No Quest for the Wicked

by Shanna Swendson

  Mimi scrambled backward as Sylvester fell at her feet. If she’d seen past my disguise illusion, that meant she’d also seen the elves as they really were. No wonder she’d assumed they were the band. If she didn’t know that magical races existed, then that was probably the only explanation she could think of for people with pointy ears and slanted eyebrows. The notorious oddness of musicians covered a lot of quirks.

  “What is going on here?” Mimi screamed. “Why is everyone attacking me? It’s sabotage, isn’t it? They’re trying to ruin my event.”

  “You can expect that sort of thing when you treat people the way you do,” Granny said. “You make enemies, and eventually they’ll find each other and team up against you. Happens all the time.”

  Mimi stared at Granny as though she was actually considering what she’d said. After a while, she said, “It’s those breast cancer people, I’d bet. They can’t stand some other problem getting any attention. They’ve probably joined forces with the AIDS foundations.” She gave a sharp little laugh that was practically a bark. “And don’t get me started on the ‘wipe out malaria’ people. This is just the sort of thing they’d do, though they’d probably release a swarm of mosquitoes in the middle of dinner.” She turned to the minion with the checklist—who’d been watching these events with a shell-shocked expression—and said, “Make sure we’ve got mosquito repellent.” For that one moment, she sounded totally sane and in control.

  Then pacing and shouting as she waved her hands, she went back to raving, “They don’t want me to be part of their little club. They think I’m just marrying for money and social position. Well, how did they get there? Are they any better because their mothers married for money and social position? I got a billionaire interested in me. That’s an achievement.” The entire time, her eyes jerked back and forth, like she was watching her perimeter. There’d be no getting close to her anytime soon.

  While she carried on ranting, I slipped around her and helped Owen up. “Are you okay?” I asked him. He had an ugly red mark on his forearm, visible where he’d rolled up his shirtsleeves.

  “This is turning out to be more challenging than I anticipated,” he remarked. “But it does look like the stories about the paranoia the Eye can induce are true. We seem to be in the Lady Macbeth portion of the evening’s adventures.”

  “Actually, this is normal Mimi, just amplified. When you treat people the way she does, you don’t have to be paranoid to know that everyone’s probably out to get you, or at the very least will celebrate when you fail.”

  “How long did you work for her?” he asked in disbelief.

  “A little more than a year. And then you came to my rescue.”

  He took my hand and squeezed it. “If I’d known what you were going through, I’d have done so sooner.”

  “But you didn’t even know me then!”

  “I’d noticed you. If I hadn’t been too shy to talk to you, I could have saved you sooner.”

  “You were still in plenty of time.”

  Mimi interrupted our romantic moment, whirling to screech, “You! You’re the one responsible for all this!”

  At first, I thought she was accusing me, since she was pointing in my general direction and I figured she’d already pegged me as the scapegoat of the day. But then I realized she was pointing just behind me, to the puritan minion who reeked of cologne.

  “Ex-excuse me?” he stammered.

  “Oh, don’t you try to play innocent with me,” she snarled, stalking toward him. She pointed at him with her left hand while her right hand fondled the brooch in her pocket. Owen and I took a big step backward to get out of her path. “It was so very convenient when my last assistant just happened to quit without notice and you just happened to be there to take the job.” Her voice had lost the shrill madness of a moment before, and now she seemed to be channeling the Eye again.

  “But it was all a setup, wasn’t it?” she continued, now standing barely a foot away from the minion. Even if he had something to keep him from being affected by the Eye, he still shrank from Mimi’s power over him. “You were put in position to sabotage me, weren’t you? Who are you working for? Tell me!”

  He sputtered and stammered, then finally blurted, “It’s not about you. It’s about a higher cause. You are merely the vessel to bring about a return to purity!” Then he clamped his lips shut and shuddered.

  Yet again, Mimi was stunned speechless. This had to be a new single-day record. She probably would have been less surprised if he’d admitted that he’d been sent by a conspiracy of other disease-fighting groups to ruin her event. I wasn’t sure what shocked her more, the indication that he was some kind of fanatic using her event to further his cause or the assertion that it wasn’t all about her. The latter was a totally foreign concept for her. I thought we might have to explain it.

  As if reading my thoughts, she whispered, “It’s not about me? Are you sure? Because I do have enemies.”

  “Lady, we don’t even know who you are,” he said, sounding less enthralled. “You’re just convenient.”

  That was the worst possible insult anyone could ever give Mimi. She pulled herself together, clutched the brooch in her pocket, then straightened her spine and looked down her nose at him. I halfway expected her to shout, “Off with your head!” but instead she merely said, “You’re fired! Get out of here, now, or I’ll have you arrested for trespassing.” Her voice rang with the power of the Eye.

  His fanaticism for his cause warred with the magical compulsion of the Eye as he struggled between trying to stay and trying to leave. The result was an odd quivering as he shifted his weight back and forth between his feet and twitched his shoulders.

  “Well, go on!” she said with a haughty wave. “Your cologne is making my eyes water. God, but that stuff is vile, and practice a little moderation. You don’t have to bathe in it.” For a moment, I felt kind of bad for the guy, since the cologne wasn’t his fault. That lasted about two seconds. After all, I’d sprayed him in self-defense.

  The room had fallen totally silent while Mimi had her outburst, and all the workers turned to watch the minion leave. Mimi noticed everyone staring and shouted, “Well, what are you all looking at? Back to work! The guests will start arriving in less than an hour, and we’re nowhere near ready. The tables still aren’t set, the flowers aren’t done, the bandleader is unconscious, and the lighting is all wrong. This is a disaster!”

  Mimi’s moment of crazy made her momentarily forget about us. When she rushed off to supervise the setting of the tables, Owen and I regrouped with Granny.

  “So, we’re down one elf lord and one puritan,” I said. “That should make this a little easier.”

  “But you heard her, we’ve got less than an hour before the guests are here,” Owen said, “and she’s going to be especially guarded from now on.”

  “You know, at this point, I’m not sure anyone would so much as blink if one of us tackled her and took it away from her. They’d probably cheer for us.”

  “Okay, then. Let’s do that.”

  I turned to stare at him in shock. “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. I’m tired of this. We’ve tried everything else. I don’t like her. And I’m sure you’d enjoy it.”

  “Oh, yeah,” I sighed. “I spent a year dreaming about the chance to do something like this. Dreams do come true!”

  All this time, Granny had been watching Mimi across the room. Actually, I wasn’t sure if she was watching Mimi or tracking the Eye. “How are you holding up?” I asked her.

  “I could use a drink, but the bartender isn’t set up yet.”

  “I meant, are you feeling any strong thirsts for power, or anything like that?”

  “Honey, I don’t know what I’d do with real power at my age. Ruling the world would take too much energy. I’d miss all my TV shows.”

  “You managed some control over Mimi earlier,” Owen said. “Do you think you could do it again? We just need to distract her enough to get her o
ff guard.”

  She snorted. “Piece of cake. Her mind’s pretty weak. I meant what I said about her doing all this bossing people around because she doesn’t have real power. The moment someone truly powerful comes along, she’ll hand over that brooch before she knows what she’s doing, and she’ll be the first one to sign up to be his flunky.”

  “I should have had you come visit me when I worked for her,” I said wistfully. I rolled up my sleeves to match Owen’s, then said, “Let’s do this.”

  Together we advanced on Mimi, who was back to criticizing the ice sculpture. We had to step around Sylvester’s prone body, which the elves had left where it fell. Lyle and the other elves had their heads together in a corner, probably hashing out their own plan. Earl kept trying to join the group, only to be shoved out.

  We’d just passed Sylvester when Thor emerged from under the table where Owen had shoved him. He still looked a little wobbly and reeled as he walked. If Granny hadn’t been certain that the bartenders hadn’t set up yet, I’d have suspected him of drinking under that table. He staggered away from the table, dragging the tablecloth with him and sending the centerpiece crashing to the floor.

  The noise got Mimi’s attention, foiling our plan, but that wasn’t the most immediate concern. Thor had seen his enemy lying helpless on the ground and was heading straight there—well, as straight as he could stagger—with his battleaxe in hand.

  “No, you don’t,” Owen said, catching him by the collar of his jacket and taking the axe away from him.

  “He owes me money,” Thor slurred. I bent over to see if I could smell alcohol on him. Maybe he had a flagon of ale as part of his gear. My nose might have been dazed by so much forced proximity to that awful cologne I’d sprayed on the puritan, but I didn’t smell anything. I supposed he really had been that addled by running into the magical force field around Mimi.

  “Yes, but do you think you’ll get your money if you decapitate him?” I asked.

  “I wasn’t gonna de–decap–decapa—cut his head off,” he protested. “I was only gonna stick my axe in his back.”

  “That’s not any better! It still would have killed him, and it’s hard to get money out of a dead man.”

  “Not too much harder than getting it out of a live elf.”

  “You were planning to cheat him all along,” I reminded him. “It wasn’t his fault that you got cheated first. It was those magical puritans who stole the brooch from you. Go after them.”

  “Okay, where are they?” He swung his empty hands, then looked down to notice he didn’t have his axe.

  Owen hid the axe behind his back and said, “Why don’t you come with me? Maybe we’ll find one of those puritans for you.” To me, he added, “Hold on for a second. I don’t want him messing things up again.” He marched the still reeling gnome over to Rod and handed Rod the tiny battleaxe.

  While we’d been dealing with Thor, the elves had put whatever plan they’d come up with into motion. They moved as a group toward Mimi, Earl bringing up the rear and saying, “But remember—” before being cut off by Lyle.

  It looked like Lyle was going to try Granny’s trick of channeling the power of the stone through proximity. I didn’t have high hopes for that, considering how susceptible he’d been to Mimi’s orders earlier. He stood close to Mimi and said, “Give me the Knot!”

  She looked at him in genuine confusion and asked, “What?”

  “The Knot is ours. You must give it to us.”

  She put her hands on her hips. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on here, and I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now, you should probably go sober up your leader, then change into your tuxedos and warm up or tune up or whatever it is you vocal groups do.”

  “Yes, we should do that,” Lyle agreed, turning to go, but one of his sidekicks caught him by the shoulders and spun him back around to face Mimi. He nodded thanks to his colleague, then repeated to Mimi, “Your brooch belongs to us.”

  Her hand went straight to her pocket. “My fiancé gave me this brooch. It belongs to me.”

  Lyle fought the compulsion to agree with her, then said, “But it was taken from my people.”

  “File a police report, then, but I’m not handing it over on your say-so.”

  While they argued, I scanned the room for any other puritan agents. If we spotted them trying to stop the elves from getting the brooch, then we’d know who to look out for when we made our attempt.

  But it wasn’t a person or even a group of people who took action against the elves. Something dark rushed down from the mezzanine, aiming at the elves. I instinctively ducked as it whooshed over my head, and then I got a good look at it.

  It was gargoyles. Not MSI gargoyles, but the mossy, chipped, stained old gargoyles the puritans had sent against us earlier—the ones Granny had turned back into stone. Yet here they were, flying again.

  “Great,” I muttered. “Just what we need, zombie gargoyles.”

  Mimi saw them flying at her, and she reacted pretty much the way I’d expect someone who didn’t know that gargoyles could come to life would react to seeing such a thing.

  In other words, she lost it completely.

  She screamed like the forces of hell were coming at her and fell on the floor, curling into a ball to shield herself. The elves had turned to magically fight the gargoyles that were attacking them. The event staff, however, didn’t see the magically veiled gargoyles. All they saw was the band members gyrating oddly and their tormentor going into hysterics on the floor for no apparent reason. Some backed away from the crazy person, while others moved in for a better view. A couple snapped pictures with their cell phones.

  I was surprised by how sorry I felt for her. Yeah, she probably deserved it, but she had no idea what was going on. I went over and knelt beside her. “Mimi?” I said gently.

  “Katie?” She clutched at me, clinging to me like I was saving her from drowning. “You’ve got to help me. Save me from these things.”

  “Yeah, I think we’d better get you out of here. You’ve been under a lot of stress,” I said. “Do you think you can stand up?”

  “But those things … You see them, don’t you?”

  “Yes, I see them. They’re really ugly gargoyles, aren’t they?”

  Reassured that I was seeing what she saw and not just humoring her, she let me pull her to her feet. “But they’ll get me,” she said.

  “I can protect you from them.” I nodded to Granny as I got Mimi off the floor and guided her away from the battling elves and the gargoyles. Granny took up a defensive position, blocking the elves from following. “Now, isn’t it about time for you to get ready for the event?” I asked, keeping my voice low and calm. “I’m sure they can finish setting up, but you’ll want to do your makeup and put on your evening gown. Where do you have your stuff?”

  “I already had my hair done,” she said mechanically.

  “Yes, I can see that. It looks nice. But where are your clothes?”

  “In the Patron’s Lounge. We’ll have to take an elevator.”

  “Okay then, you’ll have to lead the way because I don’t know where that is.”

  She guided me across the museum to an elevator, then directed me to the lounge, leaning heavily on me the whole time. I didn’t know quite what to make of such a vulnerable Mimi. She’d only been nice to me in the rare times when she decided to play mentor and be my best buddy. Those times had never lasted, and I had a feeling that as soon as the shock wore off, she’d not only be back to her old self, she’d be worse because she’d be embarrassed about falling apart so badly.

  The lounge had a nice powder room, and her evening dress was already hanging there. “Here, let’s take your jacket off,” I said. “Then you can wash your face without getting it wet.” As biddable as a small child, she let me pull the jacket off her shoulders and guide her arms out of the sleeves. I folded the jacket carefully over my arm and told her to go use the bathroom.

  While she was in the st
all, I quickly switched brooches, pinning the real brooch to the inside of my skirt pocket. My heart raced as I completed the swap. After all we’d gone through, I couldn’t believe it had been this easy. Granny really had been right about catching more flies with honey. Maybe if I’d been nice to Mimi earlier, we’d be out of here by now. We could even have staged our own gargoyle invasion.

  Now to find that protective box. It would make things a lot easier if I could carry the brooch without it affecting everyone around me. I draped Mimi’s jacket over the back of a chair and then dug through the bags lying on the floor, but the sound of flushing stopped me. Mimi came out of the stall, washed her hands, then splashed her face with cold water. She still looked pale and fragile, but she seemed to have a little more life in her.

  “You’ll need to touch up your makeup,” I told her. “Which bag do you have your makeup kit in?” I moved as if to look for it, but she brushed me aside and got it herself.

  I felt intensely aware of the brooch in my pocket while I watched her apply makeup. When she finished and took her dress into a restroom stall to change, I resumed frantically searching for the box. I still hadn’t found it when I heard the latch on the stall door and had to stop digging. Mimi came out and did a catwalk turn for my approval. “Lovely dress,” I said.

  “I thought so. It was designed just for me,” she said smugly. Yep, I thought, the old Mimi was on her way back. “Now, where’s my brooch? I need to wear it tonight.”

  My heart pounding madly, I took the fake from the jacket pocket and handed it to her. “Here you go,” I said. The gnomes had done an excellent job of creating a fake that was nearly indistinguishable from the original. In fact, I had a moment of panic that I’d mixed them up when making the switch, since I couldn’t feel the magical difference.

  She pinned the brooch to her gown, then checked the placement in the mirror. When she frowned at her reflection, I held my breath, but she only adjusted the angle before turning to me and saying, “Does that work? It’s not too showy, is it?”