“I know it’s complicated between us, but does it matter?” She ran a finger over his mouth. “I do want you, Shane. Even for just the night. Let’s leave it at that.”
“That’s not enough for a woman like you.”
“We’re only getting to know each other. Two months isn’t long, and we have the rest of our lives to make decisions. Besides, I don’t want either of us to make promises we can’t keep.”
His eyes glowed darkly, and the intensity behind his gaze made her knees weak.
“Kiss me,” she whispered. “Really kiss me.”
He didn’t need any more encouragement than that. He cupped her face and captured her mouth in a searing kiss that left no doubt that he wanted her too.
She slid against him, her entire body seeking his warmth. Her hands were behind his head, holding him so she could drink her fill. Too much time had gone by without someone to kiss, someone to love, and every part of her hungered for that connection.
Her pulse raced, and she squirmed with impatience. It had never been one of her strong suits. As an ER doctor, she lived life in the fast lane, making quick decisions, rushing from one catastrophe to another. She had learned to talk fast, walk fast, eat fast, and now wanted to love fast.
She broke away from his mouth long enough to ask, “Bedroom or living room?”
“For what?” His mouth found her neck and stayed to graze, then moved on to her earlobes.
She shivered. “You know. Making love.”
“I thought we were.” His hand cupped her breast, and she moaned in pleasure.
“Oh yes, that feels good.” She moved her hips against his.
He didn’t take the hint. His hand moved away, and his mouth regained possession of hers. Deep, soulful kisses, while his tongue swept in and plundered her mouth.
Her muscles relaxed, and she felt weightless, as though she were floating in deep water. “Your kisses are intoxicating,” she murmured. “I want more.”
“You can have as many as you want.” He held her up or she would have slid down the rail. “Do you want to go inside?”
She nodded and took his hand. “I thought you’d never ask.”
He guided her to the couch, where she fell back against the armrest, her entire body limp and waiting for him.
Finding a narrow space next to her, he resumed the passionate kissing until the yearning inside overwhelmed her. She pushed his chest, making him sit up. “Do you, by any chance, have a bed?”
He laughed. “I knew you were bossy, but who’s running this show?”
“I am.” She pulled his tie free and started unbuttoning his shirt. “I want to see you, and feel you. Take your clothes off.”
“Not until you do.” He sat there, grinning at her, not doing anything to help.
Her fingers stopped their downward path, then resumed. “Don’t think for a moment that that’s going to stop me.”
She had his shirt open and his chest exposed. She sucked in a breath. “You are so beautiful.” She ran her hands up and down his chest, marveling at the feel of his soft skin and hard muscles, the strength and core of him. She kissed his chest, his stomach, noticing a few scars where obviously he’d been beaten. She kissed them tenderly, running her finger over them lightly.
She didn’t want to talk about his time in the desert. Not tonight. Another time, she’d ask him all that she needed to know.
Her hands inched lower to his crotch, and she found him hard and waiting. He groaned, and she smiled.
“Lauren … stop doing that or this will be a wasted night.”
She gave a wicked laugh. “No staying power, huh?”
“Give it a break. Hasn’t seen action in years.”
“Poor thing.” She quickly unzipped his fly. “He needs to come out to play.”
“Lauren.” His voice was strangled, his expression a mix of anxiety and desire. “Dammit. You know this isn’t easy for me.”
“Relax. Let me do all the work. Just sit back and enjoy.” She pushed him back down on the cushions and got off the couch to remove his shoes. She pulled his pants down his legs and folded them on the coffee table.
“Only one thing left to go,” she said with a playful smile.
“You need to get out of that dress.” His eyes were like hot coals as they raked over her. “I can’t be the only one naked around here.”
“Oh. All right.” She turned around so he could unzip her, then stood and let the dress fall.
“My God, Lauren. You look even better out of your clothes then you do in them.”
She laughed. “I could say the same for you.”
His gaze roamed over her slowly, and the heat in her body soared to a scorching temperature. Surprisingly enough, she was not embarrassed standing half-undressed in front of him. She was aroused, confident, enjoying her moment of power.
“Glad you like what you see.” She straddled him and began kissing him again. Her lace panties rubbed against his boxers, and underneath the silk she could feel him pulse, every hard male inch of him.
“I want you now.” She took hold of his cock and got rid of his boxers. Her mouth got him wet and ready, then she handed him a condom. “Look what I found in your pocket.”
He used his teeth to open it, and while he was busy with that she removed her panties, tossed off her bra, and slid on top.
“Just go with it,” she whispered.
And he did.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Shane had never met a lady like Lauren. He didn’t even mind her being so bossy. Not when she was torturing him so sweetly with her mouth, sliding her tongue along his shaft, teasing, tasting, coaxing him to the edge of ecstasy, then backing off in the nick of time.
He wondered where she learned such tricks.
When she tossed off her bra and panties, he’d expected her to move things to the bedroom, but she’d planted herself on top of him, as natural as if she’d been there before.
He’d slid inside of her, his erection as strong as it had ever been. He’d filled all her empty places, and she’d moaned with pleasure. That little moan, the shudder that ran through her body was almost more than he could bear. Burying his head in her gorgeous, full breasts, he’d ached with desire, want, need. Like a feast for a starving man, he couldn’t get enough. His mouth captured a nipple while his one good hand played with the other.
He still wore his prosthetic, and he was sure that Lauren had planned it that way. His stump didn’t mean a damn thing to her, but she didn’t want the night to be ruined with his thinking about it.
She arched her back, giving him better access to her breasts, and he took his time pleasing her, while she rocked gently over him, a soft smile on her pretty face.
Finally, he’d had enough and flipped her over, wanting to taste the core of her. She’d cried out his name but he didn’t let go. He let his tongue run over her sweet spot until she bucked and yelped, and then did it again. When she began to squirm he slid back inside, then gently slid out, giving her a little more with every thrust.
His heart raced, and both of them were gasping for air. Finally, with one last thrust he felt her shudder, and gave in to his own release, a release so strong it rolled over him in wave upon wave, and nothing had ever felt quite so sweet.
She lay panting beneath him. “You okay?” he asked, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.
She smiled. “Uh-huh. And you?”
“Couldn’t be better.” He grinned too, feeling young, happy, and more than content. Having made love successfully made his heart swell with relief.
She shifted onto her side and stroked his cheek. “That was great, Shane. You are such an amazing man in so many ways.”
He kissed the tip of her nose. “I still need a lot of practice. We may have to do it again, and again.”
Her eyes twinkled. “What? Tonight? I don’t think so. I’m going to be sore all over tomorrow.”
“Was I too rough?” He kissed her shoulders, and her breasts. “I hope
I didn’t hurt you.”
“No, but you did give me a nice razor burn.” She grinned. “In certain places.”
His hand stroked her inner thigh. “Here?”
“Uh-huh. Thighs, breasts, I feel like a chicken that just got pummeled.”
He laughed. “You have no romance in your soul.”
“I do too. But I want you to kiss them better.”
“Happy to.” He dropped gentle kisses between her thighs, along her tummy, and up to her breasts. “Is that better?”
“Yes.” She closed her eyes, and sighed with pleasure. “Much better.”
He kept kissing. Then he had an idea. “Hey, you want to go to bed?”
“I’d love to, but I really should get home and let Julie leave. If I’m not there in the morning, Josh will be upset.”
“I’ll be upset if you’re not here in the morning too.” He kissed her brow. “But maybe another time.”
She stood up, unashamed of her nudity. “I’d like that, Shane. But we need to take this slow, and not let Josh know how we feel.”
“Agreed.” He stood up too. “I’ll take a quick shower, then I’ll drive you home.”
Later, when he returned from dropping her home, he couldn’t wipe the grin off his face, knowing he’d performed better than expected. He’d been good, perhaps even great if her moans of pleasure and release meant anything. He’d have enjoyed a second go-round just to be sure, but he understood her need to get home.
The high he was on was slipping fast, and the memory of their love making now made him feel more alone than ever. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep, so he got out his books, intending to study. His concentration was shot, his brain fuzzy. Emotions ran rampant, both elated and frustrated, and he wanted things he couldn’t have.
Lauren took a bath before she went to bed, her body more relaxed than it had been for years. The sex was good, bordering on spectacular, and even now, lying alone in her bed, parts of her hummed with awareness.
A girl could get used to this. It would be easy to fall into a routine of slipping over to Shane’s for a few hours of R&R, keeping their relationship where it most likely should stay—a sexual one, not one of the heart. And yet, wasn’t it already? She cared about him deeply, and if it wasn’t love, it was heading in that direction.
She flipped over to her side, burying her face in the pillow. Though she was tired, her mind was too active to sleep.
He was an amazing man, sensitive, caring, and so humble. It would be all too easy to fall for him. Big time. She never did anything halfway—she was an all-or-nothing kind of girl. Her husband had been the second man she’d slept with, and the only one she’d deeply loved.
They’d met the second year of college, long before either of them entered med school. It was funny how they met—Jeremy had been dating her roommate for a few months, and she’d been hanging out with a guy who considered himself a poet. They all went to the local sports bar one night, grabbed some dinner and a few drinks, and Jeremy had been unable to take his eyes off her.
She’d made an attempt to ignore Jeremy and talk to her boyfriend, but had stolen looks at him too. It felt like a big magnet drawing them together, and they’d been unable to resist the force. Finally, her roomie seemed to notice and stormed out. The poet, Timothy, ran off after her, and Lauren had been alone with Jeremy.
They were inseparable after that. They moved into an apartment together their senior year, and had entered med school a year later. Three years after that they married, and Josh came along shortly after. It had been a love that was meant to be, and she’d never regretted it.
If only she’d waited until he got home instead of having that conversation in the car, maybe he’d be asleep beside her right now.
She could forgive herself most things, but not this. It was not just a drunk driver who had killed her husband, it was her damn mouth. She’d been rightly concerned about Josh, but she couldn’t let it go. Not for one day, or the hour-long ride home. She’d contributed to his death, and deprived Josh of his father, the only man she’d ever loved. She didn’t deserve happiness. She deserved what she got. A lifetime of loneliness.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Shane and Rick raced into the ER. They’d been in radio contact, and Lauren was prepared for their arrival. A woman who’d had chest pains during the night, waited until morning to call 911, and was now in extreme distress.
She’d flatlined on the way in.
“We got her back,” Rick called. “She’s all yours, doc.”
Lauren and her team jumped in, got a heartbeat for a few seconds, and then lost it again. After a few harrowing minutes, the woman began to respond. Her sinus rhythm settled down to a nice normal eighty, and she opened her eyes.
Lauren wiped away the sweat on her brow and breathed a deep sigh of relief. The woman would live to see another day.
She nodded to Rick, avoiding eye contact with Shane. “Good work, guys.”
“You too, doc.”
Shane waited until the patient was rolled away before speaking to her. He kept his voice low. “You all right? Not regretting anything, are you?”
“I only have one regret, and trust me, it isn’t you.” Her eyes met his briefly. “I had a good time.”
“Glad to hear that.” He ran a hand over his jaw, which hadn’t been shaved this morning. “Didn’t want things to get awkward between us.”
“No, we certainly don’t want that.” She kept her own voice neutral, not wanting to throw out any signals. He didn’t respond, so she politely asked, “How did your exams go? Get the results back yet?”
“Sure did. Got a couple of A’s, and an A−. Thanks to you.”
“Good job.” She gave him a warm smile. “And it was my pleasure.”
“You don’t mind if I take Josh to a ballgame this Sunday, do you?”
“Not at all.” She tried to read his eyes, not understanding the need for the question. “He’d love that.”
“Good. I’ll pick him up at noon.”
She watched him leave, wondering why he hadn’t asked if she’d like to come along. Was he taking a step back? And if so, why did it have to hurt so damn much?
When Shane arrived to pick Josh up on Sunday, she cornered him, needing answers to the questions that had plagued her all week. “What’s going on? I must admit that I’m feeling a little bit hurt that you didn’t invite me.”
His eyes shot to hers. “You are? I’m sorry. That was never my intention.”
“Well, what was?” She folded her arms, not looking away from him. She wanted to keep everything out in the open between them.
Whatever it was, she could handle it.
“I can’t get you out of my mind,” he said. “I’m getting even less sleep than I did before, and my concentration is shot. How can I study if I can’t think straight?”
The heavy weight around her heart disappeared. She wanted to kiss him, but Josh was nearby, getting ready to leave. She gave him a loving smile instead. “Oh, so that’s it. I thought maybe you hadn’t enjoyed yourself.”
“Are you crazy?” He ran a hand through his sandy hair, looking frustrated and utterly adorable. “You can do that to me anytime. As a matter of fact, that’s all I think about.”
“Well, I’m sure we could arrange something.” She glanced at Josh. “You ready, honey?”
“Yeah. How come you’re not coming?”
“Oh, I have too much to do. You boys have a good time by yourself. I’ll cook the three of us a nice dinner tonight, so go easy on the hot dogs.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Shane said. “Why don’t you see if you can get a babysitter tonight, and I’ll take you out for a bite, then we can study back at my place?”
Her eyes met his, and she shook her head. “I wish I could, but Julie needs more advance warning than that. Sorry. Maybe next time.”
“You mean in a week?” His face showed his disappointment.
“Or sooner. I could probably tutor you
one night this week.” She gave him a meaningful smile.
“At my place?” he asked hopefully.
“Sure. Why not?”
He grinned. “Okay. Don’t knock yourself out over the dinner. Save your energy.”
She laughed. “Have fun, boys.”
She walked them to the door and watched them leave. It felt so right, almost as if the three of them were a family. But of course they weren’t. Shane was on a different path. He had to prove to himself and the rest of the world that, disabled or not, he could be anything he wanted to be.
She didn’t expect him to stick around forever, but she’d enjoy him for the time she had. And when it was time for him to leave, she’d buck up and let him go. Maybe then she’d seriously look for the right man to share her life with.
Lauren did all the chores that, as a single working mother, she never had enough time to do. Paid bills, did laundry, went grocery shopping, and spent time in her garden weeding and nurturing her plants.
While she gardened, she decided to make a bouillabaisse, and ran in to shower before going to the market for fish fillets, clams, mussels, and shrimp. Not that she was trying to impress anyone, but she rarely had a chance to cook anything remotely exotic.
Once back at the house, she poured some olive oil into a large pot, tossed in chopped onion and shallots, and crushed garlic and a sweet red pepper. She let it sauté, then added tomato, celery, and fennel. After cutting the fish into small pieces, she put it in the pot with water, clam juice, lemon, and white wine, and left it to simmer.
While dinner cooked, she changed into a tight pair of white jeans and a boat-necked top that drooped off one shoulder. She glanced in the mirror and decided to leave it that way. It was sexy. And she was only thirty-six. She could flaunt it once in a while.
She fluffed up her hair, added lipstick, sprayed on some perfume, then went back into the kitchen to complete the dinner. She tossed in the shrimps, clams, and mussels, added saffron, salt, and pepper, and another dash of wine. She sliced up a sweet potato for fries, and put them in the oven with some chicken fingers for Josh.
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