‘Her birthday do? What are you talking about?’
Ahh. How could I explain this, when it had been Mark who had told me about the birthday do?
‘I thought you said you went out to Covent Garden for her birthday last Friday?’ I said. I watched his face carefully. Hang on a minute, I was thinking. If he didn’t go to Covent Garden last Friday . . .
‘Covent Garden? No. Where did you get that from? We were in the local, just like we always are.’
Then why had Mark told me that?
I bent my head over my curry. You fool, Sadie. You utter fool.
‘I must have got muddled up with someone else,’ I said. ‘It was probably Becca, now I think about it.’
‘Right.’ I could feel him watching me. Why had Mark lied to me? ‘Well, I didn’t go to Covent Garden, and Natasha wasn’t even out on Friday. She went out with Paul, I think.’
‘Paul?’
‘Yeah, Paul. Paul Brookes? Her husband. He works in the Sports section with Matthew.’ I looked up to see him grinning. ‘You nana. Did you really think me and Mrs Brookes were gettin’ it on?’
I had lost track of the conversation. My mind felt as if it had been blown apart with shock. Mark had lied to me. Why had he lied to me?
‘Well, you know,’ I said, trying to sound jokey. ‘You’re a good-looking guy. You’re a bit of a catch . . .’
‘I am, I am,’ the catch said proudly. ‘It’s all true.’
‘But anyway,’ I said, making a heroic effort to banish Mark from my head. The liar! The manipulative liar! He had wanted me to think that . . . ‘Forget Natasha. Going back to what you were saying before, we’ll both have to make more of an effort from now on. And it’s not just down to you. I will, too.’
He kissed the top of my head and gave me a last squeeze. Crisis over – time to get back to the rogan josh before it cooled down too much.
‘I tell you what set me off thinking,’ he said, sitting back down. ‘It was seeing you come in last night after seeing your mate. You were all sparkly eyed and happy. It made me wish that I could make you so happy, all the time. So—’
‘You do make me happy,’ I put in quickly. It was just that I’d been shagged senseless in a bubble bath by Mark and had about twenty orgasms, that was all.
I didn’t tell him that bit, obviously. Pushed Mark out of my mind again before the anger started rising up inside me.
‘So,’ he went on, ignoring me, ‘I’ve booked us a table at Humbugs on Saturday night. I’ve already asked your mum, who said she would babysit, no problem. And then there’s Cat and Tom’s leaving do the Friday after that. And then it’s your birthday weekend and I’ve booked us in at a hotel in Brighton, on the seafront.’ His voice was gruff with pride. ‘We’ll just have to keep arranging lots of things to look forward to, Sade. I know money’s a bit tight, but . . .’
I leaned across the table and kissed him, trying not to get curry all over my front. ‘You are a lovely, lovely man,’ I told him. ‘And I love you very, very much. And I’m very lucky to have caught the catch. Thank you.’
‘’S all right,’ he said magnanimously. He forked a mouthful of lamb into his mouth and then raised his glass. ‘Cheers to us,’ he said.
‘Cheers to us,’ I said, raising mine. That was twice in two evenings now that I had toasted my relationships with two different men. I felt about as hypocritical as it was possible to feel.
Dear Dan,
The 27th sounds great. Looking forward to strutting my stuff to ‘New York, New York’ in between cheese and pineapple on sticks. Oh, and looking forward to seeing you as well. Shall I meet you there?
Love Sadie x
The new, improved, making-an-effort Alex was turning out to be pretty bloody good actually. On Saturday afternoon, he looked after the kids so I could go and get my hair cut for the first time since Nathan had been born. On Saturday night, he took me to Humbugs, the nicest vegetarian restaurant in the world, and made me laugh all night, then took me home and made sweet, sweet love to me. On Sunday morning, he got up with the kids so I could have a lie-in.
By Monday evening, I was feeling like the most ungrateful woman on the planet as I put on my faux running gear to meet Mark. I was also feeling confused about the lying issue. I had decided, in the end, after many hours feeling angry and then bruised and then plain old curious about the reasons for the lie, that Julia must have misled Mark about the staff whereabouts last Friday. Maybe she’d been in Covent Garden with someone who sounded a bit like Natasha. Sasha, say. Or Natalie. And Mark had told me that and I’d just heard Natasha because . . .
Well, something like that anyway. It could have happened. It sounded plausible to me.
Alex gave my bottom a friendly squeeze as I passed him on my way out. ‘You know, all this running is really paying off,’ he said. ‘Your legs definitely look leaner.’
‘Do you think so?’ I asked, feeling a rush of guilt. Running didn’t get a look in any more. If anything was making my legs lean, it was the contortions Mark bent me into. The frantic sex, the nervous energy and bucketloads of adrenaline.
‘Definitely,’ he said. ‘Didn’t I always say I was right about—?’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘You might have mentioned it. Listen, I’m going to meet up with Anna again afterwards so I’ll probably be a bit late, OK?’
He kissed me and I wanted to push him away. No, don’t believe me, I’m an evil lying slut, Alex, I felt like shouting. Walk away from me while you can. You deserve better.
‘Have a good one,’ he said.
‘Thanks,’ I said miserably. ‘I will.’
I started running down our road towards Mark’s office as usual, but then a car pulled up alongside me a few hundred yards from our house.
‘Jump in,’ he said.
‘Hello,’ I said. ‘Where are we going tonight?’
‘Just a pub,’ he told me, kissing my mouth tenderly. ‘The Duke of Devonshire. Do you know it?’
‘No,’ I said happily, doing up my seat belt. I loved going to new places. Especially with the prospect of sex with Mark at the end of it.
He was driving a familiar route. ‘Hey,’ I said after a while. ‘We’re in Balham.’
‘Yeah, and . . . ?’ He sounded amused. ‘Is that a problem?’
Lizzie. With my luck, I’d probably bump into her, right here on her home turf. ‘Well, one of my sisters lives here,’ I said. He parked the car in a side street, and I looked around uneasily as if she was about to jump up at my window any second, a frown under that fair fringe as she took in who I was with. A man? Who isn’t Alex? What IS she doing?
He was unclipping his seat belt, sliding the keys from the ignition. Then he looked across at me. ‘What, you want to go somewhere else?’
‘No-o-o,’ I said. I thought quickly. ‘No. She won’t be out on a Monday night. She’s got a little boy. No, this’ll be fine.’
The Duke of Devonshire was the kind of pub I liked: not too flashy or cool or chintzy. Not full of drug dealers and over-friendly alkies either. Just a normal pub with a good jukebox and big pine tables and benches. Perfect.
‘What do you want to drink?’ I asked, pulling my purse out.
‘Better make it a half, as I’m driving,’ he said. ‘Half of bitter. I thought we could have a quick drink here then go and find somewhere unusual to have amazing sex. What do you reckon?’
I blushed. ‘Mark, have we ever done it somewhere that isn’t unusual?’ I joked. He was having his knicker-melting-lust effect on me, as always. One look at that amazing mouth was enough to start me off.
‘You’ve got a point,’ he said, his eyes crinkling with amusement.
I went to the bar. For once, I didn’t want something alcoholic. I’d been up half the night with Nathan, whose first tooth was indeed coming through, and I was feeling light-headed with tiredness. Plus, Alex had been right about how much we’d both been drinking. I felt the need for some time off the booze. So grapefruit juice it was going to be.
While I was waiting to be served, I had the distinct feeling I was being watched. Well, I knew Mark would be watching me; I was already leaning slightly forward, elbows on the bar, bottom sticking out just a fraction, as I knew it would be tormenting him. He seemed to have a thing about me bending over, but anyway . . . No, I knew that he was looking at me, but I sensed that someone else was, too, from a different direction.
I cast my eyes stealthily about. Nobody on my right had noticed me. And on the left . . .
There. I saw her. Brown eyes looking inquiringly across from the left, where the bar turned a corner. I knew that face. How did I know that face?
She lifted a hand in acknowledgement, smiled a brief smile. And then I knew. Oh fuck, then I knew, all right. It was Caroline from Lizzie’s sodding book group. Bollocking bollock shit fuck. Caroline, of the cropped hair and freckles. Caroline who was bound to report back to Lizzie, ‘Oh, I saw your sister in the Duke the other night. Sadie, is it?’ The cat was so going to be out of the bag now. I was toast.
I waved back, a frozen grin on my face. Don’t come over, I thought. Don’t come over. Please don’t come over.
She was coming over.
‘Hiya,’ she said. ‘I thought it was you. How are things?’
‘Fine, just fine,’ I gabbled. ‘You?’
‘So-so,’ she said, then sighed, a pained expression on her face. ‘Stressing about Claudia’s birthday party actually. You know how it is. I’ve got a face painter and a clown coming, plus I’ve hired a load of fairy costumes for her friends to wear, and . . .’ She pulled a face. ‘It’s a nightmare, isn’t it? Now I’ve just got to sort out a caterer. I don’t suppose you know any, do you?’
‘No, sorry,’ I said. ‘How old is she going to be?’
‘One.’ She was looking wistful. ‘My little baby’s going to be one. I can hardly believe it. It’s gone so fast. Simply whizzed by. Only seems a few minutes ago that I was holding her for the first time.’
‘I know what you mean,’ I said, automatically tuning into mum mode, although I was still trying not to giggle at the thought of a one-year-old having a catered fairy party complete with face painter and clown. Such a shame that she would have absolutely no memory of it whatsoever. ‘My youngest is six months now and I don’t know where the time has gone.’
‘Hello there.’
I turned to see Mark behind me. He was smiling at Caroline. ‘I should have known she’d be chatting to somebody,’ he was saying to her. ‘Sadie manages to make friends with everyone. I’m Mark, by the way.’
‘Caroline,’ she told him, smiling back at him, holding out a hand.
I felt a twinge of something – fear? irritation? – that Mark had invited himself into the conversation and, even worse, told her his name. ‘Mark is an old friend,’ I said quickly. Don’t tell Lizzie about Mark, I willed Caroline. Whatever you do, don’t tell Lizzie!
‘Oh, right,’ she said. ‘I thought you two were . . .’
Mark had put an arm around me. ‘What, you think we make a good couple?’ His voice was light but his grip felt uncomfortable.
I faked a laugh and stepped out of his embrace. What was he playing at now?
Caroline looked at me, unsure of the right thing to say.
‘Mark, don’t be daft,’ I said. Bloody hell. Why had we come to bloody Balham of all places? ‘Anyway, nice to see you again, Caroline,’ I said firmly. Enough was enough. ‘Are you going to the next book group meeting?’
‘Yes, I should think so. The book looks rather . . .’ She lowered her voice, obviously concerned that Margaret’s spies would be out in the pub too. ‘Rather dull, but I’ll give it a go.’
‘See you then, then,’ I smiled, as brightly as I could. Now push off and forget we ever had this conversation, I thought, through gritted teeth.
She pushed off obediently and I gave Mark a hard look. ‘What was all that for?’ I asked.
‘What?’
‘You know. All that “Do you think we make a good couple?” stuff. It just made you look really weird, you know. Suspicious.’
He seemed amused rather than repentant. ‘I was just being friendly,’ he replied.
I kept staring at him with my best Paddington Bear stare until he looked away. There was friendly, yeah, and there was trying to screw things up for me. I was starting to think he was bent on the latter. ‘Let’s go,’ I said. ‘I don’t really want to stay here any more. Can we go now?’
‘OK,’ he said, still with that amused, unruffled air. ‘If you want to. I don’t think she thought anything of it, us being here, two friends meeting in a pub, but . . .’ He shrugged. It’s your problem, Sadie. ‘I don’t mind going straight to the main course tonight, if that’s what you want.’ He leaned in closer to me. ‘I’ve got a whole box of condoms with your name on it, Ms Morrison.’
He seemed so unmoved by the whole episode that I was starting to feel a little foolish. Had I made too much out of it? Maybe it wasn’t such a big deal. Caroline would have better things to talk to Lizzie about, after all, than bumping into me. She’d been so fixated by her baby’s Beckham-style party plans that I was small potatoes.
‘Come on, then,’ I said, pulling him along in an attempt at jollity. ‘I’ll show you my etchings and you can show me your condoms.’
By the middle of the week, I was starting to glow with smugness. ‘Blimey, look at you,’ Anna said when she came round for lunch with her kids. ‘You look absolutely amazing. You’ve lost weight. And you practically reek of wonderful sex.’
I smirked and put the kettle on. The girls had gone upstairs to play shops, and we were in the kitchen with the boys. ‘I’ve got wonderful sex coming out of my ears,’ I said, then giggled. ‘Oops, that sounds a tad dodgy. What I mean is, I’m having wonderful sex with Mark and Alex. I’ve kind of fallen in love with both of them.’
Anna shook her head. ‘I’m trying not to look envious but . . .’ she said. Then she leaned in curiously. ‘I’ve got to ask . . . Aren’t you knackered, though? Honestly, Jamie thinks his luck’s in if we have sex once a week at the moment. I just don’t have the energy for it other than that. And until Theo starts sleeping better, I can’t see me having a rampant sex-life ever again. Let alone with a bit on the side as well.’
‘Yeah, I have to say, I could do with a week of sleep,’ I admitted. ‘Oh, a week of sleep, I would kill for it. I think I’m coasting along on adrenaline. Any day now, there’ll be a crash and I’ll collapse.’ I spooned coffee into the cafetière. ‘But I’m loving it. It’s such a kick. Everything is balanced so brilliantly at the moment. Alex is being a darling, dead sweet and thoughtful. Mark surprises me every time I see him by being so sexy and outrageous. We ended up having a bit of alfresco on Clapham Common the other night.’
Anna snorted in amusement. ‘What, with all the MPs and rent boys?’ she sniggered. ‘Very tasteful, Sadie. It’s every housewife’s dream.’
‘You may scoff,’ I told her, pointing a teaspoon at her, ‘but it was bloody exciting.’
‘And cold and draughty and . . .’ She laughed at the look on my face. ‘Sorry. Ignore me. I’m jealous. I feel like a chaste old spinster next to you.’
I pushed down the plunger on the cafetière and then bent down to rescue Nathan. He’d been sitting up brilliantly for ten minutes or so, examining a particularly fascinating rattle, but had just collapsed sideways unexpectedly on the lino, and was now complaining loudly. ‘All right, babe,’ I said, kissing his hot head. ‘Come and help me make the coffee.’
‘So who will you choose then?’ Anna asked. ‘At the end of it all, who are you going to choose?’
I stared at her and leaned against the side. Now she’d mentioned it, I did feel exhausted. My whole body ached to lie down. ‘Who am I going to choose?’ I repeated. ‘What, between Mark and Alex, you mean?’
‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘I mean, you can’t carry on with both of them for ever. Sooner or later, something’s got to give. One of them will have to
go.’
Her words seemed incredibly callous; I practically flinched. ‘Oh God,’ I said, pulling a face. ‘What an awful question. I can’t bear to think of either of them going. Can’t I choose both of them?’
Anna’s eyes were cool and amused. ‘I doubt it,’ she said. ‘It doesn’t usually work like that, does it?’
Who would I choose? Once Anna had asked the question, it played over and over in my head like a jumping CD. Who would I choose? I kept asking myself, but the answer continued to elude me. I had absolutely no idea. People kept on with affairs for years and years, though, didn’t they? I certainly didn’t have to make any choices right now.
‘It’ll have to be a quick one,’ I announced, arriving at Mark’s office later that evening. ‘Much as I’d like to be ravished by you for hours on end, I really must say goodnight to the kids tonight. They were a bit upset I wasn’t there on Monday apparently.’
‘Sure that’s not just Alex trying to make you feel bad about going out?’ Mark asked.
‘No,’ I said. ‘Look, don’t get all funny on me, I—’
‘How are the kids?’ Mark asked, interrupting me. ‘Nathan got that tooth through yet?’
We were both sitting fully dressed on his sofa. Suddenly, he felt too close for comfort and I had to inch away. ‘Well, no, not yet,’ I said. ‘Why?’
‘Just taking an interest,’ he replied. ‘Your kids are a big thing in your life, I know, and I’m interested, that’s all.’
‘Right,’ I said slowly.
‘So how’s Molly?’ he went on chattily. ‘Is she like you? Who does she look like? I’d love to meet her. Well, both of them obviously.’
I shook my head. ‘I don’t think so,’ I said. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because . . . Because the thing we’ve got going is about me and you and fantastic sex and fancying each other’s pants off,’ I said, as gently as I could. ‘It’s not about my kids.’
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