In an Instant (Lifetime Book 1.5)

by Ariadne Wayne

  Matt grazed his lips against my forehead, squeezing me tight as if marking me with his scent. He didn’t have a thing to worry about. My relationship with Sam had been mostly good until the night he’d told me he was leaving, but Matt was like a missing piece of me.

  “I’ll be as quick as I can.”

  I watched as he walked up the hallway toward the bathroom, smiling as he paused at the door of Finn’s room and then Georgia’s. Even the simple act of him checking on the children made my heart race. He was such a good father, doting on both of them equally, even though he wasn’t Finn’s biological dad.

  Pursing my lips, I let a slow breath out. The last time I’d seen Sam was the day I’d gone to see him, in part to comfort him when he’d discovered the woman he’d left me for didn’t know who the father of her unborn child was. That was three and a half years ago. What could he want now?

  I walked through the kitchen and out the back door. My heart leapt to my throat as I came face to face with the man who had once promised to love me for the rest of his life.

  He was clean shaven for a change, his skin tanned more than I’d ever seen when we were together. If I were any other woman, I’d be happy to see his eyes light up the way they did when he saw me. But this was the man who’d left me with my heart shattered in a million pieces when he’d turned his back on what we’d had.

  “Ella. You’re looking good.”

  I trembled as I nodded. I’d be stupid to pretend his presence didn’t unnerve me. In an instant he could turn our lives on their heads if he had demands.

  “Thanks. You look good, too. Relaxed.”

  The corners of his mouth crept into a smile. “I have so much to tell you.”

  He took a step toward me, and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.

  “Let’s sit down.” There was a circular table on the deck with four chairs around it. In the summer, Matt and I would sit out here, looking out over the farm. My favourite place on earth.

  Sam sat across the table from me, barely taking his eyes from my face. I must look weird. In the city I’d lived in makeup; now, I rarely wore it. There wasn’t any need.

  “I can’t get over how different you look. You always said coming here was good for your soul. It shows,” he said.

  “I love it. Matt does, too. I think this is just where we needed to be. It’s good for us and for the kids.”

  He nodded. “I can tell.”

  “What brings you here?” I had to ask; I couldn’t hold back any longer.

  He crossed his arms, leaning on the table. “I’ve been travelling. I tried Matt’s trick of going away to work out who I was. Petra’s baby wasn’t mine.”

  “I heard. Matt’s parents told him.”

  He shrugged. “I gave you up for what? I was so selfish. So, I went away to work out what the hell it was I wanted, picking up teaching jobs along the way. I worked with kids who had literally nothing. You should have seen them, Ella; they were amazing. It was the most incredible thing I could have ever done. Made me appreciate what was back here so much more. And they got to me. All I could think about was my little boy with you …”

  His words brought tears to my eyes. He was here to lay claim to Finn. I knew this day could come, but I couldn’t bear the thought of Finn’s world being turned upside down by a man he didn’t know. I shook as I fought back the onslaught of tears, giving up when they streamed down my cheeks and I couldn’t hold them in any longer.

  “Ella?”

  “Finn’s just a little boy, Sam. I can’t give him up, and I won’t have him shipped between us like a piece of furniture. He has stability here, and he loves Matt. I know you’re his father, but …”

  I didn’t finish my sentence as Sam slipped around the table and knelt on the ground before me. He took my hands in his, squeezing as I tried to pull away.

  “I have no intention of trying to take him away from you. This is his life. All I want is to be a part of it. To spend time with him.”

  I closed my eyes at the sound of heavy footsteps behind me.

  “What the hell is going on?” At the sound of Matt’s voice, I pulled my hands from Sam’s and stood. Matt’s brows were furrowed, his eyes angrier than I had ever seen them. His focus was entirely on Sam, and a sense of relief swept over me that it wasn’t me causing his anger.

  “I was reassuring Ella I’m not here to take Finn from her. That’s all. I swear, Matt. All I want is to get to know my son and maybe somehow get my friend back.”

  Matt nodded, moving closer to me and grasping my shoulders. “We can’t ever have what we had before. Not after everything you did.”

  Sam stood, holding his hands up in surrender. “I know. I can never make up for it.”

  At that, Matt relaxed a little. “We’re agreed on that, then.”

  “I thought maybe I could meet Finn. I’ve got a little something for him in the car, and his sister, too. I didn’t want her to feel left out. And then maybe I could come up here from time to time and visit. I’m back in Auckland teaching, and it’s only a three-hour drive.”

  I stood and snuggled into Matt, meeting his gaze before looking back at Sam. “Finn and Georgia are having their naps right now. Georgia will be awake in about an hour, and Finn a half hour to an hour after that. He likes his sleep,” I said.

  “Takes after me, then.” Sam grinned, and my heart ached for what was to come.

  “No. He is far more energetic than you ever were. He sleeps to make up for it,” Matt said.

  Sam laughed. “So he sleeps a lot. Then, he’s a lot like me?”

  Matt squeezed me, his chest shaking as he laughed. “Maybe he’s a bit like you.”

  “Ella, I’m not going to push anything. He’s a kid. I’m not going to throw who I am at him; we’ll get there, but right now I’m not about to throw his world into disarray. I swear.”

  The tightness in my chest eased as I nodded. As long as he kept his word I had nothing to fear, and I shouldn’t. He cared enough to be here. Despite our differences, I couldn’t fault him on that.

  “Are you driving back tonight?” I asked.

  “I’ve got a room at a motel in town. I thought I could stay the night and drive back tomorrow. Take my time.”

  I nodded. “Want to stay for dinner?”

  Matt took hold of my hand, steadying the shaking, giving me the reassurance I needed without saying a word.

  “That’d be great, if it’s not too much trouble. I’ve missed your cooking.”

  Matt squeezed my hand. “You’ll be in for a treat then. Ella’s had a leg of lamb slow-cooking all day. The smell’s through the house already.”

  Sam caught my gaze. I don’t think I’d seen him so happy, not since the first few months after our wedding. Maybe he really had found peace with himself.

  He still made me uneasy.

  3

  ELLA

  Georgia, as usual, made her presence known with a roar as she stampeded down the hallway and straight into her father’s arms.

  She rubbed her eyes as Matt pulled her up onto his lap, slamming her head against his shoulder as soon as she spotted Sam.

  “This is Georgia, my Princess of Mayhem,” Matt said, kissing the top of her head. Georgia snuggled in tight against Matt’s side.

  “Well, Princess of Mayhem, I’ve got a present for you.” Sam picked up one of the two large packages he’d brought in from his car.

  Her eyes widened, but she clung to Matt, chewing on her bottom lip as she decided whether to grab it or not.

  Matt hugged her tight. “It’s okay. I’ll get it.”

  She nodded, smiling shyly as her father took the parcel from Sam’s hands. Once Dad had her present, she grabbed hold of it with glee, ripping at the paper.

  “I didn’t know what they liked, so I tried to get something popular for both of them.”

  “Up until recently, she would have been happy with the wrapping paper.” I knelt beside her, picking up the tiny pieces of paper Georgia dropped al
l over the place.

  Inside was a huge teddy bear, and she hugged it tight to her chest, giggling as she planted kisses on it.

  “I guess that’s a hit, then?” Sam grinned.

  “I guess so.” Matt kissed Georgia again, rubbing his nose in the bear’s fur. “He’s beautiful, isn’t he? Are you going to say thank you?”

  “Tank you,” she whispered, giggling again as she hid behind the bear.

  “Thanks, Sam. She loves it,” I said.

  “I can see. I’m glad you like your present, Miss Georgia.” He had this look on his face that I’d never seen as my daughter entranced him with her shy smiles, loving the hell out of her teddy bear. What would he be like when Finn joined us?

  Overwhelmed by the emotions this had brought up, I caught a tear escaping down my cheek, and wiped it with the palm of my hand.

  “You okay, Ella?” Sam asked.

  I leaned against Matt’s leg. Matt slipped Georgia onto his other knee so he could see me. His strong hand gripped my shoulder, squeezing gently as I looked up at him.

  “I’m fine. This is just weird.”

  Sam nodded. “It will be for a while. I’ll try not to intrude.”

  Georgia slipped off Matt’s lap, joining me on the floor and holding the bear that was nearly as big as her up for me to see. “Bear,” she said.

  “Do you like him?” I grinned.

  She nodded, squeezing him tight. “He’s lovely, isn’t he?” I said.

  Georgia let go of the bear, flinging herself at me and wrapping her arms around my neck, no doubt unsure of herself because of Sam’s presence. I held her tight, rocking her as she hugged me.

  “She looks so much like you, Ella.” Sam smiled as he watched us.

  “I don’t know about that. I always thought she looked like Matt. She’s got his colouring. Daddy’s girl.” I kissed her cheek as she snuggled in tight against me.

  Sam watched us as I held Georgia, his eyes full of sadness. Whatever he’d done, this must hurt. This was what he’d wanted with me once upon a time. Now I was here with his childhood friend who I’d built a family with.

  I caught my breath as Finn appeared in the doorway. Not so far behind Georgia for a change.

  “Dad,” he yelled, running and launching himself at Matt as Sam looked on. He sat there, tearing up as he watched his son hug another man. In that moment I knew that however he’d wronged me, however much he broke my heart, his relationship with Finn was as important to establish as Matt’s had been.

  “Finn. Do you want to know who this is?” Matt asked, redirecting Finn toward Sam.

  Finn nodded. He had the self-confidence that Georgia lacked so far, and he smiled at Sam immediately.

  “This is Sam. He’s come a long way to see you.”

  “I’ve got something for you, buddy.” Sam choked up as he said the words, and I could only imagine how hard this was to be so close and have to hold back.

  “Go on.” Matt let Finn drop to the floor and Finn walked straight up to Sam, sitting down in front of him with the box he’d been presented with.

  The paper lasted seconds, Finn aided by his sister who had dropped her bear by me and was now more interested in the wrapping and what her brother had been given.

  “Oh, Sam.” I spotted the Lego logo on the box. Finn and Georgia had some Duplo to play with, but this was the mother lode. Nice big blocks neither of them could eat.

  “I figured boys and girls love Lego. Matt and I did when we were kids, but then it wasn’t as fancy as this. We just built a lot of houses.” Sam laughed.

  “Look.” Finn tugged on Sam’s trousers, pointing at the picture on the side of the box. There was a tree, complete with treehouse and Duplo people, and a car. Plenty of things to build.

  “Like it?” Sam asked.

  Finn nodded. He turned back to Matt. “Can we build it?”

  “How about you and Georgia build it with Sam. I’ve had so much to do today, I just want to have a rest,” Matt said.

  “Okay.” Finn said turning back to Sam. “Can we open it?”

  The joy in Sam’s face brought tears to my eyes. Finn had given him a chance, and however small an opportunity it was, Sam grabbed it with both hands. Within seconds he was on the floor, tearing into the box and pulling out the pieces to start building.

  As the three of them were in deep conversation about what went where, I stood.

  “Where are you off to?” Matt asked.

  “Going to check the food.” I leaned over to press my lips to his.

  “I’ll come with you. I could do with a beer. Sam?”

  Sam looked up. “Sure. Sounds good.”

  Matt linked fingers with my own as we walked to the kitchen, giving them a squeeze before letting go so I could open the oven and check on the meat.

  I grabbed a cup from the bench, filling it with water from the tap and adding it to the roasting dish.

  “You’re handling this well.” Matt nuzzled my neck, and I sighed at his warm lips against my skin.

  “What else do I do? We knew this day would come, and Sam has been.” I twisted in his arms, turning to face him. “I can’t fault him.”

  Matt scanned my features, reaching up and stroking my hair. “I love you, Ella.”

  “I love you too. Shall we go and see what our children are doing?”

  “In a minute. I just need to hold you right now.”

  I closed my eyes, resting my head on his shoulder, breathing in that sweet Matt scent. I loved this man so much, more than I’d ever thought was possible. He was the rest of my life.

  “Nothing will stop Finn from loving you,” I whispered. He must be scared too. He’d laid claim to that boy the moment he was born. I’d reassured him then that he would be Finn’s father just as much as Sam was, and now he needed that reassurance again.

  “I know.” He pulled back, kissing me with so much tenderness I wanted to cry again.

  Matt let me go, and grabbed the beers from the fridge. I followed behind him, pausing at the doorway. Georgia sat on Sam’s lap, giving him instructions while Finn connected blocks beside them. I shook my head, smiling at how Sam had just slotted in with them.

  I still didn’t know how we would explain Sam to Finn, but this had to be a good start.

  4

  ELLA

  After an afternoon of building and knocking structures down, we ate dinner before it was time to put the children to bed. Georgia was asleep on her feet, Matt scooping her into his arms and carrying her to her room. Finn and I trailed behind, leaving Sam in the living room. She sat, flopping over as he pulled off her shirt and slipped her pyjama top on.

  “You are so tired.” He laughed, kissing her on the cheek and trading her leggings for her pyjama pants.

  “It’s been a big day.” I leaned in, kissing her forehead as she fell backward with a tired smile on her face. Rubbing Matt’s shoulders, I pressed my head against his. “You read her a story; I’ll sort out Finn.”

  “Mummy?” Finn held my hand tight.

  “Come on, baby. Let’s get you to bed too.”

  I walked out of Georgia’s room and into Finn’s room next door. Flicking on his night light, I pulled his pyjamas out of his top drawer and changed him quickly, tucking him under the blankets.

  “Ella.” Sam stood in the doorway, watching.

  “Do you want to say goodnight?”

  “May I read him a story?”

  His eyes were so full of hope; how could I say no? I smiled, nodding. Finn was so tired he’d be asleep about thirty seconds into the book, but I didn’t want to tell Sam that.

  I plucked out Jack and the Beanstalk from Finn’s bookcase. Sam moved toward me as I stood, and I passed him the book. “This is his favourite.”

  “Thank you so much, Ella.”

  I nodded, swallowing hard. It was difficult letting him do this, especially after the dreams I’d had.

  Sam reached for my hand, squeezing it. It was such an intimate gesture, but under the circum
stances, not as uncomfortable as I might have expected. I guess we’d been best friends, lovers, and man and wife for a while.

  “I’ll go and see how Matt’s doing.”

  I didn’t need to see; I knew how it went. Matt would be nearing the end of The Three Little Pigs, and Georgia would already be fast asleep. This was our nightly routine; we swapped between the kids, taking turns to read to each one.

  The truth was that I couldn’t watch Sam reading to Finn. I’d end up in tears.

  I TEARED UP ANYWAY, watching Matt from the doorway. With Finn, he’d go out and explore the farm, the two of them in their gumboots. His little buddy. Georgia was a different story. She was his princess.

  Her eyes were closed, and from outside the room I could see she was asleep. But Matt continued his story in his soothing tones, the ones that always made me feel better when I was sad.

  As he finished, he leaned over and kissed Georgia’s temple, smiling as he turned to see me. When he reached my side, he wrapped those big, strong arms around me and held me tight, kissing my temple.

  “You okay? Finn already asleep?”

  “Sam’s reading Finn his story.”

  Matt let go, gripping my chin in a firm grasp and tilting my head to look at him. “How do you feel about that?”

  “It felt like the right thing to do,” I whispered.

  He smiled, bending his head to kiss me tenderly. “You’ve got such a big heart, Ella. For what it’s worth, I think it’s the right thing to do, too.”

  I snuggled into his chest as he wrapped his arms around me again, closing my eyes at the familiarity. The day had gone better than I could have imagined. My Finn hadn’t had his world implode. Everything was as it had been for the past few years.

  “He’s asleep.” I opened my eyes to see Sam standing beside us with a huge grin on his face.

  “Thanks for reading to him.” Matt kissed the top of my head, squeezing me tight.

  “My pleasure. Thanks for letting me. I doubt he heard a word I said; he was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.” He turned his focus to me. “Want a hand with the dishes?”

  “I’ve got those,” Matt said.

  Sam nodded. “Fair enough. I’ll get going, then.”