by T. J. Kline
Bethany wrapped her hands around his face and dragged him down to her, pressing her lips against his, seeking his heat as their mouths fused. Still buried within her, he rolled onto his back, taking her with him, breaking their kiss. She tucked her head between his neck and shoulder. Grant trailed his fingers down her spine, unable to deny himself the pleasure of touching her, and felt himself grow hard again. This woman was going to be the slow, very pleasurable death of him.
“Grant?” She said his name on a sweet sigh of breath, heating his chest, her hands curling against him.
“Hmm?” He wasn’t ready for this moment to end, wasn’t ready to return to reality, where she had a little boy waiting for her return and he had decisions waiting to be made.
“Do we really have to go back?”
“Not until you decide you want to.” His fingers trailed over her shoulder. “We can stay as long as you like.”
She curled into him. “Then I want to lie here and watch the stars come out with you.”
He tipped his head down, inhaling the scent of her, letting his arms tighten around her. He didn’t want to let go, wanted to stay like this with her all night. Hell, he’d stay like this with her forever if he could.
He couldn’t help but feel as if he’d just stepped into new territory, as if Bethany and James had permanently marked him as theirs, rather than the other way around. James’ big blue eyes filled his mind and he couldn’t help but smile at the way the boy had so matter-of-factly asked if Grant would be his new dad.
He sighed with pleasure. “I’d love to, and we certainly can, but I think there’s a little boy who’d be jealous.” Grant felt her tense against him and regretted his words.
“You’re right.” She lifted her chin to meet his gaze.
“I didn’t mean we should leave now.”
She pressed her hand against his chest and sat up. “I know you didn’t, but we shouldn’t stay too long.”
Grant could feel her withdrawing from him, pulling away and trying to hide. He could feel her retreating but he wasn’t sure how to stop it. Rather than fight her instincts, he decided it would be better to let her have some space, a moment to gather herself.
“I’ll be right back.”
Grant went into the bathroom and cleaned himself up before coming back out. She’d pulled the sheet around her but she hadn’t left the bed. At least she wasn’t running that far away. Grant slid in beside her and pulled her close, curling his body around her back. She let him but he could feel the tension in her, as if there was a wall between them again. Somehow, he had to break it down once and for all.
“Bethany, we need to talk.”
“No, Grant. We don’t.”
That wasn’t what he’d expected her to say. He needed her to understand how he felt about her. They still needed to talk about what might come next, where he hoped this relationship would lead from this point forward. “Yes, we do,” he said against the back of her shoulder, his lips grazing the side of her neck. “I’m not letting you out of this bed until we do.”
She didn’t face him but he felt some of the rigidity leave her spine and she laid her fingers over his forearm around her waist. Her touch ignited the deep yearning in him again. Grant’s hand found the curve of her breast, his thumb brushing over a taut peak.
“I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday.”
“That’s what you said before.” She sounded uncertain, as if unsure why he was telling her his plans.
“I’ll be flying out to Memphis tomorrow night after you and James leave the ranch.”
She stiffened. “For how long?”
His lips found the hollow at the base of her ear. “I’m not sure. It depends on what they say. If they clear me, I hope to be back playing as soon as possible.” Grant felt her entire body coil with apprehension. “It probably won’t be with Mustangs though.” Time stopped while he waited for her response.
“And if they don’t clear you?” she whispered.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve been offered a great position as a commentator with a network.” She didn’t ask where and he wasn’t sure how to tell her it was most likely going to be in New York. “I’ll come back, Bethany.”
“But you don’t know when or how often or for how long,” she supplied. “In the meantime, I’ll just be Grant McQuaid’s part-time fling?”
He moved so she could lie on her back. He wanted to see her face, to look into her eyes. “It’s not like that, Bethany. Not for me.”
“Are you sure?”
She was trying to sound confident, as if it didn’t matter what people thought but he could hear the hesitancy in her voice, the hurt in her tone. He didn’t miss the way her eyes misted over, or the way she bit the corner of her lower lip. As much as he wanted to convince her of how special she was to him, he wasn’t sure anything he said would be enough.
Grant brushed his lips over hers. “I’m sure. I have never felt like this for a woman before. You and James are everything to me.”
“Would you stay if I asked?”
Grant felt his entire body tense as he processed her question, trying to run through every scenario in a split second. It all came down to one simple fact—he loved her. The rest of it was just semantics.
“Yes.”
Bethany rolled over, their legs intertwining. Their bodies pressed together and she laid her palm over his cheek. Tears shimmered in her eyes. “Grant, I would never ask you to. I’ve always known deep down that you would have to leave. It’s your career and it’s not in you to give up without seeing it through entirely. It’s okay.”
She sought his mouth, silencing the protests that would have been excuses.
“I’m just grateful for what we’ve already had, what you’ve already reminded me of.”
“What’s that?”
“That the gift of having is far more beautiful than the pain of losing.”
There was nothing he could say to deny what he knew in his heart, what even Bethany realized. He had to leave, if only for closure. For the first time, he hoped that the doctors wouldn’t clear him. He loved Bethany too much to ask her to wait, to face the life of a football “widow” and until he knew what came next, his life was too uncertain for him to promise her any more. But he’d always faced his career with a single-minded focus. Now that focus would mean coming up with some sort of plan before he returned. In the meantime, he would show her how he felt about her.
Grant lifted Bethany over him, burying his hands into her hair and stealing her gasp of surprise with his kiss. He might not be able to admit that he loved her yet but he would make sure she felt his love before he left.
GRANT DOZED WITH her head on his chest, his heart beating steadily in her ear as her fingertips brushed over the flawless perfection of him. As much as she wanted him to stay, for them to stay this way, she should wake him so they could get back to James waiting at the house. Back to the reality that would crush this euphoria. Back to the real world that was going to snatch him away from her.
Her heart ached but Bethany didn’t feel any regret in spite of the pain she knew would come. Grant had taught her to trust again, both in herself as a mother and as a woman. He’d taught her to love again, and that, even when it hurt, the loving was worth it.
And she loved him.
There was no doubt about that fact. He’d somehow wiggled past her every defense and stolen her heart completely. Maybe it had been when he showed up at the school to see James, or the way he’d helped James learn to stand up for himself, or the simple fact that he saw beyond the surface of both of them. She’d fallen in love with a man who’d cared for her and her son.
But she would keep that information to herself because that would cross the line. Telling him would force Grant to make a decision she couldn’t ask him to make. She wouldn’t ask him to stay. If G
rant decided to stay with a team, or to take this job he was offered, she didn’t want to hold him back, even if it meant losing him. That wasn’t fair to any of them. He would only end up resenting her and James in the end.
However, if they could part on good terms, they could still be friends and maybe, she prayed, James wouldn’t be as hurt. If they were still on good terms, Grant would stay in touch and call or visit James whenever he came through town. It would have to be enough.
Who’s using James now?
She wasn’t, not really, but she couldn’t deny that she wanted to remain connected to Grant, somehow, no matter how bittersweet it would be. The reality of their situation was that he was leaving and was likely to be so busy soon that he would forget about both her and James in the bustle of his busy career, whichever path he chose. She didn’t doubt his feelings for either of them, but he’d laid out his two options for his future and he’d never suggested they join him.
She pictured the face of her beautiful, wide-eyed son. She’d poured every waking moment of the last six years of her life into him, adored him beyond belief, but Grant had come along and poked a hole in the bubble she’d created around them both. She thought she’d been enough for him and he’d been enough to complete her, but they were both missing a vital part. Grant had filled that void without really trying and now she wasn’t sure how she was going to go back.
How was she going to explain to James that Grant was leaving and she didn’t know when or if he was coming back because she didn’t even have an answer?
Hot tears burned in her eyes, sliding over the bridge of her nose to fall on his chest.
“Honey, don’t.” Grant’s thumb brushed the trail her tears had created.
“I’m sorry.” She didn’t want him to see her cry, not after her confident words. Not after the tender way he’d made love to her a second time. She swiped at the tears, blinking them back. “I’m just going to miss you.”
“You don’t have to.” She lifted her gaze, praying he couldn’t see the hope that his words caused to flare in her. “What if you and James came with me?”
“What? He has school.”
“We’ll get him a tutor, or you could teach him.” His fingers played over her shoulders sending tingles of longing down her spine as he brushed her hair away from her neck. “We could travel and he could come to games. We’d be together.”
She let herself bask in his offer for a moment, to relish the idea of being with Grant, for just a little longer. As much as she hated to admit it, Bethany knew it wouldn’t work. James needed stability, she needed stability, and traveling across the country to games, watching him play, being an accessory, wasn’t a life she could manage for her or her son. She’d had enough difficulties facing the newspaper articles here in town, she couldn’t imagine dealing with the national news media. As much as she wanted to accept Grant’s offer, she knew it would never work.
Grant sighed, as if he’d come to the same realization. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Will you let me tell him?”
She’d spent so many years protecting James from being hurt that her natural instinct was to say no, but James needed to hear the truth from Grant. They’d built a relationship apart from her and she had to trust that Grant wouldn’t hurt her son.
“But don’t do it until tomorrow. Let him enjoy tonight with you.”
Grant’s face was grim as he nodded and she was sorry that she’d broken the spell he’d woven around them with her pathetic tears. “We should head back.”
She barely managed the words without crying because the sooner they returned to the ranch, the closer she was to Monday and Grant’s departure.
“In a second,” he said, winding his arms around her tightly, pressing their bodies together so closely they were practically one. “I want to hold you just a little longer.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
GRANT AWOKE WITH a sense of dread building in the pit of his stomach. It had begun yesterday when he’d asked Bethany to come with him. He hadn’t even meant to make the request. He had no business asking her to follow him when he had no idea where he was even going. What kind of life was that to offer her? But once the words had slipped from his lips, he knew he wanted her to say yes more than he wanted his next breath.
She’d made the right decision, both for James and herself. He knew that, so he hadn’t brought it up again, but the hollow ache had started building immediately. The same hollow ache he’d once felt at the thought of losing football.
When he’d taken that last hit, he’d known something was wrong. When he couldn’t jump back up the way he usually did, when the dizziness wouldn’t quite clear and the ringing in his ears wouldn’t go away, he’d known. The thing with football was that even when you got hurt, you played through it. Every player knew that. The same way they knew that there were only so many hits you could take before you’re through—you just don’t know that number until it arrives.
In spite of what he’d tried to convince everyone else of over the past three months, and what he’d tried to convince himself of, he had a suspicion that he’d taken the last hit he was going to be able to physically take without permanently damaging his body. Later tonight, he was boarding a plane to find out just how true that suspicion might be.
But it wasn’t just the possible end of his career that had him on edge, it was what that end might signify. Regardless of what the doctor said, he was standing on the precipice of a new beginning—he could start over, either with one of a few options for his career or with a woman who made him feel more alive than did a game that had been his life for almost twenty-five years. But he still hadn’t figured out a way to have both.
Grant had to either cut himself off from football or from Bethany and James. As he watched them walking toward him, he felt the emptiness spread through him at the thought of telling them both goodbye, even temporarily.
“Grant!” Little legs pumped quickly as James ran to him, throwing his arms around Grant’s legs. He scooped James into his arms and tossed him into the air, catching him easily before holding him in one arm and wrapping the other around Bethany.
He knew he probably shouldn’t pull her close, knew it might make James question their relationship, but he needed to touch her, needed her presence to ground him and give him the strength for what he was about to say. He tried to paste a bright smile on his face.
“You ready to go for a walk before you head home?”
“Aw.” James pouted slightly. I don’t want to go, he signed, as if saying the words were too difficult.
“Not just yet, but soon,” Bethany promised. “We’ll go for a walk and you guys can play catch for a few minutes.” Bethany’s voice seemed too controlled and Grant couldn’t bear the finality in her tone. “But first we should go say goodbye to Shorty.”
The three of them walked to the pen where the pony lazily grazed. As soon as he saw the three of them approach, he nickered quietly and walked to the fence for attention.
“He’s going to miss me,” James stated confidently. “We need to come visit him a lot more, Mom.”
Bethany gave Grant a watery smile at James’ childish simplicity.
“You can come visit Shorty whenever you want. You and your mom are always welcome to drop in here.”
“Mrs. Sarah and Ms. Maddie told me that too.” James beamed up at him.
Grant glanced at Bethany and could see the tears misting her eyes. He wasn’t sure whether they were tears of sorrow or joy but, assuming she felt even close to the way he did, they were both. She nodded at him slightly and he knew the moment had come for him to tell James about his departure.
“Hey, James.” Grant squatted onto the balls of his feet so that he was nearly eye level with the boy he’d come to care so deeply about in a very short time. “You know it’s almost time for spring training to start.”
“
I don’t know what that is,” he informed Grant, not even looking away from Shorty as he pet him through the fence. “But Grandpa asked me if you were going.”
“When did Grandpa ask you that?” Bethany sounded concerned.
“The last time I talked to him, before we came here. He said spring training was starting soon and Grant would have to go unless he was too hurt.” He turned to face Grant and laid a hand on his shoulder, a look of concern far too wise for a six-year-old boy on his face. “I hope you’re not hurt.”
“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.” A frown marred the boy’s brow and Grant knew he’d do almost anything to wipe it away. “I have to go on a plane later today to see what the doctors say, to see if I’m too hurt to play football anymore. I might be gone for a while.”
“My doctor appointments take a long time too.” James sighed and rolled his eyes as Grant looked to Bethany for confirmation.
“He means his audiologist and the surgeon,” she explained. “Baby, Grant has to go all the way back to Memphis, where Grandma and Grandpa are, to see his doctors and hopefully, if he’s not hurt, then he’ll start playing football again.”
The frown was back on James’ face as he searched Grant’s eyes for some sort of explanation. When are you coming back? he signed.
Grant wanted to promise the boy he’d return soon, that he’d see him next week, that he wasn’t leaving for good, but it could all be lies and would only hurt James more than the simple truth.
I don’t know, he signed back. “As soon as I can, but it might be a while.”
James took several deep breaths. Grant saw his little chest hitch and he caught the way his mouth turned down as James tried not to cry. A knot lodged in his throat, choking him from saying anything more, and he tugged the little boy into his arms. James buried his face into Grant’s neck, wrapping his arms around it and squeezing tightly, as if he feared letting go would mean that Grant would disappear. Bethany took a step forward and laid her hand on James’ back before circling her arms around them both. The three of them remained like that, clinging to one another as James’ tears burned Grant’s skin, scalding him, scarring him, the same way Bethany’s had the day before.