by Avery Rae
It'd been a hard lesson for me to learn, because that was how we treated women back when I was alive. But after one too many scoldings from her, I'd backed off. Modern women were something else, and I loved it.
"Let me take care of that mess," Nathaniel said. "You can go change your dress and get it soaking before it stains. White vinegar and dish soap should do the trick."
Her shoulders relaxed. She gave him a soft smile. "How are you so good at house stuff? You need to teach me your domestic ways."
"Sometimes I think it all stems from a past life," Nathaniel said, eyes sliding over to me briefly. "But that's probably a little silly."
"Sounds like your past life was boring as shit," I replied.
"Edwin," Hazel bit out, her voice strained.
I held my hands up. "Just saying."
"Yes, boring, indeed . . ." Nathaniel tilted his head to the side, a glimmer in his eyes as suspect as they come. "But not all of us can be criminals hellbent on destroying the world as we know it, can we?"
Hazel jerked her head back, blinking in surprise. "Wow, okay. You two need to tone it down. This is just stupid."
"My apologies, dear Hazel—"
"Dear Hazel?" I interrupted. "Save it, or I might lose my lunch."
Nathaniel ignored me, instead taking the supplies from Hazel. "Let me get that mess taken care of before it gets any worse."
My smile wavered, then fell away when Hazel handed the cleaning supplies over without a hint of resistance.
"Thanks," she murmured, looking between the two of us with a furrowed brow. I gave her an equally confused look back. She sighed, shook her head, then started toward her bedroom. I followed after her.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," the angel said with a chuckle as he began cleaning up the mess she left behind. What the hell does he know? He couldn't know her half as well as I did.
Hazel opened the door to her room. Once she was inside, she stopped and turned around, those beautiful blue eyes narrowed, then shut the door in my face. Let me know how you really feel, babe.
I didn't even falter in my steps. I pushed straight on through to her room and shut the door behind me. Hazel was waiting for me, arms crossed and her expression furious. I closed the distance between us, took her by the back of her neck, and jerked her in for a kiss.
She shoved against my chest. Only once. Then she took hold of my jacket and pulled me down even closer, her lips begging me for more. And, good god, I wanted to give her so much more. Every night I spent with her was the best one of my life. It nearly hurt me to pull away, but I forced myself to. We needed to talk. It wasn't what we did, but I needed answers. Now.
As we both drank in deep breaths of air, I pressed my forehead to hers and touched a hand to her cheek. "Who is he to you, babe?" I asked. "Why's he here?"
This time, she pushed me away for real. She tried to, at least. She was nowhere near as strong as me. But I wasn't going to force her to stay near me if she didn't want to be, so I let her go and stepped back.
"Tell me," I insisted. "And I don't give a fuck if you don't want to. I need to know before I do something stupid."
"Watch your mouth when you're talking to me," she said with a sigh, rubbing at her forehead. "And, really, you're already acting stupid, Edwin. He's just someone I met at a coffee shop. He comes over, we have drinks, and we talk. That's all. Nothing else."
That's a hell of a lot of denial there. If she didn't think of him as anything but a friend, why was she so insistent? I nodded slowly, feigning calm even as my blood reached a boiling point. "So, he's some guy that tried to pick you up and you've been having him over. And he talks about wanting to sleep with you? But it's no big deal, right? Just friends?"
"Even if it were like that . . ." Her jaw hardened. She looked away. "I haven't seen you in over a month. You can't just expect me to sit around waiting for you to show up."
"I see." That was all I needed to hear. I turned around and grabbed the door handle.
"Edwin, don't—"
Before she could finish, I whipped open her door and walked back into the living room. Mr. Perfect with his stupid blond hair had finished cleaning up and was heading for the front door.
"Leaving so soon?" I asked. "You looked like you were really getting comfortable before I showed up. Did I ruin your little chat?"
"I sense that it's time for me to make myself scarce." Nathaniel walked to the door before looking over his shoulder and saying, "For Hazel's sake. Not yours."
"Nathaniel, I'm so sorry." Hazel rushed into the living room and stood in front of him. "I don't know why he's being so rude. I promise you I'll explain all of this later."
The fuck she will. I didn't trust this guy at all. There was something sharp and cunning in those eyes that told me she needed to steer clear of him.
"It's alright. We'll speak later." He took her hand, and my entire body clenched as I fought the urge to rip his hand off her. The prick gave me a knowing look as he lifted her hand and kissed the back of it, like she was some sort of queen. She was, but only to me. Nobody else. Especially not him.
"Could you get him out of here already?" I ground out. "If not, I will."
"There's no need," Nathaniel said, that stupid smile in place again as he walked through the door. "Goodbye, Hazel."
"See you later," she replied as she closed the door behind him. The moment it was shut, Hazel rounded on me. "What's wrong with you? You're acting so petty. A month, Edwin. It's been over a month. Stop and think about that one. Even if there was something going on, it's none of your business. You go weeks without even contacting me all the time, yet you act like I'm your property or—"
I was there in an instant, pulling her into my arms and kissing her until she wound her arms around my neck and pressed her soft curves against my body. I groaned into her lips and trailed my hands down to her hips, savoring how perfect she felt. Nothing rivaled her body—I would sacrifice anything and everything just to touch her.
I'd already risked everything as it was. If the Brotherhood found out what I kept from them for her sake, then my soul was forfeit. So, I would say that was proof enough that I would gamble every single thing just to be with her.
I pulled back just enough so that my lips still caressed hers as I spoke. "I act like you're mine because you are."
"No, I'm not," she whispered, voice strained. She couldn't have sounded less sure if she tried.
"You don't believe that, do you?" I moved my head back just enough to get a good look in her eyes. "You know you sing a different tune when I've got you in bed."
"Which is the only time you come around." Hazel bit down on her lower lip, unwound herself from me, and pulled away. My body ran warm with the demon blood in my veins, yet I still felt a chill at her absence. Especially when she gave me that look like a wounded doe. I knew it hurt her that I couldn't be around more. Only a tried-and-true idiot couldn't see that, and I hated that she thought I didn't. But it wasn't as if I could tell her why I wasn't around more.
Despite everything, I had given her all that I could. Every spare moment I had on Earth was spent with her. I made my way over here the moment Cheri and I were done hunting souls today. That was the best I could do. I would never be what she wanted, what she probably needed, but I was a selfish man and I wanted her. I didn't like hurting Hazel, of course not, but living without her was a fate worse than I could imagine.
"Nathaniel told me that he knows you." Hazel was speaking so softly I strained to hear her. "He said that you're dangerous. That I should stay away."
I knew it. The angel was up to something. I'd never seen the guy before in my life, yet he knew who I was before I even showed up. I wasn't sure what his endgame was, but I wasn't going to let him take my girl from me in the process. I would fight to my last breath to make sure that didn't happen.
"You know that's not true." I touched her cheek. She stiffened. Damn. I was effectively immortal but she could kill me by doing that again.
; "I don't know that, do I?" She was talking louder now. "I don't know anything about you. All I know is your first name. We've been seeing each other for a year, Edwin. There's a reason why you won't tell me anything else. And it's not like you're hiding yourself from me for a good reason. Nobody does that for a good reason."
"I do," I replied plainly. It was true. I couldn't tell her about my past. It would do nothing good for either of us. "You know everything about me that you need to know."
"No. You don't get to do this anymore." Her eyes narrowed to slits, her lips set in a thin line. "What're you not telling me?"
She didn't want to play this game with me. Neither of us would win. I gave her a slow smile as I trailed my fingers down her neck to her shoulder, then her arm. She kept her expression hard even as she trembled from my touch. She was as tough as she was sweet, and I loved that about her. But, right now, I needed her to let this go before we were both real unhappy.
I leaned forward and brushed my lips against her ear. "Hazel, babe, I could ask you the same thing, couldn't I?"
3
Hazel
"I'm not hiding anything from you," I lied through my teeth. In truth, I was hiding everything. But so was he. That was what we did. We pretended like everything was fine, sacrificing reality for whatever fiction we'd both made up in our minds.
We pretended it was okay to spend a year sleeping with someone without ever talking about each other's lives. It wasn't, yet that was exactly what we did. We fell into each other's arms time and time again and acted like it was completely normal. Like we weren't two bad people selfishly using each other to feel normal every once in a while. But we were.
And I was so tired of it. It wasn't healthy. Not for me, at least. Because Nathaniel was right about Edwin. I wasn't sure how Nathaniel knew him, especially since Edwin didn't seem to know him, but he was right. Edwin was my darkness, something I had far too much of already. I liked having Nathaniel around because he made me feel like I was basking in sunshine. I had spent a year sinking into the abyss with Edwin, and I needed to get out. I gravitated toward Nathaniel because I wanted to be better. I just didn't know how.
Yet, even having said that, with Edwin in front of me, I was tempted. His black hair, normally combed to perfection, was slightly mussed, and his eyes were hot on mine. I couldn't deny how badly I wanted to sink into darkness with him. I tried so hard to deny it. I'd always tried to deny that part of me. It was why I tried to make my small apartment look as happy as possible. Vintage flower prints covered nearly everything. Even my sofa. I had risked bed bugs bringing that thrifted, flower-stitched monstrosity home. All so my apartment could look even more like it belonged to a woman many decades older than my twenty-six years.
But it made me feel less like I was teetering on the edge of evil. My people were always preaching about balance, and I sorely needed it. Edwin threatened that balance. I used every excuse I had to push him away, but when he kissed me . . . I was far too weak to resist him.
Thankfully, Edwin took a step back, putting some blessed distance between us. But then he smiled the sort of smile that served as a warning. "Tell me, babe, why haven't you ever asked me about what really happened that night?"
"What night?" I asked, despite knowing exactly what he meant. I thought about it all the time. Because that was the day that I lost my sister. The day that I lost most of my clan. All in the name of the balance. I'd been a mess that night. And that wasn't something I could ever reveal to my fellow Druids because we were taught our entire lives to be ready for sacrifice.
I had lost my parents when I was young. Losing my sister as an adult had been so much harder. I had no one now. I had a feeling that was why I turned to Edwin so eagerly. He was someone I could cling to. But if he had somehow found out what I was . . .
My heartbeat was steadily gaining in speed. No. Surely he didn't know? Nobody knew what my people did. That was why I had to live a lie in the first place. To keep that secret. There was no way he had any idea. Then again, I really had never asked him why he was there. Or the people that had been with him. I had vague memories of one of them getting the soul out of me, but that was it. Maybe they were Druids, too? I couldn't be sure. And I couldn't ask without risking everything.
"The night I saved you and brought you back here. The night you cried in my arms and I held you until your tears dried. You remember that, don't you?" Edwin moved in close again. "Do you remember asking if I would come back? I told you I would try. And I did. I always do, and that's never going to change."
Even as he touched his fingers to my hips, I was too distracted by what he said before. I couldn't let it go. He was suspicious. I couldn't have someone suspicious in my life. That led to snooping. I wasn't sure if Edwin was the type, but I couldn't risk it. My clan could be exposed. As much as it pained me, I took a few steps back.
"Yeah, well, maybe it is time for a change." I nodded toward the door. "You should go."
It was like I flipped a switch. His cocky smile disappeared, replaced by a cool, unaffected mask. "Is that what you really want me to do?"
"Just go, Edwin." My voice was weak. I closed my eyes and turned my head to the side. I didn't expect telling him to leave to hurt this much. We saw each other so rarely. I thought it would be much easier, yet my heart felt like it was in a vise, tight and unyielding as it clamped down. The door slammed. I opened my eyes. He was gone. The pain was still there.
I wrapped my arms around myself and looked outside. City lights glinted back at me through the branches of the tree outside my window. I looked away, instead staring at the closed door in front of me. Why don't I feel better yet? Why do I feel even worse? I had pushed away my darkness, yet shadows were still threatening to swallow me whole.
4
Edwin
I took each stair down from her apartment like it had wronged me. When I got to the entrance, I grabbed the door handle with such force it left an imprint of my fingers in the silver metal.
One step through the door and onto the sidewalk, the cool night air doing little to calm my temper, I let out a curse at the sight out of the corner of my eye. Speaking of my temper . . . I let out an irritated sigh and turned to face the man standing to my side. It was his holy glory, Nathaniel, leaning back against Hazel's building like he was a hell of a lot cooler than the pixie dust punk he was.
"Edwin Mosca," Nathaniel said with a smirk. "Born 1902. Murdered 1931. Gambler, womanizer, alcoholic—and former money man, helping men only barely worse than you were. Or should I say are?"
"Barely worse, huh?" I said as I folded my arms across my chest. "That one stings. I figured I was damn near as angelic as you for not putting bullets in heads."
"No, you didn't kill anyone, did you? You only helped the mobsters who did."
I gave him a slow shrug, a grin in place. He could read out my sins all day long if he wanted. I didn't care. There was only one thing I gave a shit about, and he needed to get the hell away from her.
"Listen, Nate—"
"Nathaniel," the angel snapped.
I lifted a brow. "Sure, buddy. Either way, all you need to know is that Hazel is mine. The sooner you get that through your pretty head, the better your chance of keeping it."
"Do not threaten me, demon." He took a deep breath, clearing the anger from his expression, then fixed his smile back in place. "If you truly care for her, you should be thankful, because I'm saving her."
I grinned, because that was some of the purest bullshit I'd ever heard. It was almost funny. "Not with her sins, you're not. You assholes can't kick people away from the pearly gates fast enough for far less than she's done."
"She's been deemed worthy of redemption."
"Really now? You guys are getting into the business of that, are you? I thought you'd given up. So, while you're at it, what about the millions of souls burning in Hell right now? The ones that haven't caused a third of the chaos she has? You going to come down and pick them up?"
His expressio
n stiffened, eyes darting to make sure nobody was around us before he tersely whispered, "We cannot save everyone."
"Yeah, it'd be tragic for your big social club in the sky to get too crowded, right? Especially when you've got cute girls like Hazel down here that you can redeem."
The angel's serene expression contorted into a snarl. "You will not speak to me as if—"
"Yeah, anyway," I interrupted breezily, satisfied at having broken his facade, "I'm not a big fan of chatting. So let's just call this quits. I don't know what you holy types think you're doing up there, but leave her the fuck out of it."
I turned and walked away, and although I may have seemed calm as I strode down that sidewalk, the fury I felt was bone deep. I wanted to go back there and pull that angel's wings off with my bare hands. Mostly because I knew he wasn't going to leave her alone. Sad for him, I wasn't going to either. She only pushed me away because of whatever he was whispering in her ear. And if he gave me good enough reason, I would punish him for every last word.
By the time I made it back to the Brotherhood's base of operations in this city—a quiet suburban townhouse—I had calmed down enough to walk inside without slamming anything. Might've even fooled someone into thinking I wasn't about to lose it even though I was still close to that edge, especially when that smug face popped into my mind.
It was quiet inside the simple two-story townhouse. Our base differed in each city we had a portal in, but we always stayed somewhere discreet. No need to bring undue attention to several different grown men and women wearing strange black leather clothing going in and out of one place. That was a good enough way to get people talking as it was.
Walking through, I caught sight of Amberlynn and Lucas in the living room, eating fast food and watching a movie. Indulging in mortal things had become much more frequent these days. Back in the day, we didn't have the time. If we stayed up here too long or were found to be enjoying ourselves too much, Samael would've punished us. But we'd been spending a lot more time on Earth chasing down souls, and Samael had loosened the reins. As long as we didn't hurt or kill any mortals, we were good.