“Breathe.”
He listened to his boss. Gabe was his friend, his family, and it wasn’t easy to work for either of those two.
Here was the proof.
“She stepped in front of a bullet to save her tech. I have to swallow that, but it still freaks me out. Before you start riding my ass over what you saw on the news, cut me a break. We’re doing our best.”
Ethan continued pacing.
“Son…”
He was cut off.
“I’m barely holding this together. My wife IS in the field, and I have to live with that. You don’t. So if the media pisses you off, imagine what it’s doing to me.”
“I get it, Ethan. Thank you for making sure Livy was in-house. I appreciate that more than you’ll ever know. I don’t know what you’re living, since my wife has been safe the last fifteen years. I get it.”
“Yeah, you’re welcome. It was her call. I just made it happen.”
“I can’t do that for you, and you know it.”
He was aware.
Maybe that was part of the issue. Ethan wanted someone to ride in, wrangle his wife, and put her where no one could use her as a bull’s-eye.
“I know, Gabe. I’m sorry I snapped at you. I’m just frustrated. I’m married to the most beautiful, stubborn, pigheaded, badass woman in the world, and I have the ulcer to prove it.”
“She is who she is, Ethan.”
“I know! I just wish she wasn’t her for one day. Just one damn day, and I’d be happy.”
“I see.”
Ethan heard her voice and turned to see her standing there. She was watching him with tears in her eyes.
“Gabe, I have to go.”
He knew he was screwed.
Ethan hung up the phone. “Elizabeth.”
“It’s okay, Ethan. You wish I was someone else. This was my big fear. Callen’s changing, you’ve changed, and I’m the one you’ve outgrown.”
“Elizabeth!”
She backed up as he moved toward her.
“I didn’t mean it like that. You’re taking it out of context. Baby, please.”
“Didn’t you? You want what Gabe had all those years. You like the idea of a wife at home—safely tucked away. What you got is a forty two year old woman who takes bullets for a living and chases insane people. I’m the opposite of the Deputy Director’s wife. It was only a matter of time before you realized it. I’m not what you need.”
There was fear there.
Ethan could feel it in her, and in him.
She wasn’t wrong. Of course she wasn’t. Elizabeth was super smart, and he should have known better. Only she was definitely wrong about the last part. He’d never need anyone more than he needed her.
Elizabeth was his lifeline.
“Baby.”
“It’s okay, Ethan. We knew when we came back here things would change. I just didn’t think it would be your love for me. I thought we had that.”
He moved toward her and stopped inches from her. “Don’t,” he warned. “Don’t tell me what I feel, Elizabeth.”
She gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I just want you to know that I understand.”
She started walking away.
“Elizabeth.”
“I’m going home. Ivan is outside. Callen sent him and your car. I’ll see you at home. That is if you can bear to be near me. If I still have a home with you.”
He was horrified.
Ethan couldn’t move.
He was rooted to that spot.
All he could do was watch his wife walk out of the ER, toward her personal security, and into a car.
She’d just walked away.
For the first time in their lives, she didn’t fight, she didn’t argue, and she didn’t try to reach for him.
She let him go.
He pulled out his phone. “Callen, she’s on her way home. She’s upset.”
He listened to his brother. Ethan was barely able to focus on the words coming out of his mouth.
His heart was breaking.
This was his worst-case scenario.
This was what he feared all those years ago. The job was going to swallow him whole, and it was going to cost him so much.
His sanity.
His heart.
His soul.
His family.
And his wife.
He heard footsteps behind him, and he turned. There was Boone, and he was holding onto Merry for dear life.
Honestly, he couldn’t blame him. After today, he wished he could do the same—except maybe it was too late.
Ethan remembered the very beginning of his and Elizabeth’s relationship. They had those moments. When the going got tough, they clung to each other.
He recalled climbing into her hospital bed when she was hurt, holding her so close just to remind himself she was still alive and his.
Now he was watching her slip away.
Christ!
What went wrong in his life?
“How are you, Merry?” he asked, barely able to get the words out. He was trying to play boss, holding out until he could work this out in his head.
“I’m okay,” she offered. “The baby is perfectly fine,” she stated. “They said it’s so little that there’s nothing that can hurt it.”
He was glad.
“Shall we go?” Ethan asked.
“Where’s Elizabeth?” Boone asked. “I want to thank her for what she did. Had she not been as fast as she was, Merry would be gone.”
Ethan was aware.
Still…
A part of him wanted to rage. Why was it his wife who had to nearly die? Why did he continually have to risk losing his soul for others?
Then he stared down at his badge.
The gold was on his hip.
It was a symbol that at one time meant everything.
Now?
He hated it with every single breath.
Chapter Eight
Saturday Night
When the car pulled up, Callen was outside waiting for her. He could tell by Ethan’s voice that something was off. When she exited the vehicle alone, he became more worried.
This was wrong.
Very wrong.
Then it got worse.
“Thank you, Ivan. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Callen nearly fell over.
As did Ivan.
For the last few weeks, he’d been Igor, Ivan the Terrible, and pain in her ass. Now she was being polite, cordial, and respectful.
That wasn’t normal Elizabeth behavior. In fact, it was usually the exact opposite.
Yeah, this was a bad sign.
“I’m going to go shower,” she said, kissing Callen on the cheek.
“Wait! Your ribs? Are you okay?”
“I’m badass Elizabeth Blackhawk. I’m like titanium. I’m indestructible.”
She walked away.
Callen stared at Ivan. “What the hell was that?” he asked.
The security man shrugged. “She cried in the car, then she was nice to me. Maybe she’s possessed. Do you have holy water? If not, I can run out and get some.”
Yeah, Callen had a feeling it was something entirely different. Elizabeth only cried over one thing.
Them.
As he was about to say something, the Lincoln Town Car pulled up. Ethan, Merry, and Boone got out. The detective immediately swept his girlfriend into his arms.
“Maeve has a room for you both,” Callen stated. “She’s inside waiting for you both.”
“We appreciate this so much,” Boone stated.
Ethan pointed at the bags and Ivan took care of them for him. “Thank you.”
“No problem, sir.”
Callen tried to play host to their guests, even when he was filled with terror. His family wasn’t doing well.
He could feel it.
“Just let Maeve know what you want to eat, and she’ll handle it. She’s a gem.”
“Thank you,” Merry offered.
Boone carried h
er inside.
When Ethan went to follow, Callen grabbed his arm. “Uh, no. You don’t get to slink away that easily. What the bloody hell is going on? Elizabeth was nice to Ivan. That’s like the second circle of hell. Next, she starts spewing pea soup all over the place and we call in a priest for exorcism.”
Ethan looked miserable as he yanked his arm away from his brother.
“What do you want, Callen?”
“How about you tell me why she was riding alone, crying in the car, and nice to Ivan? The poor guy is just as freaked out as I am.”
“She overheard me talking to Gabe.”
“What did you say that would upset her this much?”
He told him the entire conversation.
The whole time, Callen’s mouth hung open and his eyes were huge.
When his brother finished, he was appalled.
“Jesus. Ethan! She just told me that was her big fear, and I told you. What the hell were you thinking?”
He erupted.
He couldn’t keep it in anymore.
“I was thinking that my life is falling apart. I was thinking since the day I was abducted, nothing has been the same. I was thinking that taking this position was a huge fucking mistake. That’s what I was thinking.”
“What are you saying?” Callen asked. “You’re quitting?”
“Yes.”
He stared at his brother. “Well, then I guess it’s a good thing I have my other job. Sadly, I was going to quit too. I guess that option is off the table.”
“I’m losing her to the job, to the fear, and to you.”
That said it all.
“What? Wait!”
“We both know it, Callen. She’s more in love with you than me. I can see it. I’m watching it happen. While our bond gets weaker, yours is getting stronger. I’m losing my wife to my brother, and I can’t stop it.”
“Hey! Don’t put this on me. I screwed up with her and I at least had the balls to try to fix it. You screwed this up, and it’s clear that you are perfectly fine with walking away. That’s on you, bro. If you don’t love her anymore…”
It was all he was able to get out.
Callen’s intent was to wake his brother up. Well, he did that and so much more.
Ethan swung out, striking him in the face, and they both went to the ground. They rolled around, punching, swinging, and trying to make the other man bleed.
Wyler came running outside when the security detail rushed from the house.
“BOYS!”
They kept fighting.
Wyler grabbed the hose and turned it on them. They were sprayed with ice-cold water.
Both men sputtered in the cold October air.
“What the hell has gotten into you two? If your grandfather could see you now, he’d be turning in his grave! He raised you both better than this. I never thought I’d have to teach my grandchildren and my sons that hitting is bad—especially at the same damn time!”
The security team holstered their guns and went back inside. Clearly, this was a family issue, and it was now under control.
“He punched me, and I wanted to show him what it feels like,” Callen stated.
“Ethan?”
What could he say? His father was right. They didn’t hit in their family, and he didn’t hit Callen. That was crossing way over the line.
“It’s all my fault. I’m going to go shower and get to bed. I don’t feel so well.”
He picked himself up and walked away.
Callen stared after him. “This is bad. He’s giving up, and I don’t know how to reach him.”
“Are you okay?”
He spit into the grass, and it was tinged pink.
“Yeah, Ethan was pulling the punches. He’s normally a dirty fighter. I’ve seen him take down bigger men than me, and with less swinging. That was nothing more than him venting his frustrations.”
“What happened?”
He told him.
“Jesus!”
“Yeah, that’s what I said,” Callen stated as he pointed at his bleeding mouth.
“What are you going to do?” he asked his son. “We can’t have fighting like this. We’re a family. There are five little ones in there that need the three of you. You can’t let them have two dads and then take one away. Look what happened when I left. Children need their fathers.”
Oh, he was aware.
“I’m going to go talk to Elizabeth. We need to have an intervention. Where is she?”
“She went to her room. Now I see why. Our damn family is imploding!”
Well, that meant Ethan would go anywhere but that room, so they’d have to track him down.
“I’ll fix this.”
Wyler watched his son walk away. He certainly hoped Callen could figure this out. Wyler always feared something like this would happen. When both men told him they were going to share Elizabeth, this was his worry.
Now it was coming true.
This was bad.
Wyler knew there was only one person who could help his sons. He closed his eyes, listened to the sounds of the night, and then said a prayer.
“Dad, help him. Ethan needs you. Give him the will to fight a little longer. His family needs him too.”
Wyler only hoped his father would hear him.
He was their last hope.
* * * B l a c k h a w k - W h i t e f o x * * *
He found her in their room. She was sitting on their bed, the folders spread out in front of her, but she was staring out the window instead of working.
When she looked over, she gasped. “What happened to you? Your shirt is torn, your wet, and your mouth is bleeding!”
Yeah, he was aware.
Coming home at night was supposed to be cathartic. Tonight, it was anything but.
“Do you love me more than Ethan? I need to know if me being here has caused you to fall out of love with him?”
“WHAT? Where the hell did you get that idea from?” she asked, staring at him as if he’d lost his mind.
“Answer me, Elizabeth. I need to know if I’ve just destroyed my brother’s life…again. Did I take the only person he’ll ever love from him? Am I guilty of the worst kind of sin? Did I betray Ethan?”
She didn’t understand any of this.
Yes, she was hurt, but she’d never alluded to loving one brother more than the other.
“I love you both the same. I’m crazy about Ethan. He’s half of my heart—even when he upsets me.”
Callen sat on the bed. “He’s leaving the FBI.”
“WHAT?”
She must have misheard him. There was no way that was humanly possible. Ethan and FBI were synonymous.
“You heard me. He’s quitting. He thinks you don’t love him like you once did, and he thinks I’ve stolen your heart. That’s why I need to know if he’s right.”
“Callen.”
“If that’s true, I’ve done something I can’t live with, Elizabeth.”
How did she fix this?
This wasn’t even why she was upset.
“I love you both the same. I know you hate when I say this, but you both make the ideal man for me. I need your humor and gentleness. I need Ethan’s compassion and fire. I need you both. I can’t be me without the two of you.”
“Then you better tell him that. I’ve never seen him like this. He’s buried with his job, he’s freaked out that you’re falling out of love with him, and he’s already packing it in.”
She wiped the tears in her eyes.
This was a mess.
“I’m going to say something, and I need you not to get angry at me,” Callen warned.
“What?” she asked.
“You have to cut us a break. You have to stop being angry at us because you think we’re leaving you behind. You don’t get it, Elizabeth. We’re the weak ones. You’re not. You’re the one who holds us up and keeps us intact. If we lose you, we’re falling apart. Look at this mess.”
She didn’t get angry.
“You have to be the strong one in our relationship and trust that if you stay, we will too. I need you. He needs you. We can’t do this if you bail on us. If you keep going through the day, looking for signs that we’re moving on, it’s going to cause this kind of reaction.”
She listened to him.
“Ethan loves you. He was upset. You’d been shot. It happens a lot. You’re a scary woman to be married to simply because you’re a crazy magnet. You took us both on, and you knew we were broken. You can’t expect miracles from us. We’re trying. What do two men, who never had this before, think they’re supposed to do? We screw up, but we try.”
“Okay, Callen. Shhhhh. It’s okay,” she said, going to him and hugging him.
“If what he said is right, I’ve hurt him again. I stole you and I can’t do that. I can’t even…”
She kissed him softly on the lips. “I get it. I’ll hold us up. I can handle it.”
Clearly, the men in her life could not. For them, she’d swallow anything thrown at her.
“I know it’s not fair, but Ethan, since he was taken, he isn’t the same. We barely got him back. He’s giving up. I’m going to beg you to take one for the team and save his heart over yours. I’ll make it up to you. I promise. I don’t know how, but I’ll figure out a way to even the score down the line.”
She was upset that she’d let it go this far.
They didn’t have to keep score.
Was she making them feel like their love had to be tit for tat? Was that what was happening?
It made her heart ache.
She’d screwed this up.
“You’re our center. There won’t be anyone else. There can only be you. Without you, we’re nothing. You have to believe that.”
“I have you both,” she said. “Let’s go find him, and I’ll fix this.”
Callen needed a minute.
“I love you, and I love him. I can’t watch our family implode. I’ll crawl and beg if that’s what it takes. Be the bigger person. Save him for me and our kids.”
She stroked his cheek.
Callen dropped to his knees. “Love us enough that you’ll let the hurt go and see that we need you. We can’t be us without you. Once you became part of our lives, we could never go back, Lyzee. There is no us without you.”
Act of Blood (An FBI/Romance Thriller ~ Book 16) Page 22