by Rue Vespers
Three days! Jenner would be amazed at that, had he any guarantee that his body was going to be alive in three days.
The man motioned to the short-haired woman at his side. “This is Tennus Lavinia of Fighting Shifters, and shifters are all she’s interested in.”
“Shifters with non-shifting sub-races are acceptable,” Tennus Lavinia snapped down to them. “But if you’re not a shifter at all, or you only have some shifter ability as a sub-race, don’t waste my time today. We are set up with below-ground and sky dungeons, a full-sized fighting ring, and excellent NPC gladiators for you to train against. While I highly recommend the five-day course, you can choose the three-day accelerated version.”
“And this,” Tennus August said, gesturing to the man who had scars down both cheeks, “is Tennus Etreyu of Jawbreaker. Trolls are his specialty, trolls of all sizes and breeds, but he accepts a number of non-troll students.”
“Our dungeon is crap, and right now it’s broken,” the scarred man said gruffly. “But I’ll pick you up and drop-kick you through your level-ups if I have to. You’ll be ring-ready faster than you know it, and you’ll be well-prepared to deal with trolls.”
“What a shimmering, shit-tastic selection of schools to choose from,” Rosy said too loudly.
“Shut up!” Jenner hissed.
“What about tuition?” someone called up.
Tennus Lavinia answered first. “Fighting Shifters is fully funded by the shifter Houses of Galadras. Every student receives a full scholarship that covers tuition, room and board, regardless of which course they choose, and a basic armor and weapon set upon graduation.”
Tennus Etreyu shook his head. “Your education is your problem. It costs fifteen silvers for the course and not a penny less.”
“As for Augustus School,” Tennus August said, “we cover your tuition as well as your room and board, but we do not outfit you at graduation in armor or weaponry. However, you may rent these things from us at a low cost until you can afford to purchase your own, or else just rent from the gladiator rings. That’s low cost as well.”
“Augustus,” Jenner mumbled. He wanted to spare the money in his purse.
“Jawbreaker!” Rosy squabbled.
“You just like that school for the name,” Jenner retorted. “So shallow.”
“What do you expect? I’m a cup, not a pitcher.”
“Are there any shifters among you?” Tennus Lavinia called. “If so, step forward and shift, then introduce yourself and your level. After that, you’ll come with me. We’ll test you further at my school.”
Three people stepped forward, including the sole female hopeful in the line. One of the two guys instantly changed into an emerald dragon about the size of a second-grader. Many of his scales were missing. Beneath were rough gray patches.
Shifting back to human, the guy said, “I’m GrantX, Level 5.”
“A little early to be leaving your den, dragonling,” Tennus Lavinia commented dryly. “Do they know you’re here?”
“Yes,” GrantX said after a hesitation that made it plain he was lying through his teeth.
“No,” Rosy corrected. “You sneaked out, and now the tennus is going to have to call your mommy to come over and pick you up.”
The girl changed into a huge and very clearly male lion with a silky, pumpkin-colored mane. When she shifted back, she said, “I’m Endre, Level 4. Race: werecat. Sub-race: kraken demon.”
“That explains her size at Level 4,” Rosy said. “Holy shit! She should still be tumbling after a ball of yarn on the floor.”
“Could you be quiet?” Jenner hissed.
Tennus Lavinia looked much more impressed with the werecat shifter than the dragonling. Then the woman’s eyes fell upon the third shifter, who was straining and grunting in a constipated way. “What are you?” the tennus called.
“I’m a . . . I’m a . . .” the guy stammered. “If you’ll give me a minute . . .”
He shifted into a half-grown, black-and-gray wolf puppy, who yipped. Snickers broke out among the hopefuls as he shifted back.
Tennus Lavinia sighed.
“Allow me, Lavinia,” Tennus August said, removing a wand from his trouser pocket. He pointed it at the werewolf shifter. “It seemed too obvious to have to state that my colleague has no interest in humans who swallow potions to become temporary shifters.”
“But I was a shifter!” the guy complained as a vial popped out of his pocket and rose into the air. He tried to catch it, but Tennus August snapped up his wand and the vial flew away into the sand. “I was a werewolf! Level 24! I just want to get back in the ring but I keep scrambling to human instead of wolf shifter!”
“Told you,” Rosy said to Jenner. “The game’s artificial intelligence will figure it out.”
“You would do better to accept your human state, which you can be assured,” Tennus August said, snapping the wand and dropping its halves to the sand, “is just as temporary as your werewolf state was. Dismissed.”
His shoulders slumping in dejection, the player walked away. Tennus Lavinia nodded to the dragonling and werecat, who shifted to follow her out of the stadium.
“Now for the rest of you!” Tennus August cried to the remaining five players. “I see an elf! Step forward! Where are you from and what level are you?”
“The eastern Highlands,” the elf replied. “Level 3.”
“Is there a reason you’re applying so early, son? Fame and glory don’t mean much to elves. Have you some demonic sub-race firing up your blood for a fight?”
“No, Tennus. I’m on life support in the outer-world and I need to make money as a substitute gladiator for visiting players to the game. I have a wife and two kids out there. It’s a way to send them something.”
Jenner stared at the elf with the crude bow over his shoulder, surprised to run into someone here to achieve the same goal. Then he glanced up to the two men above. Neither was at all shocked. Just like the fake wolf shifter, this was something they had run into plenty of times before.
“An elf student is always welcome at Jawbreaker, and I don’t need to test you. If you’ve got the silver, you’re in,” Tennus Etreyu said. He jerked his head to the row of seats behind him. The elf jumped into the air, easily mounting the wall, and sat down near his new tennus.
“Are those blessings around their necks? The crystals?” Jenner whispered without thinking to the teacup. He shouldn’t be encouraging the garrulous cup to talk.
“No,” Rosy said. “Those are limited NPC controllers. You aren’t allowed to fight in the ring while wearing a blessing. Even if you shove it up your butthole, the game will remove it. Ask me how I know.”
“I don’t want to know how you know.”
“I’ll tell you anyway.”
“Please don’t.”
Happily, Rosy said, “Some player shoved twelve stolen blessings up his butthole before a ring siege, and then he complained when they were rerouted from his butthole to his inventory. This guy’s overstuffed poop chute made the morning news. Everyone in the lab was laughing about it for days.”
The black-eyed demon was called forward. A breeze riffled his shaggy, dark red locks and made his ripped-up trousers flap. Did demons spawn in cheap, rough clothing like humans did? It certainly looked that way. Whatever money this demon earned since starting this life had not gone towards improving his wardrobe.
“Hellsbore. Level 4 ice demon,” the demon said with exceeding arrogance.
Rosy snickered. “Someone is quite taken with himself!”
“Make a spear, Hellsbore,” Tennus August commanded.
A short spear of ice grew in the demon’s hand.
“Melt it. Make claws.”
The ice turned to water and pattered down into the sand. The demon’s fingernails lengthened into claws about three inches long.
“Melt them. How are you doing at your plates? Immobile? Skimming?”
Stiffly, Hellsbore said, “In process.”
“Show
me how high you can climb this wall.”
A circular plate of ice appeared several feet out from the wall. The demon mounted it with one foot as a second hovering plate formed. He stepped up to it as the first one melted and a third plate grew. Running out of plates three-quarters of the way to the top, he used his arms to haul himself up.
“Good enough, I suppose.” The instructors consulted one another, and then the demon took a seat near Tennus August.
The man looked down to the rest of them. “Human race?”
All three nodded.
“Not me,” Rosy said. “I’m from a little place called Bone, China.”
“Levels?” the tennus inquired.
“Level 4,” said the guy on Jenner’s left.
“Level 4,” said the guy on Jenner’s right.
“Level 3,” Jenner said, wishing fervently that he wasn’t a level behind them.
“Level Top Shelf,” Rosy put in.
If Rosy could read Jenner’s mind, the teacup would have seen itself soaring up into the stands. Or getting stomped to pieces under a boot. Hiding his aggravation, Jenner kept his eyes trained on the two men above.
“Humans are a dime a dozen in gladiator schools,” Tennus August said. “They see it as a way to fast-track their combat skills. But a wise player has no need to rush off to a chum school, much less a gladiator ring. The wise player takes it slow. Do you three aim to scramble yourselves?”
Their heads shook in tandem.
“You could have fooled me. And what in this digital wonderland is that talking . . . thing on your shoulder, son?”
“It’s a teacup,” Jenner said in mortification. “Just a glitch.”
Tennus Etreyu snorted. “Like the Trailing Boots of Galadras.”
Inner-World News: Since the start of the game, the occasional human has spawned with an extra pair of disembodied boots that follow along wherever the player goes within the city of Galadras. Repeated attempts by the INTC to delete the boots were unsuccessful, accidentally resulting in a brief time in which every player in the world gained a spare set of trailing boots. Since then, the glitch has been left alone. Departure from Galadras causes the trailing boots to vanish, but they return when the afflicted player steps back within the city. They only vanish for good upon scrambling.
Fun Fact Time! Making the most of his spare set of boots, a human player named Garius the Four-Footed employed them as an extra weapon in the gladiator rings. He taught them to kick and trip his enemies, and the boots aided him many times on his road to victory. But what aided him in time defeated him. Turning too quickly on a high ledge in an obstacle course, he tripped over the spare boots and fell to his scrambling.
“Off!” Jenner whispered.
“If you’d just read that damn article this morning about players’ favorite glitches, you might have already known that,” Rosy sniped. “But you didn’t care.”
“Then let’s see what you got.” Tennus August was tapping on his crystal. “One NPC Level 2 Chunk Troll and an enchanted sack, three nets to the players on the sand.”
Jenner’s fist closed involuntarily around a long-handled net. A burlap sack had also appeared, propped up near the wall through magical means. Beside it was a gray, volleyball-sized rock.
Tennus August said expectantly, “Well?”
They stared at him.
“Get that troll into the sack in the next five minutes! No weapons but the nets and your own strength. Let’s see what you’re made of against a tiny trolling.”
Jenner exchanged glances with the two players. Did the tennus mean the rock was a troll?
None of them wanted to ask. Cautiously, they crept forward with the nets outstretched.
The rock twitched in the sand.
They paused.
Dust sifted from the top of the rock as two grooves burrowed in below. A shudder passed through it and then dark eyes shined within the grooves. The body slimmed, chunks of rock breaking away from the sides to form arms and legs. Another groove opened into a mouth, and that mouth bared jagged gray teeth at them.
“BLEGHTHPTHTTT!” the baby troll yelled, spittle flying everywhere.
One guy lunged for it. The infant troll snapped the net away and broke the handle in two. Hurling the pieces into the player’s face, it took off at a run with its arms waving over its head. “RAFFTHEOLPPP!”
“This day just gets better and better!” Rosy giggled helplessly. “Catch that baby!”
The players pounded after the naked troll, which easily outstripped them in the sand.
“Damn, it’s a fast little fucker!” Jenner exclaimed.
The infant troll was running with all the good directional sense of Faceplant, which carried it straight into the wall. “FTHPLAPALPPP!” It bounced off, leaving a wet spot of spit at the point of impact. As it rolled backwards, the other player with a whole net swiped for it.
And missed. The troll rolled between the guy’s legs. Catching onto his boot, the creature bit his ankle.
The guy dropped his net. Screaming, he danced around frantically with the troll clinging on. “Get it off me! Get it off me!”
“Then hold still!” Jenner yelled, lashing out with his net and missing twice.
The troll let go with a wail of malicious joy and ran away. “MMWALALAPPTH!”
The guy with the bite fell over to grasp his foot in agony. Jenner and Short Net hauled ass after the fleeing troll.
“Come on now, it’s only a baby,” called a lazy voice from the far side of the ring.
“BLELENEPPTH!”
Short Net knocked into Jenner on purpose, sending him into a stagger, and ran on ahead. “You asshole!” Rosy hollered. “Hurry up so I can hit him with my spoon!”
Jenner glared at Short Net’s back and broke into a sprint. The troll was heading once more for the wall, arms still waving gleefully over its head. Small, slick, steaming heaps of brownish pebbles fell out of its lower back, where yet another groove had formed.
“Did it . . .” Jenner panted, breathing in a foul scent.
“It took a shit,” Rosy said, just as Short Net stepped onto a heap of crap and slipped.
Jenner took a leap over falling Short Net that would have made a ballerina proud. The problem was the net, he thought. The opening wasn’t much larger than the young troll, perhaps an inch or two, so it left no margin for error. This task was damned impossible with the troll on the move.
His instructions were to catch the baby and get it into the sack, not to catch it in the net first and then deliver it to the sack. Jenner let the handle slip out of his fingers.
As the baby neared the wall, yelling all the while, Jenner dove for it.
“BLEHPHLELEPP!”
The troll bounced off the wall.
And right into Jenner’s arms.
They fought hard, Jenner to hold on and the troll to break away. Sharp teeth dug repeatedly into his wrist, but the scales pushed them back out without pain or injury. He wrestled until he had the rocky legs in his hands, Rosy beating the troll upon the head with the tiny silver spoon. “Bad baby! Bad baby!” the teacup yelled.
Spitting sand out of his mouth, Jenner got to his knees. The troll swung wildly around, snapping its teeth and bellowing. “FTHLEBLEP! FTHLEBLEP! FTHLEBLEP!” Rosy bounced on it, making the troll even madder. “FTHLETBLEPEPBPPPP!”
Had it been five minutes yet? Jenner hustled over to the sack and dropped the trolling inside. The sack closed itself over its living contents. Muffled shrieks came through the fabric, but the infant troll was unable to break out.
“I think there’s more to this human than we assumed,” Tennus August said in surprise. “What’s your name and what are you, boy?”
“My name is Jenner. Race: human; sub-race: grakel demon. Scales only,” Jenner explained.
“Grakel! There’s a word you don’t hear often. I haven’t seen one of those since I traveled far south on a sand quest. Drank yourself a corrupted potion, did you?”
“Yes, Te
nnus.”
“A human with grakel scales in the gladiator ring! Well, why not?” Tennus August laughed. “Do you want him, Etreyu?”
“If he’s got the money,” Tennus Etreyu said indifferently.
Tennus August tapped his crystal. The shrieking sack and the nets disappeared. “Well, pick a school then, son, because I’ll take you, too.”
“Jawbreaker, Jawbreaker, Jawbreaker,” Rosy chanted in a low voice.
“Thank you very much for the offer, sir,” Jenner said to Tennus Etreyu. “But I’m not sure I have enough funds.” More like he didn’t want to spend them.
The scarred tennus shrugged. It really was all about the money to him.
“Augustus School of the Gladiatorial Arts it is!” Tennus August said. “Welcome, Jenner. You can find the school on your map, and I’ll expect to see you tomorrow morning.”
“Sir?” Jenner hazarded. “Can I start earlier than that?”
The tennus laughed again. “Raring to go, are we? Is time short for you?”
“Yes, tennus. Very short.”
“Then have some lunch and report to the doors. We’ll drain that stamina out of you on our practice field and then stuff you into the beginners’ dungeon for a whirl. What about you?”
He was addressing Hellsbore, who gave Jenner a disgruntled look. The demon didn’t like him for some reason, but much like the morning news, Jenner didn’t care to investigate further. Maybe the demon was jealous, because all he had gotten for his abilities was a good enough, I suppose.
“This afternoon is fine,” Hellsbore said grumpily.
“I’ll see you both there!” Clapping Tennus Etreyu on the shoulder, the two men went up the stairs companionably.