“I did right,” she interrupted before he could finish his sentence. He nodded, but the move was loaded with his displeasure. “I wanted him to suffer the human way too. Jail and death row. That was the only way it could go. He’d raped and murdered four victims. But he needed to pay too.”
“Didn’t the police question his injuries?”
“I don’t know. I pretended I’d passed out and when I woke up, he was on the floor nearly bleeding out.”
“And they believed you?”
“The detective who knew I was a Shifter didn’t. Not when the bastard’s injuries were obviously caused by an animal. But she was glad with what I’d done too.”
“Fucking hell. Sisterhood at its finest.”
She snorted. “Like you don’t know what brotherhood can do, too.”
He grimaced. “True.” He ran a hand over his jaw. “So, that’s why you’re here?”
She ducked her gaze. “That’s one of the reasons. It’s why I stopped taking birth control. I had to see his trial through, and I wanted to come to you without that taint in my system anymore.”
“But why? Why now?”
Her jaw worked a second. “I’ve never slept with a male, Jarvis.” His eyes flared wide at that and the satisfaction oozing from him was more irritating than anything she’d ever seen in her fucking life. It was then, she realized, that half his anger with her had been founded on the fact he hadn’t been her first when he should, by rights, have been her only because of her age when she’d learned he was her mate.
She wanted to scream with rage and rake her claws at him, but Goddess, he was a product of his environment. It wasn’t his fault he was such a fucking male sexist pig.
She glowered at him instead. “Don’t be so smug,” she snapped.
He hunched his shoulders and raised his hands in a ‘who me?’ pose.
She just huffed. “When the bastard had me on that table,” she whispered, “I couldn’t believe that something my She Bear had guarded for so long was about to be taken from me. I was half-drugged as she hadn’t washed the poison from my system, but that was all that kept running through my mind. That what should have been rightfully yours was about to be stolen from me.” She shook her head, emotions gathering in her throat, ones she couldn’t control nor did she want to.
He wanted the honest truth? He’d get it.
She stared at him through tortured eyes and whispered, “I’ve fought it, long and hard, but I’m yours. Every part of me. I can’t run from it anymore. I don’t want to run. I need you. I need my mate more than I’ve ever needed anything in my life.” She let out a shuddery breath. “The question is, can my mate forgive me enough to accept what I did and what I’ve done and Claim me anyway?”
Chapter 3
“Jarvis?”
His name seemed to come down a long tunnel. Echoing and ricocheting around the tube, he didn’t seem able to process it; couldn’t seem to hear it. Until someone grabbed his shoulder and jerked him to attention.
“Jarvis!”
He blinked. Head whipping to the side as he stared up at the person who’d interrupted his conversation with his mate.
Toni.
It was Toni.
He shot her a look, then glanced back at Cinda who was fidgeting awkwardly in her chair. Goddess, could Toni have appeared at a worse moment?
His mate had been pleading with him, begging for his forgiveness. His Bear had been luxuriating in that. Loving her submission while the male had been trying to figure out where the fuck to go from here. Where the next step could possibly be.
Oh, naturally, he wanted it to be a bed, but considering Cinda’s concerns, that wasn’t exactly the smartest option.
He let out a breath, which had her attention returning to him. Their eyes caught and held. Slowly, he nodded.
Silently, without words, telling her that he wouldn’t hold this against her.
Forgiveness was too strong a word. He couldn’t forgive, but he could forget. He wanted his mate more than he wanted to hold onto a bitterness that wouldn’t get them anywhere.
The breath she released was shaky and her eyes were wet with gratitude as she nodded back at him, smiling widely.
Hope.
She exuded it.
Hope for what they’d have together. Hope for their future.
Goddess. A future.
It had been so long since he’d thought about the years ahead. So long since he’d done nothing else but plod along. Hope, for him, was just as painful as it apparently was for her.
“Jarvis?” Toni said again, this time doubt lacing her tone. “Is everything okay here?”
It was hard pulling his attention from his mate. Hard because she was like iron filings to his electromagnet. Everything in him wanted to keep her trained in his line of sight before she changed her fucking mind and went AWOL on him again.
That fear would be a long time in dissipating. It was something she’d have to get used to; his need to possess, to know where she was.
Her independent nature would grate at that, and he knew it would be the cause of many arguments. But at that moment he couldn’t find it in him to care.
He wouldn’t let his need grow abusive, nor would he let it corrode at their bond, but it was her fault it existed. She’d have to deal with it for as long as it took the male and the Bear to accept that she wouldn’t run.
She needed to prove to him that he could trust her.
That would be a long time in coming, but it was a step he was willing to take. For her. For them.
“What is it, Toni?” he asked softly, managing to rip his gaze from his mate. It hurt. Hell did it, but Toni was here for a reason. A reason he had to deal with.
“I got a call from one of the kids. Is it okay if we set up in the first aid room?”
He frowned. “Of course it is. You know you don’t have to ask.”
She hesitated. “I think you’d better come with me. It’s Harry. I think he’d prefer it if you were there.”
“Why? What is it?”
“I think he’s gotten a girl pregnant.”
Jarvis groaned. “Leah?” A sigh escaped him because it wouldn’t be anyone else. The two of them were inseparable. “Are you sure he wants me there? Wouldn’t he have asked me to get in touch with you rather than going directly to you?”
“He might think that’s what he wants, but he’s sixteen, Jarvis. Do you really think he’ll want to discuss this with a chick?”
She bit her lip and he realized she was right.
“We’ll see what he wants.” Jarvis flicked a glance at Cinda who looked intrigued by their conversation. “I need to deal…” He shook his head and bit the bullet. “Toni, I want to introduce you to Cinda. She’s Mundo’s sister.” Toni’s somber countenance lightened into a grin, and she made to speak but before she could utter a word, he continued, “And she’s my mate.”
Almost amused by how her jaw dropped, and how Cinda looked equally as stunned by his impromptu introduction, he murmured, “I need to finish some things up with Cinda, Toni. If you go and set up the first aid room and tell Harry you’re there, I’ll be by in five minutes, okay?”
Toni gawked down at him. “Are you shitting me?”
He snorted. “No. Why would I?”
“I’m not too old to remember how it feels to experience the mate bond, Jarvis. Goddess. It’s a wonder you’re not climbing into her skin.”
Like Toni could talk! It had taken weeks for his brothers, Graver and Justiss, to Claim her. Circumstances had dictated the situation, still…
He grinned at her, the smile only widening as amusement hit him when he caught sight of Cinda’s blush. How the woman had retained that ability was beyond him.
Still, the flush of embarrassment touched him in ways nothing else could have. She’d said she was… but, was she his?
Totally, unequivocally his? Every part of her as should have been his, right?
The inference was that yeah, she was. But he wou
ldn’t know until he claimed her. A fact that was agitating his Bear, making him want to Claim her now when now really wasn’t the time.
In more ways than one.
Not only because he had shit to handle here with Toni and Harry, but because, though she had the outer shell of a hard ass, Cinda was vulnerable.
In fact, that vulnerability was worn on her sleeve and in a way he’d never seen before.
He’d always believed the advertising. Her outspokenness had hidden the truth of her real nature from him.
Would he have ever credited that this woman, this hard ass, would have seen the way her parents interacted and decided that though a mate bond was a gift from the Goddess, apparently, she knew better for herself?
The audaciousness was pure Cinda. Still, it was proof positive that she wasn’t as strong as she portrayed. She’d had to maintain face though. Not just from him, but from everyone else. Otherwise they’d see that inner, softer core, and undoubtedly try to take advantage of it.
Sad thing was, she was right.
He would take advantage of it.
Oh, he wouldn’t use it against her. Wouldn’t even use it to manipulate her. But he would use it to make her his in every single way a male could mark his female.
She’d denied him that right. Had denied him it for so long, and had done so in an unscrupulous way. She’d have to learn to deal with the consequences, have to accept that her actions had triggered an opposite and equal reaction.
Somehow, knowing Cinda, he felt certain that wouldn’t come as too much of a hardship.
Scrubbing a hand across his jaw, he recognized the fact he needed to shave. Yet another chore to add to his to do list before he could get anywhere near his mate.
Goddess. Mate.
He had a fucking mate.
Had he been at the clubhouse, surrounded by his brothers, he’d have let loose a celebratory roar that they’d have shared in. The roar would have rumbled around the brotherhood like a Mexican wave. Each male rejoicing in the fact one of their own had found their other half.
As it was, he was surrounded by humans. Not only humans, but human kids. Kids who’d been brutalized and who’d view a roar as an act of aggression.
Though his Bear was angered by the need to contain his glee, he grumbled to a quiet. Both man and beast had worked hard to build up this shelter. Neither of them would wreck all those years of slugging away to make the place feasible for the teens who found sanctuary here.
“Oh shit, we’ve lost him,” Toni murmured, peering into his face. He saw when she stuck her tongue out at him that she was teasing.
It didn’t stop him from growling though.
She snorted.
“Lost me?” he asked politely.
“You went quiet,” she prompted. “It’s okay. I got used to it around Justiss and Graver, Cinda. They go a bit brain dead from time to time when they’re still unclaimed.” She grinned. “As your mate rudely pointed out, it took a while for my mates to Claim me. They get a bit more stupid with every day that passes.”
Her cheerful tone had Cinda shooting him a look, then pursing her lips as she stared down at the table. She failed to hide her reaction entirely though. He knew she was trying to be on her best behavior considering what she’d done to him, what she’d done to them, but hell, she was still Cinda.
“I can see your shoulders shaking,” he groused, folding his arms across his chest with a huff.
She covered her mouth as she looked up at him. “Coughing fit. Inexplicable,” she reasoned.
Toni snorted, but she was grinning as she stated, “Come on, Jarvis. Let’s deal with this situation with Harry. Then you can go off and enjoy the orgy awaiting you.”
“Orgy?” He pshawed. “I think not.” Those days had been well in the past anyway, but now he had Cinda, she was all he needed.
All he wanted.
The feelings of longing and need unfurled inside him. They were difficult to control, and it was hard to maintain a respectable façade. Maybe Cinda saw his struggle because she got to her feet.
“I should go,” she started, but he growled.
“No.”
The simple rejection of her intention had her eyes flaring wide. He knew his dominance was poorly timed, but his Bear was utterly in charge. The beast was allowing the male to roam around and take control because of the kids in the shelter. That was it.
If she left, he wouldn’t be answerable for his actions.
Even Toni was surprised, not only by the dictate, but by the accompanying growl too. The former was unusual coming from an even-tempered guy like him. The latter was enough to stun her into silence.
He sucked in a shaky breath, aware that both females were looking at him like he’d gone nuts. Maybe he had. But if that were the case, she’d dragged him into this state.
“My Bear’s close to the edge,” he confessed softly and watched, as if by magic, as tenderness crept into Cinda’s gaze.
Her eyes had remained flared, widened in shock at his sharp remark. But now, they softened. The lids drooping and the tension flooding from her face as she nodded, “That makes sense.”
Toni’s attention flittered back and forth between them. It was intrusive, invasive, and his Bear didn’t appreciate it, but the man understood her bewilderment.
A tremor worked through him as he pondered the next move.
He had to leave Cinda to go with Toni and help Harry. But that meant being apart from her. Either leaving her in here, where she might run off again, or letting her use his office, where she might run off again.
Being with her, keeping her with him, was the only way to assure she wouldn’t leave.
The possessive feelings coursing through him felt venomous. He’d never clung to a woman before. Never needed to. And though he knew it was different with a mate, this was more than just different.
The feelings he was experiencing were almost obscene.
He shuddered.
She’d made him feel this way. She’d brought insecurity into his life. At the same time, she was his mate. His other half. He had no choice but to accept the decisions she’d made in the past; no choice but to move on, because if he didn’t then he’d lose her again. Maybe not physically, but emotionally.
And though he was a male, and Bear Shifters were anything but in touch with their emotions, every single male knew that shit changed when it came time to be with their mate.
He was friends and brothers with some of the hardest bastards in Texas, and yet they were like mush when it came to their women.
Hell, Toni’s mates had gone to war for her, and yet when they were all in the clubhouse, she was nearly always perched on one of their laps, but even that wasn’t enough. Her hands were always in their hair or clutching at them. Theirs were just as clingy.
Maybe clingy wasn’t the right word.
They just needed to connect.
To touch.
That was what his Bear needed. Desperately.
All the lost years flooded him. Like the backlog was finally starting to hit home as his memory and his body chemistry started to work together to pick up the pieces.
Forty years of denial.
“It’s okay,” Cinda whispered softly. “I’ll stay.”
He shuddered, thankful for her concession. But it wasn’t enough. He closed his eyes, clenching them firmly shut until they began to ache. “I think you need to come into the office with me.”
Toni protested, “That’s not possible, Jarvis. Harry doesn’t know her. He won’t open up if she’s there.”
He held up a hand. “I know but I can’t help it.” Just the idea of Cinda not being opposite of him was enough to bring him out in a sweat.
Dear Goddess, what the fuck was happening to him?
He ran his hands through his hair, rubbing at his scalp as he went. The motion didn’t soothe him. If anything, it riled him up more.
“Is there someone else who can sit in with you and Harry?” Cinda asked quietly.
>
“No. He trusts Jarvis.”
“What about a friend of his who could sit in with you?”
Toni sighed. “I guess. Jarvis really would be better. I have no idea what Harry’s going to throw at me. Not really.”
“Look at him, Toni,” Cinda murmured respectfully. “Does he look like he can be of much use to the kid?”
“No, but he doesn’t have to say anything. Just be there.” Toni gnawed at her lip. “Look, I hate to sound like a pain in the ass, but it will literally take about ten minutes.”
Ten minutes without Cinda was a lifetime.
Fuck. Where were these thoughts coming from?
He was two hundred and forty seven. Too old for this insecure shit. He didn’t need this hand holding. He didn’t need to constantly have eyes on his woman to make sure she was there.
The Bear did, though.
And therein lay the problem. Though the Bear was just as old as Jarvis, it was still a primitive and base creature. Unfortunately for both Cinda and Jarvis, that primitive and base creature was realizing she’d deceived him, had hidden herself from him, and had left him alone for more years than he cared to count.
Jarvis whispered, “Give me a minute, Toni.”
He knew she was grumbling as she left, but leave she did. He could even feel her shooting him bemused and confused looks over her shoulder at him.
Jarvis was not like this.
He knew that like he knew his height, for fuck’s sake.
But today was a different day. He had to approach the world with care because nothing was as it had been when he’d woken up.
With a shudder, he reached for Cinda’s hand. Splaying his fingers on the table, he watched as she met him halfway and curled her digits inside his.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, gaze focused on the table, not him. “I know this is my fault.”
“It is,” he told her simply, “but there’s no use crying over spilled milk. Let’s act, not react, huh?”
She stared at him, chewing her bottom lip as she did. “I want to help.”
“I know. You might be able to, you might not. I just… I hate to sound possessive, but that’s exactly how my Bear’s feeling right now. The idea of you not being within sight is kind of scaring it shitless.” He released a shaky breath. “Which, in turn, is scaring me shitless. I’m not used to feeling like this.”
JARVIS (MC Bear Mates Book 8) Page 4