He thrust his hands into his pockets. “I guess they think this is funny.”
“They’ll be back.”
The emptiness of the lot made the air feel colder, and the smoky scent of a nearby fireplace reminded me how warm it would be at home by the fire. A breeze stirred my hair, sending a whisper of icy air past my neck, and I pulled my coat around me, dreaming of ways to torture and kill my cousin. It would be a slow death.
A car horn echoed from downtown, less than a mile away, and I sighed helplessly.
“Sounds like they’re at the car wash.” Dodd’s boots crunched gravel as he studied the school building. “Sorry about this, Ruthie. My brother’s sense of humor sometimes gets the best of him.” He laughed a little, then cleared his throat. “And I’m sorry … about everything.”
I pointed my face into the wind, letting air slide past my cheeks and cleanse my mind. “Me, too.” How long would JohnScott leave me here? It infuriated me that he and Grady forced this. I tapped my foot. “I could’ve been home by now if I’d started walking.” I took three steps toward the street, then glanced back at him.
He followed.
We trudged in silence for the first block, and as we approached the corner where he would turn toward his house, I blurted, “Well, bye,” afraid he would insist on seeing me home.
He did.
“You don’t have to.”
“I know, but it’s the right thing to do.”
In the moonlight, all I could make out was his silhouette. “Do you always do the right thing?”
His answer was immediate. “Obviously not.”
An animal rustled in a bush next to a house, then darted across the street. A cat.
Dodd slowed his steps. “I’m sorry about the church, Ruthie. It’s a mess down there right now. Lots of the members—like Emily Sanders and her family—don’t know what to do. Who to follow. They’re confused.” He paused, and the weariness in his voice pulled at my compassion. “Neil’s wife is upset because of the way he’s treating Fawn.”
My heart hurt. Dodd wanted to fix it, but there was no way he could.
He stopped in the middle of the street. “But most of all, I’m sorry about the way I handled our relationship.”
We stood face-to-face beneath the glow of a streetlight, and my darkness began to crack until a sliver of light illuminated my hopelessness. This man. This man had wrapped me in warmth since the first day we met. I looked into his sad eyes, but a tear slid down my own cheek, not his.
His thumb wiped at the wetness, and I leaned my cheek against his palm.
He inhaled slowly, but his breath caught. “I love you, Ruthie.”
“I know.”
When his lips brushed mine, I didn’t protest, couldn’t even if I’d wanted to. My arms slipped around his waist, and his fingers meshed through my hair. He gripped the back of my head, and I sensed his desperation as he pressed his mouth against mine and walked me backward. I don’t think he realized what he was doing until I was pinned against the light post, his body pressed against mine.
He pulled away, ducking his head apologetically, and then traced his finger along the path where my lone tear had fallen. “Ruthie, forget about the church. Talk to God.”
A car turned at the corner, and its headlights blinded me back to reality. “God?” I slipped away from him and crossed my arms against the cold.
“Don’t go.” He leaned against the post. “God wants to help you, Ruthie. Why won’t you let Him?”
I took a deep breath and let it out in a frozen mist. “I’ll talk to Him about it … but I can’t go to your church, Dodd.”
“I know.” He pulled me toward him and held me against his chest, kissing the top of my head. “I’m not asking you to.”
Chapter Forty-Four
When Lee Roy Goodnight and Charlie Mendoza dropped by the parsonage on Saturday afternoon, Dodd had no doubt he would lose his job. The elders’ request for his family to stay away from Clyde, Fawn, and the Turners had been blown apart by his mom’s and Grady’s visit to the Dairy Queen earlier in the week, and Dodd felt certain Neil had driven past Ruthie and him the night before.
He didn’t regret his actions any more than his family regretted theirs, but his attitude regarding the church leadership shamed him. He hadn’t turned out to be a very submissive minister—or Christian—but given the opportunity, he’d continue talking to Ruthie. If she let him.
Lee Roy and Charlie sat in the living room, avoiding eye contact. Dodd pulled a couple of chairs from the kitchen, and he and Grady settled into them as his mother removed a pie from the oven. The scent of meringue followed her into the room.
Lee Roy cleared his throat. “Dodd, I’m sorry we’re not here under more pleasant circumstances.” He reached for a needlework magazine on the coffee table, absentmindedly laying it across his knees before fingering the corner.
Charlie withdrew a folded paper from the hip pocket of his Wranglers. “We thought it would be easier to communicate in written form.” He opened the paper and glanced at Dodd as he rested a pair of lightweight glasses on the end of his nose. “Do you mind if I read it aloud?”
“Please do.” Dodd remained calm, but his heart cramped. He had put a tremendous amount of energy into the little congregation and had planned to do much more. He felt his family was being sent away before they had finished the job.
Charlie’s cheeks turned rosy as he read.
Brother Cunningham,
As shepherds of the Trapp congregation, we would like to thank you for the service you have granted our flock. You and your family have been a source of encouragement not only to our congregation but also to our community. Your sermons are doctrinally sound and always ring true. Since your arrival, our congregation has seen spiritual growth unparalleled in the history of our church. Your effort, talent, and love are to be commended.
Because of the bond each of us feels, it is difficult for us to breach the current situation with you, and much time and prayer have gone into our decision. We regret to inform you that, as of today, you are dismissed from your position as minister of the Trapp congregation. As is customary, you will receive two weeks’ advance salary. You are at liberty to remain in the parsonage until you acquire alternate living arrangements, not exceeding eight weeks’ time.
We pray blessings on future ministries to which the Lord may lead you. We have enclosed a letter of recommendation for future employers.
Sincerely,
Lee Roy Goodnight
Charlie Mendoza
Neil Blaylock
Charlie folded the letter, then handed it to Dodd as though it might burn him if he held it any longer.
Dodd leaned with elbows on thighs, holding the paper. When he looked up, he thought the sadness in Charlie’s eyes would break him. “Charlie? Lee Roy?” He hesitated before asking softly, “Do you support this decision?”
Lee Roy dropped his gaze and blinked at the magazine in his lap. He frowned and returned it to the table. “Dodd … so much has happened.”
“I know, Lee Roy. The decision couldn’t have been an easy one.”
Charlie let his shoulders relax. “We talked until we were blue in the face. Lee Roy and me? We’re caught in the middle. We don’t want to see you go, but it came down to Neil’s word against yours.” He shook his head. “Roots run deep.”
Lee Roy wheezed a small cough. “We had to stand behind our man. Neil’s going through so much turmoil right now, he’s about to break in two.”
Dodd felt the effects of too many sleepless nights catching up to him, and he blew out an exhausted breath. “I understand, but I hate it for the church.”
Charlie rose slowly. “This has been difficult for everyone involved.”
“Sure has,” Lee Roy said as he patted Milla on the shoulder.
“There’s something else.�
�� Charlie paused at the door. “Neil requested you clean out your desk … today.”
Dodd’s jaw tightened. Up until then he felt sorry for the men delivering such bad news. Now his pity ran short, and he stifled his frustration. “No problem. Grady and I will go right now.”
“We’ll go with you,” Lee Roy said.
Dodd scrutinized him, wondering if the old man meant to keep an eye on him. He picked up his keys and switched into autopilot. “I’ll need to go by the United and get a few boxes out of the back Dumpster. I’ve got a lot of books.”
“Let me help,” Charlie said. “We can take my truck.”
Dodd shrugged and then told Grady to bring Lee Roy to the church building in the El Camino. They would meet there and get this over with.
He rode in the passenger seat of Charlie’s truck with his mind surprisingly vacant. Maybe being released from his preaching position cleared his head—if only for a few seconds. His thoughts drifted away from the church and all its drama. All he could think of was Ruthie and what she must think of him. He sighed as they pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store, but when he saw her standing by her mother’s car, his mind jerked to attention and his pulsed raced.
“Well, don’t that beat all,” Charlie said as he maneuvered his truck behind the Dumpster, blocking their view of the parking lot.
“What?” Dodd reached for the door handle, anxious to get one more look at Ruthie before she and her mother drove away.
“I could’ve sworn I saw Neil over there talking to Lynda Turner.”
Chapter Forty-Five
As I ambled out the back door of the United with two trash bags, I spotted Momma’s car in the side parking lot, thankful Uncle Ansel had gotten it running again. I threw the trash up and over the side of the metal Dumpster but stopped abruptly when I noticed Neil Blaylock’s pickup angled behind the hatchback.
The two of them were talking.
Neil Blaylock and Momma. Talking in the parking lot of the United.
I stared at them before edging forward, itching to hear what they said. Neil and Momma hadn’t spoken to each other in years. Not really.
Momma leaned against her driver’s door with arms clenched over her stomach while Neil rested one boot on the rear bumper, elbow to his knee.
Neil’s voice was controlled and smooth. “You should talk it over with Ruthie. Maybe she has more sense.”
I stepped onto the sidewalk in front of our car, but Momma didn’t acknowledge me.
“I don’t need to talk it over with anybody, Neil.”
His name sounded strange on her lips.
“I think you do.” He chuckled. “Ruthie, I’ve been telling your mother you’d be better off in Lubbock. The old-timers in Trapp will never treat you like you deserve.” He straightened his cowboy hat. “Some of them have trouble letting go of the past.”
I tensed. “What are you talking about?”
“I’d like to make your lives easier.” His smile seemed out of place. “There’s a nice apartment complex on Lubbock’s west side. It’s clean, comfortable, homey.”
A tractor roared past the front of the store, and I waited for it to pass before snapping, “You know we can’t afford that.”
“Stay out of this, Ruth Ann,” Momma said.
Neil dropped his foot from the bumper and leaned on the car door next to Momma. “Lynda, I can take care of the rent, and Ruthie could afford Tech if she lived with you.” His gaze traveled in a circle, starting at the top of her head, falling down her hair to her shoulders, then up her neck to her mouth and eyes as though he were breathing in the parts that pleased him.
Nausea inched toward my throat, but Momma only stared at the ground six feet in front of her.
Neil tilted his head into her line of vision. “I know I should’ve offered to help you long ago, and I apologize. Can you forgive me?”
My heart bounced and fluttered in a haphazard confusion of repulsion and desire. Neil Blaylock had just given me a way out of Trapp. Even if it came from him, I could humble myself and accept his gift. Maybe this was the forgiveness I’d heard so much about.
Momma seemed paralyzed, but when I noticed her fist clenched around her car keys, I recognized it as the silent fuse sparking toward a cluster of dynamite. “Momma?”
“Don’t listen to him, Ruth Ann. He’s a snake.”
Neil’s shoulders drooped dramatically. “Can’t you see I have your best interests in mind?”
Momma’s fingers gripped her elbows so tightly, the keys dug into her skin. “If you were thinking of me, you wouldn’t be talking about this in front of my daughter.”
“Your daughter is old enough to be part of the decision, since it affects her as much as you.”
“You can’t stand the guilt any longer, can you?” Momma’s voice was acid.
The muddled meaning of their words drove me to step off the sidewalk. “What are you not telling me?”
“Nothing, Ruth Ann.”
My anger, familiar and ever present, simmered just below the surface, but I redirected it from Momma’s refusal to answer and instead turned to Neil.
He inspected his boots, unflustered. “We dated back in high school,” he admitted. “And a while after.”
“I know that.”
Momma jerked her palm to silence him. “What he’s not saying is he couldn’t stand it when your daddy put a wedding band on my finger.”
“Now, Lynda … life is no fairy tale, but I reached out to you and Hoby. I fulfilled my Christian duty.”
“Christian duty? Is that what you call your actions when Hoby left?”
“I stood by you.” He rubbed his palm across his mouth.
“You stood by me, wrapped your arms around my waist, and pulled me close.” Momma trembled with rage.
“Maybe you read more into it, but that’s understandable.” Neil shifted away. “You were desperate.”
Suddenly Momma shot words at him. “Yes, I was desperate. And I looked to my friends and my church for help, but you took them away from me with your lies. You convinced them to turn me away so you could hide your own lust.”
“I protected you.”
She made a spitting sound with her mouth. “Oh, please. You were afraid I’d tell your wife.”
He paused, with some sort of twisted love painted across his face, and my stomach rolled into a tight ball of disgust.
“Lynda, be reasonable.” He spoke softly, leaning into her. “Take the place in Lubbock.”
“Do you expect the church to be reasonable about it?” Momma shook her head.
Neil flicked his hand through the air. “The church will follow my lead like stupid sheep. Besides, they don’t have to know I’m taking care of you.”
Heat washed over me as I envisioned Dodd worried about the church. “What do you mean, they don’t have to know?”
“I can get the two of you set up in an apartment, register you for school, buy enough groceries to stock the pantry.” He rested his arm on top of the car behind Momma’s shoulders. “I never stopped loving your mother, Ruthie. Not this whole time.”
Momma closed her eyes.
I gaped at the two of them. I hadn’t even known Momma dated Neil until recently, and now he stood in front of me declaring his love for her?
He touched her cheek with the knuckle of his middle finger.
Momma’s eyes snapped open, and with a growl she swung wildly, scraping her keys across his face like a weapon.
Neil cursed and stepped back to gain leverage, sweeping his arm back to slap her, but I yanked Momma out of the way.
“You little—” He swallowed, then spoke low. “Lynda, if you refuse me again, I won’t handle it well.”
“Once and for all, get over yourself,” Momma lashed. “I haven’t been tempted by you since I discovered what you’re mad
e of.” She held her fist with keys sticking out in all directions. “Hoby still owns my heart, Neil. He always will.”
Neil’s gaze drifted above our heads as though we were invisible. As though he hadn’t just been emotionally involved in a conversation. As though he had temporarily lowered himself to the level of swine simply to smear manure across our self-esteem. When he strode to his truck and drove away without a backward glance, the air in the parking lot snapped with silence, and for a speck of time, it hadn’t happened.
Momma didn’t move.
Neil’s truck disappeared around the front corner of the store, but what if he came back? What if he tried to hit her again? What if he continued to pelt her confidence with spikes? My body surged with instinct, urging me to escape, but questions ran through my mind, stalling my actions. “Momma?”
“What?”
She stared straight ahead, eyes unfocused, as I lay my hand on her shoulder. “You all right?”
“Of course I’m all right,” she snapped. “Get in the car.”
Her face reflected the usual mixture of anger and bitterness, but there was a subtle difference. Now, layered on top of her brashness, I recognized … determination.
I gripped the armrest as the car careened out of the lot. “Can we talk about this?”
“No reason to.”
“But Neil did wrong when Daddy left.”
“Of course he did, but talking about it won’t change anything.” She ran the stop sign at the corner.
“The church needs to know.” Dodd needed to know.
A sarcastic chuckle spit from her lips. “I don’t give a horse’s backside what that blasted church needs.”
“But they were your friends. They should know the truth.”
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