by Maggie James
‘Yeah. It’s just that ...’ He exhaled noisily, shaking his head. ‘She seems so set on this mad scheme of hers. Of risking this alternative therapy place in California instead of another round of chemo.’ He sounded so defeated. ‘I doubt anything I say will make a difference.’
‘Remember what I said before. Perhaps she has to do this, however misguided it may seem to you. After all, healthy food and massages can’t worsen her illness, can they?’
‘Maybe you’re right.’ He didn’t look convinced. ‘But they sure as hell won’t cure it either.’
A stiff breeze hit us once we reached the cliff top, whipping my hair around my face. I took Scott’s hand as we stared out over the sea, watching the waves crash against the rocks. His body was rigid with tension, and I yearned for a magic wand to erase his worry. From nowhere, a realisation struck me - how much I loved him. Yes, I, Lyddie Hunter, the woman who once swore she was done with the male sex, loved this man. My fingers entwined in Scott’s, I swore always to support him. Especially where Darcy was concerned.
The first few drops of rain interrupted my thoughts. ‘Come on,’ I said. ‘Looks like we’re heading for the pub again.’
We got inside before the downpour began in earnest, laughing as we ran through the door, our shoes spattered with mud. The two of us tucked into a late lunch, lasagne for me and steak for Scott, washed down with the local beer. As I forked my food into my mouth, I sent covert glances his way, my love a secret treasure in my heart. Over the last couple of years I’d noticed the clock ticking within my womb, its sound increasing in volume whenever I remembered I was in my thirties. I pictured Scott playing with our children, the weekends we’d spend as a family at the cottage. Perhaps I was getting ahead of myself, given the newness of our relationship, but I was certain Scott felt the same. Neither of us had vocalised the words, but they were implicit in every kiss we shared. As well as the way he held me, so tender and warm, after we made love.
‘How about dessert?’ he asked, once we’d finished our meals. ‘I reckon I’ve room for some apple pie.’
I laughed. ‘You go ahead. I’m stuffed.’ At that moment, another ping sounded from Scott’s jacket. His expression grew tense as he pulled out his phone and entered his pass code. He scanned the text, then shoved his mobile back in his pocket. I waited, concern squeezing my gut.
‘She says she wants my approval. How the hell can I give her that?’
I squeezed his hand, not knowing what to say. Scott took a swig from his glass, setting it on the table with such force his beer slopped over the rim. He dabbed at the mess with his napkin, his movements flustered. ‘Do you mind if we call at her place on the way home? I won’t sleep tonight if I don’t try to talk her out of this madness. Make her see she can’t afford it, plain and simple.’
‘Sure. We’ll leave right away.’ If the traffic was light, we’d be back in Bristol by seven o’clock. I didn’t think Scott could change Darcy’s decision, so he needed to accept it until she realised chemo was her best option. I prayed he would, for his own peace of mind, if nothing else.
A ping from my own mobile. A text from Caroline, pleading with me to call her. And a missed one from Ellie, in similar vein. I deleted both without replying.
When Darcy opened the door, she seemed a different person from the sickly woman I’d seen before. Her face was still pale, her skin dry and flaky, but excitement shone from her eyes. The flat smelled of pine air-freshener rather than boiled potatoes. The duster and can of polish on the table told me she’d been on a cleaning binge. If this was what the prospect of a Californian healing centre did for her morale, then perhaps treatment there wasn't such a terrible idea.
Once we’d sat down, Scott didn’t waste time in launching his attack. ‘About this alternative therapy place ...’
‘Let me show you their website.’ Darcy tugged him towards a laptop on a desk in the corner of the room.
Scott hung back, reluctance in every line of his body. I stepped forward instead, not wanting to upset Darcy. The place was situated near San Diego, with yurt accommodation housing up to twenty people. Its website boasted photos of women, all looking in perfect health, meditating cross-legged beside the ocean. I skimmed though diagrams of the body’s chakras and meridians, read headlines about the benefits of enemas. Nowhere was there an actual mention of cancer - I guessed they weren’t allowed to claim they could provide a cure - but the underlying message was implicit. The sales pitch was so convincing I almost signed up myself.
The final detail I clicked on was the price. Wow. To have a tube inserted in the rectum while working on one’s chakras didn’t come cheap. The twelve-week package cost a shade less than ten thousand pounds, once converted from US dollars.
I stepped back, aware of Scott beside me, his body taut with tension. Darcy appeared oblivious, however. ‘Doesn’t it look great, chick?’ she said. ‘This will cure me, I’m certain. How can it not?’
I had no answer to that. And neither, it seemed, did Scott.
We drove back to the Harbourside in silence, Scott clearly preoccupied with his sister. She was fixated on going to California, and while I understood his reservations, there didn’t appear to be much he could do to dissuade her. Besides, the place in San Diego might prove him wrong and cure her cancer.
Once I’d parked up, I squeezed his arm, desperate to wipe the concern from his face.
‘Are you staying?’ Selfish of me, but I reasoned that a bout of hot sex might shift his focus off his sick sister.
He shook his head. ‘Sorry, sweetheart, I’m shattered. Time for an early night.’
‘I get that.’ I gentled my tone. ‘You’re upset about Darcy, aren’t you?’
‘Yeah.’ He shifted in his seat. ‘When she makes up her mind, nothing can talk her out of it. The miracle cure she wants isn’t possible though. I’m worried the disappointment will crush her once reality hits home.’
‘Why won’t it happen? The treatment might work, remember.’
‘I’m talking about the money side of things, not the goddamn yoga and colonic irrigation. Darcy hasn’t worked for the last two years and her savings are zero. She survives on benefits and living hand to mouth. She insists she’ll get a loan, but no bank will lend her the money, and I can’t either.’ He spread his hands in a gesture of futility. ‘I only bought my house last year and the deposit I put down cleaned out my savings. Even if I thought it was a good idea, I’m not in a position to come up with ten grand.’
Darcy’s wasted face came into my mind, and I ached with sadness. Carried away on a wave of optimism, she’d obviously overlooked her shaky finances. Scott was right; she’d be devastated when her bubble burst and she realised California wasn’t an option. When I lay in bed that night all I could see was the excitement in Darcy’s eyes, a sharp contrast to the hurt in Scott’s.
The next day I got a phone call from my mother. We’d not spoken much recently, given my preoccupation with Scott. Mum had no idea I’d begun dating again. She meant well, and she loved me, but her tendency to control was woven into her DNA. She’d demand to know why I’d not told her about Scott, perhaps interpret our relationship as a sign I was moving back to the UK, something for which she’d long been angling. While I suspected my return to Bristol wasn’t far off, part of me rebelled against her being proven right.
She didn’t bother with preamble. ‘Eleanor called me last night. I must say, Lydia, I’m disappointed in you.’
Pack your bags, Lyddie, I thought. Time to go on a guilt trip.
While I struggled for a response, she continued her attack. ‘I wish you’d told me about this Steven Simmons guy.’
‘It wasn’t my story to tell.’ I couldn’t prevent a defensive note from creeping into my tone.
‘And now you’re dating the same man who stole her money. Refusing to listen to reason.’ My mother’s voice grew sharp in my ear. ‘Have you no sense, Lydia? Didn’t I raise you better than that?’
Fury rose within
me, so thick and fast I couldn’t reply. How dare Ellie spout her lies to our mother, knowing Mum would never let it drop?
True to form, she pressed her knife in deeper. ‘If your father were alive, he’d be shocked and upset by all this.’
‘Ellie’s lying,’ I said.
‘That’s absurd. Why would she make up a story like that?’
I almost told her, but didn’t. Taking petty revenge on Ellie would only escalate our feud. My sister’s financial problems would remain a secret from Mum, even though the temptation to reveal her business had failed was huge.
A full-blown argument was on the cards if we continued talking. ‘I have to go, Mum. I’ll phone you soon.’
Before she could reply, I ended the call. One day soon I’d take Scott to meet her, so my mother could judge for herself what calibre of man he was. The kind I’d been searching for my entire life.
Scott held me in his arms on my sofa in the Harbourside flat that night. A sense of easy familiarity hovered in the air, as though we’d been a couple forever. Safe in the blanket of cosiness it provided, I gave voice to my worries, certain Scott would know what to do.
‘Ellie and I aren’t talking. Now Mum’s muscled in on the act. She called me earlier.’
‘What happened? What did she say?’
I outlined our conversation. ‘The unfairness of it bugs me like crazy,’ I admitted. ‘Why does Mum believe Ellie over me?’
‘Don’t forget your sister tried to kill herself not long ago.’ He squeezed my shoulder. ‘For your mother, that has to be hell on earth. Which means her sympathies flow towards Ellie rather than you.’
How come I’d not figured that out? While I remained annoyed with her, my mother’s behaviour made more sense in the light of Scott’s words.
‘You know why?’ he continued. ‘Because you’re forged from stronger stuff, Lyddie. You’ve got your act together in a way Ellie hasn’t. And your sister can be an expert manipulator when she wants something.’ He shook his head, his expression rueful. ‘I found that out first-hand, remember.’
‘I don’t want to be around either of them right now,’ I admitted.
‘Then don’t, sweetheart. Spend time with me instead.’
He was right. It was pointless talking further with Ellie while she continued to lie about Scott. As for Mum, she’d discover the truth, and soon. Same with Caroline. In the meantime, I’d concentrate on Scott, and to hell with anyone else.
I drew him close, the scent of his shampoo strong in my nostrils as his cheek brushed mine. His arms tightened around me. Everything else faded away to leave just us, united against the world. When Scott pulled back, love was in his eyes, so much so I struggled to bear the tenderness they held. His fingers tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear, his touch gentle. A simple gesture, but nothing had ever made me feel so cherished.
His hands moved lower, slipping under my T-shirt to stroke the skin beneath, and I lost myself in him, our mouths hungry and urgent as we tumbled onto the floor. All I could concentrate on was this wonderful, incredible man, who occupied my entire world. Tears leaked from my eyes when my orgasm surged through me, and I floated away on a cloud of pure Scott.
Afterwards we lay on the carpet, the sweat cooling on our bodies as our breathing slowed to normal. Then he spoke the words I’d been longing to hear. The ones I was too much of a coward to say myself.
‘I love you, Lyddie.’ Scott’s voice stroked a soft caress over my heart. He stared into my eyes, his own filled with adoration. My smile was so wide my face almost split in two.
Only one response was possible. ‘I love you too.’
15
Scott had invited me for a meal at his house in Southville the next evening. ‘I’m not the world’s best cook,’ he told me as he pulled a dish of charred stuffed peppers from the oven, his expression apologetic. ‘With luck this may still be edible. If not, there’s a kebab shop two streets away.’
I wound my arms around him while he prodded the burned peppers. ‘You have other talents,’ I murmured against his T-shirt.
Scott’s mobile rang out, causing us both to jump. From the corner of my eye, I saw Darcy’s name and picture appear on the screen.
‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘Let me see what the little madam wants, then we’ll eat.’ He sank onto one of the kitchen chairs, the phone pressed against his ear.
From what I could make of the conversation, it involved California. And money. Scott pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling his frustration. ‘I’ve told you already, Darce. I don’t have that kind of cash to spare.’
Darcy continued to plead her case. I could hear her voice, even if I couldn’t make out exactly what she was saying. ‘I can’t magic money out of thin air,’ Scott insisted. The conversation carried on, growing ever more heated. When he ended the call, Scott’s expression looked hunted. ‘You’ll have guessed what she wanted.’
I lowered myself onto his lap, holding him close. I hated seeing the man I loved so unhappy. An idea buzzed at the back of my mind.
‘This isn’t the first time she’s asked me for money,’ he continued. ‘I’ve not said anything because I hate to burden you with my problems.’
‘We’re a couple now. I want you to share stuff with me, the bad as well as the good.’
‘It’s torturing me, Lyddie. To see her so ill, knowing she needs to continue the chemo, all the while hearing how California’s her only hope.’
Before I knew what I was doing, the words rushed from my mouth. ‘What if I funded Darcy’s treatment? Gave her the money?’
Scott pulled away from me, shock in his face. ‘Sweetheart, no. I couldn’t ask you to do that.’
‘Let me help. I can’t bear to see you so worried.’
He didn’t speak for a while, simply stared at me. ‘Please,’ I said.
Scott shook his head. ‘I can’t accept your offer. Even if it’s beyond generous.’
‘Why not? I have the cash available, so you might as well use it. All I want is for Darcy to get well.’
‘We’ve discussed this, remember? All that weird crap - fasting, enemas, chakra balancing - I don’t buy it.’
‘But it’s not about what you think, is it?’ I was a woman on a mission. ‘Or me, or anyone else. Darcy believes alternative therapies will work, and maybe she’s right. Mind over matter, and all that. From what I’ve seen, if she has to go through more chemo, she won’t deal well with the emotional aspect. Let alone the physical.’
‘You’re not wrong.’ Scott still looked unsure though.
I tried again. ‘Let me help her. Please.’
‘I can’t take your savings.’ His jaw was set tight.
‘Yes, you can.’
‘It doesn’t feel right.’
‘Why ever not?’
‘You’ll be wasting your money. That’s why.’
‘Not your decision to make.’
A pause. ‘You’re certain about this?’
‘For the hundredth time, yes.’
‘I don’t deserve such a wonderful girlfriend.’ His voice was thick with emotion.
‘Tough. You’re stuck with me.’
‘Wow.’ He shook his head. ‘I won the jackpot when I met you, didn’t I?’
I laughed. ‘Yeah, you struck gold all right.’
‘That performance bonus I mentioned? The firm will pay it to me by Christmas. If you can wait until then ...’
‘Not a problem.’ The money Darcy needed, while a decent-sized sum, was well within my means and I didn’t doubt Scott intended to repay me as soon as possible.
‘I’ll make it up to you.’ He kissed me, his worry replaced by excitement. ‘We’ll go abroad over New Year. Lanzarote, perhaps. What do you say?’
My heart leapt at the idea of sex in the sun with him. ‘I say yes. With bells on.’
‘We’ll tell her the good news tomorrow.’ Scott hugged me. ‘Together.’
A lovely idea. As we ate our burned peppers, he raised his glass of w
ine, clinked it against mine.
‘To the future.’ Such tenderness in his eyes. ‘I love you, sweetheart.’
Scott took the following morning off work. ‘This is huge,’ he said on the drive over to Greenbank. ‘Managing the dealership can take a back seat for a while.’
‘I can’t wait to see her face.’ I’d lain awake the night before, picturing her reaction.
‘She’ll be delighted. You’ll see.’
When Scott and I walked into her flat, Darcy seemed paler, more exhausted, than the last time we met. The flat had that stale closed-in smell again. ‘Sorry for not getting up from this chair,’ she said. ‘I’m all done in today.’
Scott sat beside his sister. ‘We have good news, Darce.’ His eyes sought mine, a smile on his lips. ‘Tell her, sweetheart.’
Embarrassed, I stayed silent. When I didn’t speak, he continued, ‘Lyddie has offered to pay for you to go to California.’
Her mouth fell wide with shock. ‘What? Are you serious?’
‘Yes. If you give her your sort code and account number, she’ll transfer the money to your account today.’
She stared at me. ‘I can’t allow you to do that.’
I knelt beside her chair, gazing into her wasted face. ‘Why ever not? Please let me help you, Darcy.’
She continued her protests, until Scott and I eventually convinced her. Once we did, Darcy’s grin could have outshone the sun. I’d done the right thing in offering her the money.
‘How can I ever thank you, chick?’ She grasped my hand, her fingers dry and bony against mine. ‘With any luck, I can leave for California at the end of the week.’
‘So soon?’ I hadn’t expected her to go that quickly.
‘The treatment centre emailed me this morning. They’ve had a cancellation.’
‘That’s great.’ I couldn’t be more pleased. I promised her she’d get the funds, along with the cost of her return flight, that afternoon.