“Dammit, Alex, is Jeremy with you?”
She pursed her lips, shook her head and looked across the table at her dining companion. “He’s sitting right here. We’re just getting ready to have lunch.” She leaned back a bit to make room for the waitress to set the burger and fries in front of her.
“I thought you’d stay back at the house after what I told you this morning.” Beck snapped.
“But why would I do that? You know I have to get back to the site. I’ve already been away too long. Kent isn’t—”
“Is Jeremy staying with you?”
She suddenly realized she and Jeremy hadn’t discussed anything beyond his accompanying her to Mississippi and meeting up with Beck at some point. “I don’t know. We haven’t gotten that far. Why?”
“Because you’re not staying alone. One of us will be with you. I’d rather it be me, but if Jeremy can stay….”
Something in Beck’s tone made her stomach flip and she wanted to know what it was right now. “Beck, what is going on? You’re not making too much sense. You don’t really think a fire at your father’s house has any possible connection to me, do you?”
Beck was silent for a moment before he answered.
“Alex, the fire wasn’t at my old man’s house. It was at my cabin. He was there with the sitter. I loaned her my truck to drive the old man around. Someone probably thought I was inside.”
A few long moments passed for the significance of Beck’s words to sink in. The fire wasn’t at my old man’s house. It was at my cabin.
She shuddered as the implications of Beck’s words ran through her body. Someone was deliberately out to hurt Beck? To burn down his house? Could it be because of her? My god, what kind of deranged person persisted in playing these cruel and dangerous games?
“How do you know someone is after you and not your father? And why wasn’t your father at his own place?”
“Because his damn place is a pig sty. No way would I expect someone to spend a night there. My place seemed the most logical. The sitter’s car was a sub-compact, not exactly the roomiest or most comfortable. Leaving her my truck, which was the largest of the available vehicles, made a hell of a lot of sense at the time.”
“How did you—”
“I drove his truck to your place. Fortunately, he always took much better care of his vehicles than he did his living quarters.”
Their thoughts must have been running together on some parallel plane, because before she had the chance to mention the reason for her call, he said, “You seemed to have made quite an impression on my old man at the hospital. He claims you told him you’d visit him soon and talk about his drinking problem.”
This was the opening she’d been hoping for. Her grip tightened on the phone. “He told you the truth. In fact, that’s the very reason I was calling you. To see if maybe….”
“Alex?”
“Yes?”
“I don’t have time to get into this right now, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up over this. My old man’s never been known to lose sleep over breaking his word.”
“Nevertheless, I’ll be happy to talk with him.” She paused, searching for the right words. “Whenever he wants,” she added. She’d be damned if she would let Beck, or her present relationship with him—whatever that might be—cause her to put off something she had to do.
“Then I guess the ball’s in your court.”
“Yes, it is.”
After a brief goodbye they ended the conversation and when lunch was over she and Jeremy headed to the site where security was now in place. She checked the progress made since her last visit. Satisfied everything was under control and her hands-on presence could wait until the next morning, she and Jeremy started for the cabin.
Two other cars were already there when they arrived. Reporters from the Mississippi papers. She’d been expecting them. The discovery was big news in this part of the country where nothing more important than a Saturday night brawl at the local tavern ever made the front page. She invited the reporters inside and while Jeremy kept them occupied with small talk, she fixed a pitcher of lemonade.
The interviews took longer than she’d expected, or maybe the time spent seemed that way because of her anxiety to talk to Beck again about his father. Forty-five minutes later, she ignored the little stab of guilt when she happily waved goodbye to the reporters from the cabin steps.
Before she could pick up the thread of her thoughts once more, the crew returned and she was occupied with reports about the day’s work and questions about Elaine French’s funeral, which she would much rather forget. The next hour went by swiftly while everyone bathed and dressed then left for the nearest burger joint.
Finally alone, she and Jeremy took advantage of the silence and went over the travel plans made at lunch. If Beck returned early enough to stay with her that night, Jeremy would head out soon after and put as many miles as he could between here and Arkansas, cutting down on his drive time the next day. If Beck arrived too late, Jeremy would leave the next morning. His travel plans confirmed, Jeremy nodded toward the front door. “How about some fresh air?”
Alex smiled. “And something cold to drink.”
The sun was just beginning its descent when she and Jeremy went outside to sit on the top steps of the cabin, sip cold lemonade, and take advantage of whatever breeze made its way through the dense pine trees. Five minutes later, she caught sight of Beck’s white truck winding its way up the path to the cabin. Her pulse picked up and her heart shuddered harder than the truck’s engine when Beck switched it off and hopped down from the cab.
She rushed down the steps and threw herself into Beck’s arms.
After they shared a long, passionate kiss, Beck joined Jeremy on the top step.
Alex went inside to get him a glass of lemonade.
Finishing in a few short gulps, he held out the empty glass.
She walked inside for a refill. When she returned, Beck and Jeremy were already deep in conversation. They made room for her to sit between them on the step, and she listened while Beck described the damage to his cabin.
“One of the local construction crews I use quite often worked most of the day covering the damaged side with heavy plastic and vinyl boards to keep out the weather and the rodents. But they need at least a week before finishing their current job and can tackle mine. Which means I won’t be staying there until the cabin is repaired.”
“Are you sure someone deliberately set the fire?” She’d wanted to ask him that question since he’d first told her.
He looked at her and frowned. “You still can’t believe someone did it on purpose, can you?” He shoved as hand though his hair and shook his head. “If I show you part of the bottle with the rag stuffed inside, will you believe me then?”
Jeremy’s eyes widened. “A Molotov?”
“Yeah. Crude, but still as effective as ever.”
She felt sick inside thinking someone would do such a despicable thing. “Is your father okay and the sitter?”
“Yeah, the old fucker’s tough as nails.” Beck grinned at the crusty word and gave Jeremy a wink. “Just living up to my reputation.” He plowed as hand through his hair again. “And the sitter’s fine, too. Shook up a bit, but that’s to be expected.”
“Where’s your father now?” Alex asked.
“I brought him to GrammaU’s until I can get his place cleaned up.” Beck tugged at the shoulders of his denim shirt, shook the fabric, and grimaced. “Talk about getting cleaned up, I need a shower. Any chance I can use the one here? My electricity’s off, so I have no water. The generator for my pump is out of gas.”
Alex rose to her feet. “Of course, you can. The gang is gone. They won’t be back for a few hours. Do you have clothes?”
He hitched his head toward the truck. “In there. I’ve been carrying an overnighter with a change of clothes and my razor recently, just in case I was needed someplace.” He gave her a knowing wink then leaned over and gave h
er another quick, full mouth kiss. “I shouldn’t be within ten feet of humans ’til I get cleaned up.”
When Beck returned from the truck, he gave her an impish grin. “Can I interest you in scrubbing my back?”
Her cheeks grew warm and she was about to protest.
Then Jeremy stood. “Go on, both of you need a little privacy and TLC right about now. I’m fixing myself cheese and crackers and sliced apple. How about I fix extra, and the two of you can eat when you’re fit for human company?” He followed them into the cabin.
Beck grabbed her by the hand and started toward the back bathroom before she could say anything. Over his shoulder, he threw back at Jeremy, “No apple for me.”
Jeremy gave him the high sign with the box of salted crackers as he headed toward the kitchen.
Beck nudged her in front of him through the partially open door. He squeezed through after her and swung her around, capturing her in a crushing embrace. “I smell like a polecat, and you smell so wonderful.” He nuzzled her neck. “But the sight of you just makes me forget how civilized I am.”
He dragged his lips up to hers in a deep, wet-hot kiss. She lowered her face to the curve of his throat and breathed in the strong, masculine smell of him. “I think you smell wonderful.”
They were alone now, his desire pressing against her stomach, and everything else should have been wiped clean from her mind. But the possibility that someone was now out to get him wouldn’t let go.
She tilted back her head and snagged his gaze. “Are we in any real danger? You’ve sidestepped the issue since you arrived, but I want to know.”
He crooked a finger under her chin. “I’m more concerned than I was this morning. But, at the same time, a little less panicky because the police are involved now.”
“Why is that?”
“The Molotov gives them some tangible evidence. I let them know about all the other incidents of late, even though none happened in their jurisdiction, and we have no conclusive proof everything is tied together. I just wanted them to have enough to go on so they’d give the case top priority.” He swallowed. “Maybe we can bring the results to the proper authorities, and they can find the reason for all the other strange things that have been happening.”
She shivered. “I don’t mind telling you I’m frightened, now. Although, I still can’t see how your cabin ties in with me and my work.”
Beck wrapped his arms around her and drew her closer to his body “I don’t want you to worry about it. Let me do the worrying for us both. Other than when you’re at the site working with the others, you’ll be with me every minute until all these problems are behind us.”
She didn’t want an argument, but no way could they be together all the time. Especially since she had to leave town in a couple of days. “That’s impossible, Beck. You can’t be my bodyguard forever. I have a life, you know.” At the drop of his jaw, she rushed on, “And so do you. Staying by my side all the time isn’t a workable solution, no matter how nice it is.” Being close to him was more than nice, and part of her wished it could go on forever, but….
“I’m not leaving you alone until we have nothing to be concerned about.” His embrace tightened. “We have a deal. We’re special to each other as long as we’re together. Remember?” He backed away an inch, lowered her hand to his fly, and pressed it against him then lifted his hand to pop the metal fastener at his waist.
She heard the rasp of his zipper as he slipped his hand under hers to make an opening for her fingers. He was kicking off his boots and shimmying out of his jeans before she realized what was happening.
“I need you, Alex,” he whispered hoarsely, melding his lips to hers. “I need you bad.”
God, she needed him, too, so much so that the feeling was almost unbearable. She wanted him enough to forget where they were and that, at any moment, the cabin could be filled with the group of rambunctious students returning early from their trip into town.
But as much as she wanted him, the matter of his father still had to be settled. She moved back a step to find some breathing space. “Your father, Beck. We still haven’t talked about my going to see him.”
Beck took a deep breath and grasped her shoulders. “Damn it. I’m getting ready with my next breath to make love, and you’re babbling about my old man.” He tightened his grip on her shoulder then quickly loosened it but held her steady so their gazes locked. “When will you listen to what I’ve told you? My old man is a drunk. He’s been a drunk all his life. Once a drunk, always a drunk.”
At first, her mind refused to process what she’d heard. Then, as the words sunk in, they sliced through her like a sharp sword so swiftly she didn’t realize she had gasped and pulled in a painful breath until her chest felt on fire. Before she realized what was happening, she was out the door, running down the hall, and out of the cabin. As fast as she could, she ran into the woods. Moments later, she heard Beck shouting for her to stop and wait for him, but she kept running until she couldn’t run any more. Finally, she stopped in the underbrush and rested against a weathered pine tree.
When Beck reached her, she held out both hands as a warning for him to stop, but he paid no attention. Despite her vehement protest, he clasped her close, ignoring the pummeling at his chest and her more vocal demands that he leave her alone.
“Please, please forgive me,” Beck pleaded. “I didn’t mean what I said. I certainly didn’t mean it to include you.”
Her lips trembled. “How could you say such a thing about your own father? Don’t you care for him at all?” She fought against his hold again, trying desperately to free herself. But he wouldn’t release her.
“Please, Alex, I didn’t mean to imply that you….”
“That I would be a drunk forever? Just like your father and all the other miserable weaklings who couldn’t muster the courage to say no to a bottle?” She pressed her lips together, started to open her mouth and then pressed her lips together again to avoid giving voice to her anger.
Beck closed his eyes then opened them with a slow shake of his head. “No. I swear I didn’t mean that. Please….”
She freed herself and looked at him directly, her eyes swollen. “Oh, but you are more right than you’ll ever know. We drunks are drunks forever, because we live every day with the reminder of the sins we’ve committed and the lives we’ve ruined.” Her chin dropped to her chest like a defeated warrior surrendering to his captor.
Her past had been exposed. Now, she couldn’t stop. “My baby lies dying in a sterile room, tended by strangers, with her brain too dead to recognize her mother. The murderer took away her life before she even took her first breath.” Even as the words left her mouth, her body sagged as if her bones melted away.
Beck caught her before she hit the ground, put his arms under her knees, lifted her, and carried her to a tree stump a few feet away. He sat and cradled her head against his chest, pressing light kisses to her forehead.
She struggled to sit up.
He held her tight. “Not yet. Give yourself a couple of minutes.”
Her body stiff, she let out a sob. Her lips trembled. She pushed a hand against his chest. “Let me up,” she rasped between sobs.
“No, dammit. Not yet.”
“Damn you.” She let out a low whimper and sagged against his chest in resignation. “Let me be. I’m one of those disgustingly vile people, one of those drunks who will never be free of the bottle for as long as they live. Isn’t that what you think of me?” Her throat ached as her sobs turned to cries of anguish, and she twisted away.
His arms tightened, and he pressed his mouth to her ear. “I’m not letting you go until you forgive me.” Slowly, he rocked her back and forth, brushing the hair from her face and kissing her forehead, her eyelids, and her cheeks. He touched his lips to hers then leaned back and looked deeply into her eyes. “I can never make up for hurting you like that. But I’ll try. I’ll do anything you want. I’ll take you to see my father whenever you want.” He p
ulled her closer and again rained kisses on her brow. “Please forgive me. Please.”
The dampness from his tears on her cheek added to her guilt. Wrapping her arms around him, she dug her fingers into his back. “Listen, damn you. Listen to what I have to say, and then see who needs forgiving.”
“Shush,” he whispered against her hair. “You don’t need to tell me anything more. I know everything I need to know.”
She didn’t stop, only clawed at his back with even more determination than before. “Because of me, my beautiful baby boy died before he took even one breath, and my beautiful baby girl was doomed to live in a state worse than death. For five years now. Five long years. Death won’t claim her and set her free, as well as the rest of us. Instead she lingers, her heart so malformed it barely functions to keep her frail body alive. Her mind is so damaged that even if she were to last another five years, she would never even know she was alive.” Speaking the words aloud caused her heartbeat to rise.
Beck stroked her arm. “Please. You don’t need to tell me this. I don’t care. Nothing can be as bad as you think. Your child’s condition isn’t your fault. Babies are born all the time with medical problems.”
“But not because their mother’s need for a drink denied them the right to come into the world with strong, healthy bodies. I literally drank both my babies to death.” She slumped against him. “Me, their mother. I doomed them with my insatiable need for alcohol.”
“Listen. Whatever happened is over. You told me that yourself. You don’t drink anymore.” He moved back a step so he could look into her eyes. “How long did you say? Five years? That’s a long time. You’re different now. You’re okay, now.”
Again, she pressed her face against his chest. “Am I okay? Will I ever be okay? Will I ever forget? Oh sure, sometimes what I was and what I did stays hidden until something, or someone….”
“Someone like me. Some insensitive, dumb backwoods ass says an unfeeling thing, and the wounds open again.” He squeezed her tight. “Oh babe, I can’t tell you how much your pain hurts me. If I could, I would take all of your pain as my own for the rest of my life.”
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