MICKEY. He’s fine.
JOEY/REF. If I don’t see a change in the next round I am stopping this fight.
MICKEY (turning to face him). Why don’t you just keep your eyes on the fight and I’ll see to my guy, all right?
JOEY/REF leaves the stage.
DREW. What’s he banging on about?
MICKEY. Says if he doesn’t see a change he’s going to stop the fight.
The action stops.
JOEY returns and moves towards the audience.
JOEY. There are lots of ways to get ahead in a fight and if you’ve been around a bit you’ll know most of them. It can be something as simple as gearing up the crowd, or something a bit nastier like breaking up the padding in the gloves. This is the murkier side of boxing. If your fighter is in trouble and doesn’t have any answers you need to find a way to give him the edge. The way we saw it, we hadn’t come all this way to have our chances ruined by Sid not doing his work. It was up to us. We had to get him an edge.
Back to action. In amongst the flurry of activity MICKEY is thinking.
DREW/ANNOUNCER. Ten seconds!
MICKEY. Drew?
DREW looks up.
What d’you reckon?
Beat.
DREW. Yeah.
MICKEY. I mean, he’s going to stop the fight.
DREW. Yeah.
MICKEY. Joey?
Beat.
JOEY nods.
Drew, give me the juice.
DREW ducks into his bag.
JOEY comes forward.
JOEY. Nowadays Monsel’s solution is banned. But we used to use it to stop cuts leaking. Slows down the rate of bleeding, see. But you had to be very careful when putting it on because, if it got in the eyes, it was incredibly painful. Now, if someone says ‘juicing the gloves’ what they mean is that you put something on your boxer’s gloves that will irritate their opponent’s eyes. This could be a type of oil or a salve, or possibly Monsel’s solution, if you’ve got it to hand. Sid was already cut so we were going to use it anyway, Mick just rubbed a little bit on Sid’s gloves. All he had to do was land a few punches on Hooper’s forehead in the next round and hey presto, Hopper’s eyes started streaming. Should’ve taken about two rounds to wash out. Sid only needed one and a half. No one checked. Why would they? You don’t expect it at that level and once Sid started landing good shots it looked like any other knockout. And what were they going to accuse us of? Treating our fighter’s cut? It could easily have been a mistake.
Beat.
It wasn’t. But it could have been.
Bell rings. Lights. In the dark we hear:
DREW/ANNOUNCER. Ladies and gentlemen! Your winner, coming by way of knockout, Siiiiid Spaaaaarks!
They break and transition into:
Scene Thirteen
We’re in ‘The Massage Room’. It’s been a few days since the fight. DREW is examining SID, trying to work out the toll of such a tough fight. He asks him to move body parts, arms, etc., and works on any stiffness.
DREW. Right arm.
SID rolls his right shoulder in his socket.
Stiff?
SID. On the back.
DREW begins to massage him.
DREW. Enjoy your weekend off?
SID nods.
Good. Good. Nice to see Heather?
SID nods.
So what did you do? Left arm.
SID. Don’t really know. Sort of just sat in my room.
DREW. Ah, that’s not good.
SID. I know.
DREW. Whole point of a weekend off is that you use it to… I don’t know, do something a bit more normal.
SID. Yeah.
DREW. Besides, you just got your first professional knockout. You’re usually ecstatic after a win.
SID. Didn’t feel like a win.
DREW. I see.
Beat.
SID. You know that glove thing?
DREW pauses.
Didn’t Ali do something like that to Liston?
DREW. Other way around but yeah.
SID. You ever done it before?
Beat.
DREW. Not personally, no.
Beat.
SID. And Mick?
DREW. I doubt it. It was pretty extreme, Sid.
SID. But you’d all talked about it?
DREW. You didn’t give us much of a choice.
Pause.
SID. So what happens now? Career-wise, where are we going to now?
DREW. Oh. Well. We’ve been trying to whip up a bit of a storm while you’ve been recuperating. Trying to call Burns out and get a title shot for you. Obviously the fight didn’t go too well but you finished it like a pro and Burns just wiped the floor with Clarke so –
SID. I listened to it. Sounded brutal.
DREW. It was something to see, but the point is he’ll be looking for opposition. After Joey took you back to the hotel we all went out after the cameras and tried to talk it up. Mick said Burns was a coward if he didn’t fight you, I thought it was a bit strong but, lo and behold, this morning Mickey gets a call from his management ‘regarding a potential fight’.
SID. Really?
DREW. He’s over there right now as a matter of fact.
SID. So I’m going to fight Burns?
DREW. Possibly. For a title, Sid.
Pause.
Well, don’t look too excited.
Beat.
SID. Joe said most boxers are dodging Burns. Fighting down.
DREW. Well, maybe. Makes it easier for us.
SID. I saw Burns fight the night I beat Hayward.
DREW. After you won? I thought you were with the doctor?
SID. I snuck out.
DREW. Right.
SID. And I watched him, from the tunnel.
Beat.
DREW. Okay.
SID. It was the night he beat Narakov.
DREW. I remember. What are you telling me for?
Beat.
SID. Hooper was dodging Burns, right?
DREW. I don’t know.
SID. He was number three in the country, could have fought Burns for the title whenever he wanted. But instead he chooses to fight me, to fight down.
DREW. Well, you insulted him on TV.
SID. What, so he risks a shot at the title to settle a grudge match with me?
DREW. I’m not sure on the intricacies of his plan but –
SID. Drew. He fought me because he knew he couldn’t beat Burns. So if Hooper couldn’t beat Burns and I couldn’t beat –
DREW clocks what SID is getting at and stands in front of him. The tone is no longer one of support or sympathy. DREW is angry.
DREW. Shut up.
Silence.
If you had worked harder, you would have beaten him on your own without us.
SID. Drew –
DREW. If you had worked harder, you would have beaten him on your own without us.
SID. I shouldn’t be at this level –
DREW. If you had worked harder, you would have beaten him on your own without us. Say it.
Beat.
SID. If I had worked harder, I could have –
DREW. Don’t fuck around with me, Sid! You would have – ‘I would have’.
SID. If I had worked harder, I would have beaten him on my own without you.
DREW. That’s right. You have got to sort this out – (Points to his head.) This is what ruins fighters. This. If you start doubting, and feeling sorry for yourself, then you can fuck off back home right now.
SID. Got it.
DREW is apoplectic.
DREW. You are Sid Sparks. And you will take any boxer, and I mean any boxer Mick puts in front of you, I don’t care how big, or how tough he is, and you’re going to get him in front of you and you’re going to hit him, and you’re going to hit him, and you’re going to hit him, until he is unconscious, on the canvas, with a broken jaw and bleeding from both ears, you understand me?
SID nods.
Sta
nd up.
SID stands.
When these go – (Slaps arms.) and when these go – (Slaps legs.) you will have nothing left but the scalps you took and the money you got for cutting them off. How much have you got, Sid?
SID. Some.
DREW. Do you think ‘some’ is enough? For all the years you’ve got after? For Heather? For your kids? Do you think that’ll pay for the house and the car and the suits and the hospital bills?
SID. No.
DREW. Me neither. So, what are you going to do?
SID. I’m going to work.
DREW. That’s right. We’re going to work. And then what?
SID. I’m going to win.
Beat.
DREW. Good boy. (Pulls him in and strokes/ruffles SID the way you would a dog who’s just had a scare.) Good boy. Good boy. You know we’re always watching out for you.
Enter MICKEY and JOEY who see DREW and SID. They cross and begin to massage and flick punches at SID.
JOEY. He’s back!
MICKEY. Looking pretty as ever I see. How’re you feeling?
SID. Bit stiff.
MICKEY. Well, you earned it. What did you do with your weekend then, Sid? Piss away all your winnings?
SID. No.
DREW. Sat in his room apparently.
Beat.
MICKEY. Well, I’ll be. Maybe Hooper managed to knock our message into you. I must remember to thank him.
SID. Fuck off, Mick.
MICKEY. All right.
Pause. MICKEY smiles at SID.
How much do you love me, Sidney?
Beat.
SID. What?
MICKEY. Would you say your love for me is a family love?
SID. Sure, Mick.
MICKEY. So in the same way I love you as a son, you would say you love me as a father.
SID. Why not?
MICKEY. Father Christmas perhaps?
Beat.
SID. Well, that depends, Mickey, have you brought me a present?
MICKEY (with a look of mock surprise). It’s funny you should ask that, Sid. (Brandishes a brown folder.) In six months’ time you fight Ricky Burns, at Wembley Stadium. For the British welterweight title.
Beat.
SID. How much?
MICKEY. We need to hash out the details. This is just an agreement for the match-up. Still need to agree on the number of rounds, referee, glove weight and that.
SID. But roughly?
MICKEY. A lot.
Beat. SID looks at DREW.
You’ll need a pen, Sid.
Scene Fourteen
They break. The scene is now ‘Backstage’ at a talk show. SID is sat down as MICKEY and DREW run through the information. Mirrors surround the room. Over the Tannoy we hear ‘Sid Sparks to make-up please, Sid Sparks to make-up.’
MICKEY. Be polite. Be charming. Be funny and sell the fight. Yes?
SID. Yes.
MICKEY. Good. Off you go.
JOEY. Oh, and tell them to go easy on the make-up, don’t want a repeat of last time.
SID. Yeah, yeah.
JOEY. You looked like a satsuma.
SID. Piss off!
SID exits through the door.
JOEY. He’s a real charmer that one.
Beat. They look around.
I could get used to this.
MICKEY. Well, give it year or two, sign a few more fighters, maybe win a few belts. We could be here permanently.
Beat.
DREW. When are you meeting the Burns team?
MICKEY. Tomorrow. You should come along, could use another head in the negotiations.
JOEY. What’s left to arrange?
MICKEY. Sticking points really. Glove types, weight and all that.
JOEY. They’ll want to make life difficult.
MICKEY. I know. We just have to hope they go along with it.
DREW. And what if they don’t?
MICKEY. Then I’m guessing the gloves get heavier and the fight weight goes up.
DREW. To what?
MICKEY. I don’t know.
Beat.
JOEY. So what we’re saying is that the chances are Sid goes into this fight against a much heavier opponent with added weight on both hands.
DREW. That’s not good enough.
MICKEY. It might have to be.
DREW. He’ll get nailed.
MICKEY. Look, if we kick up a fuss about any of these conditions they’ll just threaten to pull the fight. Burns has already got the belt, it’s not like he needs to fight us.
DREW. Well, if that’s how they’re going to act we should let them cancel it.
JOEY. What?
DREW. If talks break down over a technicality then neither side loses face, Sid keeps his reputation and we buy ourselves another year before we start thinking about Burns again. That’d be a blessing.
JOEY. You don’t think he’s going to win?
DREW. Come on, Joe. After watching the Hooper fight do you really think he’s going to win? Sid doesn’t.
MICKEY. Why are you being so pessimistic? He’s undefeated.
DREW. Had a bit of help with that though, didn’t he?
JOEY. Jesus, shut up. There’s people all over the place.
Beat.
MICKEY. You want me to try and get the fight cancelled?
DREW. Possibly, yeah.
MICKEY. Why?
Beat.
DREW. Because he’s going to lose, Mick. As sure as sunrise, he’ll finish that bout on the flat of his back. And then it’ll be over for him.
JOEY. Always a rematch.
DREW. And change what, Joe? I’ve watched every bout Burns has had since the night we got Sid and he’s better than him. He’s just a better boxer. So was Hooper, and we can’t pull that trick again.
MICKEY. Come on.
DREW. I’m telling you, Mick, we put Sid up against Burns and he loses, we’re not back here next week. We’ll have to start all over again.
MICKEY. So we start again.
DREW. Just like that? You’re forgetting how we got here, Mick. Starting again means another Hayward, another Hooper, not to mention all the fights before he gets back to that level. Hayward was an old man and he got lucky with Hooper, I don’t think we get that lucky again. Sid shouldn’t be at this level, he said it himself. If he falls out of the spotlight now he’ll have to drag himself back into contention with his fucking fingernails. And even if he does, and he comes back, and he gets another shot at Burns, he’ll get beaten. They’re just better.
Beat.
If we call it off we could buy ourselves at least another year at the top.
JOEY. And leave Burns alone?
DREW. Yeah. I think so.
MICKEY. Turn down a shot at the title? You’re mad.
DREW. Surely it’s better than him losing.
JOEY. They’ve all got to lose eventually.
MICKEY. Exactly. And if it’s not against Burns it’ll happen two years down the line when he’s really falling apart. He’ll get humiliated in some knackered town hall in Birmingham rather than at Wembley with fifty thousand people watching.
DREW. Better for him though.
MICKEY. Do you know how big the ticket cut is on a championship fight?
Beat.
DREW. No, Mick. I don’t.
MICKEY. It’s large.
DREW. You’re not the one who has to earn it.
MICKEY. Jesus Christ. I can’t believe this. He’s a boxer, Drew, a prizefighter. That’s his job. Our job is to find the opponents and get him paid.
DREW. But your concern isn’t Sid getting paid. It’s about you, Mick. It’s about your pockets.
MICKEY. Well, I’m sorry if that seems callous to you but I don’t intend on living the rest of my life in a rented flat above The Albion.
DREW. Neither do I, but if we handle this wrong that is exactly the life we’re going to give Sid. When his legs are gone and his brains are scrambled and we’ve squeezed every last penny we can get out o
f him then that’s the life we’ll be giving him.
JOEY. He’s not an idiot, Drew, he knew what he was getting in to when he went pro.
DREW. Come on, Jim. He wouldn’t know his arse from his elbow if we weren’t around.
Beat.
MICKEY. I think he can win.
JOEY. So do I.
MICKEY. And if not then that’s the life he chose. I’m not missing my chance to win a title.
The Tannoy cuts through with: ‘Sid Sparks to the stage please, Sid Sparks to the stage’.
JOEY. Come on, that’s us. Let’s watch him sweat.
Scene Fifteen
They break. We are now watching ‘The Talk Show’. Canned applause. DREW/ALEC is introducing SID and
JOEY/TYLER, they enter one after the other shaking hands and doing the casual talk before an interview. JOEY/TYLER is a grotesque parody of smooth Hollywood types.
DREW/ALEC. Hello, hello, hello and welcome back to The Late Show where tonight we’re talking to a very special guest. The man chosen to wrest the title from Ricky Burns’ hands, the one, the only, Sid Sparks! And next to him actor Tyler Brantree! Now, Sid. You’re ranked fourth in the middleweight division yes?
SID. Number four yes, shortly to be number one.
DREW/ALEC. And still undefeated?
SID. Last I checked.
JOEY/TYLER. Whoa.
SID. Since returning to London I’ve had fourteen fights, won them all.
DREW/ALEC. Now I think most people would be happy with being number four in that weight class and having a nice undefeated record, but it isn’t quite enough for you, is it? So on July 25th you’ll be fighting Michael Burns for the British. Welterweight. Title. Is that correct?
JOEY/TYLER. Jesus, man, is that right?
SID. That’s absolutely right, yes. July 25th at Wembley Arena I’ll be taking the title from Ricky Burns.
JOEY/TYLER. Oh my God.
DREW/ALEC. So you think you’ve got him?
SID (laughing slightly). Well, I mean, I wouldn’t have taken the fight if I didn’t think I could win it.
DREW/ALEC. Can we go on the record and call that a prediction? You’re going to win this fight. Care to pick a round.
JOEY/TYLER and DREW/ALEC laugh at this absurd suggestion. SID leans out of his chair to look at JOEY/TYLER.
SID. Tyler, care to pick a round?
JOEY/TYLER is amazed.
JOEY/TYLER. Oh my God! Oh my God!
DREW/ALEC. You’ve got to be joking! You’re going to let them pick the round you’re going to win in?
SID. Why not? It’ll make things interesting.
Plays from Vault Page 17