Lauren looked at Alexa and Regina, saw the wisdom in their suggestions.
“Fine,” she grumbled. “I’ll think about dating, but I am not sleeping with other men to prove anything to my mother, or to Jim.”
Chapter 1
“So can I kiss you goodnight?” Kenneth asked, standing closer to Lauren McCarthy than he ever had before. Feeling brave because she had been smiling at him all evening, he was even more disappointed than usual to feel her tensing even as the question was still leaving his mouth.
“Kenneth, please don’t go there. We’ve been through this debate before. I only want to be friends. I’ve always been honest with you about how I felt,” Lauren said, taking her keys from her purse and unlocking the door of her house.
Kenneth sighed and put his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, I know you keep giving me the just friends speech, Lauren, and you sure haven’t let me touch you—but why do you think I keep asking you out?”
“I thought you liked my company,” Lauren said, surprised and hurt.
Kenneth snorted. “You can’t be so naïve, Lauren. Of course I like your company, but damn it, I also want to kiss you, maybe even sleep with you eventually. Don’t you like men?”
Lauren paused in the process of opening the door.
“Of course I like men. Why? You think I’m a lesbian? Just because I won’t kiss you?” she asked him, somewhat shocked. She couldn’t help worrying for a moment if all the time she spent with Alexa and Regina had her putting off some sort of vibe.
Kenneth just stared at her, saying nothing, which Lauren concluded told her more than words would have.
“I’m not a lesbian,” Lauren told him flatly.
“Do you maybe wish you were?” Kenneth asked softly, sympathy coming through, even over the lust he always felt around her.
“No,” Lauren said, her voice indignant with disbelief. “I wish I had married better, and trusted men more, but no—I have not gone over to the other side. I’m still heterosexual.”
“How can you tell for sure?” Kenneth asked sarcastically, frowning when he saw her look away.
He sighed with frustration as he noticed the angry flush on Lauren’s face. Her temper only made her more appealing. It meant there was a passionate woman buried somewhere under her reticence to get involved. But after several friendly dinners, Kenneth now concluded he would be old and gray before Lauren would let him find out for sure.
“Not all men are like Jared,” Kenneth denied firmly, backing away from the front door when Lauren gave him a direct and very dirty look. “What I do is not the same as what he did to you. Yes, I date a lot, and yes—I sleep with some of the women I date. That’s not a crime, Lauren. It’s just how most of us figure relationships out.”
Standing a couple of steps down her front walk, Kenneth kicked an imaginary rock with the toe of his polished Italian shoe. He couldn’t help wondering if Jared Smith’s bitter comments about Lauren being frigid had been on target after all.
“Hell, Lauren. You’re the kind of woman who inspires faithfulness in men, but not everyone can be a saint all the time,” he said angrily. “Some of us have needs.”
“I am not a saint,” Lauren said tightly. Memories of Alexa’s and Regina’s teasing added more fuel to the flame Kenneth was lighting with his taunt. “I’m just not interested in bed hopping. That’s not a crime either, Kenneth.”
“You’re right. It’s not,” he said softly, “but I bet your bed is always lonely and cold, Lauren McCarthy. There are a lot of good men who wouldn’t mind warming it up if you’d let them. Call me if you want to discuss me as possibility, but don’t call me again just for another platonic dinner. I don’t want to just be friends with you.”
“Fine,” Lauren told him, her stomach clenching and unclenching. She refused to feel guilty for not being sexually interested in Kenneth, even as a clear image of a man she was sexually interested in popped into her head. She closed her eyes on her physical reaction, thinking she understood now why Regina and Alexa swore so much. You needed a good strong swear word to describe this level of frustration.
Kenneth sighed at Lauren’s tortured expression, but he refused to feel sorry for her again. There was nothing more anyone could say or do until Lauren McCarthy changed her perspective.
“I guess I’ll see you around then,” he told her, turning and walking back to a silver Mustang GT parked at the curb.
Lauren walked inside and closed and bolted the door. Kenneth had surprised her, but only because she was acting every bit as naïve as he accused her of being. Now she couldn’t help replaying their conversation anymore than she could help admitting Kenneth was right in some ways.
She agreed there was nothing wrong with dating or even sleeping with someone under the right circumstances. Despite what people might think about her abstaining habit, she wasn’t a prude. She was just cautious because available nice guys like Kenneth didn’t do anything sexually for her. Zilch. Nada. No tingles, as Alexa would say. It listed high among the worst things she knew about herself.
Lauren knew Kenneth would be shocked to learn she would have let Jim Gallagher into her bed tonight without even thinking twice about it. She had a level of sexual desire for Jim much stronger than anything she had ever felt for any other man. She was long past the point of denying her attraction to him, despite the humiliation of Jim resisting the attraction between them. He had all but admitted there was no other woman sharing his bed, so why didn’t he want her?
Fearing Jim was never going to be gracing her mattress with his giant, to-die-for body was the reason Lauren finally broke down and asked Kenneth to dinner. She’d wanted desperately to have a man look at her who she knew for sure would follow through if she got the urge to take a chance on a man she didn’t really want.
“Oh damn Jim Gallagher anyway,” Lauren swore, finally realizing what she had done.
She was worse than Kenneth implied because she was lying to herself and being a tease. But all she wanted was dinner with a man who acted like he wanted to spend time with her. What was so wrong with wanting something like that?
Frustrated emotion built to swearing level again, which she did over and over as she hung up her coat. She was tired of being a person no one took seriously, tired of people thinking she had no needs at all, tired of being the saint Alexa and Regina kept harping about.
It was Jim’s fault for being the only man in seven years she had wanted to take to bed. She had been perfectly fine before he’d kissed her in Alexa’s garden—well, mostly fine anyway.
Deflated and depressed, Lauren trudged upstairs to the second floor master with its large bath and clawfoot soaking tub. She put a double dose of her homemade lavender and chamomile bath salts in as it filled, hoping she could find enough peace to sleep.
*** *** ***
Lucinda’s was crowded for dinner the next evening, and every table was packed. It was one of those times they were glad Alexa had a permanent reservation on Thursdays.
“So how was your date with the delectable Kenneth Adams?” Alexa asked.
Regina lifted an eyebrow at Alexa’s tone but kept eating her veggie pizza.
“Fine,” Lauren hedged, looking away. The stuffed mushroom she’d been swallowing stuck in her suddenly tense throat.
“You can really pick them, honey. That man definitely knows how to kiss,” Alexa remarked. “If anyone can take your mind off you-know-who, Kenneth probably can.”
“How do you know how Kenneth kisses?” Lauren demanded, losing her interest in the food.
“Oh, I dated him a little right after his divorce. It was a rebound kind of thing, but I still remember it—him. I didn’t sleep with him, but going out with him was fun. It was before I knew you well enough to share those details of my life,” Alexa said in her defense, noting the angry color flushing Lauren’s face. “And you only mentioned Kenneth to us last week.”
“Well, I don’t know how the man kisses because I never let Kenneth kiss me,” Lau
ren said tersely, picking up a celery stick and crunching it loudly.
“Why not?” Regina asked, agitated, unable to let the comment go even though she’d counseled herself multiple times on staying out of Lauren’s love life. “A simple goodnight kiss is like a good cup of coffee after an excellent meal. It doesn’t have to be serious.”
“Says the woman who kissed a virtual stranger, and then married him three months later,” Lauren declared, then blushed, furious with herself for letting her envy show.
Alexa put her hand on Regina’s arm to stop her from blasting Lauren with something sure to reduce her to tears. She could tell Lauren was walking the edge tonight.
“Lauren, I’m sorry it bothers you that I kissed Kenneth. I didn’t tell you to hurt you. I was trying to tease, but I can see now it’s not funny to you. He was seriously hurt when his wife left him for his best friend. I’m sure he’s still just looking for the right person like everyone else. He seems like a perfectly nice man,” Alexa told her gently.
Lauren swallowed hard. She wasn’t angry with Alexa for what she’d done with Kenneth. She was angry with herself for not even wanting to kiss the man.
“Yes. I’m sure Kenneth is perfectly nice, but evidently I’m not into nice. Apparently, I can only get turned on by unfaithful, womanizing teases who churn you up and leave you hanging.”
Irritation drained instantly from Regina, only to be replaced by a staggering and overwhelming concern for both Lauren and Jim. Jim was obviously still feeling guilty about his wife, who wasn’t even a real wife, and now Lauren was suffering for the situation as well.
How the hell was she going to stay out of this one when it was her own damn fault for encouraging Lauren to get to know Jim?
Regina squirmed in her chair, pizza forgotten. Finally, she learned across the table to speak quietly but firmly to Lauren. She was fervently hoping the other patrons at Lucinda’s weren’t listening.
“Jim put two hickies on you the first time he touched you. The man obviously wants you enough to brand you, Lauren. If he’s not pursuing it further, it might be because now he likes you and is feeling guilty about—his commitment status,” Regina declared. “Honey, if you want Jim, you’re going to have to retire your sexual halo. You won’t get that intense, complicated man into bed being as saintly as you usually are.”
Lauren smacked both hands hard on the table top, making dishes, glasses, and silverware jump, as well as Regina and Alexa. “Stop calling me a saint! I hate that, Regina! I-Am-Not-A Saint.”
Regina bit her lip so she wouldn’t laugh and merely lifted her hand in surrender. “Never again,” she promised, crossing her heart with an X to emphasize.
Though Regina hadn’t cut loose, Alexa couldn’t help laughing. It was the most inappropriate thing she could do in the face of her friend’s obvious distress, but it was flat out amazing to see Lauren McCarthy win a verbal smack down with Regina Logan.
“All that emotion over the no-follow-through James Gallagher,” Alexa said, looking pointedly at Lauren. “I warned you it wasn’t going to be pretty or simple. I warned you he was going to leave more than a physical mark. Now you can’t even kiss another man.”
“And I bet you just love saying I told you so,” Lauren replied sarcastically. She was so freaking mad about Alexa being right, she lifted her middle finger and gave her smirking friend the bird. She winced at the snickering and giggles from the tables around them, which made it all even worse.
Unable to restrain herself any longer, Regina burst out laughing at Lauren’s aggressive actions and had to use her napkin to wipe away tears. It was just too funny to see the mostly quiet, usually reserved woman being so downright ugly in public. She had always known there was a passionate woman in Lauren, but she’d never seen public evidence before today.
“Do you two Amazons know how many patrons in here would love to see a good cat fight between two of the most beautiful women in the restaurant?” Regina asked, continuing to laugh and wipe her eyes.
Alexa studied Lauren’s embarrassed face with a kind of awe. It never ceased to amaze her how the right man could push every hot button all at once. God knew Casey made her livid about every fourth or fifth time he opened his mouth. She had learned to think of her anger as foreplay. Maybe the same might work for Lauren, she thought, amused at how her friend might react to that piece of advice.
When Alexa’s and Regina’s knowing, amused stares finally wore her bravado down, Lauren put her face in her hands and groaned.
“Oh, hell,” she said, drawing out the word. “No man is worth this emotional crap. I’ve managed to avoid it for almost seven years. Why now? Why him?”
Alexa and Regina both just shrugged.
“Gee, thanks for the support,” Lauren said, finally laughing herself. She pulled her hands from her face and put them on the table again. “I think I’m spending too much time with you two anyway. Kenneth asked me if I was a lesbian just because I wouldn’t kiss him goodnight.”
This sent Alexa and Regina into another round of laughter, which drew even more attention to the three of them.
Lauren leaned back in her chair and sighed. Her face could not get any redder, so there was little else to do. If she’d had a white flag, she would have waved it in surrender. If she had been in the dojo, she would have pounded the mat. Instead, she had no choice but to wait out their amusement.
Regina dabbed her eyes furiously with her dinner napkin, noting with dismay her mascara was starting to rub off on it, while of course Alexa and Lauren still looked as perfect as ever. She had accepted long ago that she would never have their perfect poise, but waterproof mascara ought to be really waterproof, damn it.
“I’m surprised you didn’t kiss Kenneth senseless just to prove him wrong,” Alexa said to Lauren, her laughter finally stopping.
“Well, I’m surprised you didn’t just give the ignorant ass Jim’s phone number for a reference. That might have fixed both your problems,” Regina declared firmly.
Lauren’s eyes grew wide at Regina’s suggestion. “Do you think it’s too late?”
Regina looked at Lauren and raised her chin. “It’s never too late, honey.”
Lauren sighed but dropped her gaze from Regina’s before the woman talked her into being brave enough to do it.
“Sorry to be such a bitch,” Lauren apologized softly. “There’s no reason to take my frustration out on you two. My mother made snide remarks about me chasing a married man today. It was like pouring gasoline on a raging fire. I don’t think it would have bothered me as much if I really thought I stood half a chance of catching Jim.”
Regina just laughed again. “I’ve heard you use more swear words tonight than in the entire time I’ve known you,” she declared. “And you didn’t even have to ask us what they meant. I’m so proud of you for dealing so positively with your less pleasant emotions. I may have to cry again.”
“If you call me a saint one more time, I will not be responsible for my actions,” Lauren threatened, practicing her venting on Regina with gleeful enjoyment. “I might even enjoy pounding on your ass for real and getting the upper hand with your Dr. Logan smart mouth for once.”
“Pounding on her ass? Where in the world did you pick that language up?” Alexa asked, backtracking when she saw the obstinate look on Lauren’s face. “Sorry if I sound like your mother, I’m not trying to make you mad again. I’m just very curious.”
“Kickboxing class,” Lauren admitted quietly.
“Kickboxing?” Regina and Alexa repeated together, looking at each other for validation, then back to Lauren in surprise.
Regina wanted to laugh again, but was half afraid to now. She wondered what else their quiet little friend had been hiding. Kickboxing classes at least partially explained the toned and athletic body Lauren so actively maintained.
Lauren nodded. “I’ve been taking all kinds of martial arts for years. I needed something very physical to offset being—”
“—constantly h
orny?” Regina supplied, laughing at the steel in Lauren’s gaze.
Lauren narrowed her eyes. “I was going to say sexually frustrated, but okay, let’s use the sex therapist’s quaint term for it,” she replied sarcastically.
It was so good, Regina thought, to see Lauren actually worked up, even if it was just over a guy. With joyful laughter rumbling through her, Regina jumped up and ran to Lauren, hugging and kissing her cheeks until Lauren pushed her away squealing, ordering her very loudly to stop.
“I couldn’t be more proud of you if I were your mother,” Regina told Lauren, calmly walking back to her chair. She lifted the single drink she now allowed herself, not able to resist toasting Lauren’s honesty. “Here’s to Jim. May he survive Lauren pounding on his fine ass when she catches him.”
Alexa laughed. “Wait—I’ve got another one,” Alexa said, shaking her luminous hair back behind her shoulders as she lifted her glass of mineral water. “Here’s to Amazon Lauren McCarthy, kick-ass wolf tamer.”
Lauren reluctantly lifted her glass of Chardonnay and stared both of them down.
“You two drive me crazy with your teasing, but I know you care about me, so you get to live today. Here’s to the true love you two have found. May it one day find me as well. But in the meantime, here’s to at least having sex with someone.” She drained her wine glass and all but slammed it down on the table. “I’m tired of you two getting all the action in our group.”
Every eye in the restaurant turned toward the table where three grown women laughed uncontrollably.
Chapter 2
Jim walked into the storage room now housing a custom built security control panel. He was pleased with the progress and with the work.
“Mr. Carter—looks like I’m going to have to pay you soon. I heard you were almost finished,” Jim said, admiring Casey’s intense concentration as he typed codes into the computer and ran simulated tests.
Dating A Saint Page 2