A great weight had settled in her stomach. Suddenly she retched and dropped to her knees on the tiles as she threw up the tea that she had drunk. She felt lost but it was time to regain control. She must face him, and trust him. She unfolded from her crouch on the floor, steeled herself and splashed cold water onto her face.
Jacob was clearing the dishes, stacking saucers and plates in the machine. As he heard her come back into the kitchen he straightened and turned.
“What do you want to do later? It’ll only take me an hour or so to shift my gear and then we could go out if you like, go for lunch or a drink. Do you think?”
Butterflies fluttered in her belly, now hope soared. “Oh, I hadn’t thought. Are you sure, I mean you’re busy, with the move and so on?”
“Yes, but as I said it won’t take long and I’d like to spend some time with you, today.”
“Tell you what, why not give me a call later, let me know how you are getting on and then we can see what’s best.”
“Great.” He slammed the dishwasher door and as he strode out of the kitchen, hugged her again, a quick squeeze as he passed.
She heard him on the phone speaking to his friend, arranging collection of the boxes and then the click of his bedroom door and the boiler fired as he ran hot water in the bathroom.
He wanted to see her later, to spend time with her. She grinned as her spirits rose again.
She sat at the table and pulled her cooling drink towards her. Did she really need this chaos in her life, her world literally upended, her mind befuddled and emotions in turmoil? Then she remembered the feel of his arms around her, the brush of his lips warm against her skin and the heat of his body beside her in the bed and the answer had to be yes. Where was it leading? She didn’t know; could she stop it? No, not now, she had tasted bliss and she wanted more, much more.
Chapter 22
The house was silent. More than just quiet there was a tension in the air, the empty rooms were filled with vacancy, and the drip of the tap, the tweeting of a bird in the garden were amplified. Mary’s ears strained into the quiet searching for the sound of him above her, in the bathroom, his bedroom, though she knew he wasn’t there.
Jacob had left just minutes since, in the car with his friend. Laughing and waving, making a gesture with his hand, thumb and little finger extended, I’ll phone you. She had turned from the drive, made her way back inside and closed the door, locking herself into the emptiness.
After her husband had died, when the undertaker had been and quietly taken him outside, sliding the wheeled trolley into the back of the black van, people had been there. There was the doctor, her sister, the neighbours. It had been overwhelming and Mary had slunk upstairs into the newly cleared room to sit quietly on the clean bed cover and feel Bill all around her. The sick smell was still there and the pills on the bed table spoke of his struggle but beside that there was a memory of him when he was whole and strong and she had grasped at it in her grief and it had helped. Now there was no family, no embarrassed awkward neighbour, just a void and the spaces where Jacob had been.
She climbed the stairs and pushed through the door into the guest room which had returned to its former status, waiting for a visitor who would probably never come. The bathroom was still warm and humid from his last use of it and the towels were damp, she lifted one to her face and inhaled the scent of him. He wasn’t dead, he had left for a while and she would see him later. He was going to call and they would meet, but right now the absence of Jacob was an assault to her senses. Two weeks he had lived with her, two days he had been her lover and she felt hollow and raw and forlorn, an old word but so perfect for the sense of total abandonment that his going had left. She felt the tears on her cheeks before she was aware that she had shed them and the sob that gasped its way from her throat was a shock.
She must keep control. She must trust him to call as he had promised.
In a flurry of activity she gathered up the towels and sheets and began to move his debris, the mark of his presence, and thrust them into the washing machine. She thumped back upstairs with the vacuum cleaner and a box of polish and dusting cloths. Next was an assault on the windows, spraying the artificially scented fluid onto the glass. She ran through to her own room and turned on the radio, loud, and then back to scour the bathroom, spray polish on the furniture and clean the carpets. She would make the house as it was, she would reclaim her spaces.
How she came, sometime later, to be sitting on the floor in the corner of the guest room she couldn’t say but there she was. He was going to call, he said so. She ran through to the other room and picked up the handset, the dial tone mocked her. He would call, he had only been gone an hour, maybe two.
But what then, when they had met, had a meal and a few drinks, what then? Would he leave her in town, bring her home, would he expect her to go back to his shared rooms? This was madness, she wasn’t a young girl, a student. She couldn’t go out on a date with Jacob and then leave him with a kiss in a darkened doorway, a promise to call in the week. Women of her age didn’t behave like this, they just didn’t.
The phone rang and she scuttered to her room banging her leg on the corner of the bed in her haste.
“Hello.” Her heart was pounding.
“Hi there, it’s me.”
“Jane?”
“Yeah, hey sorry who were you expecting?”
“Oh, sorry no. I just didn’t think it would be you. Sorry, I banged my leg. Hi, how are you?”
“I’m good, yeah fine. I wondered if you were busy.”
“Busy?”
“Yes, I wondered if you could do me a favour.”
“Oh, erm. Well yes of course. If I can.”
“My blasted car has to go into the garage and Alan has gone to his mother’s. Could you give me a lift back do you think?”
“Oh, I don’t – well, I mean, what time?”
“Now really, look it’s okay if you’re busy. I know it’s short notice and all, but you’re not usually busy at the weekend and I thought maybe we could pop into town after and have a bite – my treat, and then you could take me back. They said it was only a little job, just a couple of hours. Don’t ask me about it ‘cos I have no idea.”
“Thing is though, I was going to erm, do some stuff, well maybe, I wasn’t sure.” She couldn’t think what to say. Why was that, why not just tell Jane, ‘sorry I’m meeting someone’? Her stomach flipped, her throat had dried. “Yes, of course I will, of course. Come on over and then I’ll follow you to the place. Yes, that’s fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course, yes, it’s fine.”
“Brilliant. See you in about twenty minutes then. You’re a pal.”
Mary replaced the hand set and sat staring at the grey plastic; her mind was empty, her senses were numb.
Now what was she going to do?
Chapter 23
“Right, where do you want to go for lunch?” Jane slid into the passenger seat and clicked on her seat belt. “They said that I can pick the car up about four o’ clock, that’s okay isn’t it?”
Mary’s heart sank. The whole afternoon taken up with this favour and no chance to contact Jacob. She had hoped that he might ring as she sat and waited in the car park of the garage but no matter how hard she had stared at her mobile it had remained resolutely silent. Now they were heading into town and lunch and the shops. She didn’t want to shop, didn’t believe it would be possible to eat or to sit and chat with Jane with her mind so much in another place. She forced a smile, “Yes, ‘course that’s fine. Are we going to the town centre or would you prefer the mall, have you got anything specific you want?”
“No, no I just thought a bit of window shopping, some lunch and a good old natter. I haven’t seen you for ages.”
“No, well okay. So how about the Bistro then?”
“Yeah, great. So, what have you been up to?”
As the car turned out of the parking place and into the road, Mary’s mob
ile tweeted. Before she had a chance to react Jane had grabbed it from the little hollow in the dashboard. “It’s a text, shall I read it to you? It’s from someone called Jacob.”
“NO! Oh sorry, heh where did that come from, sorry.”
“Oh well excuse me.” Jane replaced the phone with a clatter, “I was only trying to help.”
“Yes, yes, of course you were, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to shout. It’s this traffic; it’s reminded me why I get the bus into town.”
Her friend didn’t answer and an atmosphere of pique and offense settled in the little car. “Really, I’m sorry Jane, I didn’t mean to shout. Anyway, yes could you have a look for me, see what it says.” It wasn’t what she wanted. Not in a million years did she want Jane reading her text from Jacob but couldn’t bear the atmosphere and so compromised and mentally crossed her fingers that it would be bland, non-specific.
“Well, if you’re sure.” Her friend’s inquisitiveness overrode the slight and in moments the phone was back in her hand bipping and squeaking as she opened the text folder.
“Hello lovely lady. Sorry 2 b late. Can we meet l8ter? xx”
For the first time in her life Mary fully understood the term “a pregnant pause” neither of them spoke. Jane slid the phone back into its home on the dash.
“Right, so. Jacob?” She waited, Mary could feel the heat spreading from her neck and into her cheeks.
“Yes. He’s a friend. Actually, I hadn’t realised how long it is since I’d seen you. This all happened since the last time.” It wasn’t strictly true but she was thinking on her feet, trying to find her way out of the sudden maze. “He - stayed with me, just for a couple of weeks. Moved out today as a matter of fact, this morning, just before you rang. He wanted to take me out for a meal – just a thank you sort of thing.”
“Lovely lady?” Jane had crossed her arms and turned her head to stare at the side of Mary’s blushing face. “Lovely lady?” she repeated.
“Heh. Yes, idiot, he started calling me that. He was stuck, you see, for a bed. He had to get out of the place he was in and his new place wasn’t available ‘til today and so I put him up. He was grateful, you see, so that’s why – Lovely lady. A bit daft but, well you know, nice in a way as well.”
“So, who is he then? Somebody from work?”
“No, not from work. He’s just a friend.”
“What, a friend of Bill’s?”
“No, you know, just a friend, somebody I met.”
“Well, where did you meet him, you never go anywhere?”
“Oh thanks for that.”
“No, no you know what I mean, you don’t go many places where you would meet men do you? Sorry that came out wrong.”
“Tell you what, let’s get to the Bistro and then I’ll tell you all about it yeah?”
“Oh, don’t feel you have to, I don’t want to be nosey.” Of course she did, it was obvious there was going to be no way to avoid this conversation. Mary had bought a little time, a space to get her thoughts straight but she was overwhelmed by the need to respond to the text…
As soon as they had been seated in the restaurant Mary made a dash for the ladies. Inside the cubicle she opened the message. She typed quickly –
Sorry. Was driving. Would love to meet you but I am in town with Jane. Sudden plan. Can I call you later on? – Send.
She waited for a while but when it became clear that he wasn’t going to respond at once she had to make her way back to where Jane was reading the menu and ordering sparkling water and bread and dips. “Do you want a drink? I wasn’t sure with us both driving later.”
“No, no absolutely. Water will be fine. Have you decided what you’re eating?”
“Hmm – pasta. I thought I’d have a proper lunch. Alan won’t be back tonight so I didn’t want to cook.”
“Right. Well I think I might just have a salad.”
“Oh yes, you’ve got a date.” The comment was followed by a sharp laugh.
“Well no, but if I do meet him I suppose we might eat, so –”
The phone pipped at them. Mary dragged it from her pocket.
Ok. Call me. Am free now. Go out or takeaway. Up to you. Xxx
“Don’t mind me. Answer it if you want to.” Jane had returned to her study of the menu looking annoyed. Mary would normally refuse to text or talk on the phone at table but she couldn’t help herself.
Takeaway great. Home by about six at the latest. Come round after that. X
Before there was any chance of a reply she made a show of pushing the phone into the bottom of her bag.
“So, come on then. You said you’d tell me all about it. Who is this mystery man?”
“Well he’s just someone who was stuck for a room as I said. I put him up in my spare and now he’s gone and just wanted to take me out to say thank you. That’s about it really.”
“So, how come you’re beetroot red and you’ve shredded that napkin?” She glanced down and was horrified to see the tissue in pieces on the table.
“Oh crumbs, I didn’t know I was doing that.”
Jane reached across the cloth and laid a hand over Mary’s. “Hey, it’s okay you know. If you’ve met someone I’m glad for you. You don’t have to hide it from me. You’re still young you should meet more people.” With a final squeeze of her fingers she then let go and reached for the chilled water.
“That’s so nice Jane. Thank you.”
“So, what’s he like then?”
“He’s really sweet.”
“And where did you meet him?”
“Oh, well it’s a bit embarrassing to be honest. I fell over and he helped me and then he came into work purely by chance and well that was how I found out, about his flat and so on. Well actually no that’s not right but anyway I met him again on the bus and that was when he told me about his room and so I said that I had a spare.”
“So how long ago was this then?”
“As I said round about the last time I saw you.”
“And you didn’t know him before that?”
“No.”
“Oh crumbs, I mean. Well, don’t you think that was a bit, well, a bit irresponsible?”
“Irresponsible. Oh I suppose it was in a way but he is so lovely and I just never had any worry about it. I do understand what you mean but it wasn’t like it seems. Well, he’s not, oh I don’t know the word, threatening. He’s not threatening, he’s so nice.”
“But if you didn’t know anything about him it was a bit soon.”
“Yes, yes I know but he’s so young.” It was out before she realised what she was about to say, so very keen to paint him in a good light she had let slip the one thing that was worrying her.
“Young?”
“Yes, he’s only young, he’s twenty, well twenty one to be accurate.”
“Oh, crikey. Oh I’m so sorry Mary I bet you thought I was being mean. I didn’t realise. The way you were and then that Lovely Lady thing – I thought you were having a bit of a thing. Oh I’m sorry, I jumped to a conclusion.”
“No, no it’s fine.” She was going to get away with it, wasn’t she?
She would have done if the phone hadn’t pinged right then and the glass hadn’t been so close, and as she grabbed her bag and spilt the water and tried to rescue the whole thing with shaking hands, the ensuing chaos said more about her mental state then any outright confession would have done.
Chapter 24
When the spilled water had been cleared and the table tidied Mary looked at her friend and knew that now was the time to face the music and get the situation out into the open. She took a deep breath, steadied her nerve.
“Actually Jane, I am, I mean we are – we did, you know – what you said.”
“How old did you say he was?”
“He’s twenty one.” As she said it Mary raised her eyes and looked at Jane directly, she didn’t blink and though her heart was pounding she kept her gaze steady and her hands curled in her lap.
“Twen
ty one. He’s twenty one – Christ.” Jane swallowed hard, her eyes were popping, her mouth gaped. “He’s a kid, Mary he’s a kid. Tell me you’re making it up. Please tell me it’s not true.”
Mary held her peace as she watched Jane process the information. “You have got to be kidding me, you let a boy, that’s what he is, a boy, you let him come and live with you. A kid you didn’t know and then, then – No. Are you really telling me that you had sex with him? Oh, I don’t believe this. How could you? What were you thinking? Mary tell me it’s not true.”
“It is true. I met him; he came to stay with me. I was drawn to him, I couldn’t help it and then when he, well when we – oh it wasn’t like you’re making it out to be. It was wonderful. He is wonderful.”
“No, no stop there. I don’t want to hear any more. I can’t believe this, I’m sorry Mary, I really am but I don’t think I can talk about this with you. I’m shocked. You’re old enough to be his mother, his mother. Oh – yuk, it’s as if I slept with one of Millie’s friends. It’s not right, it’s – well yes, it’s disgusting.” Jane leaned down and picked up her bag.
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t know, I can’t stay here with you. You appal me.” And then it came, the final thrust. “Just exactly what do you think Bill would have said, eh, your husband, how do you think he would have reacted? Well, I thought I knew you, but I was wrong I would never have believed it, never in a million years. It’s horrible.” With that she pushed back the chair and flounced from the little restaurant leaving Mary with tears rolling down her face, hands shaking and bile rising in her throat. As she bent to retrieve her things the phone pinged again.
See you later? xx
She ran out of the building and down the front of the shops towards the car park. Her mind was in turmoil. Jane had vocalised all the thoughts that she had been trying to quell, had opened the Pandora’s Box of fear and guilt. She reached the car park but her feet carried her on down the road, on and on, blindly away from the awful scene, on and on thrusting between Saturday shoppers and loitering teens anywhere that was away from what had just happened.
PICTURES OF YOU: a gripping psychological suspense thriller Page 6