“And here I thought you were enjoying yourself,” she teased, even though she’d been ready for the stragglers to take off an hour ago. “You realize your first party was a smash hit, don’t you?”
“Thanks to you.” Coming forward, he scooped her up and twirled her around. “And thanks for talking me into it. I had fun.”
Laughing, she clung to his neck as his mouth settled over hers for a long kiss. She sighed as he lifted his head.
“Does that mean you’ll throw another one? Say, for Christmas?”
“Maybe.” He set her down and gave her a look so filled with boyish exuberance, she felt giddy. “Enough about parties, though. I have the greatest news.”
Her heart jumped right into her throat. “What?”
“No, not here.” His eyes twinkled as he stepped back. “Wait for me in the den. I’ll be right there.”
Battling an attack of the jitters, she went to wait on the sofa. She wished she’d worn something besides a casual shorts set. A woman should look special the night her husband proposed. When the kitchen door swung open, she jumped, then folded her hands in her lap to keep them from shaking. A smile washed over her when she saw he carried a bottle of champagne in one hand and two fluted glasses in the other.
“Champagne?” She held a hand over her heart. “This really must be a special occasion.”
Taking a seat beside her, he popped the cork, filled both glasses, and handed one to her. His eyes danced as he held up his glass. Oh God, this is it, she thought.
“How would you feel,” he said slowly, “about toasting the network’s newest political reporter in Washington, D.C.?”
She blinked as she tried to make sense of his words. “Excuse me?”
His smile broadened. “I got a call from my agent yesterday. I’ve been offered a job as political reporter for the network, Laura. The network!”
“I don’t understand.” What did this have to do with them getting married? “I thought reporting was a step down from being an anchor.”
“On the local level, yeah. But we’re talking the big time here. This is exactly what I’ve dreamed about. Being back in the field, doing investigative reports. Oh, God!” He shook his head, laughing. “I can’t believe this is happening! Even though I’ve been working for it, I still can’t believe it’s finally happening.”
A chill brushed her skin. “Then … you mean to take the job?”
“As soon as my agent hammers out a contract.” He touched his glass to hers and drank deeply.
“I see.” Her fingers went numb. Afraid she’d drop the glass, she put it on the coffee table without taking a sip. This was the announcement Keshia had meant. It had nothing to do with marriage and family, or a life filled with love and the laughter of children. Every fantasy she’d played out in her mind during the past few hours returned to mock her.
“What is it?” he asked, apparently sensing the shift in her mood.
“Nothing. I’m happy for you. Really.” She tried to smile, but her lips trembled. “If this is what you want, I’m glad.” Afraid she’d cry, she turned away.
“Hey.” He caught her chin and turned her back to face him. She swallowed hard as tears stung her eyes. If she’d been wrong about the proposal, had she also been wrong about him loving her?
“Laura?” He sat his glass aside and took her hands in his. “You’re cold as ice. What’s wrong? Is it the thought of moving to Washington? I promise you’ll love it. It’s a great town. And I’m sure you’ll be able to find a job. Look how well you’ve done here.”
She searched his eyes for some sign that she was wrong, that he did love her and meant to marry her. “Brent, what exactly are you asking me?”
“Damn.” He slumped. “I guess I did this out of order.” Taking a deep breath, he fixed his gaze on their joined hands. Her heart fluttered with renewed hope.
“Laura, these last weeks, I’ve been thinking about … about a lot of things. I never really pictured myself in a long-term relationship, but things have been going so well between us. I mean, we get along great and you seem happy. So I guess I just assumed…” He finally looked at her. “I’d like for you to come to Washington with me.”
Come to Washington with me. Not “Laura, I love you, please marry me,” just “Come to Washington with me.”
She rose and crossed to the windows. The fairy-tale scene of yard lights and flowers looked abandoned and forlorn.
“Laura?” He came up behind her. In the glass, she saw his reflection as he started to reach for her, then hesitated. “What is it?”
“You said come with you to Washington.” Her voice sounded so calm. “What exactly did you want me to come as?”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“Did you mean for me to come with you as your lover?”
His reflection went rigid, as if she’d insulted him. “If that’s what you want to call it.”
“That is what you call it, Brent.” Numbly, she turned to face him. “When two people sleep together outside of marriage, they’re called lovers.”
“Laura…” With a sigh, he reached up to brush the hair off her forehead. “What does it matter what people call it? I need you. And well, I want to be with you.”
“For how long?”
He blinked. “What do you mean, for how long?”
“I mean, how long will you ‘want’ to be with me?”
“I don’t know.” He pulled away. “How can anyone know such a thing?”
“Okay, so you want me to drop everything, move to Washington, and find a new job and a new place to live, so that we can go on being lovers. Is that about it?”
“Actually,” his gaze lowered, “I was hoping you’d reconsider living with me. You have to admit, it would be more practical. Especially given the price of housing in D.C.”
“Oh,” she said, crossing her arms. “So you want me to be more than your lover. You want me to be your mistress.”
“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?” Stepping away from her, he made a dismissive gesture with his hand. “People live together all the time. Nobody thinks anything of it.”
“Call me picky, but I like to nail down these little details before I make a decision.”
“Fine.” He thrust his hands into his pockets and faced her from across the room. “What exactly do you need nailed down?”
“When we’re out socially, how will you introduce me? ‘Hey, everyone, I’d like you to meet my lovely shack-up, Laura Morgan’?”
“Why are you doing this?” He stared at her as if she were intentionally trying to be difficult. She didn’t care. She was dying inside, and all she could think was why? Why did she always fall short of the mark? What was so wrong with her that she didn’t deserve to be loved?
“And what about children, Brent?” she asked, battling tears. “Do you introduce our children as Joey and Suzy, your cute little bastards?”
“Stop it, Laura. Stop it right there!” He raked both hands through his hair. “Christ,” he muttered. “I’ve already told you I have no intention of having children.”
“Accidents happen.” She tightened her arms about her waist. “What are you going to do if we accidentally make a baby? Dump me so you don’t have to vicariously relive the pain of growing up illegitimate?”
“It’s not like it’s that big of a stigma, for Christ’s sake,” he insisted. “People have kids outside of marriage all the time.”
“So being born a bastard doesn’t bother you?” He didn’t respond, and her patience evaporated. “You look me in the eye, Brent Zartlich, and you tell me it didn’t bother you to grow up as a bastard.”
“I will not have this conversation.” He turned away as if to leave the room.
“And I will not let my children grow up without a proper home and loving parents.”
He whirled back, his eyes blazing with fury. “A marriage certificate is the last thing that guarantees that.”
Laura simply stared at him, w
atching as he reined in his temper, locking the demons away inside himself where he could pretend they didn’t exist.
“For Christ’s sake,” he sighed. “I said I needed you, didn’t I? So it’s not like I’m looking for an easy out the first time we have an argument. But you must understand I can’t marry you.”
“Why?” Her voice wavered with confusion and hurt.
“I just can’t!” His jaw clenched as his control slipped a notch. “It’s not something I can explain. I just can’t do it.”
“Brent, I—I know the idea of being a husband and a father frightens you, but—”
“You’re not listening to me!” he shouted, then took a deep breath when she stepped back.
She watched him run a hand over his face and knew she had nothing to fear from him physically. No matter what he thought of himself, he was not a man who would allow his temper to run loose. She feared instead what he would say.
“All right,” he said. “Since you’re determined to have this out, I’ll tell you again how I feel. Exactly how I feel. Every time I even think about getting married, my whole chest constricts and I can’t breathe. I tried to explain that to you before. I thought you understood.”
With perfect clarity, she remembered how she felt every time she thought about marrying Greg: as if she were suffocating. Only her aversion was to Greg, not to marriage. Brent’s chest constricted at the thought of marrying her. Tears rose up to clog in her throat as she realized he truly didn’t love her.
“I see,” she managed to say, breaking eye contact. “I guess I thought— Never mind.” She needed to get away, quickly, before she crumbled. Blindly she moved past him, heading for the kitchen to retrieve her purse.
“Wait a second.” He followed her but stopped in the kitchen doorway. “What are you doing?”
“I—I need to go.” She clutched her purse to her breast. What a fool she’d been. What an utter fool.
“Laura, wait!” He stepped toward her but stopped when she backed away. His eyes turned panicked and pleading. “What’s this about? You can’t just walk out like this.”
“I can’t stay. Not like this. Not feeling the way I do.”
“Like what? Tell me.” He moved toward her. “Talk to me.”
Swallowing hard, she gazed at him through her tears. “I love you, Brent. I love you.”
Utter silence fell as she watched his face. She’d waited so long to say it, had imagined a dozen different reactions. But none of them came close to the confusion and pain she saw playing in his eyes.
“You can’t say it, can you?” she said.
“It isn’t that I don’t care about you,” he managed. “I … I care, all right?”
She shook her head as despair pressed down upon her. “It’s not the same, and it’s not enough. If you loved me, you’d want to marry me, no matter how much the idea frightens you. You’d find the courage … if you loved me.”
“So that’s it, is it?” He demanded, the anger snapping back into his voice. “Marry you, or it’s over?”
She looked away, knowing she’d lost him.
“I can’t believe this!” He raked his hands through his hair. “Three months ago, you sat in there on my bed and said you could handle this kind of a relationship. Was that all a lie?”
“Three months ago you weren’t asking me to give up my job and my friends while you offer nothing in return,” she shot back. “Is it too much to ask for something so simple as love?”
“There is nothing simple about love,” he said. “And just because I can’t say a few glib words or a make some meaningless vows does not change how I feel about you.”
“The words aren’t meaningless to me. And if you can’t understand that, we have no future together.” I love you, Brent. I will always love you, but I won’t stay with you if you can’t return that love. “I won’t settle for less than I deserve.”
At her words, the hot emotion drained from his eyes, replaced by a coldness that chilled her. He turned away.
“Get out.” He said it so softly, she wasn’t sure she’d heard right. But when he turned back and impaled her with a look from his wounded eyes, she knew he meant it. “Now, Laura. I want you out of my house. Now!”
She stumbled out the door and stood for a moment on the drive, her legs trembling. From behind her, she heard a crash, as if he’d swept the countertop with his arm, sending bowls and platters crashing to the floor to break into a million jagged pieces.
Just like that, in the blink of an eye, their life together had been shattered.
Chapter 24
Laura drove home in a state of shock, along the banks of Buffalo Bayou, past the restaurant where they’d talked about Robby. The esplanade that ran through the middle of Melody’s neighborhood looked lonely and surreal in the moonlight.
Had she been wrong to tell Brent how she felt about marriage?
No, she decided. By bringing up the subject, she’d learned the bitter truth. He cared for her, probably even loved her in a way, but not the way she longed to be loved. She was to him what Greg had been to her. A comfort. A convenience. She deserved to be more than that, and to give more in return.
Learning the truth now before she gave any more of herself, was for the best. She just wished she didn’t feel so empty. And so totally numb.
Turning the corner onto Melody’s street, she saw Greg’s car still parked in front of Melody’s house, and the numbness vanished in a heartbeat. For one desperate moment, she thought about not stopping. The last thing she wanted was to face anyone right then, especially Greg. Where would she go, though, if she didn’t stop?
Resigned, she pulled over and got out of the car. She stood, listening to the night sounds of the wind rustling through the trees and katydids chirping their continuous song. How could everything seem so ordinary when her world was falling apart?
Passing through the front gate, she tried to imagine why Greg was still here. He seemed to have accepted that things were over for them romantically. Surely this idea of them becoming business partners didn’t warrant him waiting hours for her to return. Especially since, if she and Brent hadn’t broken up, she wouldn’t have come home tonight at all.
From inside, she heard something that sounded like sitar music. She assumed Melody had pulled out all the stops in trying to run Greg off. She was surprised it hadn’t worked.
Opening the door, she found the lights dim. She started to call out a greeting, but the sheer quiet of the place stopped her. Cautiously, she stepped past the entryway into the living room—and stopped in her tracks, stunned by the scene that lay before her.
Greg and Melody sat on the floor facing each other in the lotus position of meditation. Their eyes were closed, their hands rested palm up on their knees. Incense smoke spiraled upward from a burner that rested on the floor between them.
And they were both stark naked.
From Melody’s bedroom, one of the dogs barked, breaking the silence. Greg’s eyes cracked open, then flew wide. “Laura Beth!” He grabbed for his discarded clothes.
Melody startled out of her trance, blinking in confusion. “Laura Beth? Oh, Laura! What are you doing home?”
“I can explain!” Greg struggled to cover himself with his shirt and slacks.
A small giggle of hysteria escaped Laura. Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly feel worse… Though why finding them together should hurt she had no idea.
“Oh, Greg, for heaven’s sake,” Melody said. “Would you stop blushing?” As if she weren’t blushing as well, albeit to a lesser degree, Melody shrugged into the oversize shirt she’d been wearing earlier. “It’s not as if Laura’s never seen you naked before.”
“Laura, I swear—” Ignoring Melody, Greg gave her a pleading look. “This isn’t what it looks like.”
“It’s exactly what it looks like,” Melody insisted, appearing more disgruntled at Greg than embarrassed about Laura finding them together. Then she caught the expression on Laura’s face, and her
frown turned to one of concern. “Hey, you’re not upset about this, are you?”
“No, I’m not upset,” she said, with a total lack of inflection. In truth, she wasn’t sure what she felt, other than stunned. “If y’all will excuse me, I think I’ll go to my room.”
Thankfully, neither of them tried to stop her as she crossed the room and disappeared through the kitchen into her bedroom. Closing the door she leaned against it. Laughter came first, followed by tears—silent wrenching tears that wracked her whole body.
Long moments passed before the quiet knock came, and she realized she’d been waiting for it. Straightening, she wiped her cheeks and opened the door. Greg stood there, once again dressed, his head slightly bowed.
“Can I come in?”
“Of course.” She stepped back.
He took a long time closing the door, then stood for a while, staring at the doorknob. “Laura, I—I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything.”
“Even though you’ve made it clear that things are over between us, my behavior tonight was inexcusable.”
“Why?” she asked. “Because you think we could still get back together?” When he didn’t answer, she knew she was right. “So that’s why you offered me a partnership in the pharmacy. As a way of getting me back.”
“No!” He finally looked at her. “Of course not. Well, at least not completely. No.” As if realizing he’d protested too strongly, he sighed in defeat. “Well, all right, perhaps that was part of the reason. Although I really did think we’d make good business partners.”
“Did?” She raised a brow.
She could see the thoughts flicker across his face as he searched for a graceful way out of an awkward situation. “Yes, well, uhm, Melody pointed out that you and I might not be the best business partners, seeing as how we both lean toward the analytical. She, uhm, suggested that I might, well, want someone of a more creative nature who understands marketing and new trends in wellness products, and possibly a gift section … and, uhm, such,” His words dwindled with a hopeless look of apology.
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