“No, no of course not.” She had to get away. The softness that had flooded his eyes just a short while ago had been replaced by a fierce glare. One wrong move and the repercussions would be very dire indeed.
“Okay, okay. Let me dry my hair, you go and make us a cup of tea.”
He stood and with a small glance backwards left the room; she pushed the door closed. She grabbed up her handbag and rootled inside for her mobile but of course when she found the little device it refused to fire up. Because it had been kept turned off, to avoid his persistent calls and texts, she had forgotten to keep it charged. “Damn it.” She threw the innocent gadget onto the bed.
Maybe if she could get downstairs without him knowing, she could get through the front door and possibly into the road and run next door. She dragged on a track suit and socks, her shoes were in the cupboard downstairs. No matter, she would go barefoot if she had to, the main thing was to get away.
The stairs were carpeted and on tiptoe she took the first few nervous steps down. He was in the kitchen running water, clattering in the cupboards. The noise was a blessing covering her progress.
Halfway down and she clung to the banister rail and leaned over to peer into the room at the end of the hallway. She couldn’t see him. It didn’t matter, the front door was within reach, five more steps and she would be in the hall.
Now, now, a flurry and rush and she was there the latch under her quivering hands, she was getting out, getting away. She dragged at the door – blast it, blast it, the deadlock was on. She leaned to release the catch.
“What are you doing?” He was behind her, standing in the kitchen doorway staring down the narrow space. His face was frozen in a frown, his words were ice, she turned and at once understood that right now at this moment she was in more danger than ever before in her life.
Chapter 63
Never before had Mary truly understood how air could be suffused with threat, she had believed that to be a myth, until now.
Jacob took his hand from the kitchen door frame and straightened. He was coming for her. The door was at her back, the deadlock still fastened. If she took the risk she would be turned from him as he approached. The length of the hallway was perhaps ten steps for a man of his height. How long would that give her?
“Jacob, you’re frightening me. You’re making me really scared. Stay there, please don’t come any closer.”
“Where are you going? I have the kettle on. We’re going to have a drink and a nice talk. We’re going to sort all this out. Why are you trying to run away? Oh come on, surely that little slap isn’t the cause of all this. Anyway I said I was sorry, you know that. Come on now. You have to come in the kitchen with me.”
He had taken two or three steps but no more and now he stood with his hand raised towards her the palm upward in a gesture of supplication.
“Jacob, you need to understand. What you’re calling a little slap, what you are dismissing so easily, it was a terrible thing. Surely you know that, you must. No one has ever raised their hand to me. It is never okay to do that. Look, please, just let me go.”
“Oh that’s all modern nonsense Mary. I know we’re all supposed to pretend that it doesn’t happen but – well – of course it does. My dad – oh look let’s not get into that. Let’s just say that I know how things really are, in families, between men and women, dads and their kids. I know that sometimes things get a bit silly and at the end of the day someone has to be in charge, it’s not rocket science. Someone has to be in control. I trusted you, I thought you cared about me and well,” he shrugged, “you let me down. So you see, what else could I do, okay I flew off the handle but it was understandable, wasn’t it? All I was doing was making a point.”
“No, no that’s not right, that’s not the way it is. In normal homes, normal relationships that’s not the way it is.”
He took the next steps, and shook his head. The heavy fringe that she had so loved flopped into his eyes; he pushed it back across his frowning forehead. “Look Mary, we can argue about this till the cows come home but we don’t need to. Let’s just agree that it was all an unfortunate misunderstanding and we’ll try not to let it happen again and then we can get back to where we were.”
“No, there is no way I can do that. I can’t be with someone who is violent, I just can’t.”
“Me, violent? I’m not violent, don’t be ridiculous.”
An answer simply would not form in her mouth. As it became clear just how truly disturbed he was her mind was in turmoil. She could tell him that she knew about Chloe, but how could she? The girl had paid her price and Mary would do nothing to extract more from her. She could ask him why he had a film of her naked body sleeping, but then she would be involving Judy. There was nothing more in her arsenal, she had no way to rescue him from the influences of his past. It was all beyond her, she couldn’t cope. She wanted to curl into a ball and howl like a child.
She slid to the floor and lowered her pounding head between bent knees.
He was here. The heat of his body and the smell of him and the sound of him breathing caused her heart to somersault and her stomach to clench. She believed she may throw up from the effects of pure panic. Strong hands wrapped around hers pulling her arms from where they shielded her head.
“Come on now, stand up. Let’s stop all this nonsense.”
Chapter 64
She began to believe that he wasn’t going to hurt her, not now. Perhaps the moment of danger had passed.
He held her to him, his strength was comforting. His mouth teased at the lobe of an ear and tracked down now brushing her neck. Hands stroked her back as his lips found hers, soft and searching and oh so wonderful. As she felt the warmth of his kiss gentling her mouth quisling instincts softened her lips and parted them to the heat of his passion. The stress and tension of the last days had made her weak, she craved solace. It would be the easiest thing in the world to lean against him and surrender to the moment, the bliss and the beauty; to let go of all the worry and just be with him.
The kiss became more urgent, his embrace tightened and in a blink the moment shattered. Mary panicked. What was she thinking? He had struck her, betrayed her and could not be trusted, there was no way that this should be happening. It must not be allowed. She tried to twist her face away from his and to squirm out of the circle of his arms.
“Oh for heaven’s sake. You stupid woman.” He had leaned back, just a little and now glared at her with eyes hardened by impatience. “What is the matter with you? For Pete’s sake.”
“Let me go, just let me go and get out of my house. I don’t trust you, I don’t want you in my life anymore.” The bravery was formed partly of panic and partly of anger at herself for the brief instant of weakness. Her voice was shrill and from somewhere came the strength to push him backwards and twist away from his grip.
It was a small victory, the door was still at her back and his bulk blocked any hope she had of gaining the relative freedom of the hallway.
They were locked in a moment of high tension. He would not move and she could not. Mary didn’t dare to speak and Jacob shook his head in frustration. He breathed heavily, snorting air through his nostrils, the tender lips had hardened now into a thin line. She was terribly aware at the change in his demeanour. As his arms withdrew she saw his fists clench, the fire in his eyes deepened to a blaze of anger.
She had to get away, must escape this mounting fury. A small step to the side may give her a chance to duck away from him and to run, but as she made the attempt he simply stretched his arms wider and barred her way.
He was looking at her now puzzlement drawing lines on his brow. He rocked back on his heels and again shook his head. “It’s amazing how wrong you can be, isn’t it? Lovely lady, that’s what you were to me, I thought you were real and now look. There's nothing lovely about you, is there Mary? You’re just another traitorous bloody female. I don’t know why I bother, you know. I keep falling for it, making a fool of myself; keep g
iving myself and every time, every time this happens.” As he spoke, his voice rose in power and tempo until now he was screaming at her. He drew back his arm and launched his fist inches above her head. “Damn it, damn it.”
Mary screamed as the stud wall rattled under the force of his blow. “Oh shut up, just shut up.” He reached now, too quickly for her to dodge and grabbed her shoulder. “Listen to you squealing and carrying on, I didn’t hurt you did I, did I?” She tried to speak but terror had stolen her voice and so she shook her head. “No, no, see it’s all in your mind, all of this. It’s you isn’t it?” He bent, his face an inch from hers and she felt the spray of saliva as he hissed at her.
“I’m sorry,” she had managed a whisper.
“What, what did you say?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry, oh now you’re sorry. Now you’ve spoiled everything, now you’ve done this, made me so angry – now you’re sorry.”
She nodded and then gasped as his hand found her throat. He had her now backed against the wall, his breath hot on her face. One hand was resting against the damaged wall the other tightening the grip on her neck, cutting off her ability to breathe.
“Christ, Bloody hell. Mary.” The scream came from somewhere outside of this tiny circle of horror. She knew the voice but not how it could be here. As he tightened his grip yet more she thought her mind had played a trick. Darkness hovered at the edge of her mind then she saw him turn and a blessed relaxation of his hold on her allowed precious air into her screaming lungs. The darkness receded and she could hear the yelling again, clearer now and real. “Jacob, what are you doing? Let her go, let her go!” He spun around as a whirling, screeching dervish threw itself at him clawing and yelling and thumping. Mary slid down the wall as Jacob raised his hands to protect himself from the slapping and thumping that Judy was delivering to his face and head.
“What the hell are you doing here, Judy? Look this is nothing to do with you, this is between me and Mary. Anyway where did you come from? Shit stop it, stop it.”
Now the skinny demon that once had been Judy reached and snatched up a lamp from the hall table, she came towards him swinging the heavy metal and screaming. In the strange nether world that Mary inhabited noise and movement spun around her as Judy landed blow after blow on his shoulders and arms. If she had been strong enough to heft the lamp at his head then the consequences would have been more devastating but as it was he whirled away from her and ran through the hallway.
Judy dropped to the carpet and threw her arms around the shaking and sobbing figure of Mary and they heard him rattling the locks and flinging the door back on its hinges. As she rocked the other woman, gently crooning words of comfort, heavy footsteps pounded up the drive and then there came the rattle of the gate.
“How are you here? Where did you come from?” Mary’s voice was ragged, through the sobbing and gasping. She clutched at Judy who helped her up and led her slowly into the living room where she wrapped a throw around the shaking shoulders and then sat beside her on the settee holding her close and rocking her gently.
“I was worried about you and so I came back and when I saw that the side gate was open I knew something was wrong. I went round to the kitchen. The window is open and I could hear the yelling, I climbed in. God Mary, what the hell are you going to do now?”
Chapter 65
There was no question of going to bed. Mary wondered if she would ever sleep again. She could still feel the shadow of his hand around her neck and over and over the ghastly choking feeling tightened her throat.
“Can you stay Judy, I know it’s a lot to ask but can you stay with me tonight? I don’t want to be on my own.”
“I wouldn’t dream of going anywhere else.”
“You can use the guest room, if you’re tired. I’m going to sit here for a while.” Her voice quivered and Judy leaned to her again and squeezed her shoulders.
“Or, we could work on the programme.”
Mary was motionless, barely breathing, staring into the dimly lit room. After a minute she gulped. “We could couldn’t we? Judy do you think that’s what we should do?”
“Well, you don’t want to call the police.” Mary shook her head.
“No, I couldn’t bear it. The fuss and the embarrassment, everyone knowing. I know that maybe I should but I just can’t, I think it would just make it all so much worse.”
“Well, in that case it’s back to square one isn’t it? Drive him out, disgrace him and if possible screw up his degree submission. It’s just about ready you know. If we get to it now we can finish it in a couple of hours and then by morning it could be out there.”
“What about Chloe?”
“I’ll send her a text but really there isn’t going to be too much for her to worry about. I don’t think anyone will know who she is. Unless you were here at the time and were close to her it would be very difficult to piece it together and there are only a couple of us who know what happened and we’re going to protect her as best we can.
“You though, well, you’re still here. There are a few people in his house who know you and Jacob have a thing going on. Some of them have guessed about your relationship and they are going to know, I don’t think there’s any way to avoid it. We can blank out your eyes and so on but I think you have to be prepared for the fact that people will guess. You say you don’t want the police here because it’ll all become common knowledge but you know, it’s going to be out there even if we do it this way.”
“Yes, yes, I know. I did hope that we could do this without revealing who I was but I realised a while ago that it probably isn’t possible. The thing is though, doing it this way I don’t have to convince anyone. You were here tonight, you saw my face before; what he did. I don’t have to stand in front of a judge and tell a jury what he did and hope they believe me. I know if it came to that I’d wimp out. I know they’d look at me and think I was a desperate middle aged woman throwing herself at a young man. He is lovely-looking you have to admit. He is handsome and he seems kind. That’s one of the worst things about all this you know. He is kind, and gentle and funny.” She started to sob and Judy sat beside her holding her hand while she allowed the grief to drip down her cheeks and soak the fabric of her dressing gown.
“Let’s do it, let’s just see if this can work and then maybe I can have my life back.”
They powered up the computer and polished and tweaked the damning evidence ready to launch it on the college Intranet the next morning. Mary dragged herself into the kitchen to make them hot chocolate and toast which she then couldn’t eat because of the soreness in her throat.
As the dawn crept across the sky and birds argued and gossiped in the trees outside, they pressed the key. Such a small action. They hugged, a warm, sisterly embrace and then settled down, Judy in the big armchair and Mary on the couch. They covered themselves with duvets and they waited.
Chapter 66
The smell of toast and coffee dragged Mary from her sleep, she felt stiff and sore, her throat hurt and there was deep, shocked sadness like a lump of cold dough in her chest.
Judy was busy in the kitchen and the radio played quietly in the background. She threw the duvet to the floor and creaked and groaned her way to the breakfast table.
“How are you? I hope you don’t mind, I made us some coffee and toast or would you rather have tea?”
“No, coffee’s brilliant. Thanks so much, there’s jam in the fridge.”
“Right, so how are you feeling?”
“I don’t know to be honest. I ache a bit and my throat hurts when I swallow but I just feel so sad. It’s like someone came and stole all the light and colour, I just feel sort of grey, I can’t think of any other way to put it.”
“Hey, you need to be strong Mary. You can’t let yourself drift into depression; if you do he’s done even more damage to you. It’s going to be over soon and you can put it into a mental box. I know you won’t forget but you can make it part of your histo
ry, but you mustn’t let it define who you are, don’t become a victim.”
“How did you get to be so wise?”
“Well, to be honest there is history in my family of this sort of thing. I don’t intend to talk about it and it wasn’t personal but I’ve seen it before and you have to be strong.”
“Is that why you came to see me, because of your family?”
“Partly yes, I admit that when I saw you with him I felt obliged to warn you. I didn’t do a very good job of it in the end did I?”
“You did what you could and I’ll always be grateful. I think if you hadn’t come last night he might actually have killed me you know.” As the words left her mouth Mary felt her fingers start to shake and she wrapped them around the warmth of the coffee mug to still the quivering.
“I have never come across anything like this. Oh yes at work I’ve seen people who have been beaten, women with black eyes and bruises, but I would never have believed it could happen to me. My husband could no more have hit me, or anyone for that matter, than fly.
“It has made me look at so many things differently. I realise now how precious peace and security are, how just ordinary can actually be enough. On top of that though it’s made me maybe want to do something, you know maybe see if I can help.”
“I can give you some numbers if you like? I have contacts at some of the women’s refuges.”
“That’d be great. When this is all over I’ll have a word with someone.
“Judy, do you know, what makes them do it? Do you have any idea why someone like Jacob could be so lovely and kind and gentle one minute and then a brutal fiend the next?”
Judy shook her head. “It’s not simple and I think that there are lots of reasons. I think that if children are beaten and mistreated they do often go on to do it themselves as adults but it’s very complicated. I have read some stuff about it but I think each case has to be judged individually.”
PICTURES OF YOU: a gripping psychological suspense thriller Page 17