Witched to Death

by Deanna Chase

  “The exact words were ‘May the sins of the Shifter render him shiftless. No magic shall pass through his veins until he proves his worth.’” Diesel stared at me, studying me. “But when I asked Zelda here, the Shifter Whisperer, for help, her spell to counteract the curse produced you.”

  “Zelda is the official Shifter healer. We call her the Shifter Whisperer,” Sassy supplied helpfully.

  Diesel studied me. “Are you a witch?”

  “Me?” That got another chuckle out of me. “Not even close. I’m a ghost.”

  “Really?” Sassy reached over and jabbed me with her finger.

  “Hey!” I jerked back, rubbing my arm. “That’s going to bruise.”

  “You don’t look or feel like any ghost I’ve ever seen.”

  “You’ve got me there.” I took another long sip of the coffee and longed for something to go with it. “Hey, Zelda, you got any cupcakes or pastries in this joint? I haven’t eaten anything in… oh, forever.”

  Before Zelda could answer, Sassy stood. “I bet you’re ready to chew someone’s arm off. I’ll rustle you up something.”

  “Thanks.” I cut my gaze to Diesel. “So, you think I’m here to fix your…ah, problem?”

  Diesel shook his head. “I don’t know why you’re here.”

  Zelda tapped her long fingernails on the distressed table as she contemplated the issue. Then she fixed her gaze on Diesel. “It looks like you have something to prove either about or to Ida May.”

  Diesel’s frown deepened. “But that makes no sense. We dated for a while, but we parted on good terms. Why would she have anything to do with this?”

  “On good terms. Right,” I said before I could stop myself.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Diesel asked.

  “Nothing.” I wasn’t about to spread my business around to people I didn’t know.

  “Here we go!” Sassy returned with a plate of coffee cake and set it in front of me. “If you ask me, Diesel has to prove his worth to Ida May. Then he might have a chance of getting his furry butt back in the game.” She smiled sweetly at him.

  He ignored her.

  “Maybe.” Zelda got up. “But first I need to make a phone call and find out why she’s here in human form. I mean, I’m pretty fabulous, but bringing ghosts back from the dead is a new one for me.”

  “Tell Baba Yaga Boo Boo I said to find a new stylist!” Sassy called as Zelda disappeared into the other room.

  “Baba Yaga Boo Boo?” I mumbled through the sinfully delicious coffee cake crumbs.

  Sassy laughed. “She’s the big Kahuna of the witch world. Thinks she knows everything. She also always dresses like she’s prepared to jazzercise or be an extra in a bad eighties movie. It’s really unfortunate.”

  I sighed, unable to hide my melancholy. “That sounds like heaven. I always wanted to dress like Madonna. The short skirts, lace stockings, and wild curly hair. I was born for that look.”

  “Oh, honey.” Sassy shook her head. “No. Those days are long gone. Now hurry and finish stuffing your face so we can get you set up with some real fashion. With that figure, you’re going to have the men lined up around the block.”

  “No she won’t.” Diesel stood abruptly, his chair making a loud screech against the hardwood floors. “She’s going to be with me.”

  “Like hell.” I rose, grabbing another piece of coffee cake. “If you think I’m wasting even one moment of this new lease on life, you’re crazy. And that time does not include dealing with whatever drama you’ve got going on.” I turned to Sassy. “You said something about fashion?”

  The blonde’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Let’s go. Zelda’s closet is waiting.”

  I followed her out of the room, but stopped when I spotted Zelda rummaging through a desk. “Hey, um, Sassy said something about finding some clothes? Is that okay with you?”

  Her head snapped up and she let her gaze drift over my robe-clad body. “Yeah. Okaaaay.” She squeezed her eyes shut and mumbled something under her breath. When she opened them she shot Sassy a stern look. “Stay out of my walk-in. And don’t touch any of the boots.”

  Sassy waved her hand. “Yeah, sure. Fine. Don’t worry about a thing.”

  “Thanks,” I said to Zelda. “I can, I don’t know, clean up or do some sort of chores for you. I used to be a decent cook.”

  Zelda waved an impatient hand. “Don’t worry about it. Naked Dude is kind of a shopaholic. I’ll live.”

  “Naked Dude?”

  “Yeah. My familiar… I mean my father. He… oh never mind. It’s not important.” She pulled a piece of paper out of her desk and picked up her phone.

  “Thanks.”

  As we were making our way up the stairs, Zelda called out, “Hey! Stay out of my underwear drawer. That’s just too much sharing, if you know what I mean.”

  “No worries.” I waved down at her. “I’m used to going commando.”

  “You, too, huh?” Sassy said. “Although I do like those pushup bras. Cleavage gets a lot of free beers.”

  “Did you say beer? Is there a pub around this place somewhere? Because if there is, I’m totally down.”

  “Right on!” Sassy raised her hand for a high-five.

  I obliged and followed her into a spacious bedroom.

  “This way. You’re going to die when you see this.”

  “Oh, gods. I hope not. I already did that once,” I said, pressing my hand to my throat.

  She paused and turned around, her face beet red. “Oops. My bad. But you know what I mean.” She pulled open two folding doors, revealing the mother of all clothing collections. “I arranged everything by designer last week. What’s your poison? Dior? Chanel? Marchesa?”

  I peered in at the overwhelming choices of dresses, skirts, and designer jeans. “Holy shitballs. You could dress the entire population of Basin Street with these.”

  “Basin Street?” she asked, pulling out a little black dress that was covered with sequins.

  I waved a hand. “Just my old stomping grounds back home. Don’t worry about it.” Eyeing the dress she held up to me, I shook my head. “Too tame. I want something really eye-catching. Something that will—”

  “Show off your assets?”

  “Exactly.” I glanced down and pulled open the robe. “These babies haven’t seen any action since prohibition. It’d be nice to take them out for a spin.”

  Sassy tilted her head, studying my boobs. “Yeah, those are good ones. Not too small, but not so big they give you back problems. Nice and round, too. Diesel’s a lucky guy.”

  I snorted. “Lucky my ass. He’s not getting anywhere near these works of art. Nope. Tonight I’m looking for Mr. Tall, Dark, and Easy. Know a good place?”

  A slow grin spread over her face. “Do I ever.”

  “Good. It’s a date.” I glanced behind me at the shower. “Mind if I wash up?”

  “Go on. Take your time. I’ll find you the perfect complement for your girls. Don’t worry about a thing.”

  I stood there watching for a few minutes while she rummaged through the closet, pulling out garment after garment like a professional stylist. She waved me toward the bathroom. “Get a move on. These dresses aren’t going to try themselves on.”

  “Right.” No time to waste. I had ninety years of grime to scrub off.

  An hour later, smelling of French vanilla with my copper-brown curls swept up on top of my head, I made my way down the grand staircase. The lace-up, black ankle boots clattered on each step, announcing my presence.

  “You look like a steampunk princess,” Sassy said from behind me. “Diesel isn’t going to be able to keep his eyes, or his hands for that matter, off you.”

  “Diesel can shove it,” I said under my breath and smiled at him when his mouth dropped open.

  “Oh man. Not my leather corset,” Zelda whined. “Tell me you’re wearing something underneath that. A strapless bra? A tube top? Muslin?”

  “Of course she isn’t,” Sassy sai
d, her tone flippant. “Why in the world would she do such a thing? That would just add bulk that she doesn’t need.”

  “Because she’s going to get boob juice on it. I’ll never be able to wear it now.” Zelda grimaced then dropped her eyes to my feet. “And my new Louis Vuitton boots. For the love of witches everywhere, are you trying to rip my heart out?”

  I stopped on the last step, not sure what to say or do. “I’m sorry. Did we make a mistake and end up in the wrong closet?” I glanced back at Sassy. “I thought you said you borrow these clothes all the time?”

  “She does,” Zelda said, shooting a death glare at Sassy. “She stretches everything out, and never bothers to get anything cleaned. One of these days I’m going to throw her out on her ass.”

  “Puh-leese.” Sassy shook her head. “You have more clothes than Paris Hilton.”

  Just then the door slammed open, and in walked a huge man with green eyes. He was holding two shopping bags. One read: Marc Jacobs and the other Hermes.

  “See!” Sassy pointed at him. “More goods brought to you by the man voted most likely to die at a designer blowout sale.”

  Zelda rolled her eyes then turned to the man, flashing him a giddy smile. “You’ve been shopping!”

  “I told you I was going to pop on over to Paris for the morning. You didn’t think I’d come away empty handed, did you?”

  “Fabio?” I gasped. “Is that you?”

  The man dropped the bags on a side table and turned in my direction. “Yes?” He peered at me, brows furrowed. “I’m sorry, do we know each other?”

  I let out a laugh and sauntered over to him, swaying my hips like I had in the old days. “Why yes. We spent many, many pleasant evenings together down in New Orleans. Don’t tell me you don’t remember.”

  His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. Then he shut it and shook his head. “I don’t really recall.”

  “Oh come on, now.” I took two steps and placed my hand on his chest, pressing my finger to the bare skin peeking out from his open collar. Smiling up at him, with my lashes lowered, I moved my finger in a circle, caressing him. “You were a regular at Josephine’s. One of my best clients there during the winter of 1916.”

  He let out a choking noise.

  “Oh, hell,” Zelda said. “This isn’t happening right now.”

  “Ah, right.” Fabio grabbed my wrists and pushed me away from him. “What did you say your name was again?”

  “Jeez, Naked Dude,” Zelda said, throwing her hands up. “You can’t even remember her name? You’re a pig.” She shook her head, grabbed the shopping bags, and hightailed it out of the room.

  “It’s Ida May,” Diesel said, irritation coloring his tone.

  I glanced over at him and grinned like a fool. “Jealous?”

  “No.” But he crossed his arms over his chest and scowled at Fabio.

  “Why does Zelda call you Naked Dude?” I asked Fabio.

  He shook his head. “Long story.” Then he swept his gaze along my body, lingering on my breasts. A flush crept up his neck and colored his cheeks. “Now I remember.”

  I grinned. “It’s nice to know I left a lasting impression.”

  Sassy let out a wolf whistle. “Damn, it’s getting hot in here. And a little creepy. Thinking about you and Zelda’s dad getting it on is even a little much for me.”

  “Just don’t think about it,” I said to her, but then winked at Fabio. “But you go ahead and think about it all you want. And later tonight, if you find yourself in need of a little female companionship, maybe we can get reacquainted.”

  “Well, I…” he started.

  “Forget it.” Zelda was back, her arms crossed over her chest. “Ida May has to stay close to Diesel. If she doesn’t, it’s likely she’ll transform back into a ghost.”

  “What?” Diesel and I said at the same time.

  “Baba Disco Queen says your condition is likely only temporary. That my healing magic gave you some sort of boost in order for you to help aid in reversing Diesel’s curse. But if you’re separated, she thinks the connection will fade and you’ll end up back in New Orleans where you came from. So unless you want to be ghostly again, it’s best to stick with your Shifter.”

  Baba Disco Queen? These witches were crazy.

  “Looks like you’re with me,” Diesel said, slipping his arm around my waist.

  “Whoa, buddy. Not so fast.” I pulled away, putting distance between us. “Sassy and I have plans.”

  “Did you not hear Zelda?” he asked, incredulous. “If you just take off your days are numbered.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “Don’t act like you care about me. This is all about you and getting your shift back. And I might even be willing to help with that, if I had any idea how, but tonight Sassy and I have plans. So if you want my help, you’ll tag along with us. Got it?”

  “That’s the Ida May I remember,” Fabio interjected.

  Diesel growled his displeasure.

  I ignored the wolf and beamed at Fabio. “I knew you couldn’t forget me.”

  “Christ.” Diesel let out a breath and threw up his hands. “Fine. I’ll drive. Where are we headed?”

  “The Pink Toad,” Sassy said. “You two go ahead. Jeeves and I will meet you there.”

  “Jeeves?” I asked.

  “My boy toy. If we’re going dancing, I need someone to maul during the slow numbers.” She wiggled her fingers, and then bounced out of the house.

  “She’s my kind of girl,” I said to no one in particular.

  “She’s crazy,” Zelda said, turning to Diesel. “Let me know if I can be of any more help.”

  He thanked her, nodded to Mac who was leaning in the kitchen doorway, and then put his hand on the small of my back to nudge me out the door.

  I didn’t want to admit I liked the way that felt, so I twisted and blew a kiss to Fabio. “Raincheck?”

  He chuckled. “Sure, Ida May. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

  I laughed. “If memory serves, that leaves the door wide open.”

  Zelda moaned. “Holy balls. Someone kill me now.”

  3

  “This is beyond delicious.” I sopped the gravy up with a fresh piece of herbed bread.

  “Apparently.” Diesel had wolfed down two steaks, a baked potato, a pound of sautéed mushrooms, and a loaf of bread. Now he was sitting back watching me bathe in country gravy and fried chicken.

  “You’re missing out,” I said and sucked down my third mug of the house craft beer.

  His lips twitched as he eyed me. “I think I got enough, and plenty more to keep me entertained.”

  I glanced at his empty mug. “You need a refill.” Without waiting for an answer, I waved to the waitress, indicating we needed yet another round.

  He raised an eyebrow, “You drank both of those.”

  I glanced at the mugs. “Really?”

  “Yep.” And when the waitress dropped the mugs on the table a few minutes later, he pushed them both toward me. “Go on. Indulge. It’s fascinating watching you enjoy this so much. Kind of sexy even.”

  “Only a wolf would say something like that,” I said and tore into a chicken leg.

  His eyes started to smolder as he watched me, his whiskey gaze turning liquid.

  “You’re disturbed.” And he was. In the best possible way. I was five seconds from asking for a doggie bag and begging Diesel to take me back to his place… wherever that was…because my entire body was on fire with that hungry gaze of his. And let’s face it, ninety some-odd years was one hell of a dry spell.

  I gulped down another swig of beer and was just about to demand Diesel dance with me, when Sassy appeared with a young man in tow; one who could only be described as “alternative.” With guyliner, purple nail polish, and a head full of braids, he looked ready to join the cast of Pirates of the Caribbean.

  “Ida May, Diesel, this is my boyfriend, Kyle. But call him Jeeves, otherwise he likely won’t answer.”

  “Hi Je
eves,” I said, holding out a chicken drumstick. “Hungry?”

  “Um, thanks, but…” He glanced around, his eyes shifting back and forth in a nervous manner. “I’ll order something.”

  Sassy squeezed into my side of the booth and grabbed my beer, already waving the waitress over.

  Diesel scooted over, making room for Jeeves. The man sat perched at the very end, as if he were ready to jump up at any moment.

  “Are you a witch, too?” I asked him.

  “He’s a Shifter,” Diesel said.

  “Kangaroo.” Jeeves tapped his fingers nervously on the table.

  Sassy giggled.

  I turned to look at her. “What?”

  “Oh, I was just thinking about this thumping thing he does. You know, when we’re naked and—”

  “Okay.” Diesel dropped his fork and pushed his plate away. “That’s all we need to know about that.”

  The tips of Jeeves’s ears turned bright red, but he smiled at his date none-the-less.

  “I’d give anything for a good thumping,” I said on a sigh.

  The waitress appeared, her order pad in hand.

  Jeeves ordered them both roast duck.

  “Thank you,” Sassy said to him, then whispered to me, “Jeeves knows his food. He always orders the best thing on the menu. My skills lie with the alcohol portion of the evening.” She beamed up at the waitress. “Bring Diesel another beer and a shot of whiskey. He needs something to take the edge off.”

  I snorted. Diesel scowled.

  “I’ll have a long island iced tea, a cosmo for Jeeves, and…” she waved a hand at me.

  “Pink-tini. And keep ’em coming.” I stared at Jeeves. “Cosmo? Really?”

  Sassy shrugged. “He loves Sex and the City.”

  “Kill me now,” Diesel said.

  “Maybe later,” I quipped.

  “Excuse me,” he said to Jeeves. “I need to go see a man about a bear.”

  “It’s a man about a horse,” I called after him as he headed to the restroom.

  “Wolves. So testy.” Sassy finished off Diesel’s beer and nudged my arm. “You gonna hit that later, or what?”

  “Sassy.” Jeeves frowned at her. “That’s none of our business.”