by Jaime Reese
But more than anything, he wanted to be the man Drayton saw when he looked at him.
He ducked his head, stirring the sauce so it wouldn’t stick. He closed his eyes when Drayton pressed a kiss to his temple and wrapped an arm around his waist.
Vann took a deep breath, fighting an odd sting in his eyes.
Today marked another major change in his life. Starting tomorrow, he could stand in Drayton’s kitchen and cook a meal for him while Drayton hovered, stealing cookies he had baked or helping him stir a sauce or set the table. They’d live together and work together. Share moments, successes, and finally have their chance at a life he had dreamed of. He hadn’t dared hope that dream could ever be real. But somehow, there he was. Both the dream and hope, alive and screaming in his soul, demanding he take the chance and run fast and hard and never look back.
Someone high up on the totem pole had looked into his case and thought he deserved a fair shake. Someone had thought his case had been “mishandled” in the system, and his punishment should end. Effective immediately.
Is this really happening?
It felt real, and he wanted to believe.
But life had kicked him in the balls far too many times, and his old self kept shielding him from heartbreak, keeping him at a guarded distance from reaching that dream. He absently shook his head, fighting the rising doubt and worry. Life was often cruel. He knew that firsthand more than most. He just needed to free himself from his old life and welcome this second chance.
Freedom. The concept was almost foreign after a lifetime of being shackled with despair.
He needed to believe and accept so his spirit could finally soar.
∞ ♥ ∞
Drayton tightened his grip on the steering wheel, stealing another glance at a very silent Vann sitting in the passenger seat. He had barely spoken over dinner and hadn’t uttered a sound since he said his goodbyes to the guys at Halfway House thirty minutes before. After the shock of receiving the letter, Drayton assumed Vann had a lot on his mind. His demeanor was calm, pensive, probably digesting a wealth of emotions and thoughts as he combed through and sorted things in his head as he often did.
Drayton looked ahead, thankful the evening traffic was light for a Friday night. Vann needed time to process things, and Drayton was more than willing to grant Vann however much time he needed to finally realize the image he had of himself needed a big revision. Vann had a solid chance at becoming the man he wanted to be. The stage was set and the tools were in place. Now, he just needed to take a leap of faith. When would that happen? That was a question only Vann could answer.
He turned off the highway, nearing their destination. He reached out and held Vann’s hand, threading their fingers together. “Are you okay?” he asked.
Vann tightened his hold on their clasped hands and nodded.
Drayton pulled into his parking spot. They silently exited the car, gathered the duffle bag from the trunk, and made their way to the elevator.
“Why don’t you get that?” Drayton said with a chin-up gesture toward the security panel. He wanted Vann to feel this was his home.
Vann glanced over his shoulder, an odd emotion flickered in his eyes before he turned away. He punched in his code then rubbed his hand against his jean-clad thigh. He hesitated for a moment, then placed his hand on the panel for the first time since Drayton had programmed his information. The light changed to green and the elevator doors slid open.
Drayton walked up to him and pressed a kiss to the side of Vann’s head, nudging him to enter the private elevator.
The ride up remained quiet. They both stared as each floor number lit and dimmed. Drayton didn’t know the thoughts battling for attention in Vann’s head, but two things stood out in his own mind. Finally, he’d have Vann all to himself. But more importantly, they had a place together they could call home and live the life they were destined to have.
The doors slid open and Vann stepped out of the elevator and into the foyer of the penthouse. He dropped the bag at his side and took a deep breath, focusing on the open blinds and the panoramic view of the three-quarter moon over the ocean.
Drayton stepped forward and stood alongside him, welcoming the swell of emotions that accompanied the significance of the view and the awakening flood of memories. They stood in the darkness of the penthouse with only the moonlight reflecting off the edges of the furniture, framing the layout of their home.
Home.
For the first time, this place felt like a real home.
Vann turned to face him, the moonlight catching the shimmer in his eyes. “I’m free,” he whispered with a crack in his voice.
A surge of joy tightened Drayton’s chest. “You’re free.” He reached out and ran his thumb along Vann’s freshly shaved cheek. “And you’re home.”
Vann threw his arms around Drayton’s shoulders and pulled him into an embrace so strong Drayton had to hold his breath. Vann squeezed his arms tight and sighed, finally loosening his grip but refusing to release him.
They held each other for a while, neither one wanting to break free from the hold. Vann rested his head on Drayton’s shoulder as Drayton ran his fingertips up and down Vann’s back, both still standing in the dark foyer, staring toward the panoramic view. It had taken them so long to finally reach this moment neither one of them seemed to want to be the first to break away.
They stood there for some time, staring at the moon and enjoying the ever-present peacefulness that enveloped them when they were alone together.
Vann was finally home.
They were finally home. Together.
Just as they were meant to be.
“Shaw, we’re going to Roxie’s for lunch. Want to come?”
Vann shook his head and closed the file. Drayton hadn’t responded to his call earlier, but Vann figured he was in a meeting. He didn’t know how Drayton did it all and managed to squeeze so much into a single day. But it obviously wore on him. Seeing each other every day from beginning to end made it a bit tough for Drayton to disguise. And lately, he seemed a little sluggish, pushing himself more than usual. So much, in fact, Vann spared the temptation to pounce him this morning. And that took effort. Drayton in bed was enough to spike his libido every morning, especially when he wore nothing but a smile and that teasing glint in his pale gray eyes. The way he peeked through the long messy strands of his morning bedhead cranked Vann up every time.
Yup, living together seemed to feed the horny beast inside him. And not getting his morning fix made him twitchy.
“No, thanks. I’ll grab something from downstairs.” He wanted to swing by Drayton’s office and see if he was available for a quick lunch.
Or a quickie.
He waited until the rest of the team left then stood, ducking his head to hide a smile. If they’d known he was bailing at the same time, they’d have held the elevator for him. And he couldn’t hide where he was going if he pressed the top-floor button.
He walked over to the department entryway and paused for a few seconds, finally walking out to the bank of elevators once he heard the telltale ding and slide of doors.
He chuckled to himself. Top floor. It was no wonder they thought Drayton was a unicorn or maybe they even thought he was some business tyrant. After more than a month interacting with different staff in various departments, he had picked up on a mix of impressions throughout the office. There was respect and appreciation for the boss. Never fear. Yet somehow, they all seemed as if they would keep their distance anyway, even though Drayton had created that barrier all on his own.
No one really knew Dray or the fact that the reason he probably resided in that corner office on the top floor was simply because it granted him a bird’s eye view to watch the people interacting on the street below. Even though Drayton had never had the gift for reading people and understanding their motivations, they intrigued him. Or so he’d said.
Vann, however, thought it was Drayton’s way of trying to be part of an inner circle w
ithout ever getting an invitation. He sighed. Drayton tried, more than most, but usually ended up intimidating or upsetting people with his candor. It was as if his mind worked differently than most people’s, channeled more on facts and probabilities than anticipating how voicing those factors affected those around him. He wasn’t cruel or cold. But growing up, no one had ever really given him a chance at friendship or bothered to try to understand him. Instead, they’d pushed him aside like an outcast. He imagined that experience had forced Drayton to keep a very tight, carefully chosen inner circle of friends now and was probably the reason why he chose to isolate himself from his staff.
Screw everyone who didn’t think Drayton worthy of friendship. They were all missing out on knowing one hell of a special man. Their loss. More Dray for me.
He exited the elevator, biting back a grin. He’d take a plateful of Dray any day. And right now, he was hankering for a big lunch.
He saw Mia at the end of the hall with a serious expression. She picked up the phone, never breaking eye contact. His hackles rose and his heart thundered.
“Hey, Mia,” he said as she hung up the phone. “What’s up?”
“He’s not in.”
“Oh.” He tugged on the back of his neck. Something was off. “He’s in a meeting?” He wondered if Drayton had forgotten to mention an offsite appointment. He definitely didn’t need to keep tabs on him, but they’d made it a point of keeping each other updated on their schedules to minimize interruptions.
“He wasn’t feeling well and went home. I’m worried. He’s not answering his phone.”
Every hair on Vann’s body rose. When they had left that morning, Drayton didn’t look like himself but swore he was just tired.
Vann mentally kicked himself. He should have known if Drayton wasn’t feeling well.
“Did Jason drive him home?” He’d already been privy to the perk of having a driver at the ready. And Jason was one of the few staff members who knew who he was. Definitely hard to hide when he had picked up Drayton from the halfway house after that first visit.
“He drove himself.”
“Shit.” A feeling of dread began to creep into his body. What if something happened to him on the way home? Fuck Sean and fuck the lecture he was going to receive. “Can you please ask Jason to pick me up? I need to make sure Drayton’s okay.”
“Jason’s already waiting for you. I called him the moment you stepped off the elevator. I knew you’d want to head over there.”
Drayton would be so fucking lost without this woman.
“I’ll let Sean know you were pulled away to do something else in the company for the afternoon. Don’t worry about him.”
“Thanks,” he responded, racing to the elevator. He slammed the button, waited a second, then tapped it again. And again.
Top floor officially sucked. Especially during lunchtime when everyone decided to leave their office.
“Fuck it,” he mumbled and pushed through the door to the stairs, racing down the steps so fast he was damn thankful he was in good shape.
He pushed the door to the lobby level and stalked down the hallway to the side exit, spotting Jason waiting with his black SUV. He didn’t even give Jason a chance to get out and open the door. Screw cordial. He needed to make sure Drayton was okay. He plopped himself into the back seat and shut the door.
“Jason, please…” He took a few deep breaths, hoping to calm his racing heart. He wasn’t sure if it was the worry consuming him or the exertion of racing down so many flights of stairs. His heart felt like it was going to explode. “To Drayton’s. As fast as you possibly can. But go the route he normally travels in case he didn’t make it home. Please.” He added the last bit, holding back the crack in his voice, not sure if he’d said that to Jason or to some higher power.
He leaned his head back. Drayton had to be okay. He had to be.
And once Vann saw that he was fine and hanging out at home, Vann was going to kick his ass for scaring the shit out of him.
Twenty minutes later, Jason pulled into the parking garage of Drayton’s building. He barely waited for Jason to stop the car before he yelled out a thanks and opened the door.
“Do you need me to stay?” Jason asked.
Vann spotted Drayton’s parked car. He punched his code into the private elevator keypad and placed his hand on the security panel. He glanced over his shoulder, back at Jason. “He’s here. If I need you to swing back, I’ll give you a call.”
“You got it. Don’t hesitate to call.”
The light turned green and the elevator door slid open as Jason pulled out of the garage.
Vann stepped in and waited.
Next place, they were going to have a one-story house. Screw this top-level shit. It was stressing him out way too much.
Finally arriving at the penthouse, the ding sounded, and he shimmied through the doors the moment they opened.
His heart stopped when he stepped into the foyer and saw Drayton lying on the chaise lounge, his arm hanging limply over the side.
Vann raced to his side. “Dray?” He cupped his face, trying to keep the panic at bay. “Dray?”
He shook his shoulders, raising his voice until Drayton’s eyes slid open.
“Why are you yelling at me?” Drayton mumbled, dragging his hand across his eyes. “I was sleeping.”
“No. You were passed out. There’s a difference. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.”
Bull. Fucking. Shit.
The pain in his chest made it harder to breathe. Was he hyperventilating? “Don’t move.” He raced over to their bedroom and pulled the sheets and grabbed the pillows, returning to the living room with an armful of bedding.
“Do you want to stay there or move to the couch?”
Drayton looked at him with a cautious expression. “Uh, I’ll stay here.”
Vann stepped forward and lifted Drayton’s head and slid the pillows underneath then flicked the bedsheet in the air, letting it fall on Drayton in a perfect square. He tucked the sheet under Drayton, ignoring the concern in those pale gray eyes.
“Vann, I’m okay.”
He vehemently shook his head as his throat thickened. He darted over to the window covers and tried to close them, shoving his fingers under the lip to pull them, not able to figure out how to slide the fucking things without that stupid app. What the hell ever happened to regular curtains? Or window blinds? What the hell was this stupid spaceship looking thing?
He glanced back at Drayton, who stared at him with a concerned frown. Drayton reached over to the side table and picked up the computer panel, tapped a few buttons, and the protective window covers silently glided along the rails until they blocked out the bright sunlight. “Vann, I’m fine.”
Vann screwed his eyes shut. He needed to focus on his breathing, or he was going to lose it.
∞ ♥ ∞
“You’re not fine. I need to make sure you’re fine.” Vann paced, not his usual rhythmic stride. Rather, it was more erratic.
Something else was happening. “Vann?”
He shook his head over and over, as if shooting down a warring thought. “I’ll make you some soup. Shit, I don’t know how to make soup. I’ll order some. I’ll…I’ll call Mia. She knows all that shit. She’ll know a good place.”
Drayton sat up. “Vann?”
It was as if Vann were in his own bubble, absently voicing each thought as it sped by. “I think chicken soup is good. That’s what I see in the movies. I don’t know. I’ve only had that stupid instant shit. I can’t imagine that fixes anything.”
“Vann,” he said in a firm tone, enough to capture Vann’s attention and stop his pacing.
“Yeah?”
“C’mere.” Vann instantly came to him and stood still as if waiting for his next command. “I’m okay.”
“No, you’re not. You’re sick. And I don’t know how sick you are.”
“Vann—”
“You can barely s
tand up!”
“Stop it. You’re freaking out.”
“I’m not freaking out!”
Drayton waited. Sometimes Vann needed a little processing time, and he was more than happy to grant him a sanity break.
“Okay. Maybe I’m freaking out a little bit.” Vann pulled him close, flush against his shaking body.
Drayton slowly wrapped his arms around Vann’s broad shoulders and stroked his back, hoping to soothe the tension in his muscles. “I’ve got a lot going on, and I’ve worn myself out. When I’m stressed out this much, my system shuts down and forces me to take a break. It’s happened before. I swear to you, I’m okay. All I need is to rest a bit.”
“You scared me to death when I saw you passed out. I…can’t lose you, Dray. I already know what that feels like…I…”
“It’s my body’s way of forcing me to take a break. I swear. That’s all it is.”
“Let me take care of you. I promise I won’t fuck it up.”
Drayton brushed his thumb along Vann’s cheek. “Why don’t you tell me what’s really on your mind?”
He shook his head. “Too much shit right now.”
“Then break it down for me.”
Vann chewed his lip. “I wasn’t there. When you were…recovering. When you needed me.”
Drayton ran his fingers through Vann’s hair. “You were there when I needed you. Or I wouldn’t be here now.”
Vann exhaled heavily, and Drayton could swear he saw an eye roll when Vann looked away. “Don’t get all sweet and poetic with me right now. Just…let me do this and don’t make a big deal about it. Okay?”
Drayton held back a smile. “Okay.”
There was no way in hell Drayton could not make a big deal out of this. Vann fluffed pillows and tucked the sheets under him every time he circled him like a buzzard—and that was only what he was able to see in between those times he was too tired and nodded off. Vann ordered three different types of soups, hoping one had the magical potion that would return Drayton’s body to the norm. And when that hadn’t miraculously cured him within seconds, Vann was on the phone with Matt, sorting a grocery list of items he then ordered online for delivery to make his own soup a la Vann, and writing down cooking steps then phoning Matt back later in the evening when he had questions about how much a pinch actually measured.