by Avery Rae
Because he was like the me of over seventy years ago. Or even just the me before Hazel. And I had been a real piece of work. My loyalty only belonged to those that offered me money. I'd been such an idealistic little shit when I got into university. All it took was one lucrative, shady deal. A year out of school and I was suddenly working for the mob.
Leaving Hazel like this was my chance to redeem myself. It was time for me to do something that would benefit more than just myself. And I was going to take it. I started toward the door but didn't make it far before I turned back around to look at Hazel.
Seeing her curled up in my bed made my heart ache, because it was something I had always wished for deep down. But instead of being sad, I smiled. I gave Hazel the realest smile I'd ever given anyone. I wanted her last memories of me to be as good as I could give her. I felt like I had succeeded.
Her expression fell as realization seemed to crash over her. "Edwin?"
I closed the door and locked it. It was my turn to say goodbye.
17
Hazel
"Edwin?!" I shouted again as I leapt from his bed, nearly slipping on the smooth stone floor as I raced to the door. I hit the solid metal shoulder-first and wrenched at the handle, as if I hadn't heard the key scraping in the lock.
What was going on? Why would he do something like this? I slid down the door, so furious that tears stung at my eyes. I had been so happy seconds ago. I let myself be happy. Just for a little bit. And it got me screwed. Yet again.
The manipulations really would never stop, would they? Not as long as I was who and what I was. It was dumb of me to think that things would suddenly be my own version of normal just because I was in Hell with Edwin. It was dumb and selfish. Nathaniel was off somewhere, hurting because of me, and I had been more than happy to fall into Edwin's bed, despite him being no better.
Or so I'd been told. I eyed the model airplanes and trains all around his room. I hadn't pinned him for the type. Nathaniel had made it very clear to me that Edwin was some sort of immoral boozehound with a different girl in his bed every night. As if he were really that one-dimensional. But I let it get me upset, and look where that got me. Staring at little vehicles, meticulously assembled by the hands of the man who'd just left me.
I knew he wasn't coming back the moment I saw the sadness in his eyes. I just wish he had told me. Anything. It wasn't like I could stop him. If Edwin thought he was sparing me from something, then he was wrong. Not knowing what was going to happen to him was so much worse.
It was less than an hour later when a knock sounded at the door. I didn't even bother to get my hopes up. Edwin wouldn't knock at his own door. I didn't answer. The knock came again.
"Hazel?" a muffled voice called out from the other side.
I frowned and stepped closer, my surprise clear in my voice as I asked, "Nathaniel?"
"Can I come in?" he asked, his voice painfully soft.
"It's locked. I can't open it from in here."
I heard the key slide in and the click of the door unlocking. Nathaniel slid the door open a crack, his strange new eyes staring back at me through it. "I'll go if you want me to."
I folded my arms against my chest and shook my head. "It's alright. I don't mind. You've probably had a worse day than I have."
He smiled sadly as he stepped inside. "As bad as I may feel, I'm not certain that's true. Even if it was, I deserve it. I betrayed you."
"You did, but I get it. You were doing what you thought was right."
"I knew it wasn't. Deep down."
He slid the door shut and walked over to the fireplace, standing in front of it. I padded over, suddenly aware of how I looked all over again. I sat down in one of the plush chairs, as if it would somehow hide what I was wearing. A reminder of what I had been doing the past few hours before Edwin left me. I was itching to ask about him, but I didn't want Nathaniel to be the one I asked. It felt unfair.
And yet . . .
"How did you get the key to the room?" I asked.
He looked down at the key, rolling the bronze metal between his fingers. "Edwin entrusted it to me."
"Entrusted?" I laughed weakly. "That sounds so official."
He lifted his eyes to mine. "Yes, I suppose so."
I was itching to know so much more. Why had Edwin left me? Locked me in here? Why would he give the key to Nathaniel if he hated him so much?
Things had, for the first time in . . . forever . . . started to feel almost normal between Edwin and me. Like we could've had something. I didn't know what that something would look like, but I saw potential in his smile. The gentleness of his touch. That had always surprised me about him. He seemed to savor each and every time we were together. It made me feel special. Loved.
I jolted and shook my head, as if I could clear the thought away through sheer brute force. Nathaniel was still staring, eyes unreadable. He had always seemed so open. Welcoming. That was gone now.
"How did things go with the big angel guy?" I asked, trying to ease the tension in the air.
"Samael?" he asked with a frown. "He's been accommodating."
"Kind of weird, isn't it?" I made a point of looking around the room, cracking a smile. "Hell really isn't that bad."
Nathaniel almost smiled back. "It certainly hasn't been what I imagined." His almost-smile faded. "Then again, Heaven wasn't what I thought it would be either."
He sat in the chair beside me, his inky black wings relaxed and draping along its sides. I pulled Edwin's large shirt over my knees and tucked them under my chin. Not because I was cold but because it comforted me in some strange way.
"What was wrong with Heaven?"
Nathaniel smiled for real this time. "Why do you assume there was something wrong?"
"Because you sound disappointed."
He let his head fall back against the chair and sighed. "I was a minister."
"Wow, you must've pulled in quite the crowd."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm just saying, I might've gone to church if I could find a minister that looked like you."
"A church is essentially a Druid's nightmare, isn't it? All those people talking. To you and about you. Hard to keep secrets that way."
"Yeah, that wouldn't have worked out too well for me."
"I admit, I did have a suspiciously large congregation, but I lived a pious life."
"No inviting bored cougar housewives into the confessional, you mean?"
"Of course not." He gave me a sly look. "I thought about it though."
A slight flush warmed my cheeks. What was wrong with me? I wasn't a blusher, so I had no idea what my problem was. He hadn't even said anything that lewd. But it sounded incredibly dirty coming from him. Thankfully, his smile faded, and he continued speaking in a more somber voice, fanning the sudden flames in my cheeks.
"I spent so much time praying to a God who wasn't even there. I put my faith in him. Her. Them. I didn't know. I still don't. Nobody ever talks about God or Lucifer. It's like they never even existed. They've simply been gone for that long."
I had never given much thought to religion. Druids believed in Heaven and Hell, of course, but that was because our ancestors taught us that it was our job to keep the Earth, which was wedged in the middle, in balance. And only in the midst of chaos could the balance be found. Chaos and destruction were the great equalizers according to everything I had been taught. How wrong that had been. But we'd been so, so sure it was right. My thoughts drifted to Abby staring at me furiously from the end of that alley.
"Why were you with Abby that day? In the back?"
"Ah, I had nearly forgotten about that. I'm sorry if what the succubus said alarmed you."
"Half-succubus," I murmured absent-mindedly.
He gave me a half-smile. "Ah, yes. I forgot."
"So what were you doing with her?"
"I got the feeling that she was somewhat interested. I had met her before, at the café. So, I thought she would be a good source of in
formation."
"How did you even know about me in the first place?"
"Heaven is very concerned with the Druid situation."
I frowned. "What situation?"
"I don't know if now is a good time to tell you."
"Edwin already told me the worst of it, I think." I shifted in my chair to look directly at him.
"So you know the Druids have lost their way?"
"Yeah, I do. Why help us then?"
He shook his head and got to his feet. "I don't want you to get upset."
I jumped up. "Tell me."
"We were hoping to wipe out all of you and reestablish a new Druid order from the wreckage of Earth."
I clasped a hand over my mouth. That really drove home the idea that we were terrible for what we had done. When Heaven wants you to die, there had to be something wrong with you.
"I'm the villain," I whispered between my fingers. "I'm the monster. I'm the one who should be defeated, not saved or protected. Why didn't you just kill me when you had the chance? Without the ritual, I would have just died."
Nathaniel quietly moved in front of me. He lifted a hand that trembled faintly as he cupped my cheek. "Because I was weak. It took everything in me to give you away. I couldn't have killed you."
"You should've."
"I couldn't."
I couldn't understand what I had done to deserve such loyalty from him—or Edwin. Thinking of him, alarm suddenly shot through me. Wide-eyed, I looked up at Nathaniel. "What's Edwin doing? Right now?"
"He's just as weak as I am."
I ran for the door and wrenched it open. Nathaniel was there in an instant, pulling me back. "You can't. He's made his choice. It's the only way to save you and the Earth. He told me if I helped him, then all was forgiven between us. I must keep you here."
I jerked wildly against his grasp as panicked thoughts raced through my mind. I had a feeling when Edwin left that he was going to do something stupid. But not so stupid that he would get himself killed. Especially for me. I couldn't think of a less worthy reason. When I found him, I was going to kill him if he was still alive, I swore it.
When I finally admitted to myself that I couldn't combat Nathaniel's strength, I let out a frustrated groan and slumped. "I don't want him to get hurt. Or die. Or do anything that puts him in danger for me."
"Do you love him?" Nathaniel asked quietly as he let me go.
The answer came easily to me this time. "Yes. Absolutely yes."
Something brief and tinged with sadness flashed across his expression as he went silent for a moment.
"Why?" I asked.
"Why what?"
"Why do you want to protect me like this? You barely know me. You and Edwin hate each other, but now you're working together? For me? It's stupid."
"Because those nights I spent with you, just talking, were some of the best of my life, Hazel." Nathaniel sighed. "I'd never experienced anything like it before. Maybe it's because you thought you could die any day, but your honesty was refreshing. The way you talked about the world, like it was this fascinating thing you couldn't touch . . . I saw the beauty of the world through your eyes when I had given up. How could I not fall in love with that?"
I blinked at him in surprise, my mouth hanging open ever so slightly. Love? I had no idea how to respond. We had only met a handful of times, although we talked for hours. I couldn't imagine falling in love with someone that quickly.
"You don't have to say anything to that." He spoke in a quiet voice. "I know where we stand, and I accept it."
18
Edwin
It wasn't often that anyone ventured into this part of Hell. It was darker, hotter, and far more treacherous than any other. Members of the Brotherhood and I stood in front of a fortified palace so dark that it seemed to suck away any light from the thundering sky above.
It was the palace which housed Lucifer's throne and, most importantly, his crown. I had wanted to come alone, yet I was flanked by the wonder duo, Priscilla and Gael, along with Lucas and Amberlynn. The original Brotherhood. Plus Priscilla. They insisted we stick together until the end. Personally, I saw it as the perfect way to ensure the Brotherhood lost all of its most experienced demons at once, but they wouldn't be reasoned with when they found me leaving alone.
The plan was to fight our way through to the crown and seize it. It was the key to Hazel's protection—and keeping Heaven and Hell from engaging in a war on Earth. I was in it for one of those things. When Samael told me that anyone without the sheer power of Lucifer who dared to wear the crown for too long would likely die a real death, I volunteered without a second thought. I didn't care.
Lucas clapped his hands and rubbed them together with a grin. "You guys ready to get your asses kicked by some ancient demons?"
The guardians of Lucifer's palace were rumored to be formidable. Older than even Berith or Lilith, they would likely give us trouble. Honestly, there was a chance that I might not even get to wear that crown. There was every chance we would all die in the hallways that led to Lucifer's throne. And yet my fellow hunters looked excited.
"You're all adrenaline junkies," I said with a sigh. "You're not supposed to get giddy when you're facing certain death."
Amberlynn flashed me a grin. "What else we got to live for?"
There was a sudden huffing and puffing behind us. Our moment interrupted, we all turned around to see Cheri struggling up the mountain road in a pair of kitten heels and a skirt, her normally prim bun askew, pieces of hair flying all around her head.
"Do you guys have any idea," she said between ragged breaths, "how hard it was to catch up to you? My feet are barking up a storm."
"What're you doing here? It's too dangerous," Amberlynn asked. "And is that really what you're wearing?"
"I didn't have time to change." Cheri waved a manicured hand through the air. "Anyway, Samael the Second told me that you all were off to get yourselves killed, so I figured I would join you."
"That sounded like a good idea to you?" Amberlynn asked with a snort.
Cheri pursed her lips. "If it means I get to be with your stupid self, then yes."
"Oh, I see." Amberlynn flushed deeply and looked away, clearing her throat excessively. Even in such a dire moment, we all exchanged looks of mild surprise.
As Cheri walked up beside Amberlynn, a smirk in place, I started toward the palace. The gates were tall and flanked by a minotaur statue on either side.
I had only taken a few steps toward the gate when I heard a crack. My eyes locked on to one of the statues as I stilled. It began to shift. Long, jagged lines shot across the dark surface, loud cracks filling the air with each one. The same began to happen to the other statue. Finally, the first one paused, then the horned statue shook from side to side, scattering pieces of dark stone across the ground.
It stretched, letting out a loud yawn that was more of a yell.
"You've got to be kidding me," the armored bull said as he looked to his side, where an identical minotaur was emerging from his own stone cocoon, just as lethargic as his brother. "I was having such a good nap."
"Are we under siege?" the second minotaur asked with a stretch.
"I think Heaven has invaded. There's an angel."
"He's got black wings, you idiot," the second said with an irritated sigh. "That means he's fallen."
"Oh, yeah." The first bull itched at his horns. "I forgot."
I wasn't paying attention to their conversation, however. I was stuck on what the other had said before. An angel. Fury burst to life inside me as I turned around and saw that idiot bird of a man, Nathaniel, flying through the sky, carrying Hazel in his arms. I knew trusting Nathaniel was a mistake. She probably just batted those damn lashes and he whisked her right on over.
Cheri huffed as she looked up at them. "Wings would've made that walk so much easier."
"You shouldn't have come in the first place," Amberlynn countered with a scowl, all of her flushing long gone. I knew how she felt a
s Nathaniel landed hard against the ground, kicking up gray dust, his wings wrapped around Hazel. He unfurled them, and she stared back at me sheepishly from his arms.
"Hey, Edwin. Priscilla. Other people." She gave me a pointed look. "What are we all up to?"
"You're up to nothing," I said. "You're leaving. Now."
"No, I'm not."
As Nathaniel set Hazel down, I was already there, pulling her aside.
"What do you think you're doing?" I asked, voice tense.
"What do you think you're doing?" she replied. "I don't want you sacrificing yourself for me."
"You know all about sacrifice, don't you?" I said through my teeth. "It's an honor, right?"
"Thanks for rubbing that one in. You can be a jerk all you want, but I'm going to have to say a big fat no to you sacrificing yourself for anything. Especially me."
This was the first time in my life that I had ever been so ready to do something that wasn't selfish. Something that was entirely for someone else. I barely understood how I was able to push myself this far, knowing I would likely never get to be with her again, but I had done. And she was fucking it all up.
"Excuse me," one of the minotaurs called out. "Are any of you folks going to attempt to enter Lucifer's palace or not? I'd really rather go back to bed."
Hazel's eyes widened as she looked over my shoulder and whispered, "What the hell is that?"
"Stage one of saving you."
"Wh—" Before she could finish, I ran for the gates with all my strength. Focused on the shadowy doors, I vaulted past the minotaurs. I heard their mighty axes clash as they slammed against the ground behind me. I touched the door and it opened for me.
"He's a fast one," one of the minotaurs murmured.
"Barely even saw him coming," the other one agreed.
The first one gave me a salute. "Well, good luck in there. The others are already waking up, so you won't be so lucky."
I turned around as I backed inside the opening gates. "You're just going to let me go?"