by Cassie Mae
“He didn’t at first. Nate gave me his.”
She pauses on the bright red folder she has halfway pulled from her bag. “What did you tell him to make him give it up?”
I wiggle my phone at her. “That Lex and I needed to talk.”
“So you lied.”
“Only a little.”
“Did your face do that grape soda thing?”
“Don’t think so.”
She wraps her hand around my collar and pulls me right up to her nose. Look at that, she has a freckle on her eyelid.
“If they get suspicious and this whole thing goes into the can, I’m blaming you.” She releases my shirt and I grin as I shrug it back into place. “Dang it, Ryan. This is why you’re not allowed to keep secrets.”
“You’re the one who wanted me in on this.”
“Shh!” the girl a table over hisses our way. Kaylee mouths a “sorry” then finishes pulling out her folder. Across the top in big, bold, and girlish letters it says KAYLEE’S TIME OF THE MONTH JOURNAL.
“Uh…”
“I had to write something they wouldn’t go snooping around in.”
I scratch the back of my neck. I suppose it’s a good strategy, because I don’t even want to know what the hell a period journal is.
“Okay, so my dad and Bernadette are taking Hannah out on the 16th, so we can have the house to ourselves. There are rules, and they’ll probably be home before we finish up, but you’re okay with that, right?”
“Yeah.” Honestly, she’s talking so fast I have no idea what I’m agreeing to. All I catch is that her dad, stepmom, and stepsister will be out of the house, so it’ll be up to me to make sure no one brings alcohol.
Kaylee opens the folder, and the first page is an actual journal, so I shoot my eyes away once I read the word “cramps.”
“Kaylee…”
“I asked Brett to come early. I need both of you and your height.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Your job is easy.” She turns the page over in the folder, and tucked in a Ziplock is a couple of blindfolds. She pushes them toward me. “Just in case your face goes purple when you’re lying your butt off all night.”
“Cover their eyes so they don’t catch on?” I snort, grabbing the bag. “Real subtle. They won’t have a clue!”
“Shh!” the girl hisses again, and this time I’m mouthing “sorry.”
Kaylee leans in and drops her voice. “This is important, Ryan. It’s our last time to all be together since…”
My stomach sinks looking at the disappointment crossing her expression. “Since I bailed on Vegas.”
She nods, biting her bottom lip slightly. We’d all planned on Vegas as our graduation trip together. Nate’s beyond thrilled. But when we got back from the spring break trip, Pop-pop set me up with a car job that turned into an actual job offer. The owner said I’d have to start this summer, but it comes with decent pay, benefits, and I’d be doing what I’ve always wanted to do. I never wanted to go to college right after high school. That’s Lex’s dream, not mine, even though wherever we end up I want to end up together.
“When are you going to tell Lexie?” she asks, ignoring the folder under her fingertips.
“I was going to this week, but…”
“Her dad.”
“Yeah.”
She sighs, leaning on the heel of her hand and looking up at me with those eyes that make me feel like I’m missing something huge.
“What?” I ask her.
“Let’s think… plan A, or Ryan’s dumb plan I’ll call it, is to not tell his girlfriend about how he’s not going to college with her like she’s been talking about for centuries. Just because her long lost father is back in town. The father who probably lied to her and will lie to her to explain away his crappy actions. The two men in her life and they’re both lying. Hmm.”
I shake my head and pick the edge of the folder. “I don’t want to upset—”
“Or plan B, or Kaylee’s brilliant plan, is to be honest with your girlfriend because she’s not just your girlfriend. She’s your best friend, oldest friend, and the love of your life. You tell her as soon as you can, Ryan, or so help me I will lodge this pencil right up your nostril to find out if you have a functioning brain.”
She slaps her hand around her yellow pencil and clenches her fingers in a fist. I laugh and pull her in for a side-hug. “All right, slave driver. I’ll tell her.”
“When?”
“Tonight.”
“No matter what type of crap she has to deal with at home?”
I sigh, and Kaylee jabs the pencil up, tickling the edge of my nostril before I bat it away.
“No matter what.”
“Good.” She wiggles out from under my arm. “Now… let’s plan this surprise party for the birthday boy and girl.”
***
My gut is twisted in a tight knot, and I press against the IROC, my new set of wheels since the Lincoln died, hoping to alleviate the pain. The final bell rang about five minutes ago, and I’m just waiting for Lex to come out so I can give her a ride home. I fold over against the hood. With my luck I’ll probably ralph all over the fresh blue paint job.
I’m going with plan B, because I lectured Lex on keeping things in just the other day. And even though I’m pretty sure she’s gonna be pissed, or sad, or disappointed, I’ve gotta tell her that I’m not going to school right away.
“Ugh,” I moan against the hood. I hope she doesn’t think I’m abandoning her, or breaking up with her, or whatever, because I plan on keeping this up. I’m going to marry her, I know it. If we were five years older I bet I’d have the ring already. There’s no picturing a life without Lex in it. We’re just doing different things after we graduate, that’s all.
Damn this knot in my stomach.
“You look awesome,” Lex teases when she steps up to the car. She sets a hand on my upper back, and the warmth from it makes my mouth sputter off.
“I gotta tell you something.”
“Oh no,” she says, leaning down next to me on the hood. “Are you pregnant? You told me you were on the pill!”
I laugh, straightening up. The knot unwinds slowly as I pull her in, touch the two dimples she gets when she’s smiling for real.
“You might be mad at me.”
“I’ve been mad at you before.”
“I just don’t want to get you upset right before…”
Her smile fades. “I go home?”
I nod. She touches her forehead to mine.
“I can handle it.”
My lips come down on hers and not just for a peck. She opens up to me right away, and I let my tongue dance with hers in our choreographed and practiced rhythm. Her knees bend and knock against my legs as she loses her ability to stand on her own. So I settle a hand on the small of her back and pull her against me. She can use me to stand anytime she wants.
“Wow,” she says when we part, cheeks filled with a sexy blush. “It must be really bad.”
I catch my breath for a second, then just get into it. “You know how I can’t go to Vegas?”
She nods. “It’s too much money. Of all people, I understand that.”
I reach up to scratch the back of my neck, but she stops me, weaving her fingers through mine. Her eyes are deeply narrowed in concern, and I take a mental picture of it.
“Well…” I say, “It’s not just the money.”
Chapter 5
Lexie
My eyebrows pinch tight and I drop Ryan’s hand. “What do you mean it’s not just the money?” Every bad case scenario flashes through my mind, and my heart batters frantically against my chest. “Wait. Is there a reason you can’t go? Is something wrong? Is it Pop-pop? Grams? No one’s sick, right?”
Ryan grips my chin between his fingers and urges me to look at him. The minute my eyes settle on his perfect brown ones, it’s like a soft sip of chamomile tea running through me, calming my heart and clearing my mind.
He rests
his hands on my cheeks pulling me in and placing a kiss on my nose. “No one is sick.”
“Oh thank God. So why can’t you go to Vegas?”
“Pop-pop got me a job. Full time. I’ll be working.”
“For the summer?” I ask a little taken aback since this is the first time he’s mentioned anything about a summer job. Not that I care. I am the queen of working, but the fact that he never brought it up until now boggles my mind. We tell each other everything. Except that one time he tried hiding a brother from me, but that was more or less because he had a moment of stupidity.
“Or more. It depends,” he says and I step back.
“What do you mean more? What about college? You’re going to college, right? We had a plan. We were going together. That’s why I chose Colorado State. You promised. Always and forever and all that phony fairy tale nonsense.”
“Lexie.”
“You made me believe it. And now…”
“Lex.” He reaches up, taking my cheeks in his hand, forcing that soothing gaze on me. “Listen to me.” I nod. “College isn’t my dream. But it is yours and I swear until the minute I stop breathing I will do everything in my power to make your dreams come true. Even if you’ll be attending classes during the day, it doesn’t mean I won’t still be exactly where you are. So this summer I need to save a little money and get the experience so I can make it on my own. So I can help support you and your dream.”
“But what about your dreams? I don’t want you looking back one day and thinking that if you did things a little different. Made a different choice…”
“Don’t you get it? You are my dream.”
I go to continue arguing when my words slam to a stop in my throat. “I am?”
He tucks my hair behind my ear, his finger lingering just shy of my face. “Of course, you goof.”
“I love you,” I say and attack him with my lips, kissing his cheeks, his nose, and finally his lips.
“I’m all about PDA, but whoa momma, you two are going to ignite the parking lot,” Kaylee says as she walks toward us with Nate in tow.
Ryan laughs, and I bury my head in his chest, not ready to let go just yet. He wraps his arms around me, pressing me tight against him.
“Skippy Lee’s?” Ryan asks.
“Mmm fries,” Kaylee says.
“I can go for a shake. I’ll share your fries,” Nate says and kisses Kaylee on the forehead. “Every time I get my own these two decide to go to war and use mine as ammunition.”
“When was the last time we did that?” I ask, pulling away from Ryan.
“Last week,” Kaylee says and hops in the backseat, yanking Nate’s suspenders urging him to join her. He doesn’t hesitate and dives in after her.
“Oh. The Fred Flintstone Debate,” I say. “I forgot about that.” I laugh when I remember throwing a fry at Ryan’s head when he insisted our teacher looked like Fred Flintstone.
“I still think Mr. Berkins looks like Fred—”
I put my finger over his lips. “Don’t start that argument again. Because when we get to Skippy Lee’s I will dump Nate’s milkshake on your head.”
“Why is it always my food?” Nate sticks his head out the window, then Kaylee pulls him back in.
“You can’t tell me he doesn’t. The nose. The hair. Those feet.”
“Why are you looking at Mr. Berkins’ feet?”
“How can you miss them?”
I pinch his side and he jumps away from me, but just as quickly comes back and tries to tickle me. We square off. Neither of us willing to make the next move.
“Guys, I’m hungry,” Kaylee says from inside the car. Probably because she knows this can go on all night.
“Truce,” Ryan says and holds out his hand.
I stare at his palm then flash my eyes back to his, making sure his face isn’t turning into a grape. When all his tells are in check I reach my hand out to him and shake.
His fingers wrap around mine and he pulls me to him. When I’m pressed against his chest he tickles my side and I squeal. “You had no tells!”
“I was set on a truce, but when you rubbed up on me, I couldn’t resist.”
I smack his shoulder and he grabs my hand, placing a kiss on my knuckles.
“Alexis?” I hear and I know that voice. My limbs turn to solid ice and I’m frozen in place.
Ryan’s eyebrows turn in and I know he’s waiting for me to turn around or say something, but words have fled and I’m comatose.
“Can we just talk? Five minutes. That’s all I need.”
“Lex, do you know this guy?” Ryan asks.
I open my mouth, but only a faint sound comes out.
“I’m her father.”
Ryan’s eyes widen as his hands clench into fists at his side. I rest my hand on his, hoping to calm him down. Words find me and I finally gain the courage to turn around and face my past.
“I have nothing to say to you,” I say to the man who was once my Dad, my hero, and who now is nothing more than a sperm donor.
“I get that. I do. But I have plenty to say to you,” he says and I try to ignore the vulnerable look in his eyes. Try to pretend I don’t hear the desperation in his voice.
“You heard her.” Ryan steps in front of me. “She has nothing to say to you. Lex, get in the car.”
I appreciate the whole me Tarzan you Jane hear me roar act, but this is my problem. I don’t need Ryan fighting my battles. Just like I don’t need him paying my way. My piggy bank, Miss Piggles, is almost double since the senior trip. There’s a reason I’ve been working so much overtime. I love him for wanting to take care of me, but I need to prove to myself that I’m capable too.
“Lexie, come on,” Nate says from the window and my heart pinches at the concern in his tone.
Whether I can do it on my own or not is one thing, but what I do know… I have nothing to be scared of. I have an amazing support system and no matter what happens in the next five minutes, in the next twenty years, I know they’ll be there for me in any way I need them to be.
For right now, I got this.
I step out from behind Ryan and stand in front of him.
“You don’t have to do this,” he whispers in my ear.
“I changed my mind. I do have something to say to you.”
The low-life that is my father only by blood runs his hand through his dark graying hair and nods. “Please.”
I glance around. The parking lot has thinned out, and I’m grateful I’m not about to put on a show for my classmates. God knows if Sandy got wind she’d be more than happy to spread a million rumors. Some people can never let things go.
With a deep breath I reach deep into my heart, down to the place I’ve learned to block off. and feed on the hidden emotions.
“You abandoned me.”
“Let me—”
I hold my hand up. “Let me finish. You were my hero and I loved you more than anything. The day you left broke my heart. Haunted me for years. I thought it was me. I was seven and I thought I was the reason you left. What I went through... What I’ve been through because of you... It doesn’t matter. Not anymore. I’ve moved on. I suggest you do the same.”
Ryan’s hand wraps around mine and I find the strength to finally put this all behind me.
“Goodbye,” I say and go to turn around, get in the car and get as far away from here as I possibly can when my father rests his hand on my shoulder.
“I’m sick.”
***
“I’m not letting you do this without me,” Ryan says, holding my hands as we stand just outside my place.
Once my father said he was sick, a part of me felt obligated to hear him out. Not that I owe him that or anything, but I figure it’s the right thing to do. Maybe once he says his piece he’ll finally get back on the road and do what he does best—leave.
Mom’s already on edge because of this whole messed up situation. The last thing I need is to make it worse. So even though I can’t imagine Ryan not be
ing with me, holding my hand and making soft soothing circles on my skin, I need to do this without him. Time to pull out those big girl panties and deal with my problems on my own.
“I love that you want to be here for me. That no matter what you’re always at my side, but this time I have to face my past myself. I’ll be fine. And I promise I’ll tell you everything.”
“I don’t like this. I don’t trust him.”
“I don’t either. But I know no matter what he says, it’s not going to change anything. He left. There’s nothing he can say that can make up for the past ten years. So don’t worry about me. I’m pretty tough. I can handle it.”
Ryan tucks my hair behind my ear, sending shockwaves of romantic goose bumps all up and down my spine. “Call me as soon as he leaves.”
I hold my pinky up and smile. “Pinky swear.”
Ryan links his pinky with mine. He pulls me in and presses a kiss to the top of my head before jumping in the IROC and taking off.
My heart doesn’t even race as I step into the living room and see my dad sitting on our couch. I’m not scared. I’m not anything. Just over it.
I lean against the far wall and cross my arms. Mom hands a mug to her ex husband then settles in the seat across from him with her own coffee. Her face is emotionless, except for the tightness in her jaw. She’s putting up a front, but I know her better than anyone. Deep down she’s a category five disaster.
I hate that she’s uncomfortable. I hate that she has to see this asshole after all these years.
“So let’s hear it,” I say, waving my hand to get this going so it can be over already.
“I don’t know where to start.”
“Lexie said you’re sick,” Mom says, then takes a sip from her mug before continuing. “How sick are you?”
He forces a smile, but it falls short and I try to gauge if it’s even real. “Cancer.”
Mom tries to cover her gasp, but she doesn’t do a very good job of it. After clearing her throat she says, “What kind?”
“Pancreatic. Doc says I have six months if I’m lucky. He told me about this experimental treatment, but I don’t have insurance and I can’t afford it.”
Bingo. I knew it. Of course he’s here because he needs something.