can take it, I’ve had far worse. But I would prefer us to be lovers, not haters,” he admits and my tummy flutters at his choice of the word lovers.
I swallow hard and look away from him because the intensity of the moment is too much for me right now. “I would like that,” I say barely in a whisper and he chuckles and bumps my shoulder this time playfully.
“Have I made the Amber Jewel go all shy?”
“What? No, of course not. Get fucked,” I berate and he puts his hands up in surrender and chuckles.
“There she is, the fighter is back.”
I roll my eyes and shake my head. “Dickhead,” I tease and he laughs.
“Yeah, I know I am, but you think I’m hot anyway,” he says and my mouth drops open in shock.
“More like cocky and self-absorbed,” I joke and he laughs.
“Yeah, I’m a bit of that, too.”
“I actually think you’re not that hot, you know? I think Cooper is hotter,” I say and we both look over at Cooper, who’s fast asleep with his head tilted to the side and drool coming out of his mouth landing on his shirt.
We both chuckle and Brax nods. “Yeah, I can see the appeal right there.”
I laugh as Mason walks down the centre aisle toward us, his brows are so creased together his eyebrows have formed into one single line and his glare is so stern I can feel the heat in his anger radiating from here.
“So Amber, I was thinking for our daughter’s birthday we could get some performers and make a huge show of it. What do you think?” Mason asks sitting down in front of us and saying ‘our daughter’ in such a way that makes me think he’s trying to make this into something about him and me.
“Well, Charli’s birthday is eleven months away, so we have plenty of time to think about it,” I say raising my eyebrows at him as he smiles at me weirdly.
“Right, yeah, well, I just want to have everything planned. You know ‘cause you and Charli mean everything to me. I just want her to have the best birthday her father could give her,” he says and I furrow my brows in confusion as to why he’s talking like this.
“Don’t worry, Mase, she’ll have a great birthday. But we really don’t need to worry about it just yet. It’s so far away.”
He nods and looks like he’s thinking hard of something else to say. I look sideways at Brax, who’s looking anywhere but at Mase, and is shifting awkwardly in his seat. He seems completely uncomfortable with the situation that’s unfolding right in front of him.
“Okay. What about your birthday? I thought maybe you, me, and Charli could go somewhere nice as a family. Maybe spend a weekend away together, just the three of us. What do you think?” he asks and I have to stop myself from physically laughing out loud.
“Um, Mase, while that sounds lovely, we’re not a family. I’m a single mother, and you’re her father. A family that does not make so no. Plus, my birthday is months away too. Where’s all this birthday talk coming from? What’s gotten into you?” He scowls and throws his hands in the air with a scoff.
“Nothing. I just want us to be able to put on a happily united front for our daughter, the wonderful little girl we created together,” he says.
I’ve had enough of his pissing contest in front of Brax. It’s more than obvious what he’s doing. He saw Brax and me having a good time together, and his jealousy has gotten the better of him. So Mason thought he’d come over and show Brax how much he’s in my life and that I should be with him.
Well, news flash mister—I don’t want you!
“Excuse me,” I say and stand up pushing past Mason and not turning to look back at Brax. I’m so embarrassed. God only knows what he’s thinking right now. Mason is an arsehole and right now, I remember why I hate men.
“Amber, where are you going?” Mase calls out, but I keep walking toward the front of the bus and back to my baby girl. “See what you did you arsehole, you made her leave,” Mase says to I’m assuming Brax.
I shake my head and breathe out heavy with frustration as my head starts to pound. Mason is doing my head in. I know he wants us to be a happy family but, unfortunately, that’s something I simply cannot give him. He needs to realise that before it’s too late and his heart is irreparably broken. I don’t want to be the reason he turns out like me.
We arrived in Liverpool and we’ve just finished performing at the venue, tonight’s pub was much better than the one we played in Manchester. Well, let’s face it, anywhere is better than the pub in Manchester. The crowd was great and the atmosphere was buzzing. Since the road trip today Brax has been distant. He’s not avoiding me, but he hasn’t said much to me either, but then again I have been busy with Charli and getting ready for tonight’s gig.
I walk off the stage down the tattered steps as the crowd erupts in applause and I can’t stop smiling, this feels much better than the other night. Brax comes to my side and I smile at him and he smiles back. It’s a hesitant smile then he follows behind me while we walk through the green room out the back and toward the bus in a silence that’s so loud it’s deafening. There’s an awkward tension flowing between us. My shoulders are tight and I’m trying my best to not touch him as he walks close to me. He is taut in stature too, and it’s like we both want to say something, but neither of us is capable. My heart’s hammering in my chest because I really want us to tal
k, but at the same time I don’t know what to say. So I turn to him and place my hands on my hips. The others walk past us while Brax looks at me raising his eyebrow and his lips tilt up in the corner.
“What’s with the weird tension?” I ask.
He opens his eyes and chuckles. “Straight to the point, okay. Mason told me you were his girl and were off limits. If I knew what was good for me, and if I wanted to keep my job, I would keep my distance from you.”
My eyes open wide, my stomach lurches and my mouth drops open. “He did not!” I say and he grimaces. “That dirty snake.” I turn storming toward the bus feeling my body flush with an insatiable heat as the vein in my neck begins to pulse.
“Amber,” Brax calls out but I’m in a rage and Mason Hughes is about to cop the full brunt of my ferocity. “Amber stop!” Suddenly strong arms wrap around my waist pulling me toward his muscular chest. I struggle against him, but he’s too strong.
“Let me go,” I say as I fight against his grip.
“Amber, calm down!” He turns me in his grip to face him. Angry tears form in my eyes and as I look up at him, his gaze soothes me. Taking a deep breath, I stop struggling as he brings his hand up and gently caresses my cheek bringing my frenzied temper down a notch to a calmer more sensible level. Looking into his eyes he has the ability to ease me completely, and he has with a simple caress. I nuzzle into his hand as I swallow hard looking into his luminous green eyes. “It’s okay,” he whispers and I take a step to him needing to be closer. He wraps his hand around my waist and pulls us so our bodies are touching in every way which ignites a different kind of fire inside of me. His hand on my cheek as he looks into my eyes has me thinking of all the things I want to do to him right now that involve no clothing and a bed. Somehow he’s flipped a switch in me and I just want to feel everything he has to offer. He licks his lips and my breathing hitches. My heart is racing so fast I feel lightheaded as the sparks shooting off around us are like a Fourth of July fireworks display. The energy pulsing around me is like nothing I’ve felt before and I could get addicted to this feeling right here. I lean up to be closer to him and he moves down and we’re inches apart. His breath on my skin is sending goose bumps all over my body, and right now all I want is for him to lean in that bit closer and for his lips to meet mine. He moves closer and I close my eyes. The gentle breeze tickles my skin as his warmth wraps me up in the feeling of home. I feel his breath right against my lips and I purse mine ready for contact.