by Jaime Reese
He exited the car and closed the door behind him, moving so quickly his first step hit the back porch before the car door finally slammed shut. He had his hand in the air, ready to knock, when the back door of the house swung open and a smiling Vann greeted him.
“I didn’t hear you drive up. I was waiting.” The smile on Vann’s face faltered.
No, Drayton wasn’t having any of that. No hesitation, no second-guessing. They had lost too much time, and he wasn’t going to waste any more of it with doubt or worry about where they stood on the relationship spectrum.
He reached out and grabbed Vann’s face, pulling him out onto the back porch and into a kiss.
Vann wrapped his arm around Drayton’s waist and yanked him closer, holding him flush against the wall of thick muscles, locking him in place with a firm grip behind his head. Drayton groaned, his body instantly hardening with possessiveness. He gripped Vann’s ass and pushed his hard and ready body against him, drawing a deep growl from Vann as he sucked and licked every millimeter of Drayton’s mouth like a starved man.
His body melded into Vann’s hold with familiar ease. He missed having this passion that always burned between them, this feeling of being wanted and needed with desperation that could only be quenched by each other. The kiss slowed to a languid pace, each possessive pull becoming a tender caress. They finally separated from the kiss but refused to inch away, letting their breaths mingle and the heat of their bodies cool.
“I missed you,” Vann whispered, nuzzling his neck and resting his head against Drayton’s shoulder.
Drayton closed his eyes, relishing the welcome ease between them, thankful their time apart hadn’t left a permanent wedge. He stroked the back of Vann’s head and pressed a kiss to his forehead, feeling a swell of emotions tightening his chest. He had never been good at reading people and often missed cues others probably thought were obvious, but he had always been able to read Vann without issue.
And something felt different with the man in his arms.
Drayton wrapped his arms around Vann’s broad shoulders and held him close, a sense of protectiveness taking over as if it were his turn to watch over Vann and guard him against life’s bullies.
“You’re really quiet,” Drayton whispered.
“This feels nice. I don’t want to mess it up.”
Drayton huffed a quiet chuckle and brushed his lips against Vann’s hair. “You won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
“And you don’t know that you will.”
Vann quieted again as he ran his fingertips up and down Drayton’s back. They held each other, neither saying a word for some time. “Do you think things between us are ever going to be the same again?”
“No.” Drayton tightened his arms around Vann when his body stiffened. “It’s going to be better. Because we’re doing this together.”
“I don’t deserve that,” Vann said with a sigh. “But I’m a selfish prick where you’re concerned and I’ll take it anyway.”
“You deserve a heck of a lot more. You’re a good man with an amazing heart.”
Vann scoffed. “Yeah, me offing your pops and pushing your mom to cut you off. Yeah. Yay me. Way to go. I’m textbook awesome.”
Drayton nuzzled him, smiling at the hints of snark from the old Vann he knew well. He finally released Vann from the embrace, biting back a grin when he heard a grunt of protest. He cupped Vann’s face and stared into his amber eyes. His Vann was a resilient fighter, with courage and strength. But there, hidden in the depths of golden flecks, Drayton saw something broken inside and could feel Vann’s pain and sadness, regardless of how much he tried to disguise it. “You…me…we’re a team. Got it?”
“But I’m not the same anymore. I’m working on trying to put myself back together again, but I don’t think I’ll ever be that guy you fell in love with.” He looked at Drayton, his eyes pleading for him to understand. “How do you know we’re still going to work? You don’t deal with guesses and gut feelings. You’ve always worked with facts, formulas, solutions, and firm answers.”
Drayton couldn’t help the memory that suddenly came to mind.
“You’re so damn stubborn,” Vann said, withdrawing a small, foldable knife from his back pocket. “So I’m going to write it out in a way you can understand.”
“What are you going to do?” Drayton asked, pushing the glasses up the bridge of his nose, craning his neck and trying to look over Vann’s shoulder as he dug the tip of the blade into their tree by the lake. “You’re hurting our tree.”
Vann glanced over his shoulder, narrowing his eyes and giving Drayton a death glare. “Do you really think I’d hurt our tree?”
“No,” Drayton mumbled. “But I want to know what you’re doing.”
Vann turned and resumed poking the tree with his pocketknife as he spoke. “You know facts and formulas. You’re a brainy expert with equations. So I’m giving you a mathematical answer.” After a few minutes, Vann sat back on his haunches, admiring his work.
Drayton’s breath quickened when he saw the formula carved into the tree.
“I even put a squiggly thing in it so you know it’s an important formula.”
A bubble of laughter rose in Drayton’s throat. He loved how Vann never made him feel awkward because of his love for math and science. Rather, he embraced their differences and tried to understand the source of his passion for problem solving and always encouraged him to question anything that piqued his curiosity. He reached out and ghosted his fingertips over the equation.
D+V=∞
Drayton scanned Vann’s features, assessing and comparing the younger man to the present-day version. The confidence and determination of the Vann from his memory was absent from the man standing before him. Drayton brushed his thumb along Vann’s jaw. “We’re a team. You’ve always told me that’s an important formula.”
“But—”
“You’re not the same guy anymore but neither am I. The formula and answer haven’t changed for me.” Drayton quieted, realizing there was one variable he hadn’t considered. “Has it changed for you?”
Vann slowly straightened, his eyes sparking a fire Drayton hadn’t seen since they were in their teens. Vann stepped back and fisted the material of his T-shirt, yanking the shirt over and off his head, revealing hills and valleys of tight muscles, and a swirl of ink on his upper arm that led to his chest. “It’s the one constant for me,” he said in a raspy voice.
Drayton gasped, staring at the black ink starting midway up Vann’s arm. The ink had been hidden just inside the short shirt-sleeve, but now was on full display for Drayton to admire. “When…did you get that?”
“Inside.” Vann twisted the T-shirt in his hands, wringing the material as he spoke. “A few years ago. That one friend I mention who didn’t make it inside. His name was Iggy. He did this for me.”
A series of two-lane roads wrapped around Vann’s arm, curving and twisting upward and over the edge of his shoulder, ending above his pec and leading to their formula. Drayton reached out and ghosted his fingertips over the inked equation, just as he had done when they’d been freshly carved into their tree’s bark ages ago.
D+V=∞
He glanced up at Vann, his lips parted as he forced each breath in and out of his lungs, losing himself in the swirl of pain, hope, and fear in the amber pool of Vann’s eyes.
Vann wrapped his hand around Drayton’s wrist and flattened Drayton’s palm against his inked pec. “All roads always lead to you.”
He felt Vann’s strong, racing heartbeat against his palm. “To us. It says so right there.” Drayton stared at his hand pressed against Vann’s muscled pec. “You and me forever. We’re a team. You can’t argue with the math.”
“I might be a little slow getting there until I get my footing.” Vann lowered his brow, his jaw muscles clenching. “But I promise, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
Drayton reached up and cupped Vann’s face, pressing a tender k
iss to his lips. “I’ll be here, waiting for you when you find your way home to me.”
“Shaw, I need you over here for a while.”
Vann set the mop in the back room then washed his hands and dried them off with a paper towel before settling next to Bill behind the deli side of the counter. The older man worked diligently each day to prep the sandwich ingredients the moment the breakfast crowd thinned. Every ingredient had to be sliced the right thickness to avoid falling apart in the sandwich while still contributing to the overall mix of flavors. Behind the gruff, blunt, sometimes sarcastic exterior was an artist at heart who loved his craft just as much as his wife enjoyed baking those cookies Julian craved at the end of each day.
Bill pointed to the small box in the corner. “Put on some of those gloves. We’re going to have a crowd today after that legal conference breaks for lunch. So I’m going to need your help with the sandwiches.”
“Really?” Vann pulled the gloves snugly on his hands.
“Yup. You’re going to start them and I’ll finish them off.”
The flutter of excitement in his belly was silly, but he didn’t care. He listened carefully as Bill rattled off the questions to ask the customers, the different bread options and choice of cheeses to set the canvas for Bill’s arrangement of ingredients down the line.
“Got it?”
Vann nodded. Hell yeah, he got it. As if on cue, a group of six customers, a mix of men and women, pushed through the door wearing business suits, talking on their cell phones, texting, or chatting to the person at their side.
He quickly prepped six sheets on the counter and asked the first customer the string of questions regarding their preferences before moving on to the next person. He finished the first group but didn’t have a chance to pat himself on the back before a dozen more lined up in front of him.
He forced a smile, hoping to soften his otherwise perpetually hard expression and focused on one customer at a time. He ignored his pounding heart as he carefully heard each choice, some voicing their choices before he had a chance to ask the questions. He nodded and continued, slicing the breads in perfect halves and prepping the cheeses and core condiments.
Bill glanced in his direction and smiled smugly. Even Cam craned his neck from the register to steal glances at him.
He’d barely recovered when another flood of customers filled the small diner. Fuck.
He focused on his questions and sorting each customer, compartmentalizing his anxiety, careful with each slice of the knife and how he spread the ingredients.
“I didn’t want mustard or that disgusting sauce thing,” one of the customers said. He looked over to Vann with a sneer. “Are you too stupid to know the difference between a yes or no?”
Vann stiffened.
“What seems to be the problem here?” Bill asked, stepping next to Vann.
“This idiot can’t follow—”
“You said ‘no mayo’ when he asked,” one of the other customers in line said. “That implies you want everything else.”
The protesting customer turned to face the other man who had chimed in.
Vann untied the knot on the back of his apron and folded it as he turned to Bill. “You should take it from here. You’ve…got a lot of customers waiting, and I don’t want to slow things down.” He took a few controlled breaths, trying to stop the pounding in his head and the thundering heartbeat in his chest. A huge weight took center stage in his body, making it painfully tough to breathe.
“Shaw—”
Vann raised a stopping hand to Bill. “Take care of your customers.” He walked through the doorway to the back room and leaned against the wall. He closed his eyes and flattened his palms against the wall behind him.
“What the hell do you mean you won’t serve me?” a voice yelled.
He screwed his eyes tighter, trying to calm his body.
“Shaw?”
Vann parted his lips as each wheezing breath barely pushed through his lungs.
“Shaw, open your eyes and look at me,” Cam said. “You need to fucking breathe.”
He opened his eyes, pushing each breath through his gritted teeth. “I’m trying to.”
Cam planted his hands on Vann’s shoulders, drawing his attention. “Forget about Bill. Forget about that asshole. Forget about what happened. Focus on your happy place.”
“My what?” He rubbed his chest as his breath hissed in and out through his lips. What the hell is happening?
“Think of something that calms you the fuck down. Now. Think of Drayton. I’ve seen you drawing at lunch, think of that if it helps. Think of something before this panic attack really grabs a hold of you.”
Panic what? He closed his eyes and mentally thumbed through a series of memories, quickly stopping at one that always settled him. He let the memory take over his senses, surrendering as the vivid details of the flashback returned him to that one moment on his eighteenth birthday he would always cherish.
“Have you ever done this before?” Drayton asked. He tried to appear confident, but the way he kept pushing up his glasses was a nervous tic he hadn’t been able to hide in the four years they’d been friends.
Vann took a step forward, placing his hand on Drayton’s hip, smiling when Drayton’s breath hitched.
“I…don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” Drayton finally admitted, ducking his head as his jaw muscles twitched. Ironically, Drayton was old enough to drink but he hadn’t kissed a single guy in his twenty-one years. That was definitely a huge downside to being in the closet and keeping himself isolated from others. But the bigger upside was that Vann would have first dibs on those full lips.
“Yes, you do. You know how to do a lot more than kiss.” Vann pushed his body up against Drayton. “I’ve caught you looking at porn.”
Drayton’s face reddened.
He knew Drayton was nervous, but it had been his damn idea to hold off on kissing and messing around until Vann’s eighteenth birthday. Served him right for making Vann wait so damn long. He rubbed his thumb along the slashes of color on Drayton’s cheeks. “I like the way you get all shy when I know you’re not. I know you want to grab me and throw me on the dirt and do all those things to me you saw in that movie.”
Drayton’s face turned a deeper shade of red. “Have you…seen movies like that?”
“Don’t need to. I’ve got a porn playing twenty-four seven in my head featuring you as the star.”
The red deepened.
“If you get like this with our first kiss, I can’t wait to see how you get when I’m inside you.”
“Will you fucking kiss me already?”
Vann cocked his eyebrow and hid a smirk. “Hey, it’s my birthday and this is my present. Don’t be bossy with me.”
Drayton rolled his eyes. “Is wanting to torture me on your wish list too?”
He rolled his bottom lip between his teeth, knowing his teasing amped up Dray’s challenging spirit. “There’s my little spitfire.”
“I’m not little.”
Vann chuckled and pushed his nose into the crook of Drayton’s neck. “I know. I can feel you pushing against me.” He ran a finger down Drayton’s torso, enjoying each dip and curve of the now defined tight body. After months of working out together and seeing the flex of muscles slowly building, he’d had about as much foreplay as a man could handle for a lifetime. He couldn’t wait to explore every inch of skin with his tongue.
“What if…I suck?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s a good thing.”
If Drayton’s cheeks heated any further, the man would burst into flames. “How many people have you kissed?”
Vann smiled smugly at the possessiveness burning in Drayton’s eyes. “One. A few months before we met. She caught me by surprise and kissed me.”
“You were thirteen!” Drayton’s lips thinned to a straight line and his brow lowered.
“So?”
He pushed his glasses higher on the bridge of his nose again. “
It’s depressing as hell. You had more experience at the age of thirteen than I do now at twenty-one.” He scowled and ducked his head again. “You…kissed a girl?”
“I didn’t like it.” Vann ran his fingers through Drayton’s hair, hoping to settle the subtle shake he felt in the grip at his waist.
Drayton peeked up, looking shy while still holding that slight hint of fear before accepting a challenge. “What if…you don’t like kissing me either?”
“Impossible.” Vann wrapped his fingers behind Drayton’s neck and tugged him forward, finally pressing their lips together.
The firm, yet soft lips spiked a surge of want and need in Vann’s body. He gripped Drayton’s face and held him close as he explored every tiny crevice of Drayton’s warm, welcoming mouth. A groan escaped when a tongue tentatively slid alongside his and large hands pulled him close against a wall of lean muscles. He wrapped his arms around Drayton’s wide shoulders as forceful fingers dug into his ass cheeks, tugging him closer, urging him to unleash his pent-up desire for the man in his arms.
Time froze and everything stilled except for their kiss. Every graze of skin and hitch of breath was as close to perfection as Vann could have imagined.
Each push drew a pull.
Every demand encountered submission.
Each request filled without question.
An unusual peace settled in his chest unlike anything he’d ever felt. The constant thrum of anger in his veins replaced with an unbridled joy he couldn’t contain. A veil of calmness suddenly blanketed the jittery tension that always vibrated in his body. He rested his hand against Drayton’s steady, strong heartbeat, moaning into the kiss as he slowed the pace, savoring the taste of the man who quieted his inner storm.