"Oh good, we have a volunteer," he smiled brightly at me as if he knew what I was trying to do.
"Uh no, you don't," I mumbled just as Erin wrapped her fingers around my wrist trying to halt my escape.
"Don't be shy," Wes coaxed. "Come here."
I could feel the blush spreading as I stood frozen in place. My brain was battling back and forth with whether I wanted to run like hell or stick it out.
"I…" I stammered as I let my eyes dart around. Everyone in the room was staring at me.
“Come here,” he motioned again. “I promise…this escape is easy, and you get to teach Cole here a lesson,” he grinned a toothy grin and winked at me.
I don’t know what it was about him, but he was easy to be around. It was almost soothing the way he made me feel. It balanced out what I was battling inside myself being around Cole. I let my shoulders drop into a relaxed state as I began making my way to the front of the group.
When I reached him, I turned my back on Cole. The smug look on his face had caused anger to rise in me, and now the idea of teaching him a lesson sounded appealing.
"Ok," Wes moved to stand in front of me, whereas Cole moved behind me. "Today we're going to work on getting away. The key to self-defense is not overtaking your attacker, but trying to avoid a situation in the first place." He leaned in to me and asked my name before continuing. "Maddie here is going to escape her assailant when he tries to grab her from behind."
My eyes went wide as the words echoed around the room. Grab me from behind? That did not sound like something I wanted to be a part of. It was as if Wes knew what I was thinking when he saw my face and made eye contact.
"Relax," he soothed. "I'm gonna walk you through it. You're safe here."
Even with his encouragement, my body stayed on high alert. It was like I was forcing myself to endure something that I knew I couldn't handle.
“Now,” he faced me but directed his words to the group. "If you're ever out somewhere, and someone sneaks up behind you, the first thing you should do it yell ‘No!' Then, you’re going to swing your arm like this,” he grabbed my wrist and pushed my arm back so I would make contact with Cole’s nose. “When your assailant rears back to protect himself…that’s your chance to escape. Most of the time whoever is holding you will release their hold to tend to themselves. If they don’t…” he smirked. “You yell ‘No!’ again and,” he bent down and grabbed my ankle “you step back and stomp on their foot.” He looked up at me from his crouched position and grinned. "Wanna try it?"
I swallowed as I glanced back at where Cole was standing behind me, "I don't know."
"You can do this…I promise…and you won't hurt him," he assured me. "We're trained in this for a reason. We know when to let go, and how to get out of the way," he smiled again.
"Ok," I murmured.
"Just remember what I just said," he nodded and before I could blink, two strong arms wrapped around me from behind.
I froze as fear and memories assailed me. Richard's face came to the front, and my entire body went stiff leaving me standing there shaking. My arms and legs went stiff as I squeezed my eyes shut remembering the last time I was held like this…
“Madison!” Richard bellowed from the bedroom.
“Just a minute,” I sobbed as I blotted the cool cloth against my split lip. I’d met some friends after class, and made the mistake of getting dinner with them when we were finished. One of Richard’s colleagues had seen us and told him. Now here I was trying to pull myself together before bed, hoping just to get through whatever wrath he had left for me.
“No! Now!” he shouted as he shoved open our bathroom door and barged in.
I stiffened as I watched his body fill the doorway before daring to make eye contact.
"Why do you do shit like this Madison? Why do you make me do this?" he came up behind me a trailed his knuckles along my bare arm.
"I'm sorry," I murmured. "I didn't mean to," I lowered my eyes to stare at the red-tinged water in the sink. "It's just Andrew…" I trailed off as I watched the rage that had begun to settle, fire backup again.
"Do you like him?" he boomed. "Do you want to fuck him?" he leaned right next to my ear and growled, "No one is gonna want you. You are a worthless excuse of a girlfriend. You don't know your place."
"I didn't mean…" I started to move away, but he pressed into my back pinning me against the counter.
He reached around and grabbed the washcloth out of my hand, and tossed it on the edge of the sink, “It’s time you learned your place.” He wrapped both arms around me from behind and spun us.
Richard was tall, and with my small frame I was no match for him. Fighting him only made him happy. It was like he took joy out of forcing me to do something I didn’t want to do.
"I really don't feel like it tonight," I begged as he carried me toward our bed.
"I don't give a fuck what you feel like!" he tossed me on the mattress and leaned forward covering me with his body. "Take these off before I rip them," he growled into my ear before pressing a kiss to the side of my face.
That night had ended like many others, with me crying in the bathroom and thanking god that I was on birth control. Richard never used condoms, and I'm sure if I got pregnant he would have found a way to make it my fault.
ooooooooo
As Cole held me, I felt my body give out. It went limp, like it knew what was coming and that it was going lose the battle. After a few minute of nothing happening, Cole loosened his hold. His entire demeanor changed as his arms went slack.
I felt myself sag against him as if the encounter completely drained me. I hadn't exerted any energy, but my brain was telling my body that it couldn't compete with the wall of muscle behind me.
“Are you ok?” his voice was like warm caramel coating me.
I shook my head slightly embarrassed, "No…no I'm not."
Wes gave a slight nod as Cole placed both of his hands on my shoulders and began leading me back to my seat. He helped me sit down, and then handed me my water bottle.
I sat there in a daze for the rest of the class. Embarrassment, and frustration battling for the win in my head. Erin had given me a few understanding looks, but never said anything. She knew what was going on, and I think she was trying to be supportive but also give me the space I needed.
ooooooooo
"I hope you're planning on coming back," Wes called as we reached the door.
I hadn't participated in any more demonstrations, and at the moment was only thinking about getting home and taking a hot bath.
“Maybe,” I sighed as I shook my head. I could feel the tears gathering at the back of my eyes, but I was determined not to let them fall. Richard had had enough of my tears, and I also knew once I started I’d have a hard time making them stop. I was tired of being seen as weak. I needed to get past this, and I finally was getting a support system in place.
As much as it helped going out with friends the night before, this right here is what I really needed.
"I'll meet you at the car," Erin murmured when her eyes made contact with someone behind me.
My face paled as I went back into high alert mode, and shook my head vigorously from side-to-side.
“Easy,” he uttered behind me. “I’m not the enemy here.” I turned, and saw the pleading eyes of Cole staring back at me. “I’m sorry,” he shook his head slowly. “Whatever you went through that got you to this place,” he waved his arms around “it’s really fucked you up. No one should be this upset at a self-defense class."
I swallowed the lump in my throat and cast my eyes downward, "It's ok. It's not you. I swear it's not you."
He nodded silently before tipping my chin up to make eye contact with him, "I hope you'll come back. Whatever it is you're fighting…I hope you'll come back and let me help you."
“Maybe,” I murmured as I shifted on my feet. “I don’t know if I can fight it. I might be broken beyond repair,” I shrugged my shoulders as I stepped b
ack away from him and shuffled out the door.
I knew it was a mistake coming here. I knew as soon as Erin told me what we were doing, that I’d end up a mess before we left. I should have insisted that she take me back home. Now I was stuck. Stuck in a situation that I should never have been in in the first place. I knew I'd go back. I knew the minute I looked into his dark, pleading eyes that I'd never be able to tell him no. He had me right where he wanted me. I didn't know how it would happen, but Cole Walker was going to turn my world on its axis.
ooooooooo
Cole
What the hell is going on here? When I wrapped my arms around Maddie for the demonstration, she sagged against me. It was like she wasn’t even gonna fight. I watched Wes’s face go from confused to panic. He’d seen this before. This woman wasn’t here to prevent something bad from happening. She was here to learn how to keep it from happening again.
I could feel her heart hammering against my arm where I had it wrapped across her chest. Her breathing was coming in short bursts, and the trembling started soon after. Holy shit…this woman was going to have a panic attack right here in my arms.
I loosened my hold as I watched Wes give a slight nod. It was a cue we’d worked out for when a demonstration didn’t go as planned. He quickly moved on to another person in the class while I worked to get Maddie back to her seat.
"Are you ok?" I murmured next to her ear.
“No…no I’m not,” she shook her head.
I placed my hands on her shoulders, and began guiding her back to her seat. She sank down onto the chair as her face went completely blank of any expression. I don't know what happened to her, but someone really did a number on her. She went from smiling and happy, to completely shut down in a matter of seconds.
As the class continued, she sat there zoned out. Her friend spoke hushed words to her, but they elicited very little reaction from her.
When the class was over, I watched as she and her friend made their way to the door to leave. Her friend, Erin I think her name was, smiled at me and gave a slow nod. She got the silent message that I wanted to speak to Maddie alone. She murmured something in Maddie's ear and then made her way towards the door to the parking lot.
“Easy,” I reached out to touch her shoulder. “I’m not the enemy here.” I turned her to face me only she dropped her eyes to stare at the floor. “I’m sorry,” I shook my head slowly. “Whatever you went through that got you to this place,” I waved my arms around “it’s really fucked you up. No one should be this upset at a self-defense class."
She swallowed as she continued to stare at the floor, "It's ok. It's not you. I swear it's not you." Her whispered plea was so quiet that I could barely hear the begging in it.
I nodded before using my index finger to tip her chin up to make eye contact with me, "I hope you'll come back. Whatever it is you're fighting…I hope you'll come back and let me help you."
“Maybe,” she murmured as she shifted on her feet. “I don’t know if I can fight it. I might be broken beyond repair,” she shrugged her shoulders and looked away as she stepped back away from me and shuffled out the door.
I don’t know what it was about her, but she made me feel something. My broken soul was calling to her. It sensed that whatever she was fighting, I was fighting too. We didn't know it yet, but we were more alike than we ever imagined. I just hoped that I wouldn't break her further.
Chapter 8
Maddie
“I am determined to have a good week,” I stated as firmly as I could while I dressed for work. It was Monday again, and I was hoping for a fresh start. I hadn’t had any nightmares last night, and I took that as a sign that the week was going to be great.
Erin and I had gone to a meeting, and then grabbed a coffee last night. We’d talked for a while about going back to McKay’s. She was determined to get me there, but I just don't think I'm ready for that step yet. I know it's been five years, but they've been rough. I've actually come a long way in that time. When I first got away from Richard, I was afraid to leave the house. Now, I was working and hanging out with friends. Someone on the outside might even think I was almost normal.
I finished tying my sneakers, grabbed my ID badge, and made my way out to my car. It was a crisp spring morning, and I was hoping to make it to the dog park before my first patient.
ooooooooo
When I arrived at the office, Hannah was already unlocking the place and setting up for the day. Jo was going over the appointment book, and Ben and Jenny were setting up the exam rooms.
"Morning!" I called as I breezed in the door.
“Good morning,” Hannah smiled brightly at me. “Heading out with Zeb?”
"Yeah," I nodded as I hooked my jacket over a peg by the door. "I haven't been able to get out much the last few days. I feel bad for him."
"Well, have fun," she grinned. "You don't have anyone coming in for another hour."
“Thanks, see ya,” I waved as I headed back to the boarding room.
Zeb must have heard me coming because when I rounded the corner he was pawing at the door to his crate and whining.
"Hey Buddy," I called as I grabbed a leash. "Wanna go play?"
He whined again and then waited for me to unlock the door. After letting him out, I waited a minute as he bounced around. Once he calmed, I clicked the leash to his collar, and began leading him to the door. “I’ll be back in an hour,” I called over my shoulder as I shoved the door open, and let him lead me outside.
ooooooooo
Cole
I hate Mondays. I don’t know what it is about them, but they never turn out the way I want them to. My alarm didn’t go off when I set it, so now I was running late to work. Wes and I had discussed adding another time slot to our classes, and Monday morning was going to be it. I didn't really agree with that. I had wanted to spend it sleeping off the hangover I had from being out the night before. Plus there was Maddie. Sweet Maddie. I don't know where that came from, but she was in my head, and I couldn't get her out. I had tried, oh man I had tried.
I'd gone to Vibe last night hoping to find a hot little number to bring home and bury myself in, but nothing peaked my interest. It was like I was ruined, and I didn't even know this woman. Everyone I saw I found myself comparing them to her. They didn't have the right hair, or the right smile, or a tight little body.
She was perfect, and I know this from the little bit of time that I held her in my arms. The way she fit against my chest. Her soft curves against my hard angles. It would bring any man to his knees.
Seeing her on Friday night, and then at the gym on Saturday had been such a rush. It was the universe was trying to tell me something. I wasn't sure what, but I knew that Maddie held the key. Would I ever be able to help her though? Would she even let me try?
I’d had a fucked up childhood to say the least. Wes and I had been buddies since the third grade, and he knew my dad. He knew what my dad had done to my mom, sister, and me. Between the three of us, I think Mom got it the worst, but I got my fair share…that was certain. I’d buried the memories so far down that I wasn’t sure they even existed anymore until Maddie had had her meltdown. When I felt her tremble in my arms, it all came back. All the nights of trying to protect my mom from his drunken rage. All the mornings of helping my sister get ready for school because Mom was so broken she couldn’t get out of bed.
My childhood had been anything but happy. My father had slowly sucked every ounce of sunshine out of it. He’d systematically broken each of us painfully slow. My mom had never had the strength to stand up to him. My sister was too afraid to fight back, but me. I hated the bastard, and everything he did to us. When I’d met Wes, he’d offered me an escape. He’d let me stay with him when I’d suffered a beating, so I could rest without the worry of another attack. It didn’t help as much as it should have though because when I wasn't at home I constantly worried about my mom. Was she taking the beating that was meant for me?
As I grew in size,
so did my desire for revenge. The mean streak that my father had had begun to grow in me the way it did in him. I buried it, ashamed of what I was becoming. I’d never hit a woman before, but as anger and resentment began to grow in me, I slowly began to fear that I would one day. My father had done nothing to teach me the right way to care for someone. He’d shown me that when you didn’t get what you wanted, you just hit the person and yelled at them until they gave in. He constantly reminded my sister that she was never planned. He told her daily that her whore of a mother made a choice that he didn’t agree with. I watched my sister fight her demons for years before she met Caleb and found her self-worth.
Now as I run all the different scenarios through my head on why Maddie is the way she is, I can’t help but worry that I’ll get too close. She could never love me after what I did all those years ago.
I've only snapped once. One time. One time in my entire life and it changed the way I viewed the world forever. My mom didn't forgive me, and my sister didn't at first. Now that she's gotten away, I think she understands me better, but Maddie? What would Maddie think if she knew what I was capable of? Would she even talk to me? Would she give me a chance? Would she let me help her? I've been running those questions through my head all morning.
Now, as I stand here in Cool Beans waiting for my order, I can’t help but think that Maddie would run screaming in the other direction if she knew what I did all those years ago.
ooooooooo
Maddie
When we reached the dog park, I went through my morning routine of letting Zeb take off. It took very little for him to realize he was free, and bolt. There wasn’t a large crowd this early…that’s one of the things I liked about coming in the morning.
I scanned the area, something that had become a habit, before making my way over to a bench. I chose a spot where I could see Zeb playing, and lowered myself onto it. As I sat there, thoughts of Cole flitted through my mind. I wondered where he was, what he was doing, and if I'd see him today. He'd said that this was where he'd first seen me. I don't know why I was concerned. I shouldn't have been. There was something about him though. It was like he understood me. I didn't think that was even possible though. Most men see a beautiful woman. They want to get to know her, but as soon as they find the baggage, they bolt. I didn't just have baggage, and I had a friggin’ freighter.
Irreparably Broken (The Broken Series Book 1) Page 5