“No,” she agreed, “but you could have told me.”
“I thought it best not to bring him up,” Jack said with a shrug of his shoulders. He took a sip of his coffee.
“I’m sorry,” Pierce said, looking from one to the other, “but who’s Billy?”
Sarah didn’t answer. Neither did Jack. Eventually it was Thomas who said, “He’s Sarah’s ex-boyfriend.”
Something about Thomas’s tone suggested he didn’t like Billy very much. Pierce chose not to ask any further questions. From the nature of the conversation, he could tell the relationship had been serious and that it had not ended well. There was no point in asking Sarah to explain, especially since he suspected it would pain her to do so. “How about if I come over tomorrow at say…7 p.m.? We’ll watch the movie and then Jack and I will head on down to The Pit. If you feel like joining us, Sarah, you’re welcome to do so. If not, then that’s fine as well. No pressure.”
Relief flooded her features, her eyes filling with gratitude, and in that moment Pierce felt his heart mend a little. By the time he walked the Palmers to their car an hour later, he sensed a connection to them that he hadn’t had to anyone else in a long time. Perhaps it stemmed from the fact that he’d discovered a shared appreciation for Monty Python. Sarah had even managed to recite the dead parrot sketch in a British accent that had made him laugh for the first time since receiving word about Caroline’s diagnosis.
He waved as he watched the car drive away, the small slice of happiness he’d felt with his guests departing with them while snowflakes descended from above. At least he had a plan for tomorrow, he reasoned, as he went back inside and began loading dishes into the dishwasher. He tossed a small piece of left-over meat to Fido who quickly lapped it up and stared at the floor as if waiting for more.
“That’s it,” Pierce told him. “I’m not supposed to spoil you.” It was hard not doing so though when Fido had the most imploring eyes in the world.
Deliberately averting his gaze so he wouldn’t cave in, Pierce spotted the phone that sat on the counter. He reached for it and dialed his parents’ number, not entirely certain of what he wanted to say.
“Hello?” His mother said.
“Hi, Mom. It’s Pierce.”
There was the slightest pause – like the inhalation of breath. “Pierce.” Her voice quivered a little, and he realized then how wrong he’d been not to call them sooner. “How are you?”
“I’m coping,” he said, telling her the truth. “I’m sorry I haven’t been better at keeping in touch, but—”
“You never returned our calls or our emails.”
“Things have been difficult. As you can probably imagine. I…I just needed space for a while. Time to grieve without questions being asked or demands being made.”
“We never—”
“Losing Caroline tore my world apart, Mom. Your insistence that I should come visit didn’t help. It was too much pressure.”
He heard her sigh and could almost see her nodding at the other end. “We just wanted to help.”
“I know. But what I really needed was a new start somewhere far away from the life Caroline and I shared. It hasn’t been easy, but I do think it’s been therapeutic. The nature up here is stunning. You should come see it sometime.”
“I’ll certainly think about it,” his mom said, which meant she probably wouldn’t.
“How’s Dad doing?” Pierce asked.
“Getting older. You know how it is.”
He nodded. “Well, perhaps I can come and see you for Thanksgiving.” It was the guilt talking.
“That would be lovely, Pierce. We’ll look forward to it.”
“All right then. It was nice talking to you, Mom. Say hi to Dad for me.”
“Will do, Pierce.” She hesitated a moment before saying, “You do know we love you, right?”
“I do, Mom. And I love you too.”
After hanging up, Pierce walked through to his bedroom, unsure of how he felt about the call. It had certainly gone better than he’d expected, and he had managed to explain himself to some extent, but he wondered if his mom had actually understood. Shrugging off his sweater, he sat on the edge of the bed and kicked off his shoes.
Glancing at the bedside table, he smiled at Caroline’s picture. “I had a good time with the neighbors this evening. They’re good people,” he said. It might have been the wine or perhaps an emotional reaction to sharing someone else’s company that made his eyes water. Lord help him, he missed her. With a desperation that shattered his heart. “I will always love you,” he whispered as he gazed at her unresponsive face. Expelling a heavy sigh, he fell back against his pillow, still fully clothed, and waited for the sweet escape of sleep.
Chapter Six
Standing in front of her bedroom mirror the following evening, Sarah stared at her reflection while considering the white sweater she’d chosen to wear. “You’re being ridiculous,” she told herself with a frown. Reaching up, she pulled her hair into a pony tail, studied her appearance for a moment, then let the locks fall back around her shoulders. She blew out a breath and sank onto her bed. What on earth was happening to her? Dropping her face in the palms of her hands, she gently shook her head and groaned. The question wasn’t what, but who.
Ever since dinner at Pierce’s house yesterday, she’d been unable to get the man out of her head. His serious expression, that touch of sadness about his eyes, and how handsome he looked when he seemed to forget his troubles and smile had haunted her thoughts late into the night. As a result, she’d slept in for the first time in years and awoken to the question of what she should wear that evening when he came to watch the movie. It was maddening. She was a grown woman after all and not at all ready to consider dating, least of all a man with whom she meant to have a professional relationship.
A knock sounded at her door, and she called for whoever it might be to enter.
Jack appeared a second later, that typical smile of his teasing his lips. “You look great, Sarah,” he said, stepping further into the room. The door remained open behind him. “I think Pierce will think so too.”
Grabbing a throw-pillow from somewhere behind her, she tossed it at her brother who quickly dodged out of the way with a laugh. “Come on,” he said. “Don’t think I didn’t notice all the glances you were sending his way last night.”
She frowned at that. “What are you talking about?” As far as she knew she’d only looked at him with mild curiosity and normal interest.
“Your eyes sparkled whenever he smiled, which wasn’t often,” Jack said, holding his hands up as if in surrender, “I’ll grant you that. But your expression when he complimented you on the dessert… Sarah, you’re obviously smitten with the guy.”
“No I’m not,” she insisted. She really wasn’t. Was she?
Jack blew out a breath and then pointed toward the many other sweaters that lay tossed about on her bed and on a nearby chair. “So then you’re just preparing for a fashion show you forgot to tell me about?”
“Don’t be stupid,” she told him moodily while crossing her arms. “But I am a woman and women do tend to care about their appearances. It’s perfectly normal, you know.”
“Unless that woman happens to be someone who’s been trudging about in long-sleeved t-shirts and hoodies for as long as I can remember. I didn’t even realize you own so many nice clothes like that blouse last night or the sweater you’re wearing right now. Not that I’m being critical,” he hastily added, no doubt in response to her glare. “I actually happen to think it’s nice that there’s someone out there for whom you’d still like to make an effort.”
“Jack…” Her tone bore a note of warning.
“Pierce seems like a nice guy. You could do with a bit of attention from someone like him.”
“I’m not looking for attention,” she told him flatly. She shoved herself off the bed and exited her bedroom with Jack on her heels.
He caught her by the elbow and forced her to
face him. “Sarah. I know what you’ve been through.” It struck her that he’d never looked more serious than in that moment, all playfulness gone from his otherwise teasing demeanor as he held her in place. “Billy was a bastard. You deserve to be happy again. It’s time for you to be happy, Sarah. So if you think Pierce might—”
“Please stop.” Her words were but a whisper, yet forceful enough for him to heed them. “There’s so much pain, Jack. I don’t know if I’ll ever escape it.”
“At least you’re trying to.” He suddenly pulled her into his arms and gave her a hug. “That’s all that matters for now. In time, everything will work out fine. I’m sure of it.”
Sarah wasn’t, but she appreciated him saying so. With her parents no longer talking to her, Jack mattered more than ever, as did their grandfather. Speaking of which… “Does Grandpa seem okay to you?”
The question seemed to surprise him. He looked strangely befuddled. “Sure. But you’re the one who lives with him, Sarah. If he wasn’t okay, I think you’d be more likely to notice.”
She shook her head, dismissing her concern. “You’re right. I had a feeling something was off, but he’s probably just worried about the upcoming season, it being his last and all.”
“It can’t have been an easy decision for him to make,” Jack agreed. “Retiring, I mean, but at his eighty-five years of age, I’d say it’s high time.”
The doorbell rang, and their grandfather called to them from the kitchen, “Will you get that, kids?”
Exchanging a smile with Jack, Sarah followed him to the front door, instinctively straightening her sweater as they went.
“Don’t worry,” Jack murmured, “he’s bound to approve.”
She responded with a frown, replacing it quickly with a smooth expression as Jack opened the door for Pierce. He looked even better than he had last night. How the hell was that even possible? Sarah tried not to stare while her stomach began to spin in a way that threatened to make her sick. He was just a friendly neighbor. Nothing more. And then his deep blue eyes met hers, and it was as if her heart came to a screeching halt. Tinged with a deeper lilac hue, they conveyed a sense of warmth that begged for closeness.
Get a grip, woman!
“Good to see you both again,” he said as he stepped inside and removed his jacket.
His gaze had already moved on, leaving Sarah feeling remarkably stupid. “You too,” she said, then held one hand toward his jacket. “Here, let me take that for you.” Turning away, she hung the garment on the coatrack, aware that Pierce and her brother were already heading to the kitchen while chatting about an ice hockey game that had been on TV earlier in the day. And then Pierce was greeting her grandfather, and Sarah quietly sighed. She honestly wasn’t sure how she’d expected him to react when he saw her again, or how she’d even wanted him to react, but it certainly wasn’t like this, as if they were just acquaintances passing on the street.
And yet…was she even prepared for a deeper connection? Was he? The tragic look that sometimes crept over his features warned her he’d been broken and that he might still be. With that in mind, she chastised herself for selfishly trying to grab his attention by making an effort with her appearance. It was wrong when she wasn’t even sure she’d be able to handle any kind of advance on his part. But to feel beautiful and appreciated again… She cast the tempting thought aside and went in search of the men, determined more than ever to be no more than friends with her handsome neighbor.
Taking a seat on the couch next to Jack, Pierce expected Sarah to claim the vacant spot beside him. Instead, she grabbed an ottoman and sat close to the coffee table while Thomas sank into his armchair. Pierce frowned. Surely she’d be more comfortable on the couch, unless of course… His frown deepened as Jack clicked the remote and the DVD started to play. Was she purposefully choosing not to sit beside him? It made no sense, but it did produce a jab of disappointment deep in his gut. For reasons he couldn’t quite explain, he wanted her nearer, not touching or anything else inappropriate, just offering comforting closeness.
In fact, he’d really been looking forward to coming over this evening. The screen flickered and then the Warner Bros. logo came on with its accompanying fanfare. Black and white credits started to roll, and the movie began with a baseball game in Brooklyn before switching to a scene from a marriage license office where Carry Grant stood in line with his co-star, Priscilla Lane.
Pierce had watched the movie a dozen times before. He knew many of the lines by heart, but that didn’t lessen his enjoyment of it. If anything it only added to the experience. And yet at the moment, all he could look at was Sarah, the way in which her red hair curled softly against her cheek before falling over her shoulder. She had a tiny mole on her right cheek, just below her earlobe. Fleetingly, he wondered what it might be like to run his fingers over that spot, and then he wondered where the hell such an idea had come from.
Discomforted by it, he forced his attention back to the screen and tried to focus on the movie, appreciating the moments when everyone laughed. Occasionally though, his mind would fill with memories as certain scenes brought the past to life. He and Caroline had occasionally quoted parts of the script to each other. She might have said, “You’ll love me for my mind too,” and he would have responded in a teasing voice as he’d told her in his best Grant impression, “One thing at a time.”
They’d had fun together, and although the thought of not hearing her laughter again tore at his heart, the movie somehow highlighted all the positive parts of their relationship. It made him so thankful for the years and the joy Caroline had gifted him with. If only he could have found a way to save her, to keep her brightness in the world. Sarah would have loved her too, he thought. They could have been friends. Except Pierce would probably still be working at Chemcore if it hadn’t been for Caroline’s illness and death. Such a waste of precious time, just so they could live in a comfortable apartment and afford the lifestyle they’d been taught to want.
He blew out a breath and reached for the popcorn, grabbing a handful to distract himself from the raw emotion now rolling through him. To tear up while watching a comedy would be difficult to explain, and since the last thing he wanted was to answer a series of unwelcome questions, he did his best to force his thoughts elsewhere. Which brought him straight back to Sarah. Her interest was riveted on the movie, which pleased him in a way that gave him pause. Why did it matter so much if she liked it? Because I like it. He considered that thought and ate more popcorn. The last thing on his mind was starting a new relationship. His skin tightened around his shoulders before he’d even finished completing that thought. It would be a betrayal to do so, to allow affection for another woman to flourish when Caroline… God help him, his life had become a state of constant torture.
“This is really good,” Jack spoke with a chuckle. “Thanks for suggesting it, Pierce.”
“I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” he managed to say. What could he do to escape the pain or the guilt that swamped him, the notion that he would continue living while his wife did not? Most would say the grief would ease with time. They would tell him that Caroline would want him to be happy. And they’d be right. She would want that. But that didn’t make moving on any easier. He still felt as rootless as he had the moment he’d realized he’d lost her.
“Pierce?”
Flinching, he saw that Sarah had turned in her seat. She was watching him with concern in her eyes. “Yes?” he asked in an effort to pretend that everything was just as it should be and that he didn’t suddenly feel like crying.
She opened her mouth as if to speak and then hesitated. Her gaze drifted across to her brother and grandfather before returning to him. She quietly mouthed, “Are you okay?”
He nodded and forced a smile that probably looked fake, but she was kind enough not to press him. Instead, she returned her attention to the movie, allowing him the privacy he needed to pull himself together. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. The last thi
ng he wanted was to ruin the Palmers’ evening by turning into a poster boy for depression. It helped that Jack was the kind of easygoing guy he was, eagerly reciting his favorite parts of the movie once it was over. He was so animated, making faces and changing his voice to depict the various characters until Pierce found himself laughing along with Sarah and Thomas.
Sobering, Jack stood and picked up an empty Coke bottle. “We’ll help clean up before heading out.” He stood and looked at Sarah. “Have you decided if you’re going to come with us or not?”
She nodded. “I think I’d like to, if that’s all right with you, Grandpa.”
“Of course it is,’ Thomas said. “You ought to be out having fun.”
Knowing Sarah would be joining them pleased Pierce more than he’d expected it to. He’d been looking forward to going to The Pit all day, but it wasn’t until now that he realized how much he’d hoped she’d decide to come with them.
“We should do this again sometime,” Thomas said while Pierce helped carry empty glasses into the kitchen. “Jack might not always be here, but Sarah and I sure are. We could do with the extra company from time to time.”
“Provided you have the time for it,” Sarah said. She didn’t meet Pierce’s gaze when she crossed to the sink and began rinsing the popcorn bowls.
“I’d appreciate the company,” Pierce said. He grabbed a dishtowel and went to help Sarah. “You should wear white more often,” he told her casually as he reached for one of the bowls she’d just washed and started to dry it. “The color really suits you.”
Tilting her chin just enough for her eyes to meet his, she thanked him for the compliment, allowing him to see the flush of pink that crept into her cheeks. “It’s just an old sweater,” she said in a rush of words that made her sound uncharacteristically nervous.
He offered a smile that he hoped would calm and reassure her while pondering her strange reaction. It was almost as if she felt the same kind of attraction for him that he felt for her. Not that he would ever act on it when considering all the facets of their relationship and his past, but it was still nice to know he could affect a woman as lovely as she. It was life-affirming in a way that made him feel younger than his thirty-five years and far less morose, as if events he shouldn’t have had to deal with for another fifty years had not just torn his life apart.
The Love That Saved Him Page 6