Josh was disappointed at the platitude. “Been reading Dear Abby?”
“Not quite. I lived it.”
“You and Dexter?” Though he said the words, he didn’t believe them.
She nodded. “Maybe you should talk to him.”
***
“How are you this morning?” Portia asked when Gloria joined her for breakfast. Portia had been up for a while feeding Paige, then putting her back to bed. She was now on her second cup of coffee.
“Not so good,” Gloria answered. “I feel awful.”
“You’ve been having bad mornings ever since you’ve been here.”
“I know. I must be worrying too much.”
Portia drank from her milk glass. “Could be something else?”
“Like what?”
“You could be pregnant.”
Gloria touched her stomach. “Pregnant? That can’t be.”
“You should know better than me, but you’re showing the symptoms of the early months of pregnancy. When was your last period?”
Gloria searched her memory for the date. “I don’t remember. I’ve had so much on my mind the last few months.”
“Well, you should see a doctor.”
“I don’t think I’m pregnant.” She couldn’t be pregnant now. Not now.
“Even if you aren’t pregnant, you need to see a doctor. You shouldn’t be sick like this every day. You need to find out what’s wrong.”
“I know I’m not pregnant, but I do need to find out what’s wrong, so I’ll make an appointment with the doctor.”
***
Pregnant. She was pregnant. She and Josh were going to have a baby. He’d be so happy about this. She went to the phone to call him. She hung up before she dialed the first number.
She couldn’t tell him. Not now. So many things had changed. She didn’t even know if they still had a marriage. She couldn’t complicate the situation with a baby, could she?
“What did the doctor say?” Portia asked as soon as Gloria walked through the door.
“You were right. I’m pregnant.”
Portia ran to her and hugged her as best she could with a crying Paige in her arms. “I’m so happy for you. I know how much you’ve wanted a baby.”
Portia’s happiness almost made Gloria forget her situation. Almost. She nuzzled the baby fat of Paige’s neck, loving its softness. “Josh and I wanted a baby. Oh, Portia, what am I going to do?”
“Come over here and sit down. You’re getting all worked up for nothing.”
Gloria followed Portia to the couch. “This should be one of the happiest days of my life and I feel so lost. What am I going to do with a baby?”
Portia gave Paige a sucky kiss on the cheek that made the baby gurgle. “You’re going to love him or her. That’s what you’re going to do.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You and Paige have Dexter. How can I have a baby when my marriage is in the toilet?”
“This baby may be the best thing to happen to you and Josh,” Portia said, settling Paige on Gloria’s lap.
Gloria rubbed the soft hair on the baby’s head. “How’s that? Do you think I should go back to him because I’m pregnant? I hope that’s not your solution.”
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Well, that’s what it sounds like. How can you say it’s the best thing to happen to Josh and me?”
“Perspective and speed, Gloria. This baby is what’s important. If you can’t forgive Josh and continue your marriage with him, you need to make that decision and begin to plan a life for this baby. But if you can forgive and make a good life for you and the baby with him, you need to make that decision so you and Josh can enjoy this time.”
“So you think the right thing for the baby is for me to go back to Josh?”
Portia shook her head. “How can you think that’s what I want. I’m the one with the parents who fought all the time. No, if you love Josh and can forgive him, then go back to him. But if you don’t and can’t, then make a clean break so you can focus on your baby. And you do have other options.”
“Like what?”
“Adoption and abortion.”
Gloria pulled Paige closer to her breast. “What? You can’t be serious. Why would I want to carry the baby to term and then give it away? That makes no sense.”
“You didn’t say anything about abortion.”
“God forgive me; it did cross my mind. But I could only have done that if I’d never told anyone about the pregnancy. As soon as I told you, abortion was no longer an option.”
“I’m relieved to hear it because I know how much you want this baby and I know you’ll be a great mother. Besides, we could end up in-laws.”
“Wouldn’t that be something? I’m glad our children will be around the same age. They’ll have so much fun together and so will we.”
“You’re right,” Portia said. “It’ll be a lot of fun.”
“If I get past the next few months. You’re right about one thing though. I don’t have a lot of time. I can’t keep sitting around here not making a decision. I have my baby to think of now. I have to deal with Josh and my feelings for him.”
“Dexter is having dinner with Josh tomorrow night.”
“Whose idea was that?” Gloria asked.
Portia removed the fussy Paige from Gloria’s lap. The baby had responded to Gloria’s mood change. “Mine. I had lunch with Josh the other day. He wants you back, Gloria, and he’s lost without you. Plus, he has no idea what you’re thinking right now. The man is scared. I thought talking to Dexter would help him. You’re not angry, are you?”
“How can I be angry after all you and Dexter have done for me? I’m sorry that you have to bring up the ugly time in your marriage. Especially now with the baby and all. You two should be focusing only on happy times.”
Portia kissed the baby on her eyes to dry her tears. “We can handle it. It’s still painful for us. Dexter more than me, I think. But we look at what we have now and we’re glad we worked through it. I would hate to have missed the time I’ve had with Dexter since then.”
Gloria felt the loving feelings she had always had for Josh bubbling up in her, but she wasn’t ready yet to deal with them. “What else did Josh say when you had lunch with him?”
“Did you know he had quit his job at Carolina Electronics and gone into business with Elliot?” Portia asked.
“He said something about that, but I can’t imagine Josh giving up that job.”
“He hasn’t actually quit yet.”
“I knew it.” Josh did a lot of big talking, but Gloria knew he wouldn’t give up that job easily.
“It’s not like that. He offered his resignation, but it was turned down. They won’t let him out of his contract. If he’s not back in Raleigh in six weeks, they’re taking him to court.”
“Can they do that?” Gloria asked.
“According to Josh. He didn’t think they would go that far, but his boss seems pretty determined to keep him.”
Gloria shook her head. “I don’t understand that at all. Why would they want to keep someone who doesn’t want to be there?” Portia repeated what Josh had told her about Carla’s expected promotion and what it could mean to him.
“Josh should have stayed there. There was no need for him to move back so suddenly.”
“To him there was a reason. You and your marriage.”
Their marriage, Gloria repeated in her mind. What had happened to their marriage? “Sometimes I can’t believe we’re even in this situation. Not Josh and me.”
“And sometimes I feel it’s partly my fault,” Portia said. “How could you think that?”
“Well, the commuter marriage was my idea. If you hadn’t gone that route, you wouldn’t be in this situation.”
“There’s no reason for you to feel guilty. Our problems lay at our feet. The commuter marriage interval just brought to light problems that had bee
n simmering on the back burner.”
“You don’t blame me, even a little?”
Gloria shook her head. “Not even a teeny bit. You’ve been a lifesaver for me from the time we found out about Josh’s job loss. I know I acted ugly when I found out about your pregnancy and I’m so sorry about that. You’re my best friend and I love you.”
“I love you too. It hurt but I understood it. And now you’re pregnant.”
“And now I’m pregnant. Can you believe it? I’m going to have a baby.” For the first time since she got home, Gloria grinned.
***
“I never knew,” Josh said. He and Dexter were seated in Josh’s living room, drinking beer.
“It’s not the kind of thing we discuss over dinner,” Dexter said. “That was a difficult time for us. I guess you know that now.”
Josh nodded and took another swig of beer. “You can say that again. I’ve never felt so helpless, so lost in my entire life.”
“That’s the feeling, all right. And if you’re like I was, it’s worse because you know it’s your fault. What can you do in a situation like that?”
“What did you do?”
“I ended it, confessed, and begged Portia’s forgiveness.”
“That was it? Portia went for it?”
“Yes, but only after she put me through hell. For a while, I had myself convinced she was deliberately torturing me. I knew she was in pain and I tried to allow for that, but I was in pain too. And I had no one to turn to. Who understands a man who’s cheating on his wife?”
Josh laughed a hollow laugh. “Another man who’s cheating on his wife. Thanks for coming over, man. I needed to talk to somebody.”
“Hey, that’s what friends are for. Portia and I want you and Gloria to work this out.”
“Do you think we have a chance?” Josh held his breath while he waited for an answer.
“Where there’s love, there’s always a chance. Do you still love her?”
He nodded. “One thing this situation has made me understand is just how much I love her. I lost sight of that in all the things we’ve gone through in the last year or so. Just how precious she is to me and how my life is nothing without her. I can’t lose her, Dexter. It would kill me.”
“You’re not going to lose her,” Dexter said.
“What makes you so sure?”
“Because she still loves you.”
Josh perked up. “How do you know? Did she tell you?”
“It’s nothing she’s said. But I know. She’s hurt because she loves you so much.”
“Maybe it’s wishful thinking. She wouldn’t have moved out if she still loved me. Am I being a fool here? Is it already over?”
“It’s not over, but you’re going to have to give her time.”
Time. “It’s been almost two months. How much time does she need?”
“Until she feels she can trust you again. It’s not that she doesn’t love you. She just doesn’t trust you. She’s wondering if you really love her.”
“I do love her, but how can I show her if she won’t even talk to me.”
“It’s hard, I know. I’ve been through it. But in a way, she’s testing you. You’ll have to prove your love over and over before she’s confident enough to believe you. What happened affected her self-esteem, Josh. She has to get that back.”
Josh was still amazed at how much that single event had changed his life. “I can’t believe that one incident can wipe out almost ten years of love.”
“It wasn’t just an incident, Josh. She thinks you broke your vows. That’s major.”
“I know, I know,” Josh said, resigned to wait. “Well, tell me how she’s doing, what’s she’s saying, everything. I’m starving for her.”
Twenty-Three
Gloria had just put Paige down in her crib for the night when the doorbell rang. She took a final look at the baby, hoping she would stay asleep, before heading down the stairs to get the door.
“I’m coming,” she yelled as she raced to the door. Whoever was at the door was leaning on the bell. She wondered who it could be. She looked through the peephole and saw Josh standing there. Her heartbeat raced. She was glad to see him, but she didn’t want to see him. He leaned on the bell again.
She opened the door and stepped back. “What do you want?”
He smiled as if she’d asked a pleasant How are you? “It’s good to see you too. May I come in?”
She wondered why he bothered asking, since he didn’t wait for an answer. He strode into the house as if she had invited him over. She closed the door and followed him into the living room, where he took a seat on the couch. She didn’t bother to sit. “What do you want?” she asked again.
He looked up at her, his smile still in place. “To see my wife.”
His gaze made her uncomfortable. God, he was undressing her with his eyes. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other and ignored the urge to grab a pillow from the couch and cover herself. “Tonight’s not a good time, Josh. I’m babysitting for Dexter and Portia.”
“It seems there’s never a good time. When—”
The sound of the crying baby interrupted him. “I’ve got to go check on her,” Gloria said.
A few minutes later, she came back downstairs, holding Paige in her arms. Something stirred inside Josh when he saw her holding the baby. It brought images of her holding their baby. He watched her walk around the room, cooing to the baby. “What’s wrong with her?” he asked.
Gloria stopped walking and gave him an accusing glare. “You woke her when you rang the bell.”
Josh stood up and walked over to them. “Come here, Paige. Let Uncle Josh get you back to sleep.” To Gloria’s surprise, the baby went willingly to Josh. She even stopped crying.
Josh smiled down at the baby. “You’re a good baby, aren’t you?”
“When did you get so good with babies?” Gloria asked. She knew she sound antagonistic, but she didn’t like the thoughts that were running through her mind now. Thoughts of her and Josh and a baby—the baby she was now carrying.
“I’ve always loved kids. You know that. We both have. That’s why we wanted to start our family so soon.” He lifted a brow in her direction. “Maybe you’ve forgotten that?”
He wasn’t going to get to her that way, she thought. “I remember, Josh. Unfortunately, I also remember a lot of other things.” There. She’d done it. She’d brought Darlene into the conversation.
It didn’t seem to bother Josh. He went back to his seat on the couch and cuddled the baby in his arms. Paige’s eyes were droopy and Gloria knew she would soon be asleep. “I wish we had one just like her,” he said. He looked up at Gloria with love shining in his eyes. “You’d be a great mother. And I’d be a great father.”
If only he knew how much she needed to hear that now. If only they didn’t have these problems. “Right.” The word was full of sarcasm.
“I have dreams of you pregnant, your middle swollen with my baby. I still want that, Gloria.”
She didn’t say anything, couldn’t say anything. He had disarmed her with his words.
“Let’s take her upstairs.” The sound of Josh’s voice broke the silence.
Josh got up and headed for the stairs and Gloria followed him as if in a daze. Once in the baby’s room, he gently lay her in her crib. Gloria watched him observe the baby for a few minutes and she knew he had spoken the truth about wanting a baby. Now was the perfect time to tell him. “Josh . . .” she began.
He put a finger to his lips to shush her and pointed to the door. She followed him out of the room. When she would have spoken, he shushed her again. “No more harsh words, Gloria. Not tonight. I know you’re hurting and God knows I’ll never forgive myself for what I’ve done to you. To us. But it has to stop somewhere. You have to decide if you want to continue in this marriage. I’m going to wait, but I won’t wait forever. I love you too much for that.”
Sh
e knew when he finished speaking that he was going to kiss her. She knew it and she could have stopped him. But she didn’t. No, she wanted the kiss as much as he did. Even though she didn’t know what she would do later, she knew that right now more than anything she wanted this man to pull her into his arms and kiss her.
Josh reached for her and pulled her to him. She went willingly, almost eagerly, into his arms. She peered up into his eyes and the love shone brightly for her to see. It was a familiar look on his face. A look she had missed for what seemed like forever. He slowly bent his head until his lip touched hers.
She told herself to let him do the work, let him kiss her. But her body betrayed her. This man was her husband, the father of the baby she carried. And tonight she needed him to hold her, to kiss her.
When his tongue slipped past her lips, her legs went weak. She tightened her hold on him to keep from falling. She heard Josh groan as he deepened the kiss even more and then she felt his hands at her breast. Somehow that touch broke the spell he had cast over her. She pulled away and moved to wipe her hand across her mouth, effectively removing his kiss. He stopped her. The pleading in his eyes caused her protest to die on her lips.
“Don’t,” he said. “We both needed that. There’s no reason to pretend you didn’t.”
His stare kept her rooted in place. He lifted his hand and ran a finger down her cheek. “I do love you,” he said. With that, he turned and ran down the stairs and out of the house.
***
“Josh was here last night,” Gloria told Dexter the next morning over breakfast. Portia hadn’t come down yet. “Did you tell him I would be here alone?”
Dexter pushed back from the table and yawned, obviously still tired from his late night with Portia. “No, I didn’t tell him. I may have mentioned that Portia and I were going out, but there was nothing contrived about it. I didn’t set you up.”
Gloria took another bite of her dry toast. That was all she could eat this early in the morning. “What did you two talk about then?”
“He’s hurting, Gloria. He knows he screwed up and he wants the chance to prove his love to you. It’s frustrating that you won’t talk to him. That’s probably why he came over.”
For All Time Page 22