It was a fantasy. One that she wanted to turn into reality.
He moved closer, his face within inches of hers. “You’re going to be the death of me, sweetheart,” he whispered.
“That wouldn’t help either of us.”
“It definitely won’t hurt us either.” He reached into his pocket and withdrew something. He held up the item, dangling her bracelet from his forefinger.
“Where did you find that?”
“Under my bed. You must have dropped it.” He took her hand and laid it on his thigh as he placed the chain across her wrist, hooking it. “This…I haven’t seen the charm on here before.” He tapped the cowboy hat.
She nodded. “I found it while I was in town. Did you read the inscription?”
He swallowed. “I did.”
“I only attach charms to this bracelet that mean something to me.” She touched the chain. “Things that have made me who I am today.”
He blew out a long breath and his mouth came down on hers, hard and desperate. His tongue forced her lips open to allow him entrance. She obliged and wrapped her arms around his neck as he dipped in and out of the recesses of her mouth. Nerves awakened, new ones, and she wondered how that was possible. Oh, she knew exactly how. She’d crossed an invisible boundary within herself. She’d gone from wanting to screw Jared, to caring for him…and then falling in love. The knowledge sparked eagerness. She let her tongue glide along his, dueling, matching his need.
His hands threaded into her hair, tugging her face back to allow him deeper access. He pulled away and lowered his mouth to her neck, licking the sensitive skin, leaving a moist trail to the pulse in the dip at her neck. She succumbed to him, every fiber of her yielded to him. All links to her past were freed. She tangled her fingers into his hair, rolling them along his scalp, pulling him, determined to never let the moment end.
“Aww, baby, you taste so good—smell like a field of wildflowers after a heavy rain.”
“Yes! Keep doing that,” she whispered.
His fingers slid along her bare leg, higher to the apex of her thighs. He sucked in a deep breath. “My God, woman. Please never put on a pair of panties again.”
She chuckled. “I swear, I didn’t plan to have your hand up my dress tonight.”
“Where else would my hand be?” he muttered.
He slid the tips of his fingers along the throbbing seam and she opened her thighs wider. He circled his thumb around her inner folds, dipping inside of her, withdrawing, wreaking havoc on her clit again. She heard rustling, the clanking of his belt buckle and the rasping of his zipper. Her body grew hungry in anticipation. She lowered her hand to his hard shaft, loving how hot he was, how his silky tight skin stretched across the rigid muscle.
The crackling of twigs broke through their heavy breathing. She froze and Jared did the same. Neither could have expected what was about to happen.
“Sofie? Jared?”
He pulled away so quickly, the cold air blasted across her flesh. Pushing herself up, she peered through the shadowed woods. “Dade?” He stood about twenty feet away, but she couldn’t see the expression on his face. Instinct warned her he was in shock at seeing her in Jared’s arms.
“Ah, shit!” Jared muttered. He was already standing, fixing his jeans.
Dade took a step closer, the moon’s light cast a glow on his troubled features. His mouth twisted. “You? And Sofie?”
“Dade, I’m sorry you had to find out like this,” Jared blurted.
Sofie stayed motionless, words lost on her tongue. The secret was out, but worst of all, Dade was hurt.
“What is happening?” Dade’s voice shuddered.
She finally stood, pushing her skirt down her thighs. “Dade, please…”
He took a step back, his face hidden again. “Save it,” he said as he turned and took off into the shadows, his heavy booted steps fading into the darkness.
“Damn! I didn’t want him to find out this way.” Jared forced his hand through his hair. “I have to go talk to him. I’ve got to make this right.”
“I’m going with you. He might not talk to you, but maybe I can get him to listen. To get past the hurt he must be feeling.”
“Come on.”
They went back to the party, but Dade wasn’t there. They searched his cabin and it was empty. They jumped into Jared’s Gator and as fast as it would carry them, they sped toward the barn.
“Do you think that’s where he would go?” Sofie asked, holding on tight as they drove over bumps and she jostled in the seat.
Jared shrugged. “We’ve looked everywhere else.” He reached for the radio on the dashboard. “Dade, come in.”
Only static met their ears.
“Damn!” Jared dropped the radio back into the holder. “This is my fault.”
Sofie laid her hands in her lap. “This isn’t just your fault, it’s mine too. But neither of us meant for this to happen. Dade understands that people can find each other.”
He turned his pensive electric gaze on her. “Don’t you get it, Sofie? Everything I touch turns to dust. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I’ve been cursed. I’m not good for anyone.” He turned the cart toward the barn, jetted up onto the grass, and slammed on the brakes. He jumped out and Sofie quickly followed. She caught a glimpse of Dade on the back of one of the horses, dashing passed the fence.
“Oh no. Where’s he going?” Sofie held her hand to her pounding pulse in her throat.
“To get himself killed.” Jared raced into one of the stalls and Sofie watched as he quickly and skillfully saddled up a mare.
“Should you go after him? Both of you could get hurt.” Her voice trembled.
Jared climbed into the saddle, grasping the reins tight. “I did this. I have to make it right. Stay by the radio in case I need you,” he said then headed in the direction where Dade had disappeared.
Sofie waited until she could no longer hear the pounding of hooves echoing through the darkness and then she went back to the radio. She wasn’t sure how long she’d sat there until the speaker finally buzzed and Jared’s frantic voice came over the receiver. “Sofie? Are you there?”
She pushed the button. “Yes, I’m here.”
“Go get Maverick and Jennifer. Tell them Dade is hurt…he fell off the horse.”
“He fell off the horse?” Her heart raced, beating so hard she thought it would burst out of her chest.
“Hurry, Sofie. Now!”
She practically threw the radio back into the holder, kicked the Gator in reverse and drove off, throwing up grass and dirt as she sped toward the gathering at the bonfire. If something happened to Dade, something horribly bad, she’d never forgive herself.
CHAPTER TEN
Jared pushed the extra sweet and cream button on the machine, watching as the paper cup fell to the window and coffee poured from the spout. The brew tasted like shit, but what did he expect from a machine in the lobby at the hospital. He was lucky to have caffeine to keep him awake.
He reached through the plastic door and retrieved his cup, spotting the dried crimson on the sleeve of his shirt. Dade’s blood. His chest tightened and he swallowed back the raging emotion. He took his coffee and sipped the hot brew, not caring that it burnt all the way into his stomach. He’d drown himself in it if he could rewind time.
There was no possibility he’d ever forget seeing Dade, lying still in the grass, his legs sprawled at a twisted angle and blood pooling around his head. At first, Jared thought he was dead, but after checking his pulse, he found a faint one. He’d done exactly what Maverick had done when he came up on the hurt girl in the wreck. Jared had prayed, something so foreign to him that he had wondered if a strike of lightening would come from the sky setting him on fire. He would have given his own life to save Dade.
Thankfully, Maverick and Jennifer, both certified in emergency medical care, came to the rescue until they could transport Dade safely.
The next ten hours had been a blur. Jared sca
nned the lobby where Chase and Kaycee sat together, both asleep. They hadn’t left the hospital either. Dodge sat stretched out in one of the ripped vinyl loungers, staring off into space. Jace was sprawled out on a wooden chair, his head hung back, his mouth open and snoring loudly. Maverick had left an hour ago. He was tending to ranch duties, but would be back later.
The doctors had been working on Dade, saving his life. They hadn’t said much about the prognosis, and everyone waited in nervous silence. Every time the swinging doors came open, Jared thought he’d lose his mind.
Hearing the soft click of footsteps, he turned just in time to see Sofie approaching. She hadn’t left his side since the accident. His heart fluttered as she stopped next to him. As much as that scared the hell out of him, it also filled his chest with pride.
Then the feeling of guilt struck him like a tractor. He couldn’t bear to feel so much love at the same time feeling so much guilt knowing that Dade was fighting for his life. Jared had known how much Dade liked Sofie. Although as young and naïve as Dade was, Jared never meant to hurt his friend. They picked on the younger man, but they all cared for him—they cared for each other. He thought of every single one of them as friends—no, as family. They were his brothers from another mother. He’d let one of them down.
Sofie sighed. She hadn’t slept but a few winks in the last day. Her clothes were wrinkled and her face was pale, but she was still the most beautiful woman he’d laid eyes on. He had grown to care for her, and for a man who’d closed out any hope of ever letting anyone, even a lovely woman, this was a big revelation.
She touched his arm and he forced a smile. They hadn’t said more than two words to each other since they arrived at the hospital. He guessed guilt weighed on her shoulders too. Occasionally Jared would catch her roving her gaze over his stained shirt, then sadness glazing her eyes. Responsibility plagued him like a dull knife plunging in and out of his chest. No one here knew what caused Dade’s accident. Jared wasn’t sure what he should do or say, but knew the time would come when he’d have to be honest with everyone. It didn’t matter if anyone blamed him. He blamed himself enough for the entire Nirvana staff.
“You should go back to the ranch and change,” Sofie said in a quite tone.
“I can’t leave.” He gulped down his coffee. It settled into a mass in his stomach. He tossed the cup. “Can I get you anything?”
She shook her head. “I’m okay.”
“You should go. You’re tired. I’ll call you if I hear anything.”
“I’m staying.” She left no room for argument, not that he’d try.
The swinging doors creaked and a doctor appeared, dragging off his mask as he entered the lobby. Everyone came awake and stood up. Jared walked into the waiting area to hear what the doctor had to say. Sofie stood next to him, her hands twisted together, her knuckles ghostly white.
“Has Dade’s parents made it yet?” the doctor asked.
Chase stepped forward. He looked like hell. Worry had made his scowl deeper and circles darker under his eyes. Jared’s guilt tore deeper. “No, they haven’t. I’m his boss and I’m responsible for him until his parents get here.”
The doctor hesitated, then finally nodded. “He’s made it through the night and two surgeries. At this time, we’re not sure if he’ll walk again…”
Paralyzed…broken bones…no movement.
Jared couldn’t wrap his brain around the doctor’s words. He slumped into a chair, feeling his gut twist. It should be him lying in the hospital bed, not Dade…not the free-spirited, kind-hearted Dade that everyone liked.
When the doctor left, Jared strolled away from the crowd. He heard soft footsteps and a second later, a gentle touch on his shoulder. He didn’t need to look to know it was Sofie.
“Jared, this isn’t your fault,” she said, but he heard the doubt.
“None of this would have happened if I wasn’t keeping things a secret,” he whispered.
“We were both keeping the secret. Neither of us could have known Dade would react like he did, and our intention was never to hurt anyone.”
He turned, meeting her gaze. “Everything I touch is spoiled. I’m not good for anyone. Especially not you.” He forced the words through tight lips.
She blinked. Moisture filled her gaze. “Don’t pull away.”
“I don’t have to pull away. I’m already gone, Sofie. I heard my father say enough times that I’m a worthless, good for nothing sack of shit that can never make anyone happy. I’ve kept people at arm’s length just so I wouldn’t have his words ring true. Hell, even I know I have nothing to offer. You said yourself you wanted a child, but you wouldn’t want a fucked up gene pool like mine.”
“You’re nothing like your father, Jared. You try so hard not to allow anyone a glimpse at your kindness, but I see it. I’ve seen it over and over again. The way you’ve treated me. Your love for the staff at Nirvana. How you can’t stand to see anyone in pain. I guess I knew exactly how compassionate you were when I saw you feeding the stray that hangs out at your cabin.”
He shrugged. “Damn feline won’t go away.”
“That’s because you feed, water, and show him love.” One corner of her mouth lifted and he felt the act straight into his gut. No, he couldn’t forget the truth.
“It’s a cat, Sofie. Anyone can take care of an animal, but that doesn’t mean I’d be worthy of a family. After you told me what your ex did, I realized you need someone who will cherish you, give you everything you need and want. Who’ll be a good husband as well as a loving father. One that doesn’t dwell in the past or have his failures affect everything around him.”
“Are you saying you don’t care for me?” The tremble in her voice made his heart accelerate. He had to do this, for her sake.
“I could never say that, sweetheart. Because I do care for you. I’m making the best decision for both of us. If you stick with me, I’ll only make you miserable. I’ll ruin your life. Don’t you see, that’s why I live at Nirvana. I like being free, having a different sexual partner when the need arises. Just like your ex. It’s something we can’t control.” His throat constricted and he wanted to reel the words back in, but it was too late. Sadness rolled across her features and the tears she’d been holding back flowed to her cheeks in a stark reminder of the asshole that he was. But he did this for her. She would never have ended it between them because he could see the emotion flickering in her dark eyes each time she looked at him. And while she thought he was sleeping a few hours ago, she’d whispered, “I love you.” He’d kept his eyes closed, waiting for her to fall asleep next to him, nestled in the crook of his arm. He’d watched her sleep. How peaceful she looked. He’d wanted to bury his head in her lap, confess his own emotions, but he didn’t deserve the right. He couldn’t screw up her life. Love made him see things clearer, unselfishly. Loving her, keeping her love, would be a selfish act. Eventually he’d have to face his demons, and that would be messy.
“I’m leaving Nirvana. It’s time I moved on.” The words came easily from him.
She didn’t say a word. She swiped the tears from her cheeks and blinked her red-rimmed eyes, then turned and slowly walked through the exit door that led into the parking lot. His knees wobbled and he felt sick to his stomach. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he hurried to dry them. He wasn’t a crier. He wasn’t a man who showed emotions. Just as his father told him repeatedly, “Real men don’t cry.” And if Jared shed a tear, his whippings would be harder. So he’d learned to take the pain like a man, holding his emotions tight, never giving anyone a glimpse into the compassionate side…until Sofie. She’d managed to go where no one else had ever made it, never wanted to go. She’d found a side of him that was capable of loving another person—not just loving, but giving her the life she deserved.
He looked across the lobby and met Chase’s questioning gaze. Jared knew then that his boss figured everything out. He was a smart man. Hell, Jared didn’t even care if he got fired at this point. As lo
ng as Sofie didn’t get any of the harsh feedback.
Chase stood and came Jared’s way. The man’s jaw tightened and his gaze narrowed. When he got close enough where others couldn’t hear, he said through tight lips, “What the hell have you done?”
Jared met Chase’s gaze. They were the same height, close to the same weight, and Jared wasn’t one to back down, or at least wouldn’t back down even when facing a beast like Chase. “I’ll tell you everything as long as you promise nothing happens to Sofie.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Jared drove his black pickup truck down the highway. Six weeks had passed since he’d left the ranch, drove home and faced his demons—or rather his father who was an old wrinkled man still sucking on the bottle. Jared had sat down with the shriveled, bitter man, and listened to him go on and on about how people mistreated him, how the government owed him something and how he could barely live. And when his father had finally quieted, Jared had said in a monotone voice, “I once hated you, from the very core of my being. I no longer despise you because hating you would evoke too many emotions within me, feelings you don’t deserve. I plan on staying here, on the farm, and making something of it. I won’t sleep in your house. I’ll sleep in the barn because I feel more comfortable there. I’ll see to it that you get the meds you need, and have a nurse come in and help take care of you.”
A moment ticked by in decades, until Franklin Zane wrinkled his nose, lifted his knarled, frail hand and flipped Jared the bird. “I don’t want you here. Don’t want your stinking hands on my land. You’re nothing but a piece of filthy trash like your whoring mother who is buried six feet in her hole.” He would have continued if it wasn’t for the coughing spat that ended with a glob of blood on the already stained white handkerchief.
Jared had stood and, as calmly as he could manage, said. “It’s not up to you. I can send you to a nursing home if you’d rather?”
“I ain’t going to no fucking nursing home, you heathen. This is my home. They’ll have to pry my cold, dead fingers from this chair before I leave this place,” he snarled.
Smoke. Fire. Cowboy (Cowboys of Nirvana Book 3) Page 15